Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
NEVAEH
“I was engaged once. Her name was Kelsi and she was pregnant with my daughter.”
The words swirl around in my brain as I try to make sense of them. Ethan obviously isn’t engaged anymore, and he hasn’t mentioned having a daughter. But then again, what do I really know about him? He’s spent half the time since I met him avoiding me, and the other half getting to know my body.
“You have a daughter?” I blurt out.
“Yes, but…” He clears his throat and grabs ahold of my hips.
Worried he’ll try to push me away, I cover his hands with mine and meet his eyes, trying to convey silently I’m not going anywhere.
He gives me a slight nod then starts talking. “When I was fourteen I fell in love with my best friend. Kelsi Sternum.”
I listen as Ethan tells me a beautiful yet heartbreaking love story about him and Kelsi. They met when they were little and she came from a horrible family. His took her in and loved her like their own.
When he gets to the part about her falling pregnant, his eyes glisten at the memory.
He describes how beautiful she was carrying his baby, how she would complain all the time, but he knew she really loved being pregnant.
They set up the nursery, and even though they were scared, they were also excited.
When he gets to the part where he shot a man who was coming off drugs, the tears that were trapped fall.
“Dad didn’t have valet parking,” Ethan explains.
“And security cameras weren’t up yet. Dad and his men searched for days for the guy.
He couldn’t have possibly vanished off the face of the earth.
They searched the hospitals, asked the cops. Nobody had seen him.”
He goes quiet and swallows thickly, and a shiver runs up my spine, realizing this story isn’t going to end well.
“Kelsi was due in a couple weeks and decided to surprise me at work for lunch. She said once the baby came, quiet lunches would cease to exist.” Ethan takes a deep breath, and I remain quiet, allowing him to tell his story at his own pace.
“I walked her out to her car and kissed her goodbye. I even watched her drive away.” He scrubs his hands over his face.
“I was at my desk running some numbers about an hour later when I got a call from the hospital. Kelsi was found on the side of the road in bad shape. According to the guy who called nine-one-one, she was already in that condition when he found her.”
Ethan closes his eyes and a single tear snakes its way down his cheek.
Using my thumb, I swipe it up, which has him reopening his eyes and meeting mine.
“It was Frank,” he says. “Later, we found him and tortured him until he admitted to it. He ran out in front of her car, and when she slammed on her brakes, he yanked her out of it and beat her then left her there.”
I swallow down my gasp, but my hands go to Ethan’s cheeks, needing to touch him in some way to comfort him. The story isn’t over. If she and the baby survived, he wouldn’t be looking at me like he is right now.
“When I got to the hospital, she wouldn’t see me. The nurse took pity on me and told me she lost the baby… our daughter. Her placenta tore from the beating and she didn’t get to the hospital in time.”
“Oh, Ethan.” I try to keep my own tears at bay, but my heart aches for him and everything he’s lost.
“My mom left my dad that night. Said she couldn’t do it anymore. And then Kelsi left me.” Ethan shifts slightly and lifts his shirt to expose his tattoo. “Never forget. It’s to remind me what I lost because of the decisions I made.”
He drops his shirt and pulls me back into his arms.
“Ethan—” I begin, but he cuts me off.
“No, don’t make excuses for me. She asked me to quit. Told me she was scared. I didn’t choose her all those years ago, and we lost our daughter. I don’t know what’s happening between you and me. I’m feeling shit I haven’t felt since Kelsi…”
Ethan takes a deep breath, and his eyes lock with mine. I can feel a shift in his mood. “I failed her, Angel,” he says, his voice filled with raw emotion. “And I’ll be damned if I fail you too. I might not have been able to keep her and our baby safe, but I will keep you safe.”
“That can’t mean taking another person’s life,” I tell him, understanding where he’s going with this.
“As opposed to you being taken and sold as a sex slave?” Ethan scoffs. “I’m not risking it. I’m not risking you. I choose you,” he says with conviction. “I’ll always choose you.”
He won’t fail me.
He chooses me.
He’ll always choose me.
“Ethan,” I breathe. “What are we doing?”
“Right now,” he growls, pulling my face to his. “I’m kissing you.”
Our mouths fuse, and our tongues unite.
Our kiss quickly deepens.
His skilled mouth devours mine, taking my breath away.
My hands roam over his shoulders, down his chest, and over his taut stomach.
