Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
SOFIE
Blasting music jolts me awake. Disoriented, I grab for my phone to turn off my alarm, only there’s someone in the way. Zach rolls toward me with a sleepy smile. His dark hair is wild from sleep, or maybe from how I tore at it in those frantic moments we shared.
“Someone’s awake,” he says.
Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” is playing at top volume from the kitchen.
“Linnea,” I groan, and pull a pillow over my head.
“Think we woke her up last night?”
I cringe. “These walls aren’t exactly soundproof.”
Zach chuckles, his rough hands gently caressing my tummy.
Memories of last night flood my mind. It takes only a second for my pulse to start thumping through my body and the cravings to spiral out of control.
I’ve never been touched like that. And I’ve certainly never come like that. Holy freaking hell.
And now I’m just supposed to go on with my day?
I hug the pillow to my chest. “I should go out there. She’s getting a ride to Pony Club soon. I want to at least say goodbye.”
“Need backup?” Zach asks, a serious look on his face .
Do I have the courage to ask for what I really want? “I’ll be right back.”
I wrap up in my flannel robe and slip into the hallway. The music is still blasting, and when I enter the kitchen, Linnie gives me a smirk.
“Morning!”
I tap the volume button on the portable speaker she must have brought in from the barn for this exact purpose until the music is a low murmur. “Morning.”
Linnie sets her plate and cup in the sink and spins away. “Under your skin, hmm?”
From outside, Linnie’s ride honks their horn. I peer out the window and give Mrs. Hallman a wave.
“You’re picking up, remember?” Linnie pockets her phone and snatches her thick barn coat from the rack next to the door.
“I remember. Twelve-thirty.” I pull her to me for a quick hug. “Have fun.”
She squeezes me back, but instead of slipping away, she quiets in my arms. “Zach’s good to you, right?”
I swallow my surprise. “Yeah, he is.”
She squeezes me back. “Good. I don’t like it when you’re sad.”
Before I can reply, she takes off through the door. The speaker bleeps from the kitchen, signaling the broken connection as Mrs. Hallman turns her Suburban down the driveway.
I press my forehead to the door and inhale a slow breath.
Of course, it would have been obvious to Linn that being with Gabe wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. She feels more than the rest of us, so I shouldn’t be shocked that she’s seen the shift in me since Zach became a part of my life.
What will happen to Linnie when that changes? She’s certainly tough, but she’s older now, more aware. Her shenanigans this morning make that perfectly clear.
I’m reminded of the job with Teague Lennox. He needs my answer soon.
Are my friends right about my family being okay without me for a year?
What about Zach ?
The house is freezing, so I take a moment to get a fire going again, the chore settling my turbulent thoughts. The embers from last night catch quickly, and soon the flames are dancing.
When I turn away, Zach is leaning against the side of the hallway, dressed only in his briefs. In the soft light of the morning, he’s sexy as hell. From the firm plane of his chest to the thin line of soft hair leading lower, to the sultry gaze in his deep blue eyes.
“You were supposed to stay in bed,” I say because that look is throwing my world off its axis. I feel unsure and a little too vulnerable. Because I want him, and that’s not something I’m used to feeling.
He arches an eyebrow. “Feisty, huh? We can work with that.”
Desire pools low in my belly. Is this what it’s going to be like with him? One look, one simple phrase from his skilled mouth, and I turn into a needy mess?
“I can’t just stay in bed all day.” I cross my arms. The fire pops behind me in the hearth, the heat from the flames warming my back.
Zach walks over. “Who said anything about a bed?” He makes a show of taking in the living room and kitchen, the hallway behind him. “There’s an entire house here. The possibilities are endless.”
My thighs tense, sending a craving for him rippling through me. “Like what?”
His eyes sparkle with mischief. “How about I show you?”
I take in this invitation—this scandalous little promise—while the fire crackles and my blood starts to pound. “Shower first?”
“Creative.” His grin lights up his handsome face. “I like it.”
Shaking my head, I try to step past him, but he snatches me around the waist and hoists me over his shoulder.
“Hey! What about your broken rib?” His bruise has faded but he’s far from healed.
“What broken rib?”
He strides into the bathroom and sets me down on the sink counter, then reaches into the shower to turn it on. There’s a visible bulge in his briefs when he steps back. I try not to stare, but he catches me and grins, a wicked gleam in his eyes.
