4. Chapter 4
Chapter 4
Matt
M y finger hovered over the delete profile button on my phone screen. I rested my head against the back of the rocking chair and scrubbed a hand over my jaw. Last night my youngest sister called to apologize for the hundredth time this weekend for the way things had worked out with our family vacation this year. As in, it wasn’t happening.
Madison and Grace’s kids all had summer activities they couldn’t get away from. Shelby was working two jobs trying to pay off the student loans for the degree she didn’t finish. Mom and dad said it just didn’t feel right if everyone else couldn’t come. I didn’t have the heart to tell any of them how much I needed this vacation more than ever. Just a couple more weeks and then I would be back home with all of them. Was it really that important that we all be together for vacation this year? It’s not like this was our only opportunity to spend time together before we went our separate ways until the holidays.
Last night the emptiness of the cabin got to me. I had watched the clock hit midnight only to realize that it was the first birthday I’d ever spent alone. Happy birthday to me. Another year older and no closer to where I thought I would be by now.
I thought I would be married by now, maybe even have a couple of kids. My wife and I would have moved back to Georgia, back to our hometown so our kids could grow up surrounded by our families. I would be established in my dream job, would be the teacher all the kids loved.
This week marked a change in my life, a new step in the direction I wanted it to go after feeling stalled for so long. I may not be married, may not have kids, but things were finally falling into place with my career. The house I had bought with my ex was sold and packed up, ready for me to move out when I got back at the end of the week. At least I would be back to being surrounded by my family soon. Lost in the thoughts of all the things I wanted, all the changes happening, I downloaded a dating app last night. I don’t know what I was thinking. I hadn’t been on a first date since high school and everyone around here was on vacation. It was midnight and I was sad, of course I hadn’t been thinking at all.
The thought that anyone I met here would be a one time thing didn’t hit me until now, hence the sudden reconsideration. I don’t do one time things. My ex had been my high school sweetheart, my first everything, my only everything.
Maybe that’s what I needed, someone to get past the daunting first step of getting back out there that I had been putting off. I would never have to worry about running into them again after I embarrassed myself. Because I would embarrass myself. My winning moves involved passing a note in class that said “do you like me? Check yes or no.”
Okay, so no, that wasn’t what I actually did, but it might as well have been.
I blew out a breath and looked back at the delete button on my screen. A notification popped up alerting me to a new message. I opened it. I would let her down gently and then delete my profile.
Riley H
Good morning!
So, teaching and music? Does that mean you’re a music teacher?
The message was simple. I opened her profile. I remembered seeing her while swiping last night. She was pretty in a gentle girl next door kind of way. She looked like someone that would be easy to talk to. In all her pictures her curly brown hair was pulled back from her face, a gentle smile on her full lips, and soft kind brown eyes. Her face was angled in each like she was trying to hide her nose.
I scrolled down to the about me section.
Riley H.
27
5’7”
Looking for: casual
About me: I’m a teacher. Spend most of my free time with my sister, who is also my best friend. My sister is making me do this.
I didn’t remember that last part being there last night. I chuckled lightly as I imagined Shelby making me create a dating profile. She would probably put something in my bio about her being my best friend.
Good morning, Riley
I sent the response before I could think about it. There was something about the woman in the pictures that made me think maybe this could be just what I needed. She was a teacher and close to her sister, two things we had in common already. If her sister was making her do this did that mean she also wasn’t very good at this sort of thing? I remembered the question in her message and typed out another response.
Band teacher, actually.
I drummed my fingers against my leg. I should ask a question about her. My brain went back to the part about her sister. I could relate to that.
So, your sister is making you do this?
Her answers came through quickly.
Band teacher/ music teacher…Aren’t those the same thing?
Yes, she says I need to meet people and have some fun.
I chuckled. Music teacher was a general term, someone who taught kids about music and how to read it. As a band teacher I taught kids how to play instruments. Since graduating college, I had been working as an assistant band director at a high school. This year I would finally get to live my dream of teaching middle school back in my hometown. It seemed like such a small dream to have, but it had been mine since I was a kid. I would get to be the person to teach kids how to play for the first time, giving them the skills they would need if they chose to continue on with band in high school and college. I would get to be the person that helped them fall in love with making music.
I opted not to tell her. I didn’t need to scare her off with how much of a nerd I am when we had barely even started a conversation.
Just like that we slipped into easy conversation, chatting all day about small things. Our messages were flying back and forth so quickly most of the time I didn’t have time to lock my phone before a new one appeared. Before I knew it the day had slipped into late afternoon, and I hadn’t left the cabin. My stomach rumbled letting me know that the only thing I’d had to eat today was a cup of coffee and birthday cake.
