Chapter 15
James
Don’t poke the bear.
There was never a more apt proverb to describe Will. A moment ago, he and June were looking at each other with their eyes half open, their cheeks flushed, and their lips covered in kisses, like he was the calmest person in the world, and a second later he was at war again.
And I wanted him to understand that I wasn’t the issue; it was that insufferable little blond chatterbox. Did he really think I gave a fuck about her? His hormones were getting to his head. There was no other explanation.
“Will, is that why you insisted on me bringing Sammy?”
He shook his head. He’d had enough of me. He didn’t like the joke about sharking girls, as right as it was, but the truth was that I wanted to test the waters. That assertion and the reaction that followed made me understand something fundamental: He was jealous, and he really did like her.
The situation was much worse than I’d thought.
“Come on, what the fuck, Will. I was joking. Are you really scared that I want to bang her?”
“Jeez, am I the only one here not thinking with his dick?” spat Jackson, who still didn’t understand my true intentions.
Will got worked up when I mentioned her, but now he was getting too upset. He even pushed Jackson.
“Drop it. It’s my thing. Can you manage that for once?” Will asked me angrily.
I smoked furiously, and the bitter heat of the marijuana burned in my chest, setting off a pleasurable pain.
“Can I trust you, James?”
I couldn’t believe it. William calling me, his best friend, into question over her, someone he’d just met.
“Fuck, Will.”
“What?”
“Yeah, you can trust me, but do you hear yourself?” I exclaimed indignantly.
“You always beat around the bush.”
Yeah, but maybe Will didn’t understand something really simple.
“William, you know that if I wanted to, I would’ve banged her by now.” Jackson raised an eyebrow. He seemed to anticipate Will’s reaction.
“Like you did with Ari? Is that what you mean, James? That nobody can resist you? Or say no to you?”
“Of course they can say no to me, but if they don’t, how the fuck is it my fault?” I asked.
“Will, she never even considered you,” Jackson corrected, referring to Ari.
Will was still living in his fairy-tale world.
He thought they’d last forever just because Ari was his first time. If he knew that I’d turned her down for two years in a row before I slept with her just for fear of him flipping out when he found out we were together he probably wouldn’t treat me so condescendingly. I put the joint out.
“Enough bullshit. We can joke, fight, but there’s one thing we all have to agree on,” I burst out, catching both their attention. They were the only people I cared about enough to throw gas on myself and light myself on fire for without thinking about it. Along with Jasper.
But now because of a girl, Will was starting to lack the group spirit. I couldn’t stand that.
I put one hand on the nape of Jackson’s neck and the other on Will’s head to bring our foreheads together.
“We three are all that matters.”
Will broke our eye contact first.
“Yeah, okay, but you’re not talking about just any girl, you’re talking about June.”
“Again with this shit, Will? I’m talking about friendship, which is important. Much more important than a notch on a bedpost.”
“I don’t just want that from June.”
“Oh, yeah, right. She’s special,” I teased, turning on a vape pen.
I wanted to change the subject, but William was stubborn.
“She’s special. And you don’t understand shit,” he insisted.
Maybe not, but I had the eyes to see how June White looked at me.
“She isn’t special, Will, she’s just like all the others.”
William didn’t seem to understand that her moral character was so strong that she’d never get past what we did. She’d go to the police in a heartbeat.
“Do you mean the others that prefer you to me, James?”
The truth was that I didn’t want Will to get hurt by her or by anyone else. Nor did I want him to trust a meddler he’d only known for a month.
But how the fuck could I tell him that?
I knew June White. I’d felt her with my hands.
Her body temperature changed when I was next to her.
And I’d seen it with my own eyes. Her lower lip trembled if I got too close to her.
She wanted to act tough, but she was just like all the others.
No more, no less. Maybe I should’ve shown that to him too.
I had to bang her and then tell William, so he’d finally understand who he was dealing with.
“I care about her, James.”
I didn’t see that confession coming.
“Do you love her?”
“I don’t know.”
For Christ’s sake. That wasn’t enough.
He was still leaning on the windowsill. A light breeze came through the open shutter, assuaging my boiling-hot body. The bruises still hurt, making the hot sensation that suddenly overtook me and the bursts of heat insufferable at the most inappropriate times too.
“You don’t know, Will? Are you kidding?” I got angry.
He turned away to the door, so I ran after him and blocked him. “No, no. Hey, Will, stop.”
He broke free of my grip, but I forced him to look me in the eye.