He slips the tie from my robe and gently peels it open. Letting him slide the fabric from my shoulders might be the bravest thing I’ve ever done. Not that I’m shy or uncomfortable, but in the daylight, I feel more exposed. And a part of me worries that spending a languid morning with Zach is crossing a dangerous line, one I shouldn’t. I can practically hear my mom’s voice in my head. Don’t be like every small-town girl who sleeps around, thinking it’ll get you somewhere.
Zach lifts me down, and though it’s meant to be a simple relocation, I wrap my arms around his neck and don’t let go.
He releases a soft sigh and caresses down my back. “I love holding you.”
I smile. Could he be any more perfect?
The bulge in his briefs stiffens against my tummy. I slide the fabric down, my fingers brushing his erection. He groans and lifts my chin to plant a soft kiss on my lips. It’s sweet and caring and such a contrast to that almost demanding tone he used in the living room. A man of the most alluring contrasts.
In one quick swoop, he cups my bottom and shuffles us to the shower. Under the spray, I close my eyes and let the water cascade down my body. Zach steps close behind me, combing my wet hair with the water so it drapes down my back. His erection is persistent against my bottom, but he’s not grinding against me or guiding my hand to touch him.
When I was with Gabe, that was how it was. Like his hard-on was my emergency.
To my surprise, Zach uncaps my shampoo and lathers it into my hair. A protest is on the tip of my tongue, but I bite it back. Instead, I pay attention to his caring touch and focus because how long has it been since anyone has done something so sweet for me? He rinses, the water crashing to the tub in waves. Then he smooths on conditioner, the scent of wild roses filling the small space.
“Mmm, this is why you always smell so good.” He turns me around so I can lean back into the spray for a rinse.
I wipe my forehead and smile. “According to you, I always smell good.”
“Almost as good as how you taste.” He pulls me against him.
I give him a look. “You’re not serious.”
He scoffs. “You think I’d joke about something like that?”
His gaze turns pained, and I look away. I believe he’s being truthful, it’s just…
He spins me to the side of the shower so my back is against the cold tile, then kisses down my neck while he caresses me, his wet fingers gliding over my curves. “Every part of you is special to me.”
Before I can protest, he kisses down to my breasts, where he gently sucks and teases before moving lower. Once on his knees, he lifts my foot and sets it on the opposite side of the tub, then runs his hand up my inner thigh, planting firm kisses as he does.
He touches me, lighting me up so quickly that I startle, my shoulder blades pressing into the tile. Then his mouth is on me, warm and soft and wet.
He groans, the sound vibrating through me. I close my eyes and lean my head against the tile as he flicks his tongue and circles with his thumb. So many sensations swirl inside me. The tenderness of his touch and the firm stroke of his wicked tongue make this the most intense form of pleasure I’ve ever had.
Why has no one told me about this?
My breaths come faster, and my core slowly tightens. I remember last night when I tried to stop him. I didn’t want him to feel obligated. I didn’t want to let him down if I couldn’t.
But my god, did he make it okay.
I start trembling. Every part of me is tuned to him and the promise of more, more, more. I surrender to it, trying to savor every sweet glide and caress of his tongue. My head starts buzzing, and my breaths get hollow. Everything fades away, leaving me with only the ache he’s so beautifully tending to and my trust in him. A sweet fire lights me up from the inside as I let it all go—my doubts and desires, my fears.
I come down panting, the cold tile pressing into my back and the warm water thundering in my ears.
Zach wraps his arms around my thighs and kisses my tummy. He rests his cheek there, his breaths fast.
He doesn’t seem to be in any rush to move, and I’m grateful for this moment of quiet between us. I comb through his thick hair, trying to get my bearings .
Then with a full sigh, Zach rocks to his feet, takes me in his arms, and holds me close.
We make love again in my bed—his idea—slowly, kissing and touching as the minutes stretch and bend to reveal the most intimate world I’ve ever visited. After, cradled in his arms, I must doze off because I wake to the scent of fresh coffee. Zach is gone, so I pull on a T-shirt and underwear and pad down the hall. Part of me is frantic to know he’s still here, while the other part is scolding me for wanting it.
In the kitchen, Zach is cradling a cup of coffee, his back to me while he gazes out the window. With the low light of the day thanks to the cloud cover, the kitchen is dim, yet it’s enough to reveal the outline of a scar I haven’t noticed before on his shoulder blade.
