Chapter 15 #2
“Are you sure you don’t have internal damage? He kicked your ass, huh. Considering that you did it because you defended someone ‘just like all the others,’ it’s a little weird, don’t you think?” he mocked me with an amused smile.
“What the fuck are you saying? Go home, Jax.” We burst out laughing.
“See you at school.”
He flung the bathroom door open and a second later I stood alone, grabbing the sink.
My head was spinning. Like always. First the beer, then the weed. I had to eat something and take a painkiller.
I heard alternating voices in the distance, Will still sounding angry, and finally Jackson’s voice in the hall.
“It’s all your fault, June White,” I muttered, staring at my reflection.
Because of that insufferable princess, I’d fought with Will again.
Twice in one day. That had never happened before.
And he still had an issue with me. Why didn’t he understand that we, his friends, came first, and then her?
What was the point of putting her first if he’d only met her a month ago?
She’d turn her back on him at the first sign of trouble.
I was sure about that. I thought about my plan again.
Maybe Jackson wasn’t all wrong—my plan was extreme—but if I went through with it I’d put her to the test and understand if she was worthy of my trust. And consequently, see if she was worthy of William. I was at a crossroads.
I didn’t understand why Will would want to be with her and worry about anyone other than him sleeping with her. Marvin and I had been with the same girls a million times and nobody ever complained. Would it really be so wrong this time?
Was what she and I did behind Will’s back wrong? I remembered when Marvin floored the elementary school teacher in religion class by asking a weird question.
If heaven didn’t exist, what was the point of being good?
I thought about that a lot. We were eleven, and that afternoon we were about to steal from the store near the skate park just for fun since we didn’t need money.
Jackson had turned red from embarrassment.
It was impossible to do it with him; William on the other hand always went too far.
He always filled his pockets too much. Marvin was the perfect right-hand man.
“If Jesus doesn’t exist, then I’ll steal a bottle of vodka too,” he said, making me laugh.
We drank two sips, no more, then we ended up throwing up in his backyard behind the garden.
It seemed like the worst thing we could do in our lives. How wrong I was. The truth was that whether or not I thought about heaven or hell didn’t change anything. Doing the wrong thing was always exciting for me, so I would always do it. Regardless.
Then when hell showed up in my life there was no more room for stupid little shit. I had to cast my net wider with the sole aim of defending myself and the others around me.
I went down to the kitchen and leaned on the kitchen sink then pulled my phone out of my pants pocket. Did you have fun at camp? Jasper sent me a string of alternating emojis of vomiting and parties. His typical sarcasm. I guess not. Any pretty girls at least?
He answered with a smile emoji.
Jasper: You?
Hunter: You know I have too many, Jas
He sent me a sun followed by a white heart. What did that mean?
I looked up as she walked into the kitchen.
Hunter: White’s too old for you
I sent it.
Though maybe she was too much full stop.
“Are you okay?” asked the busybody when she noticed that I was massaging my side insistently.
Now I was going to kick her out.
“Mind your own fucking business.”
She threw the phone onto the table and came close, putting her hands into her hoodie sleeves. Wasn’t she in her pajamas before? Why the fuck was she wearing one of Will’s hoodies now?
Ignore her.
I turned around, and opened a pack of chocolate muffins. Smoking always made me hungry, so much so that I could eat a whole pizza even if I hadn’t worked out.
“Look, can I take the sofa bed?”
“No.”
I had no idea what she was talking about, but I’d answer her like that regardless.
“Okay, so I’ll sleep here,” she murmured, pointing at the living room couch. I looked up and noticed that she looked terrified. Damn it, and here I wanted to ignore her.
“What happened with Will? Did he kick you out?”
I feigned indifference.
“He doesn’t wanna talk. He seems angry.”
I walked around her to avoid her curious glances, then sat down on the couch.
“He’s angry with you, so thank you so much for ruining the night. Move over,” she said, pointing at where I was sitting.
Go fuck yourself.
I lifted my chin and looked right into her eyes. “No.”
“You never sleep on this couch, and of course you have to be on it the night I’m here?”
“I just got into a fight with Will, dumbass. I don’t feel like going upstairs.”
