13. Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Thirteen
C ody stood beside Brooke, looking into the stall at the gelding. He’d thought it might do her some good to come down to the stables and see the horses she loved. The chestnut, he hoped, would bring a smile to her face. She loved the horses and riding.
It wasn’t working though. She had spent the last three days home, refusing to leave her bed. Every day she got worse. Her body needed the rest, but she barely ate, she didn’t speak, and she stared blankly at the walls for hours. When she wasn’t lying there with that vacant look, she cried.
He tried to be patient and understand how she felt. He was sad about his daughter and that sadness grew each day he didn’t have her with them. It seemed that sadness grew exponentially every time he looked at Brooke and saw the emptiness in her eyes.
“What do you think, sweetheart? He’s beautiful, right?”
As if the horse sensed her despair, he came to the gate and rubbed his nose against Brooke’s cheek.
Brooke seemed to know what the horse wanted and gave him a rub. “You’re sweet.” Brooke took the carrot he’d brought down and held it out for the horse to take. She almost smiled.
Cody thought this was a good sign. She’d responded to the horses. Then, he saw the tears streaming down Brooke’s face and had second thoughts. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
“Brooke…” His phone rang. He pulled it from his back pocket and glanced at the caller ID. “Honey, I have to take this. It’s my office. A plea deal I’ve been working on with the ADA.” He didn’t know if she heard him or not.
She turned and walked away, unsteady on her feet. He kept an eye on her and answered his phone.
He followed as she made her way back toward the house. He thought she was going to go inside, back to her bed to hide. Instead, she veered to the rear of the house and the garden. The day was bright and clear; the sun would do her good. She’d kept herself cooped up in the house far too long.
He tried to keep an eye on Brooke and talk to his assistant on the phone. The last three days had been overwhelming, trying to balance being home with Brooke, checking in with the ranch manager, and going back and forth to his office and court. He’d never been busier. He’d never hated work so much because it took him away from her. But the ranch was doing well. Thank God. The children’s hospital board didn’t meet for a couple of weeks. And his brilliant assistant had already rescheduled client meetings and court dates for non-urgent matters. All he had to do was finish up the priority cases, so he could be home full-time with Brooke for the next few weeks.
She needed him. He needed to be with her. He wanted to show her he was all in. She could count on him.
He still had to take care of the wedding.
And he owed Kristi a proper conversation.
Kristi had come to the house the other day, but Susanne sent her away.
He wasn’t ready to take on everything at once, but he’d realized he didn’t have a choice. The wedding was scheduled to take place in ten days and he had to deal with it. His saint of an assistant was helping him do that, and Kristi would arrive at the house at any time for them to finally have their talk. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but it couldn’t be put off any longer.
“Honey.”
Brooke stared out at the garden without really seeing it, lost in thoughts she refused to share with him.
“Honey.” Cody bent down in front of her. He rubbed a hand up her thigh and waited for her eyes to focus on him. When they did, he smiled to reassure her he was there with her. “Hey sweetheart, I have to go into my office and look at some papers while I talk to my assistant. Will you be okay out here alone?”
He didn’t know what set off the tears this time. Probably the word alone made her think of losing their little girl. But she nodded she’d be okay even if she didn’t really look at him.
She pressed her hand to her shoulder, letting him know it ached.
He hoped the warm sun on her face and the birds chirping in the trees would bring her some peace, but she simply looked lost, and it tore at his battered heart.
He brushed his thumbs over her cheeks and wiped the tears, pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, then stood to walk back to the house.
“Cody.”
He turned back the second she whispered his name.
He put the phone to his ear and asked his assistant, “Can you hold on another minute?” He took a step back to Brooke. “What is it, honey?”
She looked at him, confusion clouding her eyes along with fear.
“Brandy, I’ll call you back. Brooke needs me.”
Stuffing the phone in his pocket, he kneeled in front of her and cupped her cheek. She stared at him, unable to say anything.
“What is it, honey? Talk to me.”
The pleading in his voice made her focus on his face and really look at him. She traced the lines on his forehead with her fingers, then brushed them along his jaw. “Are you okay?”
Exhaustion, frustration, sadness, so many different things weighed him down and made it hard to sleep or eat or function, but he forced himself to do what needed to be done and get through the day. For her.
“No, honey. I’m not okay.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to her chest. His fingers dug into her hips where he held her.
She ran her fingers through his hair and held on to him. “I think she would have liked to play in the garden.”
He looked up at her, his heart in his throat, as she stared at the flowers surrounding them. “I think so, too, sweetheart. She would have loved growing up on the ranch with us.”
Her hands slipped off him and she settled them in her lap.
Everything in him missed her touch and the connection. He felt utterly empty. He’d lost her again. He didn’t know what he’d said to put that look on her face, but he didn’t like seeing it. “Honey, do you want to come up to the house with me?”
It took her a moment to turn her focus away from the garden and look at him. “Do you need something?”
He put his hand on her cheek and leaned in close, their noses a mere inch apart. Her breath washed over his face; he desperately wanted to lean in and kiss her. Not a quick stolen one, but one that meant something, everything. One that told her how much he loved her. He held back, hoping he could reach her with his simple plea. “I need you. Come back to me.”
She leaned her cheek against his forehead, wrapped one arm around his head, and held on to him. He sighed out his relief, seeing this small show of affection.
“I’m here.” She said the words, but she wasn’t there. Not his Brooke. This wasn’t the woman he knew and loved. This was just a small piece of her, and he wanted all of her back.
“No, baby. You’re not. But I’m going to get you back. However long it takes, I’m going to find a way to get you back.” He pulled away reluctantly and saw the confusion in her eyes.
She wasn’t ready to hear him. She wasn’t in any state of mind to believe him.
But he’d keep showing her. He’d make himself clear. Soon. He would make her understand just how serious he was about getting her back and keeping her. She just needed a little more time. “I have to go in and take care of some work. I’ll come back out and get you in a few minutes. It’s almost time for your meds. You’ll feel better then.”
She nodded, tilting her lips in a cynical smirk.
The meds took the edge off the pain and dulled her mind, but never actually made her feel better. He got it. Without her daughter, she felt like she’d never feel better.
He felt the same way.
Before he stood, she cupped his face in her hands, leaned forward, and kissed his forehead. “I’m sorry you lost both your babies.”
Tears welled in his eyes. He looked at her sad, bloodshot eyes. “I miss them both, but I’m so glad I still have you.” Tears slipped down his cheeks. He’d never hidden anything from Brooke, so he let his guard down now.
She saw through the mask anyway, down to the pain he tried to hide for her sake. “You’d have been a really great dad.”
“I will be a great dad. And you’re going to be the best mom any kid could ever have.”
She didn’t know it yet, but he was going to make sure they had another chance. They would have a family, and he’d have her. They’d have each other. And so much love, she’d be happy all the time.