21. Tristan
TWENTY-ONE
TRISTAN
My six a.m. alarm went off and I pressed a finger to stop it, my gaze pointed to the last bottle of rum in my house. I stared at it all night, occasionally bringing it to my nose and inhaling the addicting smell, but I hadn’t taken a single sip. I couldn’t. Not after what Haelyn told me.
I know you’re not drunk, Mr. Graves, and I admit it scares me even more. Those who don’t get at least tipsy from three glasses of rum clearly have a history of drinking.
Those words ran through my head like an ongoing train with no destination. The urge to drink it all was there—the tug in my chest, the dryness in my throat, the constant headache in my temples, my sinking stomach—but every time I indulged myself in tasting the liquid, her voice sounded in my mind like a warning.
Fuck, she was right.
Until now, I lied to myself that I was in control, that I could stop this whenever I wanted to with a single thought— one more bottle can’t do any worse, I’ll stop after this one . And it never happened.
When she called me out at Gorig’s meeting, rage filled my veins, but now I realized she was right the entire time. I was addicted and it was starting to affect my daily life.
I couldn’t go on like this.
I always blamed Ryker for the downfall of our relationship, yet I never took a moment to consider I might be at fault. With being drunk or busy with work every day, I neglected my brother. My responsibility.
There was no one to blame but me and I was the only one who could fix things.
My legs pushed into the floor of my office as I rose, taking the bottle between my hands. I got out, closing the door behind me as I strode to the kitchen and buried the rum in the trash. Without any intention of letting what I did settle in the back of my head, I took the stairs to Ryker’s room so we could have breakfast together before I left.
I just want someone to love me.
My jaw ticked at the echo of her voice, my feet pounding heavier onto the ground with each step I took. Since I’d met Haelyn, she’d never been so vulnerable and the thought that the only reason she opened up was because of how I acted like a dick… that was not how it was supposed to go.
Today, I was going to her office to apologize, then tell her the truth about pretending to be Chad on the stupid app. There was no reason to keep this away from her anymore since it was only going to do her harm. She seemed like she’d been through enough and I wasn’t going to take the opportunity of her finding the one when I knew I wasn’t what she wanted.
To show me that men aren’t just drunk and abusive pieces of shit.
I wasn’t abusive by all means, that was a line I would never cross, but I did have a drinking problem I needed to fix on my own, and I couldn’t play with her feelings while that happened.
She deserved to find that someone without getting her heart broken in the process.
An image of a man touching her soft skin with his hands, her head thrown back as a low moan passed her lips flashed into my mind.
My fingers curled into fists around my body and before I could think my reaction through, I opened the door to Ryker’s room.
“For fuck’s sake, Ryke,” I cursed, shutting the door behind me as I caught a faint image of a blonde girl giving him a blowjob. “Maybe give me a heads-up next time?”
“Learn to knock,” he said between grunts, and I didn’t want to hear how my little brother fucked a girl at six a.m.
The appetite this guy had was insane.
He was eighteen, I wasn’t expecting him to be a virgin at this age when neither of my brothers were, but I hoped he would have at least been more subtle about it. I shook my head as I found my way down, a small smile creeping its way on my lips.
Ryker didn’t even know Dad caught me at fifteen fucking one of the maids in the garden.
I was waiting in my office at the Graves Company one hour later, my foot tapping on the floor as I kept glancing at the watch on my wrist. She was supposed to be here any minute.
What if she didn’t show up? What if she really kept her word and considered Gorig’s proposal?
No. She wouldn’t have done that without notice.
My jaw clenched and I stood up. For some reason, I didn’t want Haelyn to leave, not only because she was smart and good at her job, but because it felt right to have her around. Shit. And she was a good sight to see. With those tempting pink lips of hers, the softness of her deep brown skin, and that beautiful frown on her forehead when she was concentrating.
I ignored my beating heart and walked out to Lo to inform her no one could come up today, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw a frozen Haelyn in front of the closing doors of the elevator.
Her round eyes stared at the ringing phone in her hand as she swallowed a lump in her throat. She put the device to her ear and I stepped forward, my hands reaching out to her.
“Haelyn.”
“Did something happen?” she asked the other person on the end, her voice cracking as her steps sped up to her office without a look my way.
I stood there, my hand still in the air as I registered her disregard. As much as I knew she had every right to never want to speak with me again, something told me it was more than that as the haunting image with the panic on her face settled in.