“What happened? What’s your problem?” she asked, furrowing her brows.
“My fucking god, do you want me to be a broken record, White?”
“How’s Jasper?”
I groaned and looked away.
“You’re a damn pest.”
“And you’re spilling crumbs everywhere.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked defiantly, before crumpling the rest of the muffin right on her head.
“You’re an idiot! Cut it out,” she shouted, cleaning the chocolate crumbs out of her hair.
“I will. Can you quit fucking around for two minutes in a row?” I confronted her.
“And can you be polite for even a second?”
“Yeah, sure. Get me a beer.”
I was sure she’d slap me from one moment to the next. Instead, she burst out laughing.
“That’s hilarious,” I heard her say.
“Does it look like I’m laughing?”
“It just looks like you’re a dick,” she replied fearlessly.
I threw the muffin box on the table because I needed both hands free.
I grabbed her sides, threw her on the couch, and forced her to lie down.
I always told her to sharpen her reflexes, but they ended up not being that bad. She had potential using the punching bag, and it also would’ve helped her learn to defend herself.
“Never try to insult me,” I whispered onto her face.
And before she could react, I blocked her with both hands on the sides of her head. Her chest rose and fell increasingly fast.
“And don’t you ever try to give me orders again,” she said.
“You’re not special, White.”
I licked my lower lip when my gaze fell on her full lips.
I have to delete that picture.
“Do you know how to say anything else or is it always the same song and dance?” She confronted me.
I squeezed her arm. I heard her groan, but she was too proud to admit I was hurting her.
“Let me go.”
“Or what, princess?”
“Do you want another one? Didn’t you get hit enough today?” She provoked me despite her arms being immobilized.
I pressed my hard chest against hers. I looked down, and noticed her breasts under the shirt, which was exactly what I didn’t want to feel or see right then.
Maybe she was totally sexy under there, but how could anyone know for sure if she insisted on covering up all the time?
I pulled away and sat down a safe distance away from her. I needed to smoke.
I took a packet of weed from my pocket while she stared at the movements of my hands. She seemed hypnotized by them, and I couldn’t help but wonder why.
Maybe she liked rings, or they annoyed her.
Why was I wasting time thinking about this bullshit when Austin had smashed my head in? If he’d wanted to, he very well could’ve killed me. For what, then?
Just when I reached the conclusion that I wanted to stay away from her after the night at her house, I found myself imprisoned by the desire to protect her.
I thought bringing her to Austin’s house would be fun, but in the end I made sure nobody would hurt her. That was definitely a problem. Looking at her inevitably made me think about my plan again.
Because ultimately the princess might not be easy prey. Or maybe she would be?
This curiosity didn’t make sense. Also I’d never get into bed with someone who dressed and acted so ridiculously. I turned to her and she immediately tore her eyes from my lips.
Her blond hair glided down her back. It was thinner than Sammy’s and messier than Taylor’s. Her eyes were cerulean like the other girls’. except they were bigger and made me feel vulnerable. Too clear; so light that they scared me. They seemed like they could expose my soul.
I moistened my lips while I put the weed in the paper.
She looked down at her knees, but her shy behavior didn’t last long. She was looking at me again.
“So much work to create something that only ends up harming you,” she said, pointing at my hands.
I shook my head, repressing a sneer.
Who knew what it would be like to chase her down until she fell into my trap.
It was her scent, the good girl behavior—but we all know good girls don’t exist.
I have to delete that photo.
“Are you listening to me, James?” she asked.
And when she started talking to me again, she reminded me why I couldn’t stand her.
Even if she was the ripest fruit in the garden, even if Will had never existed, how many thorns did I have to endure to be able to have a small taste?
“Why’d you do it?” I heard her ask after a little bit.
“What?”
“Why’d you fight with Will?”
Jesus, shut up.
“First Austin, then the principal, now you.” I listed my reasons in a detached voice.
“Me?” She scowled.
“Will’s under pressure, don’t you fucking get it?”
“And what does that have to do with me?”
“You shouldn’t be here with me,” I said urgently.
“I’m capable of choosing where I should be.”