Chapter 34
Nic
Sienna is the only person of the group I know, albeit in a different context. It’s always strange to meet a former client outside of my practice. I’ve seen Stella on screen, and I loved the movie about Justine Blackburn’s life—and have nothing but respect for her work.
I haven’t met a new flame’s friends in decades and this particular situation has a lot of potential for tension because of the circumstances under which I met their friend. Yet it’s also interesting to meet Avery’s friends and to witness how she interacts with them, and vice versa.
We’ve gathered in Avery’s backyard. Justine sits opposite me, wearing an inquisitive—or possibly accusatory—frown that’s been there since she arrived.
“To Avery and Nic.” Sienna lifts her glass of champagne. “An even more unlikely couple than Justine and me.”
This makes Justine chuckle.
“I think Kate and I will always win when it comes to that,” Stella says. Kate used to be married to Stella’s brother, so there’s not much to argue with there.
“To three unlikely couples then.” Avery tilts her champagne flute filled with sparkling water toward me.
“How long have you been together?” I make sure to look Justine straight in her piercing blue eyes.
“Almost three years,” Justine says.
“Justine didn’t do relationships when she met me.” Sienna puts a hand on Justine’s shoulder. “But she soon realized the error of her ways.”
“I didn’t have time for them.” Justine smiles at Sienna and something seems to loosen in her body.
“I made her make time.” Sienna winks at her partner.
“I’ve never been much of a relationship type either,” Avery says.
“Until I told you to go see my shrink, bitch,” Sienna says.
Justine rolls her eyes at me. “I hate it when they call each other bitch,” she says to me. “I might be too old to get it, so I’ve just accepted it.”
“Avery calls me Dr. Cougar,” I say.
Justine laughs heartily at that. “We can’t deny that we’re a few years older.”
The other four launch into some banter of their own—the word ‘bitch’ flying around like it’s the world’s most exquisite term of endearment to address a friend with. Justine’s face tightens again when she looks at me.
“I assume you know what my work is?” she asks.
“Of course.” I nod.
“I work with teens and young adults who have been let down by the responsible adults in their lives in ways you can’t possibly imagine.”
“Sure.” Thirty years of being a therapist hasn’t exactly shown me the glory of humankind on a daily basis either.
“All cougar-jokes aside,” Justine says. “You and I are a lot older, but I witness every day how older does not necessarily equal wiser.”
I also have enough experience to clearly see the point Justine is trying to make. But I let her make it because, most of the time, that’s what my job is—or was.
“I know you didn’t take advantage of Avery. I wouldn’t be here if you had, but… that doesn’t mean I don’t have some questions about the ethics of it all.”
It’s different explaining this to someone in a friendly setting than to a sterile board—scarier.
“What I did was wrong, but I—”
Avery, who appears to have been listening to our conversation, cuts me off. “It wasn’t wrong. Not from my point of view.” Her tone is sharp, like she’s more than ready to do battle for me.
“That’s because you got to sleep with your therapist,” Sienna says. I’m no longer sure she’s joking. Sienna is a former client and she has every right to be upset, but she’s also one of Avery’s closest friends.
“In a therapeutic context,” I say in my calm counselor voice. “It was and will always be wrong. But, obviously, it was also much more than that. In our case, it’s simply not as black-and-white.”
“It’s gray like a cougar, you mean?” Kate interjects.
“Our cougars are not gray,” Avery chimes in, letting me know that earlier chip has disappeared from her shoulder.
I glance at Justine, who does not strike me as the type of woman who gets an overly-priced Hollywood hair-dye job to eliminate the gray from her hair. Despite the life she’s had—of which I saw glimpses in Gimme Shelter—barely any gray strands peek through her ash-blond hair.
“What I’m trying to say,” Kate continues. “Is that we’re all more than familiar with the gray areas of love—and life.”
“Well said, babe,” Stella says. “I will so have another baby with you.”
“I’m sorry for being such a bitch, bitch,” Sienna says to Avery.
“I totally get that you’re jealous I got to sleep with our shrink and you didn’t.”
“Oh, fuck.” Sienna turns to me. “Don’t you find her impossible to have a profound conversation with?”
Apart from our first few sessions, profound conversation isn’t really what Avery and I have excelled at during these first weeks of our relationship.
“She certainly has a knack for deflection, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” I put my hand on Avery’s back so she knows I’m not having a dig at her in front of her friends.
“You seem different,” Justine says, resting her gaze on Avery.
“I recommend therapy for everyone, although let’s not all start sleeping with our therapists.” Avery leans into my hand.
This earns a round of laughter, and I’m happy for Avery because she hasn’t introduced a special someone to her friends in a long time.
“What will you do?” Justine, always ready to get serious again, asks me. “Will you retire?”
“I’m a bit young to do nothing, but I don’t know yet.”
“Maybe you should come by the shelter sometime,” Sienna says. “There are plenty of mental health issues to deal with there.”
“Babe.” Justine gives Sienna a look, then turns back to me. “I wasn’t asking you to volunteer,” she says. “I’m genuinely curious.”
“It hasn’t been the most well-considered decision I made in my life.
” I can be honest among Avery’s friends.
“I’ll take some time and see what I come across.
Whether I have a license to practice or not, there are many people in need of psychological help,” I repeat what I told myself the other night.
I glance from Justine to Sienna and back.
“But, of course, I will visit the shelter.”
“Thank you.” Justine’s tone is much warmer than before.
“You could consult on movies,” Kate says.
“I bet you could write a book,” Stella adds. “Or teach.”
I’m not sure my fall from professional grace makes me the most ideal candidate for a teaching position, but I happily let them brainstorm future careers for me.
“Is it the one-on-one relationship with a client that is the most satisfying to you?” Justine asks.
I nod slowly. “Yes, but not just the relationship. It’s the privilege of witnessing someone in their most unguarded state.
When they’re not performing or pretending, but really trying to understand themselves better.
” I take a beat. “It’s messy and hard, but there’s such beauty in the effort and in being allowed to see that up close.
And in being part of such an important process for another human being. ”
This time, Avery folds her arm around my neck.
“People tell me things they don’t tell another living soul. To build that kind of trust with someone is very special.”
“Don’t you ever get sick of people’s endless whining about themselves, though?” Sienna asks. Her father’s sudden death a few years ago, despite their distant relationship, completely destabilized her for a while.
“Never,” I say, shooting her a big, fat wink. “It’s the job.” And I love it, I don’t say out loud, because of Avery—although I will have to learn to also share this with her. Because I will miss my job.
“To Avery and Nic.” Sienna lifts up her glass again, although it’s empty this time. She stares into it ostentatiously.
“Hold on.” Avery grabs the bottle of champagne and fills Sienna’s glass to the absolute brim.
“Now I must drink before I toast you.” Sienna gingerly sips from her glass. “Okay, now I can say it.” She lifts her glass again. “To unlikely beginnings that turn into something wonderful. To owning our choices. And to love—however it finds us.”
No one makes a joke or deflects. We just let Sienna’s lovely words hang between us in the soft Los Angeles air for a moment.
Avery leans in closer. “I think they like you, Dr. Cougar,” she whispers loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Thank fuck for that,” I say—in Lois’s honor—and clink my glass against hers.