23. Liam
CHAPTER 23
liam
Walking into my parents’ house for Sunday dinner holding Hannah’s hand feels like I’m living someone else’s life. Everyone is sitting in the living room talking when we arrive, which couldn’t have been a better setup. I pull Hannah behind me, her small hand clasped firmly in mine as we step into the room, and silence falls upon us.
“Liam?” my mom asks, hesitantly questioning.
“So, we’ve got a little announcement to make,” I say, my mom slapping a hand over her mouth as she gasps. Hope fills her eyes, and I know that she has wanted this for Hannah and me for so long. It’s going to kill me when she finds out the truth.
“Hannah and I have been keeping a secret, and we don’t want to hide it anymore.”
I lift up our hands, turning Hannah’s to show off the thin, ornate, gold wedding band that adorns her left-hand ring finger.
“We got married!”
“Holy shit!”
“What the fuck?”
“What? ”
“Oh my god!”
“Wait, are you serious?”
Everyone has something to say, and I watch as Hannah’s eyes get big. I move my hand around her little waist, pulling her flush against me. My thumb rubs aimlessly over the bare skin there and I don’t miss the way goosebumps scatter across her body or the way she shivers in my arms. I lean in to whisper in her ear.
“Smile, wife. We need to sell it, remember?”
She looks up at me, her eyes wide as she searches my face for something. God, I hope things have changed for her and she isn’t faking it anymore. Lord knows I haven’t been. I lean down, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. Fuck if I don’t want to kiss those lips again, spend all night worshiping her like I did last night. When she looks back at the room filled with my family, my mom is already in our space and pulling Hannah from my arms to wrap her in a hug, and a feeling of rightness flows through me. Hannah was always supposed to be my wife, I’ve never felt so sure about anything before.
My eyes connect with Dallas, who’s looking at me, shaking his head. I toss my head to the side, signaling for him to meet me in the other room. I turn my focus back on Hannah as she smiles and talks with my family, who she has known her entire life. She wore her violet hair in a complicated side braid that hangs slightly off of her shoulder, a pair of jeans, and a cream sweater that ties up the back with thick ribbon. She could wear PJs every day and would still be the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, but she’s exceptionally beautiful today being reintroduced as my wife.
Knowing she’s in good hands, I head to go deal with my brother. Turning the corner into the kitchen, a hard slap connects with the back of my head. I rub the spot with my hand, wincing .
“What the fuck did you do?” Dallas’ voice pierces through the throbbing in my skull.
“What’s it look like, dumbass? I took care of it.”
“By marrying her? Did you think about how confusing this will be for Charlotte? How crushed Mom is going to be when this falls apart?” Dallas pauses his rant to laugh, his head thrown back like a dickface. “Wow. You one-upped me for sure, idiot. Now look who’s the dumbass. Hold on, let me text the group. You need a new nickname.”
Dallas pulls his phone from his pocket, and I slap it out of his hand. He slowly turns his head like a deranged sociopath, watching it scatter across the hardwood floor with a thud.
“If that’s broken, I’m gonna rip off your arms and beat you with them.”
“No one can know, you dumb fucker. You can’t tell anyone, or I’ll kick your ass.”
“Look, I know I’ve had a lot going on with Blaire, but you could have come to me. You didn’t have to do it this way. It’s going to go up in flames.”
“Dal, I’ve got it under control. I’m more worried about people finding out how it all started. Hannah and Charlie have always been mine. Now it’s official.”
“Charlie isn?—”
Dallas doesn’t register my movements as I quickly get into my brother’s space, shoving my forearm into his throat and forcing him to fall back on the wall behind him.
“Finish that fucking sentence, dickhead, and I’ll crush your fucking windpipe. You’ll spend the rest of your life with Blaire feeding you through a goddamn tube.” I press my arm a little harder into his throat. “Try me, I dare you,” I fume.
He puts his hand up defensively and I ease off of him, taking a large step back. I rip off my hat and run my hands through my hair in an attempt to calm myself down before speaking.
“Those girls are mine,” I seethe, pointing to the living room. “Hannah has always been mine.”
“How long?”
“Ha. Long time. I planned to tell her I was in love with her the day she told me she was pregnant with Charlie. I’ve always loved her. Just didn’t realize that’s what it was until she left me at college and there was space between us. I fucking hate being away from her. The sun doesn’t rise if I don’t see her every day. She and Charlie are everything to me. I’m so in love with that girl I don’t?—”
“Liam?”
