11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
C ody breathed a huge sigh of relief when he took the turnoff for the ranch. Brooke squirmed in her seat for several miles, trying to get comfortable. A fine sheen of sweat broke out on her skin. He felt sick to his stomach every time he hit a bump in the road and she moaned in pain. Not really asleep or awake, fighting the pain and the long drive exhausted her.
The porch lights lit up the front of the house. He shut off the car and sat for a moment. Home, but still so much he needed to do.
Kristi’s car sat in the driveway. A wave of anger and resentment swept through him.
Why was she being so selfish? Why couldn’t she understand he and Brooke had lost a child and needed some time alone together? No. She had to stay and make it clear, he belonged to her and not Brooke.
That wasn’t the case—never was. Not really. He belonged to Brooke—always had. Always would. He was too stupid to see it, or scared to admit it before. Brooke had gotten under his skin the moment she’d come to the ranch as a young girl. Over the years, she’d become so important to him, he couldn’t live without her. That had never been more apparent than over the last six months, his thoughts always turning back to her.
He’d even been out to her favorite spot at the creek more times than he could count. He’d never tell anyone he’d gone there to think and feel close to her. He hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself, just convinced himself he needed a quiet place to think.
He only ever thought about her when he was there.
He felt bad about not loving Kristi the way she deserved. He felt guilty for pretending the last six months that a life with Kristi and not Brooke was what he wanted. He’d fooled Kristi and himself. Not anymore. Never again.
Brooke had been hurt. He’d rushed to her side, seen her devastating condition, and let go of every reason why he shouldn’t love her and be with her. The light in his life the last ten years. And now that she was living in the darkness of trauma and grief, he was determined to be a light in her life.
He would be a beacon for her and guide her back to him.
And that meant finishing old business and ending things with Kristi.
He scrubbed his hands over his face, got out, and went around the car, opening Brooke’s door. He needed to carry her into the house. She'd never make it on her own, and lifting her meant more pain.
Her pain had become his, and he wanted it to stop. For both their sakes.
Leaning in, he cupped her face in his palm. “Brooke, honey, we’re home. I need to pick you up and take you inside.”
She opened her eyes, and they immediately filled with fresh tears. “Just leave me here. Leave me alone.”
“Don’t cry, sweetheart. Meds are just a few minutes away. Soon you’ll feel better. I promise.”
He slid his hands under her legs and around her back. He lifted her out of the car and stood. She clutched their daughter to her chest and gnashed her teeth to stave off the wave of pain. “You got her?” he asked.
She didn’t answer, just laid her head on his shoulder, making his heart melt. He kissed her forehead and walked up the path to the porch. He managed to get the door open and walk into the foyer with minimal trouble. He kicked the door shut and slammed it.
Susanne and Kristi ran out of the dining room.
He felt for Susanne and her first glimpse of Brooke, who was devastating to look at. It had taken him some time to get used to seeing her in this condition.
Susanne stood shocked, her mouth agape and her breath held, like she’d turned to stone.
He didn’t have time for her to recover. “Susanne, could you go up and turn down Brooke’s bed?”
Janie walked in behind Susanne and gasped, her hand moving up over her mouth.
“Janie, could you please go out to my car and get the dark blue duffel bag? It’s got her medicine and bandages in it.”
Janie rushed to do as he asked.
Kristi stood across from him, anger in her eyes for him, and then a glare at Brooke in his arms.
It said a lot about Kristi, that she showed no compassion for Brooke in her time of need.
“Now is not the time,” he warned her.
Susanne headed up the stairs, and he turned and followed. Susanne had the bed turned down and carefully took off Brooke’s shoe and sock before Cody set her on the bed.
He cautiously moved her braced leg, keeping it from tangling in the sheets. “Susanne, she'll need a glass of water to take her meds.” He brushed a strand of hair from Brooke’s eye.
She could barely open them.
“You’re okay, honey. I’ll get your meds, and you’ll feel better soon.”
“Go away.” She rolled to her side, careful not to hurt her broken arm or sprained ankle.
“I’m not going anywhere, and you better get used to it.” Cody leaned over Brooke with his hands on both sides of her shoulders and stared right into her pain-filled eyes. “I mean it, Brooke. I’ll be right here for you.”
