22. Haelyn
TWENTY-TWO
HAELYN
I stared at the white wall in front of me with paths of dried tears from the corner of my eyes to the tip of my chin. A lump rested at the top of my throat but after two days of crying, I was left with no tears left to cry. I swallowed, resting my head on my knees.
My mother was the only person I had. All I did—starving myself, overworking, and the lack of sleep—was for her, and now I was expected to decide whether it’s time to let her go or not. How could I know that? I could’ve asked her, but it didn’t seem like a question to put to a woman who for the past years had lain in a bed, learning how to accept it as her life.
I ground my teeth. It’s not fair. It wasn’t fair that hope bloomed in my chest as the days passed—that one day, she was going to recover and things were going to return to how they used to be. It wasn’t fair I was the one who had to make the decision.
And it wasn’t fair that a beautiful young woman like Diane Rose fell in love with an attractive and rebellious guy in her class who turned out to be the one to end her life. Will might not have killed her, but he left her in a body that required constant care, unable to move a finger after a whole life of being independent. And worse, he killed Nash in cold blood. A father who killed his own son.
My fingers dug into my palms as I clenched them into a fist.
He killed my little brother and even though I knew prison was worse than death—because dying would’ve ended it too fast for him and his sins—I wish I had gotten my revenge. The urge has always lingered in the back of my head, and picturing his death was the only thing that could make me sleep.
Family was supposed to be the one to offer you a hand when you needed it, not to push you until you stumbled on your feet. To kiss your scars, not cause them. To love you, not to make you believe love didn’t exist.
“Tea?” Merielle appeared in my face, holding a cup with steam rising into the air. She smiled down at me and I didn’t know what had gotten into me at that moment, but I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore.
“Nash is dead,” I blurted, and watched how her soft eyes rounded in shock.
“What?” Her voice was a whisper when she sat down next to me, placing the cup on the small table in front of us. “Haelyn.” Merielle’s hand grabbed onto my elbow, but I didn’t look at her. “What are you saying? I thought he was traveling.”
I shook my head, the dagger that had been buried deep in my heart for too long twisting. I gasped for air, my eyes burning, yet no tears fell down. “He died one year ago.”
She took her palm away, leaning forward as she pressed her elbows on her knees. Merielle rubbed a hand over her face, registering my words. After a few moments of silence, she turned to me.
“You told me he was traveling,” she insisted in denial. “You told me that when you and your Mom moved from Compton, he wanted to live with his grandmother in Spain,” she continued.
When I finally placed my gaze on her, her nostrils flared as her eyes filled with tears. She brought a shaky hand to her temples, waiting for me to answer. I blinked slowly, then shook my head again.
“I lied,” I finally admitted. While the knife sank in my chest still twisted and twisted, a heavy rock lifted at telling the truth.
“Haelyn, I—I,” she slurred, jumping to her feet as she moved from side to side. “You l-lied? What does this mean?” Then she crouched down to her knees in front of me, her warm palms resting on my arm. “Why did you lie?” Her voice shook. I didn’t know what to say, but she rocked my body in desperation. “Why did you lie, Haelyn? I thought you knew you could trust me?”
My mouth opened once and closed before I could form proper words. “I was ashamed.” My head lowered into my chest as I dragged my knees closer.
Merielle’s family was perfect. Her parents were growing older together, loving each other as if any day could’ve been the last. They had family meals, they laughed, celebrated, and they called her every day to check on her.
When I met her at my first job in Los Angeles, I didn’t want to be the girl with a dysfunctional family, though then it wasn’t as bad as it was now. So I lied, and the lies multiplied as the years passed.
How was I supposed to know she was going to become my best friend?
The look on her face transformed as if I just slapped her. “Ashamed because of me?” Her bottom lip quivered and I reached out to her, caressing her skin.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, and yet I could still hear the words echoing.
She dragged her lips over her teeth and took one quick glance at the ceiling, before sitting next to me. “I’m so mad at you right now for choosing to go through all that alone instead of telling me the truth. I would’ve been there for you.”
“I know.”
“But I love you, and even though you have a fucked up past, I want to know. Your past won’t change anything, Hae. You are still my best friend who has worked her ass off to take care of her mother, who has to watch John Wick to get over any heartbreak, who chews gum when she’s nervous. You are still my Hae,” Merielle said, putting one of her feet under her bottom as her hands landed on mine.
I nodded, biting my bottom lip. My chest heaved and for the first time in my life, since I met Merielle, I was ready to tell her everything. She deserved to know the truth.
“My father is not dead,” I started, and watched how she struggled to keep the reactions away from her face. “He’s in prison and we didn’t move from Compton because I wanted to be closer to work. We moved because he came home over the limit one night and Mom had enough. We wanted to take Nash with us that day, but Dad spent the entire time with him. We couldn’t call the police because he had some good friends in town who would ignore Mom’s calls, so we went to Compton every day for six days, then my mother started to pass out on a daily basis until she wouldn’t move from her bed. She couldn’t do anything, but I continued to search for a moment alone with Nash.” I gulped and she encouraged me with her eyes to continue.
“One time, I almost got him. Dad was in the garden with his friends and I snuck through the window in the living room where Nash was watching a movie. I barely hugged him to my chest when the door flew open and he walked inside. I got Nash out first and we ran through the woods, but before I could make it to the train station, a cop got us. He let me go because he only wanted my brother, and he took Nash with him. From that moment until a year ago, Dad kept him close with a leash. I didn’t stand a chance,” I murmured, and when she hugged me to her chest, I realized I was shaking.
