Chapter 34
Then
Michael surprised Monica and me on Christmas morning with a trip to The Gulf.
He had a friend with a condo in Ft.
Myers and asked if we could use it for the rest of the Christmas break.
Although I was shocked and impressed, Michael needed to clear his head from what had happened at the Whirlpool Christmas party.
He was more attentive to me, and I felt more was on his mind. And I hoped it was to have another baby. I hadn’t yet brought the subject up and wished to discuss it over Mai Tais on the beach. He was ready to be all in. Buckle down and be the husband and father I needed. After all, we were still together, and no talk of divorce after I graduated from nursing school was brought up, which was his original plan for us. Therefore, he loved me and wanted us to remain a family.
Monica came running into the bedroom, wearing her new Christmas pajamas, and carrying her new baby doll and climbed into bed with us.
Michael picked her up and sat her on his chest.
“Hey, baby girl.
How would you like to go swimming in the ocean?”
“But, Daddy, it’s cold outside.”
“Not where we’re going.
You want to get on a big airplane and fly to the ocean?”
“Yeah,”
she screamed, jumping on her knees and falling back onto his chest.
She was excited, and I loved to watch him interact with his daughter.
Would he want us to start trying for another baby?
I rolled over and kissed him on the lips and then lay my head on his chest.
We were both still naked, and my leg brushed against his penis under the covers.
When I looked up at him, he smiled and told Monica to go pick out which toys she wanted to take on her trip.
“And Daddy will come to check on you,”
he said.
He picked her up, and she ran excitedly out of the room.
As soon as she was out of sight, he picked me up and sat me down over his growing erection.
It didn’t take long for us to be joined together, bouncing the bed with our wild passion.
Michael may not have been good with passionate words for me, but when it came to sex, I felt I was his everything. He was all I ever knew and all I ever wanted. But soon, I would learn Michael would need so much more than me…or his daughter.
We were packed and headed to the airport.
One week alone with just Michael and our daughter was, to me, a ticket to forever, and this was just the beginning.
As soon as we landed and set out for the beach, I would talk to him about having another baby.
Monica was fascinated with the airplane and wanted to know if we were riding on the clouds.
Michael told her yes, and I watched the two of them become closer.
Maybe now seeing how much she meant to him, he would want to do it right this time.
Be involved and happy for a baby to be coming.
We landed and rushed to get through the airport and grabbed a taxi.
The air was warm and balmy when we stepped outside, and Monica asked what happened to the snow.
Michael laughed and told her it stayed home because we forgot to pack it.
But here, all the snow turned into a big puddle of water, and we were going to swim in it.
Michael held my hand and carried his daughter as we moved through the hustle and bustle, and it gave me a feeling of protection and belonging.
The car ride took only twenty minutes, and we stepped out again in the warm Florida air and walked up to the condo belonging to his friend.
“This is so awesome of your friend to let us have this place for a week,” I said.
“Sure is.
However, this friend owes me for completing his project.”
Michael tapped in the code for the door, and we walked into a beachy, inviting floor plan with whitewashed floors, cabinets, and paintings of palms and seascapes.
The master bedroom was huge with an adjoining bath, complete with a large shower and garden tub.
Monica’s room was set up with bunk beds, complete with toys and her own bathroom.
As I unpacked her clothes, she climbed up and down the beds, deciding which one she wanted to sleep in.
“I want the top one,”
she said.
But it didn’t have a rail, and she wasn’t too happy when I told her she must sleep on the bottom bunk.
“What’s all this crying about?”
Michael asked, popping his head through the door.
“Mommy says I have to sleep on the bottom.
But I want the top.”
“You’ll fall out and hurt yourself.
Do you want to get hurt, and not be able to swim in the big water puddle?”
Michael teased her.
He then picked her up and gave her a bounce on the top.
“Look how far down it is.”
She looked down, and her eyes did show a little fear.
“Get me down, Daddy.”
Michael laughed and told her she had to jump into his arms.
“No,” I said.
“I’ll catch her.”
It didn’t take much persuading.
She jumped into his arms like a flying monkey.
I gave him a look, and he kissed me on the cheek.
“Let’s get to the beach.”
“Yeah,”
Monica squealed, and we quickly changed into our suits, packed a beach bag and headed out the front door.
Walking to the beach, I wore a wrapped skirt low on my hips and bikini top.
Monica was covered in sunscreen, and I dressed her in a little red, polka-dotted sundress.
She had on little white sunglasses, and Michael picked her up and carried her on his shoulders.