Janie brought in the bag, set it at the end of the bed, then placed the huge vase of roses on the side table.
“Janie, can you please find the plastic bag of pill bottles in that duffel.” He turned back to Brooke and covered her hand on her stomach with his own. “Let me check the incision.”
“It hurts.”
“I know, sweetheart. Let me see.”
He pulled her shirt up carefully and peeled back the bandage. Raw and red. He took the tube of medicine from Janie and put a generous amount over the long, stitched cut. He gently pressed the bandage back over the angry wound. He glanced at Brooke’s pale face. Tears spilled down her cheeks and into her hair. He brushed them away with his thumbs and kissed her forehead. “How’re the arms?”
“Fine.”
“Sure?”
She nodded. He decided to leave her be. She hurt enough. But he did tuck the spare pillow under her broken wrist.
Susanne came back into the room and sidestepped Kristi, who simply stood there staring, not offering any help. Moving to her daughter, Susanne handed Cody the glass of water. He already had a handful of pills. “Brooke, are you okay?”
Brooke didn’t answer, but looked to him with that horrible vacant look in her eyes.
Suanne’s sad gaze held a thousand questions.
He stared down at Brooke, hoping she believed him when he said, “She’s going to be fine. It’s been a very hard day.”
He put his hand over Brooke’s on their daughter. “Her friends held a memorial service this morning for our daughter. As thoughtful and beautiful as it was, we weren’t quite ready for it. Brooke had a difficult time taking her test, but we got through it. Didn’t we, honey?” Brooke only stared. “The drive took a lot out of her. She’s in a tremendous amount of pain.”
He felt it echo through him. He didn’t take his eyes off Brooke’s. Sliding his arm under her shoulders, he held her up so she could take the pills, then slowly lowered her back down to the pillow.
“I’m going to give you some time with your mom. I’ll come back and check on you in a little while.”
He put his hand on Susanne’s shoulder to reassure her everything would be all right. “She needs to eat and get some sleep.”
Susanne nodded, then settled on the side of the bed.
He left her alone with Brooke and walked out of the room.
Kristi followed him. She wanted answers.
He was on the razor’s edge of losing his shit. He didn’t want to put all his fury on her.
She deserved to take the brunt of his wild emotions. But the scowl he shot her let her know he wasn’t happy she was here, in Brooke’s home, after he asked her to give Brooke some space.
If he could go back and change that morning after he’d been with Brooke and woke up happier than he’d ever been, clearer than he’d ever been about what he wanted, he’d have done everything differently.
He’d have chosen Brooke and the love they shared. He’d have promised to support Kristi through her pregnancy and to be the best father he could be to their child. He’d have made it clear that being with Brooke meant they could both be happy and that Kristi would find someone who loved her the way she deserved to be loved.
He’d have made the right decision for all of them.
But right now, he didn’t have the strength or presence of mind to say all of that to her, because the rage and grief roiling inside him made him want to lash out.
And he wouldn’t do that to her.
Exhausted, he felt empty like he’d never felt in his whole life. He didn’t want to start a conversation with Kristi that he knew would turn ugly. He wanted to talk to her when he was rested and had his emotions under control.
He needed a stiff drink and a hot meal. Then, he wanted a shower and sleep.
What he really wanted to do was crawl in bed with Brooke and hold her while she slept. Maybe then, he’d be able to breathe without his chest hurting for her.
Maybe then he wouldn’t be plotting all the ways he wanted to make Adam pay.
No. That was going to run in a loop in the back of his mind until Adam got what he deserved.
“Cody, we need to talk.” Kristi dogged his heels.
He turned at the bottom of the stairs and stared into her eyes as she stood on the last step, looking at him with disapproval in her gaze. “I asked you not to be here, but you ignored me. I hope you’ll heed what I have to say now: Not now. Not tonight. It’s been a shitty couple of days. I’m tired and frustrated and very close to a rage I won’t be able to control. I need a shower and a meal and to be left alone.”
“Then we’ll sit down together. Janie made a wonderful roast chicken with mashed potatoes. You can eat and explain to me what’s going on.”
