5. Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Riley
I took a deep breath and rested my forehead on the steering wheel. “You can do this,” I told myself as my fingertips fiddled with the edge of the steering wheel cover.
Twenty-seven years old and this was my first real first date. Everyone else before this had all been people I knew for a while. Already knowing them so well before the first date always made it feel more like something we were just getting around to checking off a to-do list rather than like a true first.
He was a stranger.
Not really a stranger. “You’ve been texting him for three days,” I muttered to myself. I tapped my forehead against the steering wheel and exhaled. Three days of constant butterflies that only increase with every message. Before this week I didn’t know it was possible to get butterflies from a stranger I only knew through text messages. Could you really know someone just from texting and only texting for three days? Surely that doesn’t count.
Even if no one else has ever made me feel this way with just a few messages. Butterflies weren’t an early in the relationship sort of thing for me.
I took another deep breath and glanced at my phone. Ten more minutes until we said we would meet. How early was too early to get out to look for him? Do I go in and just wait? Wait outside?
Another deep breath. He was a stranger. I had no reason to be nervous. This could all go horribly wrong, and I would never have to see him again. We would both go back to our regular lives, and this could just become a funny story I would tell about a stupid thing Emery talked me into doing.
My phone vibrated in my hand. Could that be him?
I took another deep breath.
A car door somewhere close by opened and closed. I glanced up and saw a man with dark blond hair and a casual navy button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows paired with a pair of dark wash jeans walk toward the café. Even without seeing his face to confirm it was Matt, my heart jumped and the fluttering in my stomach multiplied.
I flipped down the visor for a final check in the mirror. I had Emery help me tame my curls to not be as wild as normal, not that all the work made a difference since the humidity was already making my hair puff and frizz. I grabbed a small claw clip and pinned the top half back and left a few loose pieces out to frame my face. I went with simple makeup knowing that anything heavy would be too much in this heat, but I did a quick touch up of my lip gloss.
I smoothed my hands over the fabric of my light coral summer dress. It was one of my favorites and always gave me a boost of confidence when I wore it. The bodice was structured enough to push my chest up allowing the low-cut square neckline to show just the right amount of cleavage. The skirt flared out at the top of my stomach hiding the part of my body I was the most self-conscious of. I pulled a perfume rollerball from my purse and added a little more to my wrist, inhaling the peach and sandalwood scent.
My phone vibrated again. This time I looked down to see I had two messages.
Matt F
I’m here.
The second was a photo of Matt sitting at a metal outdoor table smiling with all his teeth showing and giving a thumbs up.
A nervous laugh escaped from my lips. It was now or never. If I was being honest with myself, I knew that this was the best chance I would ever have at a no pressure something casual with someone new.
“Just have some fun. It’s practice for him as much as it is for me,” I told myself remembering his words from last night.
Before I could change my mind, I opened my car door. The table he sat at was only a few feet away so I knew he could see me. I glance in my rearview mirror for one more peek before I turn to face him. He stared down at his phone and tapping his foot.
He almost looked as nervous as I felt.
I closed my car door as quietly as I could.
Don’t overthink this , I reminded myself. On the count of three I walked toward him.
He looked up and his whole face lit up. His smile in person felt even more magical than it did in photos. He stood up and stepped toward me with his hands in his pockets. My stomach and heart jumped in unison. It felt like my whole body was nothing but butterflies and electricity.
“Riley?” Matt asked. His voice was timid as his eyes met mine.
My heart flipped in my chest and skipped a beat. Finally , I heard it say. A sudden calm washed over me. I smiled shyly at him. I am in over my head. This man is meant to be someone important to me. I don’t know what that means but I’m not scared.
I’ve never not been scared.
“Hi, yes, that’s me.” I let out a little giggle. A giggle. “You must be Matt.”
He rubbed his hands on his jeans. “I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m so glad you came.”
Is this what people mean when they talk about love at first sight? I’m not in love but it feels like my whole body is saying I could be. Maybe not now but some time I will be. Sometime sooner than I would ever think possible.
Love at first sight didn’t exist. Right? That was a myth. Right? It was an idea created by people looking back with rose colored glasses once they already knew the ending. A romanticization after the fact.
“Me too,” I say. “Can I be completely honest with you?” I cringed a little.
“Yeah, please. I want to be completely honest with you too. I’m really nervous.”
