Chapter Sixteen
Snow drifted in slow sweeps, coating everything it landed on with its thin dust. Little accumulation was expected tonight. For that, Jett was relieved.
Pine trees whispered their goodbyes in the wind. He and Lock stood together with enough light from the snow to see Silver Bell, lying down as if she were asleep.
Any other night, Jett might appreciate the beauty of the open field and nearby trees dotted with white. But not tonight. He fought the emotions churning in his stomach that desperately wanted to be set free in the form of a howl so loud it would reach the mountaintop. He didn’t have time to indulge in the pain this loss carried. He had things to do now. Grieving would come later when he was alone.
“Kace is coming with the tractor and the backhoe,” Lock said. “He borrowed them from Johnny D who said he can be here with a couple other guys to help.”
Lock wasn’t saying anything Jett didn’t already know. They had plans in place for each of their horses when the time came. Lock needed to fill the space with his rambling noise because he would be fighting his grief too.
They were used to animals passing away. But Silver Bell wasn’t any animal. She was family.
“Did you call Mom?” Jett asked. His mother would take this loss hard too. She had been avoiding Silver Bell recently. He suspected it had to do with his mother’s avoiding the inevitable. Without Silver Bell on the ranch, they didn’t have their last tangible connection to Ajay.
“I called her,” Lock said. “She doesn’t want to come out here. Said she can’t see Bell this way. I didn’t argue with her.” Lock shoved his hands into his barn jacket. He wasn’t wearing a hat. The snow landed on his head, stark against his black hair.
“Better not to. What about Gage?” Gage would not handle this loss well either. They couldn’t rely on Gage or their mom to hold them up. It would be his job this time. He was the head rancher. He could take care of the people who would feel the pain the deepest.
Lock scratched his neck. “I wasn’t sure Gage should hear it over the phone. I called Calista instead. She said she’d go over to the cottage and tell him in person. He should be here soon.”
“Smart. When did you bring her outside?” If Silver Bell had passed in the stall, they would have had to take the stable apart to get her out. Even in her death, that horse looked out for them.
“I suspected we were closer to the end than we had been. I wasn’t sure it would be today. I would’ve called you sooner if I had, but she hadn’t eaten all day. It was her idea to come out here. She didn’t want to stay in the stall. So I took her for a walk, and that settled her down. She seemed to want to stay outside after that. I left her for a couple of hours to take care of a few guest issues. It was like she knew she was alone now and could go without anyone watching. When I came back and saw her lying down, I knew too.”
A beam of light bounced toward them, slicing the dark at angles.
“No, no, no.” Gage dropped to his knees, letting the flashlight roll out of his grasp. He ran his hands through his hair and rocked on his heels. He must have run the whole way from his cottage, and he hadn’t bothered with a coat. Snow coated his shirt.
“I’m sorry, man.” Jett patted Gage on the shoulder.
“It’s like losing Ajay all over again. I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t think I would react this way.” Gage pushed to stand and brushed the snow from his legs.
“She’s with Ajay now.” He would like to think that was the case. His Kootenai heritage told him that was the case. Hearing that might give Gage some peace, and he wanted that for his brother. Hell, he wanted that for himself.
Losing Silver Bell was the rip in his soul he’d expected. Knowing her time was coming and had been for many months didn’t make the pain any less or easier to deal with. She had outlived all the horses bought for each Ryker boy when he was born. She had done them well, and he loved her for sticking around as long as she could to make sure they all made it well into adulthood.
“And Dad. They’re both with Dad,” Lock said.
Lock had only been six when their father passed away unexpectedly. Gage, Kace, and Jett had shared what stories they knew about their father to help keep him alive in Lock’s mind because Lock had so few memories of his own.
“Dad too. They’re all together, having a good time because Ajay wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s probably already saddling up Silver Bell.” Gage threw an arm around Lock’s shoulders and pulled him close.
Lock leaned his head on Gage’s shoulder and for the briefest of moments, Jett could see them as kids again. Gage always tried to be the strong oldest brother who comforted and supported, and Lock leaned on Gage for that support.
“The ground’s frozen. We should wait until tomorrow when the day warms up to bury her.” Gage kept his arm around Lock’s shoulder.
“We’ll bury her out on the edge of the property away from the creek where even if we sell this land someday, no one is ever likely to build there,” Jett said. Owning as many acres as they did gave them that option. If they were too close to town or where people might live, they wouldn’t be able to bury her there. They would need a service to come and take her.
“Why don’t you two go back? I’ll wait for Kace and the tractor.” Jett wanted to sit for a while out here in the peace and quiet, and he was the one responsible for the animals on the ranch.
“If you don’t mind, I would like to stay with her. I need to say goodbye, and Calista went to get Izzy. She wants to see her,” Gage said.
“Is that a good idea? Seeing a big horse like Silver Bell, lying on the ground and not getting up, might be too much for her,” he said.
“She’s a rancher’s granddaughter and niece. She’ll be fine. It’s what she needs to do. I’ll make sure she goes inside when Kace is ready to move Silver Bell. But thanks for worrying about her.”
“Are you going to be okay, watching that backhoe move her?” Lock said to Gage.
“It’s not like I haven’t seen a horse buried before. It was my horse we had to put down and push into the grave we dug.”
“Yeah, but this is Silver Bell,” Lock said.
