Chapter 20 #3
"Why didn't you? Why keep parts of the story a secret when I already knew some of it?"
"I was afraid of what you would think, and I didn't want what was happening between us to end."
She felt warmed by his words, but she wasn't quite ready to just say everything was fine. "What did Wren want this morning?"
"Forgiveness. She wrote a song of apology that needs an ending. That would require me saying I forgive her."
"Can you?" she asked. "She let you ruin your life for her."
"When I told you she was the closest thing I had to family, I wasn't lying.
She wasn't the only one who was broken when we met.
I'd lost my grandfather, the only family I had in the entire world.
I was angry. I got into bar fights. I broke guitars.
I was acting out as much as she was." He drew in a breath.
"Fortunately, I got my act together faster than she did.
By the time I was in my twenties, I was done with all that.
I wanted her to be done, too. I was afraid of where she would end up.
For the most part, she did okay, with a few breakdowns here and there.
But Joel was a bad choice, and he took her right back into the darkness of what she'd suffered as a child. "
She was starting to appreciate the depth of his concern for Wren. "Do you think she's going to be able to hold it together now? Can she stay clean?"
"I don't know. She says she wants to take responsibility for everything. Throw herself on the mercy of the press and her fans, but I'm not entirely sure that isn't just a ploy to get me to come back."
"Are you going to go back?"
He didn't answer right away. Then he said, "I've really started to miss the music the last several weeks, to miss myself.
I felt numb for a long time, almost like I was in a stupor.
That's why I didn't talk to anyone, why I couldn't play, couldn't do anything but refurbish guitars.
I couldn't get any closer to the music that had been such a big part of my life. "
"What changed?"
"An old man walked in front of my car, and a fiery redhead woke me up."
"You didn't like me at first."
"You felt dangerous to me, and you weren't that thrilled with me, either."
"That's true. I thought you were shady. But then I saw you with Walter, and we started spending time together, and I realized your story was more complex. I saw the good in you. I saw your heart. And I knew you hadn't told me the entire story." She paused. "What did you tell Wren this morning?"
"I told her I wanted her to be healthy and happy and that I thought she should become a solo artist. She was always the star. Her voice is mesmerizing, and her fans will be back for her. They don't need me to be there."
"But she does."
"That's what she said. But we've been each other's crutch for too long.
It's time we both stood on our own. I think it would be good for her to own up, because that's the only way she's really going to be free of her guilt.
She doesn't need my forgiveness; she needs to be responsible for her actions. "
"You've already forgiven her," she said, seeing the truth in his eyes. "And I get it now. You both had hard lives. You know where she comes from. She knows where you come from. There's a bond between you."
"A family bond. I want the best for her, but I can't enable her anymore."
"No, you can't. Everyone has to choose the life they want to live. I have seen the dark side of addiction far too many times, and the hopeless heartbreak of those who try to get someone they love on the right track. It never seems to work until that person makes the choice."
"I agree." He gave her a long look and said, "That's it. That's the whole story."
"Thank you for telling me. I think what you did was wrong. But I also have a fierce love for my friends and my family, and I can't say I wouldn't do the same if I felt their life was in jeopardy, so even though I don't agree with it, I understand."
"I appreciate that."
"But I heard you play your guitar at the beach, Jax. Do you really want to walk away from the music? Could you go out on your own?"
"My reputation is shredded."
"It won't be if Wren tells the truth."
"I think her version of the truth might not be enough, but I have to say, it is a thought that has crossed my mind. But the deal Clay has is for both of us. I called him after Wren left and told him to ask Silverstone to make the offer to her alone."
"I'm sure he wasn't happy to hear that. And I bet Wren was disappointed, too. You're not worried about whether or not that will trigger another episode?"
"I'm not going to say I didn't think about it, but Wren needs to be her own woman. You made me realize that."
"Me?" she asked in surprise.
"Yes. You're strong and independent. You don't need anyone."
"That's not true. I needed you when I went to see my father."
"You could have gone on your own, and you would have been fine if I hadn't been there. I wanted to go with you because you take care of everyone, and I thought it was time someone was there for you."
"People are there for me, Jax. I could have called one of my friends."
"I know. I guess I wanted to be the one to support you, and I wanted to spend time with you."
"I wanted to spend the time with you, too."
"So, what do you think about spending more time together?"
She considered that question for long enough that his gaze filled with worry.
"If you don't want to, I understand," he said quickly.
"I'm not proud of anything I've done in the last year.
And my future is very much up in the air.
Maybe someday I'll go out on my own. Who knows?
My future is still a big question mark, which is why I really shouldn't ask you to be a part of it.
If you would prefer to end this now, I will walk away.
I want you to be happy, Kaia. I want that more than anything, to be honest. But it's your decision. "
Before she could answer, her phone rang. "Hi, Walter," she said.
"Reina has to get going," he told her.
"We'll be right there," she said, getting to her feet. "Walter is ready to leave."
"Did he say what happened?"
"No. But I hope this isn't the end."
"I hope it's not the end, too," he said heavily, sending her a look that told her he wasn't just talking about Walter.