My body freezes. The sweet, feminine voice that I would recognize anywhere cut off the rest of my words, suspending the room in silence. The air leaves my lungs in a whoosh, my heart clenching painfully, my eyelashes closing involuntarily.
“I’m gonna let you two talk through that bomb. Definitely going to need a new nickname now. But I’ll work on it. Don’t worry, little brother, I got you. It’ll be a good one.”
Ignoring the idiot retreating from the room, I focus on my girl standing shocked in front of me. Her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes squinting into slits.
“Beauty. How much of that did you hear?”
“Enough. Was all of that you acting in front of him?” she whispers, looking behind her to make sure no one is there. “Or was that . . . do you feel that way?”
Fuck. My momentary pause to think for a second immediately backfires.
“Well, the look on your face just answered me before your words did. Was this just some elaborate way for you to get me to fall for you?” Her face contorts, eyebrows pinched, lips pursed as she looks at me .
“Fuck, no, Han. God, no. You needed help. I would do anything for you.”
“But you’re also in love with me. And sounds like you have been for some time.”
Taking several steps in her direction, I grab her little wrist and pull her into the bathroom down the hallway, closing the door behind us and flicking the lock. I move quickly, my hand grabbing her hip, pressing her back against the wall, my other hand cupping her cheek. I rest my forehead against hers, sharing air as I speak my next words, our lips brushing against one another.
“Yeah, wife . I’m in love with you. What are you going to do about it?”
“You duped me, Liam!” She tries to push against my chest, but I don’t budge. Her face flushes, eyes moving frantically across my face. “You tricked me into marrying you! All of this has been real for you while I’ve been faking it!”
Her words piss me off. There’s nothing fake about anything between us. Instead of talking this through like we should, I remind her, connecting with her the way she likes to be shown. Holding her head in my palm, the other keeping her firmly pinned between my body and the wall, I kiss her, pressing my lips hard against hers, my thumb rubbing back and forth across her cheek. I kiss her like I always do, with every bit of love that I feel for her behind it. Her body softens, melting into mine just the way it always does, and my heart settles slightly in my chest. When I break away, I meet her eyes.
“Baby, does this feel fake to you?”
For the first time in over twenty years, I can’t read her expression. Her blonde eyelashes flutter closed momentarily, and I hold my breath. She sighs, her silence so resolute, and I feel the moment my heart starts to fracture. Even if she can’t love me the way I love her in return, I know I’m giving her everything she needs, and even if it kills me, I won’t walk away because I would do anything for her.
She suddenly opens her eyes and there’s a fucking inferno swirling in them. Her hands grip around my neck, yanking me to her mouth, my hat falling to the floor. I don’t hesitate to respond, grabbing her ass in my palms and lifting her, shoving her back against the wall, her legs wrapping around my waist, not giving a single shit where we are right now.
She grinds her pussy against my stomach, tightening her legs around me as I devour her mouth, our tongues clashing and caressing. My fingers dig into the meaty flesh of her ass, guiding her to ride me any way that she needs to.
“That’s it, baby, work that pussy on me. Make yourself come.”
She pushes harder against me as I pull her mouth back to meet mine, sucking on her tongue, not able to get close enough, my dick rock hard against the zipper of my pants, wanting to feel her tight pussy around me. She pulls away from my mouth, burying her face into my shoulder as I rock her back and forth, her nails digging into my back as she hangs on.
Her legs start to shake, body tightening around me, and I know she’s close.
“That’s it. Come for me. Right now, Hannah, come for your husband.”
She combusts, her orgasm rolling through her as she shakes involuntarily in my arms, her moans muffled as she keeps her face buried into my neck.
“Liam!”
“Fuck, my wife looks so pretty when she comes. I love you like this. I’ll never get enough, baby.”
She comes down from her high, and like a light switch going off, she pushes me back, scrambling out of my arms. I release her legs so that her feet touch the ground before allowing her to put space between us, which is the last damn thing I want. I run my hands through my hair and look at her, my heart sinking into the pit of my stomach.
She’s flushed from her orgasm, her hair falling out of the pretty braid, but her eyes shine with unshed tears that pool at the bottom. I reach for her face with my hands, wanting to pull her back in close, to keep her with me, but she bats them away just as fast. My heart fractures, a weight I’ve never felt before settling on my chest.