I don’t know what it is about Ethan, but when I’m around him, whether it’s watching a movie, or playing Blackjack, or taking a walk down the pier, everything else fades into the background, leaving only Ethan and me, locked away in our own world.
When my shaky hands land on the button of his pants, he freezes and backs up. “Angel,” he murmurs.
“Ethan… I want you.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I open my eyes and find his closed, his face contorted in pain. “You don’t want me?” I ask, trying and failing to keep the hurt out of my voice.
“Are you fucking serious?” he says, his eyes flying open. “Of course I do. Look at you. All sexy and innocent, sitting on my lap like a living, breathing temptation sent from the devil himself.”
“So, then what’s the problem?”
“Let’s take things slow,” he says gently. “We’re just getting to know each other. We have all the time in the world.”
His words hit me like a punch to the gut, but I don’t let him see. Instead I nod and climb off him.
“Nevaeh,” he says, pulling me toward him. We’re both now lying on our sides, facing each other. Ethan is still in his dress pants and shirt, and I’m in a pair of his boxers and shirt. I have my own pajamas, but I love to wear his. They’re soft and comfortable.
“It’s fine,” I say, not wanting to have this conversation.
I’m so in over my head when it comes to this guy.
My body and mind become mush around him, and for some crazy reason, he’s decided he’s going to be the voice of reason.
I roll over, so I’m no longer facing him, and he sighs.
The bed dips slightly, and when I peek over my shoulder, I see he’s gotten up and walked out of the room.
I close my eyes, refusing to let the tears come. Just as I’m falling asleep, the bed dips again, and Ethan wraps his strong arms around my body. “Good night, Angel,” he murmurs. And with a soft kiss to my neck, I fall asleep in Ethan’s hold.
I wake up to find the sun shining through the blinds.
It’s morning. At some point in the middle of the night, I ended up with my head on Ethan’s chest, and my legs intertwined with his.
Not wanting to wake him up, I peel myself from his body and quietly pad to the bathroom to go pee.
After I wash my hands, I head downstairs so I can surprise him with breakfast. It’s Sunday, so he won’t have to go to the club today. Maybe we can hang out or do something.
“Morning,” Raquel says. She’s sitting at the breakfast bar, sipping on a cup of coffee.
“Morning,” I say back. “I’m going to make breakfast for Ethan and me. Would you and Andrew like to join?”
A sad smile mars her face. “I’m not sure if we should…”
“Ethan will forgive you,” I tell her, taking her hands in mine. “You just need to give him time. Explain why you did what you did, and go from there.”
Raquel nods. “Okay.”
While I make enough pancakes, eggs, and bacon to feed an army, Raquel and I chat about her time in the Dominican Republic.
She asks about me, and maybe it’s because I haven’t really had anyone to talk to since everything happened with my brother and mom, but I end up spilling my guts to her.
About my brother’s death, my mom lying to everyone, walking away from her and the church…
“My entire world has revolved around the church and my mother since the day I was born,” I say. “For the first time it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Like the possibilities are endless… But…”
“But you can’t run from your problems because they are a part of you, and until you fully deal with them, they will weigh down on you,” Raquel says, finishing what I was thinking but couldn’t put into words.
“You ran from yours,” a masculine voice says. I turn around to find Ethan leaning against the doorframe. Gray sweatpants hanging low on his hips, and a white T-shirt across his chest. His hair is messy from sleep, and his eyes are hooded over.
“Yes, I did,” Raquel says. “I was speaking from experience.”
“Come sit,” I tell Ethan. “I’m almost done making breakfast.”
When I turn back to the pan, I feel Ethan at my back, his large hands wrapping around my waist, and his chin landing on my shoulder. I freeze in my spot, soaking up his attention. All the years with Gerald and he never made me feel the way Ethan does.
“I woke up without you,” Ethan murmurs into my ear—the disappointment in his voice making me smile.
“I wanted to make breakfast. I was thinking maybe we could do something today.” When he doesn’t say anything, instead nuzzling his face into my hair and planting kisses on my neck, I add, “I know there’s still a threat, but maybe we could bring some of your men and I don’t know… just get out of here.”
When I got home last night, I crossed out Learn to play cards. I still have an entire list of things I want to do and not enough time.
“We can figure something out,” Ethan says, stepping away from me. The warmth from his body leaves mine, and I want to beg him to come back. “Have anything in mind?”