He looked like a man who was proud to be with his family. And I was proud to be with him. He looked so gorgeous, wearing a white, long-sleeved shirt that was unbuttoned and his slim-fitting swim trunks. I watched the two of them as he walked ahead and they both held out their arms. “I’m flying, Daddy. I’m flying.”
A flock of seagulls came screeching by, and Monica flapped her arms, pretending she was one of the birds.
I’d never seen Michael so happy.
Happy with us.
And even as I watched this tableau of father and daughter, I held my breath.
It was like some part of me knew this was the calm before the storm.
We reached the beach.
Foamy waves rushed to shore, and Monica yelled with excitement.
Michael continued to carry her on his shoulders, as he walked to the water and held out his arms.
Monica did the same, and I quickly snapped a picture with my camera.
A moment in time that I could have forever—for when someday, I would not have the real thing.
He lifted her from his shoulders and set her feet in the water.
She giggled and splashed around.
He picked her up by her hands and dipped her up and down.
She would kick the water and laugh that innocent childish giggle.
“Is it cold,”
he asked her.
“No.
Not like the snow is cold.”
They continued to play, and I laid out our blanket on the sand.
I unwrapped my skirt and stretched out on the blanket and rubbed on tanning oil.
I was probably going to burn, but I didn’t care.
I was here, in the sunshine, with Michael and our baby.
I was happy. I was in love.
Michael stripped his shirt, walked over, and sat down beside me.
I kissed his cheek and thanked him for bringing us here.
He rolled me over and lay on top of me.
Giving a slight growl in his throat, he smiled and kissed me back.
I was sure it all had something to do with his boss, Mr. Hayden, and how he tried to seduce me. Michael now took notice of what he had.
“You’re welcome.
But you will be paying me back,”
Michael said with a tease in his voice.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.
I will be fucking you senseless while we’re here.”
I smiled and pulled his face to me and kissed him again.
Though his use of the words was harsh, and I wished he could say ‘make love’ or even ‘have my way,’ that was how Michael expressed himself to me.
And I had to take it for what it was worth.
He did love me.
He just couldn’t say it.
We sat up, and I rubbed oil on his back as we both watched Monica shovel sand into her little bucket.
“She’s having such a good time,” I said.
“She sure is.”
Moving to my knees, I wrapped his shoulders and kissed his neck.
I was working up the courage to ask for another baby.
The moment was perfect.
And by perfect, I meant perfect for us to be here at this moment, not praying for another baby.
I didn’t want to ruin this little moment in time. So, I took a deep breath and started to form the words when Michael began talking first.
“I think I have made a decision,”
he said, looking out over the water.
“Oh yeah? What?”
“I’m leaving Whirlpool.”
“Leaving? You mean…quitting?”
My stomach knotted, and I was afraid he was leaving us too.
And this little vacation was goodbye.
“Yes, when we get back, I’m putting in my two weeks’ notice.”
“What will you do for a job?”
Was he planning on my startup salary? I wasn’t making much yet.
And Michael was not the stay-at-home-dad type.
“I haven’t said anything, but Boeing has contacted me for an interview.
I think I’ll take a week’s vacation and check it out.
See what they have to offer.”
Boeing.
Seattle.
The place he really wanted to be.
Before me.
“And, what if they offer you something? Do you have a price in mind?”
“After what fuckin Hayden did at the Christmas party, the price doesn’t matter.”
I now wondered if he knew he was being fired…because of me.
“Are you in trouble, Michael…because of the Christmas party?”
He looked at me bizarrely.
“Hell no.
I’m not in any trouble.
At least, not that I know of.
But, I’m ready for a change,”
he said, and I hoped his change was only as employment.
And not me.
“So…if you take the job, we’ll be moving to Seattle?”
“Kind of a long drive from Michigan.
Yes, we’ll be moving to Seattle.”
My heart rejoiced.
Michael’s plans did include me.
I knew now was the time to discuss growing our family.
He was ready to make changes, and we were still involved.
“Well, I’ve been doing some thinking also.”
“Like what? You’ve just started at the hospital.
Kind of early to be making career changes.
You’ll be able to find another nursing job in Seattle.”
“No, not that.
I’ve been thinking about us…having another…baby.”
I said it, and it was out.
I couldn’t take the words back.
His eyes bulged as he looked at me like I said something so incredulous.
He took a deep breath and remained quiet.
And I took that as a good sign. He didn’t yell NO.
“Let’s just see what Seattle brings.”
I pressed my lips and nodded.
It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no either.
But deep down, I knew what Seattle would bring.