Just like that the little bit of my walls that were remaining crumbled into dust. My shy smile morphed into a wide grin followed by a laugh. My whole face hurt from smiling so hard. Was I wrinkling my nose? I think I was. My eyes were scrunched up to the point of being almost closed. “Me too. I know I already told you I don’t really know how to do this whole first date thing. Or meeting strangers. I feel like a teenager again.” I chewed on my lip for a moment and thought back to all my past relationships. Back to all the times that they left me thinking they weren’t being up front with me about what they were thinking. “Can we make it a rule to be honest with each other this whole time? I want to know everything you’re thinking.”
“Yes!” He rubbed a hand through his hair. It puffed up after his fingers passed through it. “I mean, yes, I think that would be good for both of us.” He held his hand out to me, “how about we go inside?”
I took it, wrapping my hand around his in a loose hold. Electricity shot up my arm and I was surprised to not see sparks flying from our hands. What was that?
At the counter his face lit up as he pointed out things on the menu. My brain buzzed so much trying to make any choices about food felt too overwhelming. “It all looks good. Why don’t you order for both of us?” I suggested.
He held my hand the whole time and kept his eyes on me like he was checking for my approval with everything he picked.
We picked a table tucked into a corner. There was a small vase with wildflowers in the center, I let my eyes linger on them for a moment before focusing on Matt again. I wanted to look around and take in the place, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the man in front of me. “So, um, I’ve been thinking about it all morning,” I said, rubbing my hands together. “I think we should set some ground rules.”
“Whatever makes you comfortable,” he answered. His hands were clasped in front of him on the table. I wanted to reach out and brush my fingers against his to see if that same electric zap would happen again. The hand he had held felt cold without his wrapped around it. I rested my hands on top of the table instead.
“Since this is practice for both of us, a chance to test the first date waters, I think rule number one should be we tell each other everything we’re thinking – the good and the bad.”
“I think we’ve already been over that one.” He unfolded his hands and laid one out on the table a little closer to mine.
I took a deep breath and tried not to focus on that hand. I shifted my eyes back up to his face. “It’s an important one.” I waited for him to nod before I moved on. “Rule number two: no last names or details about where we’re from. We can talk about our lives but nothing identifying enough that we could find each other again.”
I let him think about the second rule for a minute. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it back without a word.
I drummed my fingers on the table. “This is a no risk situation. We just have today. No worries about if it will lead to anything else because we know it won’t,” I elaborated.
He nodded his head but worked his mouth like he was working hard to choose his next words.
“Rule number one,” I reminded him.
He nodded again. “I’m not going to lie and tell you I’m okay with a one-time thing, but I’ll take today only over nothing.”
“I just really need this to be a no risk thing,” I looked down at my hands. Looking at his face suddenly felt like too much. “I don’t really do one-time things either but it’s all I can handle right now.”
His fingers brushed mine. There it was again, an electric zap followed by a tingling warmth. “Riley, it’s okay. We’re only going to do what you’re comfortable with.” I looked up to see his blue eyes wide with concern.
“Th-those are the only rules I have so far,” I stammered. “Additional rules may be added if either of us deems them necessary.”
He lifted his hand out to me as if asking for a handshake. “I agree to your terms.”
We shook on it.
Our order number was called, and Matt went up to grab it. He came back to the table with enough food for a full family. I had no idea how much he had ordered. There were sandwiches, pastries, salads, some kind of dip with crackers, two iced coffees, and two pink colored drinks. He moved the vase of flowers over to another table and moved everything from the tray onto the table.
“Did you order the whole menu?” I asked as I took everything in.
“Their signature watermelon mint limeade and whatever experiment the barista wanted to make today,” he explained as he moved one coffee and pink drink over to my side of the table. “I thought we could just sample a few of my favorites,” he motioned to the food and then placed an empty plate in front of me. “Take your pick.”
I picked up half of what looked like a chicken salad sandwich. Then I served a portion of the salad topped with strawberries, nuts, and cheese crumbles onto my plate.
“Good choices.” He pointed to the sandwich, “that is their lemon dill chicken salad. One of my personal favorites. The salad is their strawberry balsamic and it is a summer staple.”
“You come here a lot?” I asked before taking a bite from the sandwich. “Ohmygod, I think that’s the best chicken salad I’ve ever had.” My sister loved to cook and frequently experimented with new recipes meaning I didn’t say things like that lightly. The chicken salad was made with grilled chicken giving it an extra burst of flavor. I had to tell Emery about this later. It seemed like something she would love to try out.