My heart picked up speed as I found myself wondering what I should do. Go after her with the possibility of making everything ten times worse or go back into my office and forget that anything happened?
I ground my teeth, turned on my feet and pressed the doorknob of my office with hesitance. This was the right thing to do. I had no business getting involved in her personal life—she was my assistant after all and I promised myself I’d keep a professional relationship.
Yet I couldn’t stop thinking about the way her head lowered as she walked past me, her eyes watching her feet step one after the other or the way she bit her lips in desperation.
Fuck it. I couldn’t just sit in my office pretending I didn’t give a shit.
I walked past the glass windows, heading directly to her office, then I knocked on her door with my breath caught in my throat, frustrated I couldn’t see through her windows. She was alone in there and somehow I knew something was wrong.
When I was about to knock a second time, a loud thud reached my ears and panic settled in my throat. I immediately burst into her room.
Her phone was on the floor, two inches from the top of my shoes as she slid down on the side of the desk, hugging her knees to her chest. She sucked in deep breaths, her chest rising and falling with rapid intakes of air. Her cheeks reddened as tears ran down.
Before I knew it, I kneeled down to her, my hand caressing her hair. She jolted, as if she didn’t even realize I was here before I touched her. For a few seconds, she stared at me with an emptiness I didn’t recognize, my heart aching at the sight of her.
What the hell happened?
When she realized I wasn’t leaving, she broke into sobs, her fingers latching onto my shirt. I dropped on the ground, putting a hand on her back until she rested her hand on my chest. I continued stroking her curly hair, hoping the action would calm her down the same way it calmed Lacey when Mom left us.
“You’re okay,” I reassured her, my lips finding the top of her head. I immediately inhaled the strawberry scent, my senses going crazy at the innocent closeness.
She shook her head, her pained cries getting louder. Each sound dug a hole in my chest. Sweat slid down my back as I found myself on a cliff.
What do I do now? How do I make her stop? How do I make her feel better?
What the fuck was wrong with me? I usually knew how to react in critical situations, but now my head was a fucking mess.
I took her burning cheeks between my palms, her red eyes watching me through rivers of tears. Even her lips trembled and I cursed myself for thinking about kissing her in a moment like this. Taking my attention back to her face, I caressed her skin with a thumb.
“Tell me how to make it better for you.”
Haelyn quietened a bit, her mouth falling open. “Why do you care, Tristan Graves?” she asked, her voice shaking.
The question caught me off guard. Why did I care? I had no fucking clue.
I grabbed a strand of hair and locked it behind her ear, my finger grazing over her lips. My cock hardened in my pants at the warm breaths cascading over my thumb. She waited for my reply and I wondered if I leaned down to kiss her right now, was she going to let me? Was she going to let me suck those sinful lips between my teeth? Was she going to let me hear her pretty moans?
Instead of acting on anything like that, I spoke the truth.
“I know I shouldn’t,” I whispered on the closeness of her lips. “But I can’t help myself.”
Haelyn was silent, her eyes dropping to my mouth as her own hand found the crook of my neck. She seemed like she wanted to say something—do something—but instead, she dropped her head back to where it was on my shoulder, a shuddered sigh rolling over between us.
“My mom,” she croaked out. “She’s—she’s been paralyzed for four years and the doctors think it’s time to disconnect her… from the machines.” Haelyn sucked in a breath, her fingers holding tighter on my coat. “I have two weeks to decide. Two weeks to decide whether it’s time to kill my own mother or not.”
My mind spiraled. Could her Dad be the one responsible for this? Was this why she held such a grudge against alcohol? I couldn’t imagine a young woman taking care of her mother on her own…
Then it hit me.
“What’s your mother’s name?” I asked.
She sniffled, looking up at me, but I was too frozen to return the glance. “Diane Ross,” Haelyn hesitantly replied. “Why?”
Diane Ross. The woman whose health care I had paid a portion of for one year.
The Vital Clinic had a yearly list sent to big donors where they could choose to anonymously help someone once their insurance rose to limits they couldn’t reach. When my eyes stumbled upon a woman named Diane whose husband was in prison after killing their son and who only had a daughter to take care of her, I didn’t hesitate to choose her.
How didn’t I make the connection sooner?
My air whooshed out of my lungs.
Haelyn Ross was Diane Ross’ daughter.