“Holy shit. I am such a desperate idiot. What an absolute fool I’ve been,” she mutters under her breath while I stand there frozen, at a loss for what to do or how to fix it, panic consuming me and pulling me under. The dam finally breaks, tears flowing down her gorgeous face. A face that I’ve looked at and loved for my entire life. The first time I saw Hannah, I made her cry over a fucking stuffed bear, and I never wanted to ever be the one to make her cry again. And here the fuck we are. I try to suck in air but it’s no use. I don’t register my own tears at the sight of hers.
“You’re getting in my head! What are you doing to me? I can’t think with you around, you’re muddling my thoughts, and you use your touch to fucking blind me! Fuck! What have I done?”
Her words crush me, fear gripping me stronger than I’ve ever felt before, terrified that I’ve ruined everything and I’m going to lose her and Charlie.
“Baby.”
“No. Fuck this. I need some space. I need space from you and to get you out of my head so that I can think clearly. I can’t believe you would do this. Of all the people in the world, I can’t believe . . . I need to go home. Please take me home. After, you should . . . I don’t know what you should do but I need a beat to process everything. Away from you, bear. ”
Bear.
Not Liam.
Nausea hits me next, the stomach acid churning over, making me sweat. She’s really fucking bolting. She’s going to leave me, and I’ll lose both of my girls. She had to have known I was in love with her. Was she really ignoring everything? There’s no way she doesn’t feel what’s clearly between us. This is deeper than anything either of us expected. But I know my girl, and she can’t be pushed in the heat of the moment, so I’ll concede to her . . . for now.
“Yeah, beauty. Whatever you need, you know that,” I reply, not able to mask the lump of emotion currently lodged in my throat. I can’t help the tears that continue to spring to my eyes as she walks away, leaving me standing in my parents’ bathroom wondering what the fuck just happened and if I just lost everything that I’ve ever wanted, when I’ve only just gotten it.
Lying in bed is fucking pointless when there’s so much uncertainty going through my head. So, I do what I do best. Work. After Hannah and I left my parents’ house, claiming that all the excitement made Hannah feel sick, I reluctantly dropped her off behind Bean Haven, where she got out of my truck and didn’t say a word to me. Never have I been more grateful that we decided to let Charlie spend the evening with Graham and his daughter, Mila. She didn’t have to witness how quickly the excitement turned to ash. The pain in my chest is insurmountable. I’ve always been the one person she wants close when things go to shit, and in my attempt to save her from more heartache and stress, I’ve added to it .
So, I drove to the distillery and threw myself into the familiarity of one of the rickhouses, walking up and down the aisles. It’s cooler and darker here tonight, nature dictating how it feels, but I thrive in it no matter what. The warehouses give off a comforting smell of the charred oak barrels—deep wood, vanilla, and spices from the aging process. As I get farther toward the back where the older barrels are aging, I can just barely notice the smell of the whiskey itself evolving, with the older casks releasing notes of dried fruit, leather, tobacco, and caramelized sugar.
I used to do this as a kid, anytime I got overwhelmed or had an issue, pacing and running my hands through my hair at a near obsessive rate helped calm me down. The long aisles between the barrels are a familiar, quiet comfort that I need right now.
How Hannah could be blind to how I really feel about her, while it was obvious to everyone else in this town, isn’t just disappointing—it’s heartbreaking. I’m not willing to let her go without a fight. Consequences be damned. But it’s hard not to wonder if she just got caught up in the acting of it all, and because she’s been so touched starved, inadvertently used me to fulfill a need. A need I was more than eager to satisfy for her.
I lose track of time when my phone buzzes in my pocket. With shaky hands, I pull it out to see a text from Dallas.
Dallas: Tell me what you need
Me: Hannah
Dallas: I can’t fix that for you but I know she’ll come around
Dallas: Ring or drink?
I let his question hang in the air while I try to figure out what I need and if I want to be alone or have company when all I want is to go home and curl around Hannah to watch a horror flick.
Dallas: Walking around the rickhouse isn’t gonna make you feel better, brother. Pick one or I’ll pick for you.
I answer with the first thing that comes to mind.
Me: Ring
Dallas: Meet you at Dom’s. Leaving now.
