12. Chapter Twelve
Chapter Twelve
B rooke’s heart eased the second her mom took her hand, then she reached over and touched the silver vessel tucked against Brooke’s side. “I’m so sorry, Brooke. I’m sorry he took her from you.”
Janie brought in the plate of food and set it and a bottle of water on the side table. “To make you strong again.”
Brooke couldn’t even manage a smile but gave a nod before Janie left again.
“Honey, you should try to eat. You look so pale.” Her mom brushed her hand over Brooke’s cheek. “Please, honey.”
Brooke couldn’t speak. She let the tears fall and the pain fill her until she felt like she’d burst from the pressure building inside her body and especially her heart.
Brooke lay there while her mom took the plate and held a forkful of food to her mouth. She wasn’t hungry and didn’t want the food, but she ate because her mom looked so hopeful she would try.
After several bites, Brooke put her hand up to get her mom to stop. It took all her courage to face her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you by not telling you about the baby.”
“I know that, sweetheart.” Her mom brushed her hand over Brooke’s hair. “I know you did it for Cody. You love him.”
“I didn’t want him to have to choose between Kristi and me because of a baby and an obligation.”
“Love isn’t an obligation. He loves you, honey. I saw him when he found out you’d been hurt. There was such pain in his eyes. I saw the fear, too. He knew he came close to losing you. He knew the baby was his, never questioned it. He just knew.”
“She’s gone now. And I’m…dead inside. I’m no good for anyone anymore.”
Her mom frowned. “That’s not true. You will get through this and be stronger for it, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. And Cody…he loves you. He wants you. He needs you like you need him right now.”
“He doesn’t,” she cried. “He always told me we were just friends.”
“That’s the best place to start. Don’t give up now.”
“He let me go. He chose her. Twice.”
“And he’s paying for that now.” Her mom gave her a look that said all too well that Brooke had to see the pain Cody tried to hide while he took care of her. “He lost a baby, too. You’ll grieve for her together. It will bring you two closer together than you’ve ever been. But you have to let him in for that to happen.”
“He’s gone from being obligated to me because of our child, to pitying me because that maniac murdered her.”
“You know Cody isn’t like that. He’d never lie to you.”
“No, but just because we both grieve for her doesn’t mean it’s something more. I’ve made so many things he’s said or done into a love he never felt. I won’t do that again. Give it up, Mom. I have.”
“I don’t think it’s the grief. Something changed recently in him. And yesterday I saw how Cody distanced himself when Kristi arrived. I think they were headed for a very serious talk. I think he wanted you back and was planning on fixing things between you.”
“That can’t be right. The wedding is less than two weeks away. Why change his mind now? No. That can’t be true.” Brooke closed her eyes and held her daughter close. No more talking about things that would never be. She was home, and the first thing she’d seen coming through the door was Kristi looking like she owned the place.
“Well, I see you haven’t lost your stubbornness. I know your heart is shattered after losing your beautiful daughter, but don’t lose a chance at the kind of love you’ve always dreamed of having with Cody. Talk to him.”
“I don’t need or want his pity. That’s all it is.”
“Cody certainly has his work cut out for him convincing you he loves you.”
Her mother leaned over, careful not to bump her, and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m here for you. I love you. We’ll get through this.”
Brooke just wanted everyone to leave her alone. So much so she wanted to scream it until she lost her voice and the rafters shook.
Why wouldn’t they just go away?
Cody was still sitting in the kitchen at the table, staring out the window, when Susanne walked in and put her hand on his shoulder.
“Thank you for bringing my baby home.”
He shocked her by wrapping his arms around her waist and laying his head against her.
She didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around his head and shoulders and hold him close.
He never thought of her as his mother, but tonight, right now, he felt the deep connection they’d forged over the years. “She has to get better. I can’t stand it that she’s so sad.”
“Sometimes we hurt far more for the ones we love than for ourselves. It’s okay to be sad about losing another child, Cody. It breaks my heart that you’ve suffered so much loss these last many months.”
“She’s suffered far more than I have. I hurt her. I let her leave when I really wanted her to stay. I just didn’t know how to keep her and still take care of Kristi and the baby we were expecting.”
She touched his chin and he looked up at her. “I saw the way you looked when you walked in with her. Is your heart clear now? Do you know what you want and what you have to do to get it?”
“Yes. I love her. I want a life with her. It’s not going to be easy. She’s in no mood to listen to me.”
“She hears you, Cody, even if she’s having a hard time accepting the truth.” She squeezed his shoulders. “Go up to bed. Check on her, but get some sleep. You’ll feel better for it. You’ll be better for her tomorrow if you have a clear head.”
“I haven’t had a clear head since I found out she’d been attacked and my daughter was killed.”
“She needs you to be strong for her, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to feel the way you feel. Maybe if she sees it in you, it will allow her to feel it, too, and you’ll both heal together.”
She made a good point.
He stood and kissed her on the cheek, then dragged himself up the stairs and down the hall to Brooke’s room. She slept fitfully in her bed, moaning in her sleep. Reluctant to disturb or scare her, he approached slowly and gave her a goodnight kiss on the forehead before he went to his own room. He didn’t know how long he could wait until they shared a room and a bed. He wanted her in his arms and pressed along his body. He wanted her to feel his love while she slept, safe in his arms.
He wanted things back to the way they used to be, only better.
She belonged to him and he belonged to her.
He wanted her to know it in her soul, the way he did now.
After a hot shower, he fell naked into bed, thinking about Brooke. It seemed she was never far from his mind.
Images of her growing up on the ranch and all the time they’d spent together played like a documentary of their lives together. Every image and memory reminded him how close they’d always been. They were part of each other’s lives, and he’d pushed her away. Because she was too young. Because it wasn’t appropriate. Because he’d thought Kristi suited his life better. Because Kristi had been pregnant with his child. Because he’d been scared.
That last truth really hit hard, but it was a truth he had to face.
What if he didn’t live up to the romantic version of him she’d imagined?
What if he lost her because he couldn’t be what she thought him to be?
What if you don’t try and you lose her anyway?
What if what you shared that night is what you share for the rest of your life?
God, he wanted that.
Because in the last six months, he hadn’t felt right. Something had always been missing, and that something had always been Brooke. Without her, his life would always be lacking and incomplete.
I can’t live like this anymore.
No matter what, he’d find a way to make things right with Brooke.
He’d find a way to make her believe in him again.
He’d prove to her how much he loved her.