We decided to take a walk down the coastline, and the three of us held hands.
Monica joined us in the middle.
Every moment I could, I looked at Michael and fell deeper in love.
I watched our shadow before us and loved how we were joined together.
When the waves came in, we picked our little girl up, and she would scream and giggle. We were so happy. And at the moment, I knew it would be the happiest I’d ever be with Michael. I would be right.
The sun was dropping on the horizon, and I suggested we go back, and I’d make us lunch and put Monica down for a nap.
With all her playing that day, I knew she wouldn’t even make the walk home.
As Michael carried her, I was right.
Our beautiful daughter fell fast asleep, hanging over Michael’s shoulder.
She was out.
As Michael changed her out of her wet bathing suit and put on dry panties, she never woke.
I made us a quick salad with the food Michael’s friend had left for us when we arrived, and we ate it together on the patio that overlooked the gulf.
Everything was coming along.
But I was still afraid to breathe.
I was rinsing the dishes when Michael picked me up and carried me to the bedroom.
“It’s now time to pay me back for this vacation.
You ready to fuck hard?”
I was eager to make love to Michael and once again tried not to show the disappointment on my face with his choice of words.
“Yes, my handsome husband.
I’m dying to make love to you,”
I said, waiting for his response.
“Ooh, make love.
Why so fancy? Young people like us don’t make love.
We fuck. Hard,”
he said and threw me onto the bed.
His clothes were off in a second, and he stroked himself as he came to me.
“On your knees and make love to me with your mouth,”
he said.
It wasn’t quite what I was looking for, but I took it.
As I pleasured him orally, he praised me on my skills, and I did pride myself that I could so easily pleasure him that way.
After all, he taught me how he liked it.
He was close and pulled himself away and told me to lay back and spread my legs.
I did, and he pleasured me with his mouth.
Michael was great at oral sex.
I was so close and couldn’t hold off as his tongue so skillfully lapped around my sensitive bud.
And I came, thrusting myself uncontrollably.
He smiled approvingly at me and moved between my knees and pushed himself deep inside me.
I came again, and it was the first time in a long time I came twice in our lovemaking.
It had to be all the magic this place had brought us, and I would cherish this forever.
Michael moaned out his release while kissing me softly.
It was so not like him to do this.
He usually came hard and then fell over me.
And I didn’t mind those times either, as I would feel our hearts beat against each other.
He lifted his head and looked at me with concern.
“Please don’t tell me you already went off the pill.”
“No, I haven’t.”
He turned his head and gave me a sideways look.
“Promise?”
“I promise, Michael.
I just wanted to talk about it.”
“Like I said, let’s see what Seattle brings.”
Seattle was already a sour word in my mouth.
Although I understood his reasoning, I felt Seattle took precedence over growing our family.
But I had to trust him.
He still eyed me suspiciously.
“I promise, Michael.
I’m still on the pill.”
“Okay,”
he said and moved from the bed.
I could already feel the distance he was putting between us.
. . . . .
It had snowed six inches when we returned to Michigan, and I tried to keep the magic Florida had brought.
I was determined to keep Michael’s focus on us.
And now back in the cold and snow, I knew his mood would begin to falter.
We found our car covered in snow at the airport, and Michael repeated every curse word in the book.
“Michael, please,”
I said and threw my eyes at Monica, who was repeating, ‘fucking snow.’
After throwing the suitcases in the back and I do mean, throwing, I helped him clean the snow off the car before we got inside.
“Instead of being mad at the snow, let’s make a snowman when we get home,”
I said, doing my best to enlighten the situation.
“Jill, I’m not building a fucking snowman.”
“Michael,”
I seethed.
“Let’s make a fucking snowman,”
Monica expressed proudly, sitting in her car seat.
“Now see what you’ve done? She’s cussing like a sailor.”
He rolled his eyes at me.
“Jill, vacation is over.
Reality is here, and you need to get these melodramatic notions out of your head.
No adult wants to build a snowman.”
“Oh, so I suppose we bundle up our three-year-old daughter and have her build one herself,”
I sarcastically said.
“She played on the beach by herself.”
“We were there with her, Michael.
Those are the things parents do.
Can’t you understand that?”
We were already fighting, and once again, it had to do with me wanting more from him—being involved with his family.
We pulled into the drive, and the SUV became stuck in the driveway.
“Fucking son of a bitch,”
Michael said, and it was too late to begin chastising him now.
The Michael I spent the last week with in Florida was gone.
And back, was the Michael who didn’t want to be here.
Be part of this.