Locking everything back up, I jump in my truck and take the drive back into town, feeling like shit the entire way. Spring is in full force, the remnants of our long winter gone, the tall Sitka spruce having shaken the heavy weight of snow off and returned to their former glory. As I get closer and closer to town, the urge to stop at Bean Haven and see Hannah is so strong my hands white-knuckle the steering wheel. I don’t want to give her space, but I know after everything she’s been through, she needs to process.
I walk into Knockout, the gym that my brothers and I have grown up in, adrenaline coursing through my veins and ready to knock Dallas on his ass to make myself feel a tiny bit better. The smell of sweat, rubber, and leather punches me in the nose and settles in my chest, making me immediately regret my decision to box over a beer or two at The Night Owl. But Dallas would just hunt me down and drag my ass right back here, knowing that this is what I need right now. Not alcohol. Damn, I really missed my brother, hate that he’s had so much heavy shit going on in his life lately with Blaire that’s kept him preoccupied, but fuck if I’m not grateful to get time with him right now.
I make my way to the locker rooms to change into workout clothes, stuffing my bag, keys, and phone into a locker before returning to the front. The receptionist, Emma, sits on the lap of one of her boyfriends, Cruz, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist in a possessive hold while her other boyfriends, Dom and Aidan, lean over the desk, doting on her. Emma was dating our friend Dom who owns Knockout, and then a few months ago, surprised the shit out of the entire town when Cruz and Aidan started openly dating her as well. Everyone except her parents have been supportive of them.
“Hey, guys, Dallas already here?”
Dom stands up straight, nearly my perfect match in height and weight. He typically works weights with me when I come in a few times a week to lift and not punch out my older brothers.
“Yeah, beatin’ the shit out of a heavy bag in the back. It’s good to have him back in here. Was worried for a minute.”
“Yeah, we all were. Let’s see how out of shape he’s gotten, huh?”
“Put ’em on his ass, Liam!” Emma tosses over to me, and I give her a curt smile. Dom looks in her direction, his voice lowering, his tone sweeter, his affection for her clear.
“ Milaya devochka , careful, after they’re done, it’s your turn in that ring.”
Jesus fucking Christ. I don’t even want to let my mind go there right now .
“I’m gonna let you get back to your weird-ass foreplay, Dom. I’ll catch you guys later.”
The rhythmic thump of gloved fists hitting a bag signals my brother’s whereabouts as I walk toward the back of the open gym. It’s empty here except for us, and I’m surprised that Dallas was willing to leave Blaire at all.
I work my way over to him, prepared to get stretched out before we hop in the ring to go a few rounds. Dallas turns to me, dropping his hands to his sides and giving me a goofy-ass grin that he wears when he’s about to stir some shit.
“About damn time, spunk rag. Thought I was gonna have to beat this bag to death instead of your face.” He jabs it with a firm punch, making it sway.
A laugh breaks through my shitty mood at my idiot brother. Dallas, Carter, and I aren’t as trained as Sawyer—who wanted to fight professionally—but Dallas and I are a good match. I’m bigger than him, but he’s quicker and carries a bit of a darker side that he unleashes in the ring. He and Sawyer have been battling it out this way since they were pre-teens and they both lean on it to work through their shit.
“You haven’t been here in a long-ass time, you’ll be lucky if you can get a hit in on me, dickhead,” I shoot back at him. “And for fuck’s sake, don’t even try to get the spunk rag bullshit to stick, time to pick a new nickname.”
“Not gonna happen. You gonna tell me how it went with Hannah?”
“She freaked and bolted. I’m gonna give her a day and then work toward fixing it. But she’s lost her damn mind if she thinks she’s going to push me away.”
He laughs and I shoot him a glare while stretching out my shoulders. “Something funny?”
“Once a Hayes is all in, he’s all fucking in and there’s no turning back, consequences be damned. If you’re in love with her, make sure she feels it. Hannah hasn’t ever had that before.”
“That’s my plan. I think she’s been so focused on proving to everyone that a man and woman can be platonic friends and just living her life, that she’s missed all the signs. We didn’t even have to change much for people to buy that we’re together. Nothing about what we were doing was fake.”
“She’s had blinders on. Are you prepared for her to not feel the same though?”
Am I? It’s one of a few fears weighing heavily on me, but then I think about how she looks at me when I walk into a room, how she melts into me when I tuck her in close, how easily we slipped into the sexual parts of a relationship. I’m her person. She’s just fighting it because she’s a stubborn ass sometimes.