I should go get something to eat.
I’m being told that I’ve been on my phone too much today, my brother and sister are putting me in time out. Sorry if I don’t respond for a little while.
As much as I was enjoying talking to her, I was glad for the forced break.
I guess we have been talking a lot today. It’s been nice. Be good and maybe they’ll let you out early? Talk to you later.
Following instructions has never been one of my strengths.
I resisted the urge to respond, knowing that if I did we both might not take the break we needed to. This isn’t going anywhere ; I had to remind myself.
***
I have officially eaten my weight in smores and hot dogs. My sister made me clean up after everyone before she let me have my phone back.
I have an important question.
How roasted do you make your marshmallows?
On what scale?
1 being just starting to turn brown and 10 being burnt to a crisp.
10 all the way. The only right way is to stick it in there until it catches on fire. It gets perfectly burnt on the outside and gooey in the middle.
Hmm…I’m starting to doubt that this might work out.
THE ONLY RIGHT WAY
The right way is to hover it over the flames until it’s a caramel color.
You’re right, this isn’t going to work out. I can’t have fun with someone that likes their marshmallows rare.
Says the person that insists on turning them into ash.
I’m right. You’re just going to have to trust me.
Until I can prove you wrong. I’ll teach the right way to roast a marshmallow someday.
I don’t think you can, but you can try.
Does your cabin have a porch?
I’m sitting on it right now. How about you?
Me too. The stars here are beautiful. I wish I could bring this view home with me.
I have a confession to make.
I’m not good at casual.
Or not casual.
My fingers fumbled my phone, sending it bouncing across the deck until it landed face down a few feet away. I leaned forward in the rocking chair, resting my elbows on my knees and dropping my head into my hands. There it was. She was going to try to let me down easily. I should have done it this morning before I spent all day talking to her.
I tapped my fingertips against my forehead. My heart thudded against my chest and my mouth went dry while I stared at my silent phone where it lay. Today may not have been the day I had expected or hoped for. I couldn’t deny that I kept catching myself checking outside to see if my family had decided to surprise me today. I hadn’t even let myself plan anything to get out of the cabin just in case. Talking to Riley had been a nice distraction.
No, not a distraction. Things may have started out that way but somewhere along the way today I started looking forward to a new message from her, opening those notifications faster than the ones from my friends and families. Less than a day and here I was already getting attached to her.
That’s me. The guy that always gets attached too fast. I couldn’t do casual because I didn’t have a casual bone in my body.
I stared at my phone, willing another notification to come through. Nothing happened.
That was fine. I should just get ahead of this now. I didn’t have to wait on her to do it, it was obvious where she was going with those messages. I blew out a long breath and forced myself to pick up my phone. A thin crack stretched diagonally across the screen. Just great, this screen protector had only been on for a week.
I understand. Thank you for talking to me today.
Three dots danced across the screen stopping me from sending anything else. I watched them appear, disappear, and reappear a few times. I held my breath and sent a silent plea that her next message didn’t say what I was expecting.
This is going to sound stupid, but maybe we can keep messaging while we’re here? I did enjoying talking to you today
…and it’ll keep my sister off my back.
Oh.
Okay.
It wasn’t exactly great, but I would take it. She had added the part about keeping her sister off her back almost as an afterthought. She enjoyed talking to me. I couldn’t decide if it was mixed signals or her not being willing to admit that there was something here.
***
I woke up the next morning to my phone on my pillow, the battery dead from me falling asleep messaging Riley. I reached for the glasses on my nightstand after plugging my phone up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and focused on the time glowing on the digital clock. 5 o’clock. I had only been asleep for four hours. I pulled off my glasses and rolled over. I tossed and turned for an hour trying to get myself back to sleep before giving up. The faint light of dawn glowed around the curtains when I pushed myself out of bed.
I walked to the kitchen, popping a coffee pod into the machine to brew while I warmed a breakfast sandwich in the microwave. I booted up my phone as I waited for my breakfast. There was one more message from Riley.
Thank you for talking to me today. It was nice.
She just wanted to keep talking because it would keep her sister off her back, I reminded myself. That’s all this was.
I pictured that soft smile and kind eyes as I read her simple words. She had no idea that I was the one who had needed yesterday, had needed someone that was so easy to talk to. I had been so upset at the thought of spending my birthday not surrounded by family for the first time in my life and needed the distraction to make me forget about that.