“I plan on eating. As for the explanation, you know the result of what happened between me and Brooke. I want to tell you everything, explain it all…you deserve that. And I’ll give it to you. Just not right now when my head is so messed up.” He headed for the kitchen.
Kristi would be wise to heed his warning.
Susanne would be down soon. She’d want the details from last night and about what Brooke had been through over the last week. And the last six months.
He’d have to explain that everything was his fault.
All his fault.
The minute he walked into the kitchen, Janie set a plate of food at the breakfast table. He sat down, grateful for the hot cup of coffee she handed him.
Kristi took the seat across from him.
He didn’t look up. He dug into the food, not really tasting any of it, but he needed the sustenance so he could stay strong for Brooke.
He bet Brooke could use a good meal. It had been nothing but fast food this morning. He glanced up to tell Janie to take a plate up to Brooke, but she was already walking out of the room with a plate and a bottle of water.
“Janie, if she won’t eat that, try ice cream.”
Janie smiled and headed up to Brooke’s room.
“Ice cream?” Kristi asked.
“She loves ice cream. It was the one treat she allowed herself while she was pregnant.”
He paused and thought about the fact that his daughter was gone. It hurt. It hurt so much.
Kristi placed her hand over his. “I’m sorry, Cody. I know it hurts.”
His eyes glassed over, and he put his head down again, surprised by her compassion after the way she’d been acting, but grateful for it all the same.
He ate several more bites, but he’d lost his appetite. He let his fork fall to the plate with a clatter and picked up his coffee mug, taking a deep sip, hoping the hot brew warmed his cold insides.
Kristi sat back and watched him, waiting for him to say something.
He needed time to think. If they got into it now, he’d end up saying something he didn’t mean. He wanted to do this right after he’d messed up so much over the last six months.
“I understand you’re upset about whatever happened to Brooke.”
Like she didn’t know. She was just trying to distance herself from it. Maybe she was delusional.
More likely, she simply wished it weren’t true.
“She’s your friend. It’s understandable you’re upset.”
“I’m beyond upset because our baby was murdered. Brooke is devastated and so am I,” he snapped and took another sip of coffee, fisting his free hand on the tabletop. “Sorry. I told you I didn’t want to get into this tonight.”
“The Christmas party.”
“Yes,” he confirmed what she hadn’t asked outright.
“Because we fought that night, you turned to her,” she said furiously. “It’s the same as always. Every time you have a problem, or need someone, you turn to her.”
“I do.” He couldn’t deny it. Why lie or make excuses now? “You and I had been arguing about this or that for weeks. That night, you ended things and walked out the door. I was jealous as hell of all the attention Brooke got that night. I couldn’t stop myself from wanting her.” He finished off his coffee and set the cup down. “We’ll leave it at that for tonight.”
“You can’t expect me to just leave it at that. You wanted her. You had her. You got her pregnant, and you didn’t tell me.”
“Yes. Yes. And yes and no. I didn’t know she was pregnant. That’s why she hasn’t come home. She didn’t want me to know.”
“And you didn’t think I deserved to know you’d slept with her.”
“Let’s be real, Kristi. You knew that morning you came over that something happened between me and Brooke the second you saw her and me in the same room. You didn’t say anything, so neither did I because I was too devastated about letting her go. I didn’t want to let her go,” he snapped. “But I did it for our child. The one you didn’t tell me you lost for weeks.” If she wanted to push him to talk after he asked for space, then she deserved the cold hard truth, unvarnished or prettied up.
Though he couldn’t blame Kristi for wanting to stick her head in the sand. He’d done the same the last several months. Not anymore.
Kristi slammed her hands down on the table, stood, and yelled at him, “This isn’t over. We’re getting married. You promised.” She stormed out of the kitchen.
He let her go. He didn’t want to make things worse.
She had to know the wedding was off. She just didn’t want to face it.
What a fucking mess.
But he couldn’t go on like this with her. Not when his heart belonged to Brooke.
She needed him right now, more than ever.
The door slammed on Kristi’s way out.
It sounded as final as the night of the Christmas party, but Cody knew, just like then, she’d be back to try to talk him into staying with her.
Not going to happen. Not this time.