“Short answer? No. I’m not prepared for that. But I know she could feel the same. She was heading in that direction before my big-ass mouth wrecked everything. Thanks for that, brother.”
“Anytime. You know I’ve got you. You’ll thank me later, I just know it. You ready?”
“Bring it, dickhead.”
After wrapping up my hands and wrists, I pull on my boxing gloves and climb under the ropes to join Dallas. I roll my shoulders to loosen up a little more, the tension and weight of the afternoon creeping down my spine as I get my head to focus. Shaking my hands at my sides, I crack my neck, bouncing on the balls of my feet, bracing myself for what’s to come. Dallas hasn’t fought in a bit, he could either be a sloppy, lazy mess, or need a serious fucking outlet right now and pick it up like no time has passed. Hard to tell if I just got into the ring with Mickey Mouse or Mike Tyson.
Instinctively, we both step forward, touching our gloves in the center and nodding to each other, the world shut out around us—just me, him, and our fists—and then it’s go time.
We circle each other for a moment, feeling the other person out, but then like a dance we’ve done so many times before, we’re in it. Dallas’ first jab is aimed straight for my face, coming in hard and fast, his signature move that I’m always anticipating. My body reacts on autopilot, stepping out of the way to barely miss the contact. His movements are sharper than I expected, precise, letting me know it’s definitely not fucking Mickey Mouse in here with me right now.
Knowing I need to get the upper hand, I duck his next swing, my left hook ready and connecting with the hard muscle of his side. He stumbles for a split second, but I’ve known him too long and know I just woke up the bear. Dallas falls into a trance, fully in control of each of his movements, blocking several of my punches like he knows exactly what I’m going to do before I do it.
“C’mon, baby brother. This all you got?”
“You’re not as lazy as I thought you’d be. Or weak.”
I throw another left hook, his right hand blocking the punch and pissing me off. Fuck this. We go at it, and I let him think he’s got the upper hand, giving him a false sense of victory, and waiting for him to relax slightly. The pressure builds inside me, ready to unleash this pent-up bullshit festering inside me.
His next punch pulls back before it connects, but I see the move too late, my body reacting to dodge it and instead pushing me into a brutal hit to my ribs that momentarily stuns the piss out of me. My whole body shudders from the force of his blow, my breath whooshing from my lungs. I bite down hard on my mouthguard and hold back the wince that wants to break free.
“Ooo, that one must have hurt, spunk rag! Thought you were better than this. Looks like only one of us is out of practice and it sure as shit isn’t me,” Dallas continues to taunt, exactly where I wanted him to be.
I don’t reply with words, instead, I push forward, crowding his space and holding him in a clinch before shoving him back hard enough that he staggers, throwing an immediate right uppercut to his chin. The noise reverberates through the small space, his head jerking back slightly before he recovers and cracks his neck side to side, a creepy-as-fuck grin spreading across his face. I don’t waste any more time, my punches raining down on him fast and heavy. Sweat coats our skin as we exchange jabs, uppercuts, and calculated combinations—neither of us ready to stop, fighting longer than we should be.
Our chests are heaving as we finally break apart. I revel in the ache of my muscles and skin, the burn in my arms as calmness and clarity wash over me. My dad put his four stupid-ass sons into these lessons for the majority of our lives for an outlet, but these fights don’t just release the pressure, they settle something within us and give us a way to speak to each other that only the four of us can understand.
Dallas swings his arm around my neck, and I rest my forehead against his. “You better?”
“Yeah, you?”
“Much. I got you. You’re gonna figure this out. You and Han are perfect for each other.”
“Yeah. I’ll make it work. It has to. Love you, dickhead.”
“Love you, spunk rag.”
Once I’m back in my truck, I pull out my phone and bring up Hannah’s chat, sending her a quick text before driving home to my empty house.
Me: This changes nothing
Beauty: It changes everything you jackass
Me: You’re my wife now, Hannah. And I’m seeing this through. You want out after Bean Haven is yours? We’ll deal with it then. But I’m not bailing on you just because you don’t want to face what you’ve always known
Three little dots appear and disappear several times before she leaves me on read. Fine, so be it. She can have a little space, but I meant what I said. This changes nothing. Hannah is going to get everything she wants in this life, and I’m not going to allow her to push me away because she refuses to see what’s right in front of her.
Hannah is mine, and I’m going to prove it to her.