I typed out a quick good morning message to her, sending it even though she was probably still sleeping. She had told me last night that she was a night owl and not a morning person. I was an awake at all times type of person, there was never enough time in the day to do everything I wanted. I stayed awake until I crashed and woke up with the sun every day. It wasn’t healthy to run on how little sleep I did, I knew that but nothing I tried ever fixed it. If I stopped taking my ADHD medication I could sometimes get in little more sleep, but the amount wasn’t worth giving up because of how much the medication helped me focus. With the medication at least I could focus enough to finish things instead of skipping around leaving behind a trail of unfinished projects.
On the back porch I settled into a rocking chair with my breakfast, snapping a quick photo for Riley of the sunrise. My mind wandered to what she would look like next to me taking in the beauty of the mountain sunrise. One day of texting and I was already picturing her as part of my life.
Don’t take this seriously , I told myself. It didn’t matter if she was easy to talk to, she was just temporary. She had told me that she wasn’t looking for a relationship right now several times yesterday. I lied to both of us saying that I wasn’t either.
I Googled hiking trails nearby as the pinks and oranges of the sunrise faded away. Photos of a rocky overlook at the top of the mountain filled my screen. The trail looked easy enough and was one of the highest rated for the area. I saved the trail map to my phone.
Good morning. ?? You weren’t kidding about waking up early.
I’m being forced to go ziplining with my family today. They have all informed me that there will be no phone service. I promise I’m not ignoring you if you don’t hear from me for a while.
***
Ziplining was as much fun as I remember it being. I think the best part was getting to watch my nephew experiencing it for the first time.
Sounds like something I need to try while I’m here.
What did you do this morning?
I found a trail to hike that looked like it would be beginner friendly. I think I took a wrong turn somewhere because I ended up on a trail that was straight up a rocky hill for a mile.
Ouch
The view from the top was nice. I’m still undecided if it was worth it.
I sent her the photo I had snapped of the view at the top of the mountain, followed by the selfie of me collapsed on the ground. My hair was soaked from sweat and I had pushed it back with one hand so it wouldn’t be plastered to my forehead. My eyes were closed as I tried not to focus on how my legs were shaking even laying down, a smile taking up my whole face. There had been three trails that all led up to the top and I had lost confidence in myself after a few wrong turns, choosing instead to follow another group that I crossed paths with. I had almost given up several times during the climb.
You look like you had a great time.
Don’t let the pictures fool you. It was miserable. I don’t even want to talk about the climb back down. I think I slid most of the way down.
A photo came through of Riley squatted down next to a kid, her arm around his shoulders. She wore a helmet and harness. Her hair was in two braids hanging down her shoulders, frizzy pieces escaping in a million directions. The kid had both his arms around her smiling in a cheesy little kid way, Riley mimicked his smile.
You look like you had a much better time than I did. Is that your nephew?
It is. He’s the best kid I’ve ever met. I hope I get lucky enough to have a kid like him someday.
***
We’re headed out hiking today. Any chance we may run into you while we’re out there?
As much as I would like that, I don’t think it’s going to happen. I can’t move. I think I need to take it easy today.
I hope you feel better!
I’ll try my best. You enjoy the hike. Avoid the one with red markers.
I spent Tuesday morning spread out on the couch of the cabin. My whole body ached from the hike the day before. As the day passed by the thought of tomorrow being my last day here before returning to reality loomed over me. Riley and I hadn’t discussed yet what would happen when it was time for us to go back home.
How much longer are you and your family staying?
We’re leaving Saturday morning. You?
Tomorrow is my last day. I need to head back home Thursday morning to start taking care of some of those life changes.
I really want to meet you before I leave.
I don’t know. It’s been a lot of fun talking to you, but I don’t know if I’m ready to date anyone.
I kind of have a complicated past.
Me too. I was with my ex for a long time. It’s been a while since I’ve been on a first date.
It’s been a while for me too.
Most of my past relationships were with people I was already close to. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a real first date.
I wish I hadn’t told you that.
We’re both on vacation. Chances are we’ll never see each other again after this. What do you say to just one date to help us both get past our pasts?
Like a practice date for future first dates?
Sure, if that’s what you want.
It just doesn’t feel right leaving and never getting the chance to meet you.
Okay. But I’ll have to find a way to get away from my family.
Make your sister cover for you? She is the one that made you do this after all.
I like the way you think. I think everyone was planning to go downtown tomorrow for a shopping day. Meet me for a late lunch somewhere?
Have you ever been to Blackberry Café? It’s my favorite place to go when I’m here. I could eat my weight in their pastries. Meet me there at 1?
It’s a date.