He beamed as he watched me sample the food. “My family rents a cabin up here every summer. We eat at this café almost every day.”
“But you’re here by yourself this summer?” I took a sip of the watermelon limeade and closed my eyes as I took in the fresh flavors. It paired so well with the chicken salad.
“Yeah, there’s a lot going on for all of us right now so we couldn’t find a time that worked for everyone. I almost didn’t come but it didn’t feel right to miss out on the trip.” He tilted his chin toward the coffee. “Try that.”
I swirled the cup around a few times and took a sip. At first all I could taste was the coffee but then the raspberry and coconut started to come through. I knitted my brows together in confusion.
“Don’t like it?”
I shook my head and took another taste. “It’s good but different. I’ve never had fruity coffee before. I usually just stick to the basics.”
“Fruity coffee?” He took a sip of the coffee. He lifted the lid of the one he kept for himself and sniffed. “Here, this one may be better.” He placed the second coffee in front of me.
A blend of mocha and hazelnut filled my mouth. “Much better. We could share this one if you want.”
“Nah, every time I come here, my sister and I tell them to surprise us with different flavor combinations. We’ve been in competition to find the weirdest.” He took another sip. “This one is high on the list. Actually, Shelby might like this one.”
He kept his eyes on me as he started to move some of the food onto his plate. “I have a question I’ve been dying to ask you since last night.”
I stabbed my salad with a fork trying to get a little of everything on it for the perfect bite. “Ask away.”
“You said you had a complicated past. Will you tell me about it?”
I focused on the forkful of salad. “It’s a long story. Are you sure you really want to hear it?”
His foot tapped mine under the table. “I’ve got all day. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?”
I gave him a soft smile and took a bite of the salad. I chewed slowly while I tried to decide where to start. “So, the first time was my brother’s best friend. It was just after their graduation. He kept waiting for the best time to tell me that he was in love with me and since he was going out of state for college he didn’t want to risk not getting to spend the summer together. We dated all summer and then he left for school. I thought everything was great. Until October when I felt ready to say I loved him. He broke up with me two weeks later saying that the long distance wasn’t working.”
I stabbed the fork back into the salad and kept my eyes focused on building another perfect bite. “Freshman year of college I was assigned to a dorm with this girl from school that I thought hated me. I was always confused by her since normally I’m the kind of person that gets along with everyone. I knew a lot of people from my class had all picked the same school, but I never thought that I would end up rooming with one of them. We spent the first semester constantly bickering and competing again. One day in the middle of an argument she told me she was in love with me. We lasted four months. A week after I told her I loved her she ended things. According to her I wasn’t very good at showing my love.”
I laid the fork down and reached for the sandwich again, still making sure I avoided looking at him. I could feel his gaze bearing down on me. I waited on him to say something while I chewed my food.
When he didn’t, I continued, “after college I moved in with my best friend. One day her brother showed up while she wasn’t home. Told me that he had been in love with me forever and he always regretted never saying anything. We lasted an entire year before he realized I never would say I loved him. When we first started dating, he told me that he understood my history and knew it might take me a little longer to come around. When he asked me about it on our anniversary, I told him I did love him, but I had been too scared to say it. A month later I got a speech about how bad I am at showing love."
I took a long sip of the watermelon limeade before I could continue to the worst one. "I came back to the apartment crying and of course my best friend was there to pick up the pieces like she always was. Except this time, she tells me that she can’t handle watching me get my heart broken over and over like this. That they were wrong, and I was one of the most loving people she’d ever met. Gave me the best kiss of my life and asked me to give her a chance. Told me she knew it may take me a while to figure out my shit, but she’d be there waiting. She gave me six months. The night I was finally ready to confess my feelings she told me I took too long to choose her.”
I looked up to him to let him know I was done.
“Damn, Riley, that’s all terrible.” He tapped his foot against mine again. One hand lifted like he might reach for mine, but the table was too crowded with food.
“Well, that’s my curse. Destined to take too long to fall and be bad at showing it once I get there.” I reached for my limeade to find relief for my mouth suddenly feeling desert dry. My face heated as the realization that I just told a stranger all that caught up with me. “Your turn now. Think you can top my tragedy?”