Zach turns and catches my eye, breaking me from staring. He nods in the direction of the view, and I step closer so I can see what’s got his attention.
On the opposite hillside, at the base of a rocky outcropping, a small herd of elk is grazing, their breaths making little clouds in the cold mountain air. The six-point male stands at the edge, his nose occasionally lifting to the wind to evaluate the many dangers he’s in charge of recognizing.
My heart feels tight in my chest, and I sigh in gratitude. Two years ago, that meadow was blocked by ancient sheep fencing that a cranky rancher at first refused to take down.
I wrap my arms around Zach’s waist and watch over his shoulder as the elk make their way across the grassy stretch and clamber into the rocks, blending in so effortlessly it’s hard to believe they were ever there.
“That buck was huge,” Zach says.
It makes me think of my dad out there somewhere, watching over things. “It’s almost winter.” I eye the thickening clouds. “He’s almost safe.”
“Until next year.” Zach caresses my arm, his eyes still fixed on where we lost sight of the herd.
I press a kiss to his shoulder blade, my lips brushing the top of the jagged scar. “Any more coffee?”
He spins and drapes his arms around my waist, then nuzzles his nose with mine. “You think I’d leave you hanging like that? ”
“How do you like your coffee? That seems like something I should know.”
“Hot,” he says.
I give him a look.
His eyes turn serious. “I’ve learned to not be picky.”
“Flexible standards, huh?”
He sets the cup aside and strokes down both sides of my face, then combs my hair over my shoulders. The look in his eyes, like I’m something precious, makes me squirm.
“Only about some things.”
Last night, he said it’s been a while . Does that mean his flexible standards don’t apply to women, and I’m special somehow?
“Whoa,” he says, lifting my chin so I’m forced to lock eyes with him. “Where’d you go just now?”
“I’m not used to this,” I say.
“Coffee in the morning?” His gaze bores into me.
“All of it.” I try to smile, but being this vulnerable is making it difficult to pull off.
He pulls me close and kisses my forehead. “Does it scare you?”
I smile, and my fears melt back. “Yeah.”
“Me too.” He strokes down my back.
“Tell me what else you like,” I say. “Favorite breakfast.”
“Besides you?” He gives my bottom a little squeeze.
I laugh. “That might not sustain you, given how many calories you burn doing it.”
“You’re worried about my nutrition?”
I wrap my arms tighter around him and sigh. He doesn’t need to hear any more of my worries.
“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve already scarfed down a piece of toast with some of that amazing jam.”
“It does. I can’t have you passing out on me.”
“Anything else you need to know? Favorite color, favorite book, my first car?”
Gently, I trace over the knotted line on his shoulder blade. “Will you tell me about this?”
He releases a slow breath .
I stroke his lower back as the seconds tick by. “Someone hurt you.”
I think maybe he’s not going to answer when he says, “My stepdad. There was a little accident involving a set of stairs.”
A shock wave of grief jolts through me. I lean back and meet his troubled gaze.
“I’m sorry, Zach. That’s terrible.”
He huffs another sigh. “That was the last time he got anywhere near me or my brother.”
Is this why he had to leave Alaska? To escape his stepdad? How does this fit in with protecting his little brother? Several thoughts come together at once, but I will myself to be patient. He’s just revealed something so personal to me. He didn’t have to. He could have kept it vague or even made up a funny story.
“I caught him trying to get close to William. I called him on it. He thought he could scare me off.” He shakes his head, the planes of his face hard with emotion.
I stroke down his arms and take his hands. What he said about his tattoo last night echoes through my mind. Is this the darkness he’s made peace with? “That sounds awful.”
His deep blue eyes find mine. “It’s what made it no longer safe for me in Alaska.”
“What about your mom?” I weave my fingers with his.
“She struggled to cope after my dad died. I think Kristov preyed on her. Got her hooked on something. Things got bad really fast.”
The image he’s painting just gets uglier, more terrifying. “Will things change so it’s safe for you to go back someday? Reunite with your brother?”
He nods, then leans in so our foreheads touch. “That’s the idea, yeah.”
Reality slides into focus, creating a heartbreaking picture.
“Let’s go back to bed,” he whispers.
Though my heart is cracking to pieces inside my chest, I stuff my feelings down because I won’t spoil what time we have left.
When it’s safe again for him, he’ll return to Alaska. Of course, he will.
I wish knowing why made it less painful.