“Are you in love with her, William?”
The problem wasn’t that Will fell in love easily. It was his mood swings that prevented me from figuring out his next move.
What if he told her too much? We’d all end up in deep shit.
“I told her things, stuff I’ve never told anyone.”
“What the fuck did you say to her? Do you think making her feel bad for you will get her into bed?” I snarled furiously.
I didn’t want to talk to him like that, but my judgment was clouded. Will didn’t push me hard, but I lost my balance, and my back slammed against the cold tiles.
“For fuck’s sake, James!” yelled Jackson, following William with his eyes while he stormed out of the bathroom.
“What the fuck was I supposed to say to him? You know how he gets, don’t you? He thinks she’s the love of his life for a few months, then he’ll drop her without even giving her a fucking explanation.”
“Maybe it’s different this time.”
Jackson looked down dejectedly, and we were both overwhelmed by the same memory.
“And what if she was the one who hurt him?”
“Are you afraid he’ll fuck up again like he did that time with Ari?” asked Jackson without lifting his head up.
How could anyone make me forget how my best friend tried to end it all after his first heartbreak? He locked himself in the bathroom, filled up on pills, and almost ended up in a drug-induced coma.
“Look, Jax, I was thinking—”
His gaze turned back to me, and his aquamarine eyes started shining, maybe under the influence of mine.
“This idea has been swirling around in my head.”
“Let’s hear it,” he urged.
“It’s a little extreme, but you know what they say . . .”
“Don’t beat around the bush, James.”
“What if I slept with her?”
“You. Are. Insane,” he pronounced clearly, flailing his arms.
“Listen, we can’t trust her. The only way is to hit Will over the head with the truth.”
“What the hell’s gotten into your head, James?”
“Before he completely falls for that pain in the ass I’ll make a move, and she’ll be game. Will is gonna understand that she doesn’t give a fuck about him, and he’ll leave her. I’ll have saved him from getting screwed over and future problems.”
“And who told you that she’d be interested? It’s not like everyone drools over you. Maybe Will actually likes her.”
How could I make Jackson understand that the innocent-seeming young lady thinks about me before going to sleep?
“Will definitely likes her, but that’s not the point. I don’t want him to get too involved, and imagine when they break up—do you think she won’t start talking? Maybe to get back at him? It’s better to get rid of her now.”
And then, if things went sideways, who the fuck would protect her from that slimeball Austin?
Jackson was clearly stunned. He couldn’t believe his ears.
“So do you want to break them up? What kind of fucking idea is that?”
The ends justify the means. Besides, she’ll only stop being in danger if she doesn’t hang out with us.
“They won’t be as bad afterward. It’s the best idea.” I nodded, convinced.
“Yeah, but think about it—you’re the only one who gains anything from it because you’ll be the one banging her.”
“Are you nuts, Jax? Do you think I want to bone her? I’d do it for Will.”
Jackson was literally burning me with his wide eyes.
“It just takes a kiss. That’s already cheating, isn’t it?” I asked, as if I wasn’t used to the monogamous practices of couples in love.
“Yeah, but Will’s gonna feel like you betrayed him.”
“No, but he’ll understand that I did it for him. I want to demonstrate that she’s a waste of time. That she’d have no issues banging his best friend while William almost sacrificed our friendship.”
I understood from his sharp gaze that Jackson doesn’t approve in the least. He looked pissed.
“Yeah, you’d show him she’s not trustworthy while making the same mistake yourself. You’d look untrustworthy to Will.”
“Maybe you didn’t understand me.” I got serious, getting close enough to him to whisper. “I’ve had plenty of opportunities to bang her, but I stopped myself.”
There was one thing I had no doubt about: I would’ve never betrayed Will. Never. I definitely couldn’t say the same about him, because he was unstable and unreliable, but that didn’t mean I loved him any less.
“I didn’t want to betray his trust,” I admitted quietly.
“That’s the result you’d get if you did that, James. William would go ballistic if you did something like that to him.”
“A kiss is just a kiss,” I burst out sharply.
“Not everyone thinks that way. It’s cheating.”
“Fuck, that’s not cheating. I’m not turning my back on him or hurting him. It’s just a fucking girl, they’re not even together. It’s not cheating.”
“Look, cut the bullshit. We have to find another way, that’s too drastic. I’m leaving now. If I get home late today my grandma will explode.”
Jackson hit me on the back so hard that I whimpered in pain.