“It’s not a competition, sweetheart.” His eyes dropped to his food, uncertainty washing over his face. “Promise you won’t think I’m an idiot after this.”
“Sweetheart, huh? I bet you use that one on all the women.”
“Only you. It just felt right. Do you hate it? I won’t do it again.”
I didn’t hate it. Despite all my romantic struggles I always enjoyed being called terms of endearment. Sure, it was odd to hear a stranger calling me sweetheart with such ease. Like everything else about this date, about our time talking, the ease felt natural. “No,” I said as a blush started to creep up my face. “I don’t hate it.”
He reached out and brushed my heated cheek with his thumb. Warmth flooded my body. He kept touching me in all these little ways that felt so familiar despite having just met. “Keep blushing like that and I’ll never stop calling you sweetheart.” His hand dropped away and he leaned back in his chair. “Now, about that promise” He raised an eyebrow.
I held my hand over the spread of food, poked out my pinky, and smiled. “I pinky promise. You better not be over there thinking pitiful thoughts about me either.”
He locked a pinky with mine. “No pitiful thoughts. Only thinking about giving all your exes a piece of my mind.”
I expected him to follow up with a chuckle, but his face was stern.
He reached for his limeade and fidgeted with the straw. “We were high school sweethearts. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. Had it all planned out. Every time I tried to talk to her about the future, she would tell me it was too soon. She wanted to wait until after college. After college she always had an excuse. Our ten year anniversary was coming up and I decided to just go for it. The day before the big romantic proposal I got this weird feeling. Something told me I needed to try to talk to her one more time. I sat her down and told her that I needed to know if she was really in this with me. She told me that she didn’t see a future with me and hadn’t for a while. She was just too comfortable with what we had going to end things.”
I bit my tongue to try to keep quiet like he did for me. It didn’t work. “I can’t believe she just strung you along like that. I mean, I know I’m bad about taking my time to figure things out, but I always came around in the end.”
“Ten years,” he exhaled hard. “Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t bad and I really loved her. It’s just…. That’s ten years I could have had with someone that I had a future with. Not to mention that I felt like I missed out on learning how to navigate the adult dating world.”
“Never fear, that’s why I’m here,” I said to try to lighten the mood. “Not that I have much more experience in the real dating world.” I picked up my fork again and proceeded to stab at the salad. “So how long has it been since you broke up?”
“Two years since we broke up. It took me a little while to get over her and feel like I was ready to move on. We had moved to another state together for her work. It wasn’t my dream place to work but it was good. I was an assistant high school band director. Last year I found out the band director at the middle school I went to was going to be retiring at the end of the school year. That was my dream job, getting to follow in his footsteps. I managed to keep it a secret from her that I would be moving back home. She found out a couple weeks ago.”
My eyes widened as I realized where this was probably going. “No, please tell me she didn’t.” My fork stabbed into the salad a few more times.
“Showed up on my doorstep saying she had made a mistake in leaving me. She had just needed time to figure things out. Now she had and she realized that we were meant to be together.”
“Do you still love her?”
“Having her there begging for me to give her another chance was when it finally hit me that I didn’t anymore. I had already planned this vacation. The timing worked out perfectly to get me away from her until it was moving time.”
I took a bite of my sandwich trying to process everything he just told me. There are so many questions I want to ask but none of them feel appropriate. The rule we set about no identifying details flashed across my mind. Most of my questions would break that rule.
“You promised no pitying thoughts,” he said, breaking the silence that had settled over us.
“Just trying to figure out how I can get a few minutes with this woman and give her a piece of my mind.”
“She’s not worth it.”
“Well, none of my exes are worth it either but you said the same thing about them.”
He drummed his fingers on the table. “How about we change the subject? Tell me a little about your job.”
“You already know I’m a teacher too. Well, I have a degree, but I’m waiting for a position to open up. I want to teach kindergarten but it’s one of those school districts where I have to wait for someone to retire or not come back from maternity leave. I’ve been working as a sub in the meantime.” I left out how I had also been working closing shifts at a local hardware store, tutoring, and doing delivery services on the side to make up for not working full time. Even with my sister as a roommate, rent was expensive despite living in a small town. Then there were also all the medical bills that had piled up while I worked through my diagnosis.
“I get that. Where I’m moving back to is one of those districts where everyone loves their job so much, they don’t want to leave. I was starting to think I would never get the chance.”
