Chapter 15 #2
I toss the last pancake onto the plate and turn the oven off, thinking about my list. A few of the items I can’t do yet, like get married or become a mom.
It’s beautiful outside, so I can’t dance or get kissed in the rain.
We could go skinny-dipping, but we’re not there yet.
Skydiving or going up in a hot air balloon would need to be reserved…
“We could go get tattoos,” I blurt out, and Ethan laughs. “Or, I mean…” I try to think what else is on my list. “Go shooting.” I flinch when I process what I just said. Stephen was killed by a gun, and now the idea of learning to shoot isn’t as appealing. “Or swim with sharks.”
Ethan’s laugh turns into a full-on belly laugh. “That’s quite a list,” he says, his eyes meeting mine. “While we’re at it, why don’t we go skinny-dipping and get a couple piercings?”
Motherfucker! I mean, effer. No! I had it right the first time. Motherfucker! He did see my list. “You saw it!” I accuse, and his eyes widen.
“I’m starved,” he says, snatching the plate from me and setting it on the table.
“Don’t change the subject. You saw my list.”
“What list?” Andrew asks, walking into the kitchen and joining his wife at the breakfast bar. He kisses the top of her head and grabs a piece of bacon, popping it into his mouth.
Not wanting to explain, I shrug and play it off. “Just a list of things I’d like to do.”
Everyone piles the food onto their plates silently. I’m worried the entire breakfast will be awkwardly silent, until Raquel speaks.
“I’m sorry for leaving… for running.” Her eyes meet Ethan’s and he stills in his seat. My hand reaches over and I squeeze his knee, hoping to comfort him. It must work because he sighs softly and his body relaxes.
“I was heartbroken over what happened with Kelsi and the baby, and I reacted.”
“You already had one foot out the door,” he says.
“You’re right. I did,” she admits. “I shouldn’t have run. I should’ve fought harder, for my husband, for my son.”
“You would’ve lost,” Andrew says. “You did what you had to do to feel safe.” He covers his wife’s hand with his own. “You asked me to go legit and I didn’t listen. But I’m listening now, mi amor.” He kisses her lips and my heart picks up speed. I want what they have. The love and connection.
“Just like that?” Ethan asks, but his tone isn’t accusing like it was last night. Instead it’s curious. “Twelve years she’s been gone and you two are acting like she never even left.”
“Life is too short,” Andrew says. “I spent the last twelve years making plenty of money, but I never found the love I had with your mother. My only regret is that I didn’t go to her sooner. No amount of money or success is worth a damn if you don’t have someone to share it with.”
Andrew lets go of Raquel’s hand and leans toward Ethan.
“I was wrong, Son. I taught you that money and power come first. And when your mom left, I was so stuck on my pride, I didn’t show you what a real man would do in that situation.
I should’ve chased after her, begged her to come home.
I should’ve given up my businesses. I should’ve chosen your mother.
It’s twelve years too late, but I am choosing your mom. ”
Ethan’s and my eyes connect.
I choose you. I’ll always choose you.
“It’s not too late,” Raquel says to her husband. “Too late would be if one of us weren’t here, but we are, and we have a second chance.” She turns to Ethan. “And I hope you and I can have a second chance as well.”
Ethan nods once and then clears his throat. “I think that can be arranged.” Then he says to me, “Breakfast was delicious. Why don’t you go take a shower while I clean up and then we’ll head out?”
“Sounds perfect.” I jump from my seat and kiss his cheek. I’m not sure which item on the list we’re going to do, but the prospect of doing any of them has me excited.
After taking a quick shower and getting dressed, I check my phone and find several more missed calls from my mom. Not wanting to put it off any longer, I dial her number.
“Nevaeh,” she cries. “Did you get my messages?”
“I did.”
“Your brother… he’s dead.”
“I know, I heard.”
I shouldn’t be as mad as I am, but I can’t help it. Hearing her cry like she is when she refused to acknowledge my brother as her son for the last several years irritates me. I know she has a right to her feelings, but it still rubs me the wrong way.
“I’ve been in contact with the police and his body wasn’t able to be retrieved. The funeral has been planned for the day after tomorrow at our church.”
“He didn’t even attend your church,” I point out. Stephen had a will, but it didn’t specify the type of funeral he wanted, and since he doesn’t have a wife or children, it makes sense our mom would plan it, but still…
“Nevaeh, now is not the time to be defiant,” Mom snaps, showing her true colors. “When will you be home? I need you here to help.”
“You don’t need me for anything. I’ll be at the funeral. I have to go.”
I hit end on the call, and when it rings, I hit ignore. I wait for her to call back again, but she doesn’t.
Needing to hear my best friend’s voice, I find Blaire’s name on my contact list and hit call. It barely rings once before she answers.
“Nevaeh!” she gasps.
“Hey.”
“Your mom called me. When she couldn’t get a hold of you, she tried me. Is it true? What she said? Is Stephen dead? Did he die in a fire while he was asleep?”
“Yes,” I say softly. The pain in her voice reminds me of the pain I feel. My brother is dead. His heart stopped and it’s never going to beat again.
“I’m so sorry,” Blaire cries. “I hate that you’re not near me right now. I want to hug you.”
I swallow the lump in my throat over missing my best friend. It feels like the day Stephen died, I lost Blaire as well. There are so many lies, so many things I can’t tell her. It’s creating a wall between us.
“The funeral is Tuesday.”
“Your mom told me. You’ll be there, right? You’re coming home?”
“I will be there, but…”
The door opens and in walks Ethan. When his eyes land on my face and he takes in my tear-stained cheeks, he asks, “Everything okay?”
“Hey, Blaire, I’m going to have to call you back.”
“Who was that?” she questions, obviously having heard Ethan’s voice.
“Um, just a friend,” I say, unsure how to explain who or what Ethan is to Blaire without getting the third degree. “I’ll see you Tuesday.”
Before she can argue, I hang up and press the button to power off my phone.
“Who was that?” he asks.
“Blaire. I was calling to tell her about my brother. My mom has arranged the funeral for Tuesday.”
He nods.
“Will you go with me?”
Ethan cuts across the room and pulls me into his arms. “Wherever you want me to be, I’ll be there.”
“Thank you.” I take a breath I didn’t know I was holding in and give him a kiss. “So, what’s the plan for today?”
“It’s a surprise.” His lips curl into a boyish grin. “Pack an overnight bag and hurry, so we’re not late. We have a little bit of a drive ahead of us.”
“We’re leaving New Jersey?”
“We’re not going far, only to New York, but we won’t be back until tomorrow night.”
I can’t help the squeal I release at the thought of getting away.
I went to bed last night mourning my brother all over again, and I know when we get back and I have to go to the funeral I will be mourning him once again, but it will be nice, even for a little bit, to just put my broken heart aside and focus on what he asked of me: Live hard. Love harder.
I look at Ethan and my heart squeezes in my chest. With him by my side, I’m pretty sure I can do both.