“I never stopped thinking about the day we’d get him back, Merielle. While I paid for my mother’s health care, I saved up money for a lawyer, but it wasn’t much. When I got the phone call from the police that my little brother had been found beaten to death in our house, I was three hundred dollars short from getting the retainer for a lawyer. Three hundred fucking dollars. But it was too late.”
“Oh, Haelyn.” Her voice croaked and broke with tears and I closed my eyes as I returned the hug.
I nodded. Somehow, the air filtered easier through my lungs and I knew it was because Merielle finally knew me. The real me. And the fact that she didn’t run the moment I closed my mouth, I knew nothing was going to break us apart.
“And now I have to decide whether I let my mother die or not,” I continued, leaning my head on hers. She’s pressed on my shoulder, her arms tugging me to her chest.
She fought for air, clearly at a loss for words. Still, she chose the best thing to say.
“I’m here for you for whatever decision you take,” Merielle reassured me.
I smiled, my chest blooming.
I didn’t consider myself lucky, but Merielle made me feel like the luckiest person in the world. She was my other half.
Her phone rang from under her and she scooped it up, before hitting the red button.
“Answer him,” I told her after I saw David was calling.
“No.” She shook her head.” It’s fine.”
I couldn’t help but sigh. “Merielle, I heard you two fight because of me. Answer him,” I pushed.
She shook her head again. “I’ll talk to him when he gets home from work. Right now, I want to spend time with my best friend. He’ll understand.”
As much as I was grateful, I was also worried. Unfortunately, I knew Merielle was too stubborn to listen.
So I kept my mouth shut.
We sat in silence for a while and because she knew me so well, she started the TV in front of us and pulled up the first John Wick movie. When his dog died, we cried together, smiling at each other as we wiped the tears with our palms, occasionally sipping from the tea she made for me.
It was no longer warm, but it didn’t matter. Having her by my side was more than enough.
A phone vibrated and Merielle looked at her side, taking a device between her fingers. When I looked at her, she had her eyebrows furrowed, then handed me the phone.
“It’s your boss.”
I squinted, trying to figure out what he could possibly want at this hour. Maybe he’s checking up on me? “He was there when I got the phone call,” I explained.
Merielle’s eyes popped up in surprise before her features softened.
Mr. Graves could wait a little longer. “It was pretty embarrassing actually because I cried in his arms and I think I stained his shirt with snot.” I scrunched my nose and watched how her head fell back in laughter.
She smirked, but it disappeared in a flash. She was trying to keep it serious.
“What?” I asked.
“It’s really not the moment.”
“Go ahead. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I just think a real boss would’ve told you to take the day off if you can’t work, then he would’ve left. But he stayed and saved the day because he wants you to like him.” The tone of her voice was serious, but I could see the sparkle in her eyes.
I ignored her with a silly smile on my lips and a shake of my head, then opened my messages.
Mr. Graves
I apologize if it’s the wrong timing, but we need to leave tomorrow for a business trip for two days. I need you there. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
My heart skipped a beat. Two days? I couldn’t go. I only had two weeks with my mother, and I was spending most of my time at work anyway.
The decision was made. I was going to ask him to find a replacement. He had to understand I couldn’t leave now.
I turn the phone to Merielle. “Still think he’s into me?”
She snatched it away and her eyes skimmed over the message. Merielle smiled at me, nodding her head as she showed me the screen and put her red nail under a small part. “He said I need you there.”
I took it back from her. “You always understand whatever you want. He’s being professional and the only reason he said that was because I’m his assistant.”
“And you, my friend, are blind.” She pointed her finger at me.
“I’m not going.” I shrugged, then lifted myself from the couch.
“Then what are you going to do?” She instantly fought. “Spend the next two weeks deep inside your head, unable to help your mom and lose the best thing you have right now? As in your job? Go there, do what you do best, and take your mind off things. At least for two days.”
“I don’t need to take my mind off my mother, Merielle. Making a decision like that isn’t a simple thing,” I told her, and watched how her shoulders slumped in defeat. “I’ll be right back.”
When I got to the bathroom and closed the door behind me, I dialed his number. After a few rings, he picked up the call.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi,” he replied, and my body warmed at his voice.
I took a deep breath. “I thought it’d be more fitting to have this conversation on the phone.” When I realized he wasn’t going to say something, I continued. “I’m sorry I have to say this, but I can’t go. I know it’s my job and my personal life shouldn’t interfere, but I can’t waste two days on a business trip. I’m sorry.”
He was silent for a few moments, before a rough breath touched the speaker. “I understand and don’t take this as me being insensitive, but I can’t find anyone else to come in your place until tomorrow morning. I need you there.”
I need you there.
He said it again.
The sentence echoed in my mind and my insides twisted. His words tugged deep in my head and my breath caught in my throat.
He needed me?
I internally slapped myself. Of course, he needed me as his assistant.
“I—” I started.
“I’ll remain forever in your debt, Haelyn. This business trip is important and I’ll pay you a bonus if you come.”
When I said I never asked anything of him, I didn’t consider that he hadn’t either.
Would two days away really hurt? Was I going to risk my job for two days? That still left me with twelve more days to figure out what I was going to do with my mother and maybe, if I got that bonus, I could transfer her to a better section of health care.
Two days. That was it.
“When do we leave?”