“Yeah, same kind of district. I’m starting a long-term sub position in the fall. There’s a teacher there that’s due to have her baby at the beginning of August. I’ll be covering her maternity leave.”
“And secretly hoping she doesn’t come back?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Of course. It’s a first-grade position. Not my dream grade level but it’s pretty close.”
***
“Excuse me,” an employee said from beside our table.
Matt and I broke eye contact to look over at the teenage girl.
“We’re getting ready to close. Is there anything we can get y’all to go before we shut down?”
Matt and I looked back at each other. Close? How long had we been here? The silent question floated between us.
“Um, no, I’m good. Do you want anything else?” He asked me.
“No, I think I’m good too,” I said.
“Okay. Well, we’re closing in fifteen minutes. You’re welcome to sit at the patio table if you want. Just need you to, um, not be in here anymore,” her hands twisted in her apron. She smiled, showing a mouth full of braces.
“Yeah, yeah, we can do that,” I stammered and started to push back my chair.
Matt’s eyes widened as he looked at his watch. “It’s almost five o’clock,” he said. “We’ve been here for almost four hours.”
I looked at my phone for the first time since we sat down. “We just sat here talking for four hours,” I said in disbelief. “So much for being bad at this.”
We each scooped up our trash from the table and headed toward the trash can next to the door.
“I don’t think I’ve ever just sat and talked to anyone for four hours,” he said as he pushed the door open with his shoulder. “Best first date ever,” he added as he motioned for me to go ahead of him.
I looked back over my shoulder as I walked through the door. “We didn’t even really do anything special though.”
“Being comfortable enough to talk to a stranger for four hours isn’t special for you? Wow, and I thought we were on the same page here.” He clutched at his heart in fake hurt.
I laugh. “No, that’s a first and special for me. It just doesn’t feel like something most people would call the best first date ever. I thought that was a description that had to be saved for grand romantic dates.”
“We can make this a grand romantic date. Turn it into a marathon of a first date. What do you say? Where to next, my lady?” He swept out his arm. “The night hasn’t even started yet.”
I laughed for what had to be the thousandth time today. My face was going to be so sore tomorrow from the workout all the smiling and laughing had given it. “You don’t have anywhere else to be?” I asked.
“Do you?”
I thought about my family for a moment. Emery covered for me for lunch, but we never expected me to be gone this long. It was shocking that she hadn’t already started blowing up my phone.
This is her fault, I remind myself. She could cover for me a little longer.
“Nothing my sister can’t get me out of. This whole thing was her idea after all. Just let me call her real quick.”
“If you need to get back to your family it’s okay. I won’t hold it against you. You are on vacation with them.”
I chewed my bottom lip. “This is going to sound crazy but I’m really not ready for this to be over.” I stepped toward my car as I pulled up her contact.
It didn’t even ring before she answered. “Well, if it isn’t my long-lost sister. I was starting to think you had abandoned me for some stranger after all.”
“Well, about that,” I said.
“Wait,” she yells. “Are you abandoning me for some stranger? Who are you and what have you done with my sister?”
“It’s just… you were right,” I whispered. I looked back to make sure Matt couldn’t hear me. He still stood in front of the door scrolling through his phone.
“Shit. Are you okay? Tell me where you are, and I’ll be right there. Did he hurt you? That has to be code for something being wrong, right?” She yelled so loud I was sure he could hear her. I turned my volume down a little.
“Nothing is wrong. I’m actually having a really great time. We’ve been at the café so long that they kicked us out so they could close. I think we’re going to go somewhere else.”
“OHMYGOD” she squealed. “You’re head over heels already for him. Okay, yeah, I’ll cover for you with everyone. But remember I get to give a speech about how I’m the reason you met at your wedding.”
“It’s not that serious. It’s just, this feels different and I’m having a lot of fun. I’m never going to see him again after this. I’m just not ready for the fun to end yet.” I rubbed a palm over my face. My cheeks were burning up.
“Whatever you say, big sis. Just drive yourself wherever you go. Can’t have you getting murdered or anything. I couldn’t live with that on my conscience.”
“You were just saying you’re so sure he’s the one and now you think he might be a murderer?”
“Can never be too safe. Love you!” She hung up without giving me the chance to say anything else.
I looked up to where Matt stood next to the door with his hands in his pockets watching me. “All good,” I said, giving him a thumbs up.