“I realize I’m more upset than I thought I would be. I wanted her to live forever, but that’s not real life.”
“She tried to live forever,” he said.
“She sure did. So, if you guys are okay with me staying until Kace comes, I’d appreciate it.” Gage waited for their answer.
Lock handed Gage the shotgun that had been leaning against a nearby tree. “Just in case any predatory animals get her scent.”
Gage took the gun and nodded. They all had been trained to use a long gun from an early age and repeatedly took classes and practiced at the outdoor range. Even Kace, who spent most of his time behind the wheel of a car, was a solid shot, but no one took gun safety more seriously than Gage, considering his line of work.
“Call if you change your mind and don’t want to be alone.” Jett stuck his hand out to Gage, who shook. Jett didn’t want to fall apart in front of his brothers, but each moment out here proved to be more difficult than the last one.
Lock threw his arms around Gage, who patted Lock on the back. “You’re going to be okay, big guy,” Gage said, using the old term of endearment he saved for when Lock was a boy and needed some male guidance.
Jett and Lock left their big brother out on the hill with another family member lost to them and headed back toward the main house.
“This sucks.” Lock shoved his hands in his pockets again.
“It does. But it’s the way of life.” Still, his heart hurt for this one. He wished he could call Autumn and tell her about it. She would be the person who would know what to say to him.
“Doesn’t make it suck less. Never does.”
“Nope.” He bumped shoulders with Lock to let him know he was there if Lock needed him. They didn’t have to say the words. They had been side by side since Jett was four. Lock was his shadow and sometimes had been damn annoying.
Lock was the sensitive one in the group of them. He wore his heart all over his sleeve in a bleeding mess when it came to most things. His heartbreaks were long and hard. He took every death on the ranch personally. And when a woman broke his heart, he almost didn’t bounce back.
“Do you ever get tired of this business?” Lock said, hunkering down farther in his coat.
“Not a single day. You?” Jett had plenty of moments when he had questioned his decision to take over the family business, like last summer when they got sued by a guest because of the man’s own negligence. Or when feed prices for the horses went up, or they had a slow season, and it seemed no one wanted to come to a guest ranch in Montana. But most days he was the luckiest man in the world to live on this land and be surrounded by the constant of the mountains and the vast sky with his family nearby.
And on those occasions when he missed the soft arms of a woman, he sought someone out to soothe the need. He didn’t long for a woman. But there was one woman he wanted, and she didn’t seem to feel the same way anymore. His fault. He had taken too damn long to get around to telling her. And might never have if it hadn’t been for the ski school needing him.
“When too many things go wrong in a row, then I wonder what I’m doing here. Like the burglary last summer or that time we gave our guests food poisoning. Or when the roof breaks and the plow dies in the same week. Then I envy Gage and Kace their alternate careers and wonder why I didn’t do that too.”
“Because you can’t be off this land any more than I can. And for the reasons you like being the owner of a guest ranch, the guests who send us letters about their family vacation or how we made them feel like family. We do a good job of making people happy. Giving back feels good.”
“Seems strange, doesn’t it, that we were never a typical cattle ranch? You think we would’ve been.” Lock blew on his hands and rubbed them together.
“This worked out better. People need their vacations. And we don’t deal with the hectic life of raising and moving cattle.” The cold was getting to him too now that the shock of seeing Silver Bell was over. He was glad his grandfather had picked people over cattle. Giving a person what they wanted created less worry and easier results than watching cattle prices decrease at auction or an illness wipe out a herd in no time.
“People are hectic too and entitled. We’ve had guests act as if I’m as dumb as a bale of hay, and they talk to me that way until I slide into the conversation that I’m the owner. Sometimes I wonder what a different life would look like.”
“You thinking about leaving?” They arrived at the main house with no word yet from Kace. Jett couldn’t lose Lock. They were a team that worked well together.
“Not today.”
“Just make sure to give me some notice so I can replace you.” He rested on humor to change the subject of something he never wanted to talk about. Someday, when they were too old for this business, they’d have to decide what to do, but he wouldn’t worry about the end of the Ryker Ranch until then.
“Yeah, who are you going to replace me with?” Lock poked his thumb against his chest.
“I don’t know. Some big dumb lug looking to make a few bucks.”
Lock shoved him, and he stumbled back because Lock didn’t always know how strong he was. But Jett didn’t mind.
“I’m going to walk back to Gage. You don’t have to come back. Let me take care of Silver Bell,” Lock said.
“It’s my responsibility.”
“Maybe. But I want to do this for you and for Gage. It’s not just strangers I want to help. I want to help my actual family. And whether or not you want to say it, I know losing Silver Bell is tearing you up. You don’t need to see them lay her down. I’ll come get you after she’s taken care of. We’ll have a proper burial.”
“Lock—”
“No way, Jett. I won’t let you try and big brother me into this. And I don’t care that your name is first on the deed of this land or on all the contracts we sign. I’m taking care of Silver Bell. And you’re going to let me because that’s what brothers do.”
He opened his mouth to argue but shut it again. Lock was right. And for all his pretending he could handle losing Silver Bell as if she were any other horse, he needed to be alone. At least for now.
“Thanks, little brother.” He stuck out his hand.
Lock yanked him into a tight bear-size hug and squeezed him until his feet left the ground.
“Love you,” Lock muttered under his breath and ran before he could say I love you back.