30. Tristan
THIRTY
TRISTAN
Later that night, after the movie we were watching ended, Sebastian and Nadia went to sleep which left me alone in the small living room with Haelyn. Neither of us made a move to leave. Instead, we kept our eyes on the TV, unsure what to do as silence surrounded us.
Even if Haelyn didn’t tell me the reason she couldn’t eat, I was glad she trusted me enough to tell the truth. We ate the pancakes together and when we got home, she finished a handful of the salad I made separately for her. It was more than she had eaten in the past few days, so I was pleased with the amount.
It was just a matter of time until she was going to get better and I knew it was the same for me.
No one knew about my addiction, and yet it felt natural to let it all out to Haelyn. While she said what any other person would, hearing it from her made me feel an ongoing urge to quit drinking.
I was going to throw away any alcohol in my house the moment I stepped inside.
“The snow is almost melted in this part of the city,” I heard a distant voice say and my eyes froze on the screen where a reporter was talking.
My lungs took a deep breath and I squeezed my hand on my knee, hoping Haelyn wasn’t paying attention to the woman. But when she stretched her neck to the side to look at me, I knew she heard as well. I stole five more seconds to watch her before hearing what I knew she was about to say, my eyes taking in her angelic face.
She was fucking gorgeous. With her dark skin, full lips, thick-lashed eyes, and narrow face.
There’s a difference between a beautiful and a captivating woman.
The beautiful woman got all the looks and interest in a room, her personality hiding deep inside her and so far away from reach. She’s a shield of confidence and power, holding control.
A captivating woman could also be beautiful, but there’s something about her that was luring you in. You didn’t know if it was the looks, the way she was scrunching her nose, her posture, or her attitude. You were just attracted to her without knowing the reason.
Haelyn was a captivating woman. She could clean a spot between her teeth and I was still going to watch her as the most interesting thing in the world.
She opened her mouth as we both stared at each other. We knew the moment we were going to voice that she had no other reason to stay here now that the roads—that were never closed—were open, everything between us was going to split in half.
“We should…” Haelyn started in a whisper, almost as if she wished I didn’t hear her.
I nodded, even if my chest ached. “Yeah.”
Her throat gulped and she bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes lowering on the hands resting on her lap. “Thank you for this break. I had a good time.” She looked back at me, her brows furrowed. She seemed in a battle with herself, choosing her words so carefully she spoke in slow motion.
“These two days felt like a breath of fresh air. I’m glad you stayed,” I admitted.
“You feel like a breath of fresh air” was what I didn’t say.
For some reason, our conversation felt like a goodbye. And maybe, it was one because once we got back to Los Angeles, the bubble we were now in was going to break. We were never going to get close to each other’s home and whatever attraction ignited here, was going to die as soon as we got into that car.
She slapped her palms on her jeans, then got to her feet. “I’ll go pack.”
“I’ll let Sebastian know we’re leaving.”
It was ten p.m., so I almost kept my word about spending two nights here. Even if I wronged them in the past, I knew they were going to understand once I explained.
I quickly followed her and our arms brushed when I straightened my back, looking down at her. Her eyelids fluttered the moment a shaky exhale passed past her lips and she dragged a hand up, hiding a curl behind her ear. Instinctively, my eyes tracked her movements, stealing my attention from her full lips to the curve of her neck.
Haelyn wasn’t even trying to seduce me—she was simply being herself—and yet I held my breath like a lion ready to attack at the mere sight of the expression on her face. She had her mouth open, a swallow traveling through her throat from time to time and the slightest blush painted her cheeks.
The clothes on my body began to feel restrictive and I pulled on my shirt to loosen the material, suddenly in need of more air.
How did she manage to make me lose my mind so quickly?
“I—” I started, but she interrupted me.
“Yeah.”
She knew I wanted to say the last thing I wished to do was to leave, but for some reason, she didn’t want to hear me say it.
Was that because it would complicate things even more or because she felt the same and was afraid of the feeling?
“Right,” she breathed out. “I’ll…” She pointed a finger behind her where the door to her room was.
I nodded, burying my palms in my front pockets. “Me too,” I gestured with my head to Sebastian’s room.
What the hell was wrong with me? Being shy like that?
Haelyn turned on her feet and my hand itched to catch her. I would’ve kissed her and showed her what she was going to miss once we were back, but it didn’t feel right.
Not with Haelyn.
The reason I wanted to grab her arm wasn’t because I was looking for a quick fuck.
At the realization, I was the first to leave, marching to my friend’s room. She stopped in front of her door, throwing me one last sad look before stepping inside.
Fuck.
This vacation was the worst idea possible.
With a sigh, I knocked on the door.
We were already on our second hour on the road and neither of us had uttered a word. When the clock hit midnight, I was expecting to see her folding into a corner and letting sleep take her. Instead, she stood wide awake with her eyes pointed ahead.
Maybe she was lost in her mind as I was now that the city we were living in was closer than the Mountains. The more I drove, the more I felt how we left the past few days behind, leaving a part there I didn’t want to forget.
In the last two hours, I kept replaying our moments at the cabin in my head, trying to keep every memory fresh—her sleepy face when we got there, the feeling of my fingers clenched in her, the laughter at the ski, the honest conversations. Everything ran through me in a desperate attempt to not leave anything out.
Never in my life had a woman made me feel like this—as if leaving the cabin stole what we had there.
No woman, except Haelyn.
“Look,” I heard her say, and I tried to hide my surprise. I thought the silence was going to stretch until we entered Los Angeles and I had to help her take her bag out of the back trunk. “You are my boss and I happen to love my job—it’s quite honestly the only thing I look forward to in a day.”
“And you are a valuable employee,” I assured her.
She took a deep breath. “Thank you. My point is, I would like to keep my job and not lose it over an almost one-night stand,” Haelyn explained, and I glanced away from the road for a second to see her frowned expression. “I’m not that type of girl, Mr. Graves. When I like someone, I commit to that person. One-time things are impossible for me because I can’t stop myself from getting attached, so I might as well direct those feelings to someone who wants a serious relationship, not just a fling.”
She didn’t have to name me to make me understand this was about us and that she thought I wanted her for one time, and then I was ready to discharge her. The fire burning inside me came as a confirmation that even if I had her in the back of my car right now, I’d be hard again as soon as I came.
‘Fling’ and ‘one-night stand’ were the words repeating themselves in my head because I didn’t know what I wanted from her. I knew the right thing was to leave this all behind and respect my promise of not sleeping with my employees, but I also knew that if I got the chance, I won’t be strong enough to refuse.
But was I going to commit for the long term? I didn’t know. Maybe.
Then, if I didn’t want a relationship, was I going to settle for friends with benefits?
Fuck no. Friends with benefits had no strings attached which meant she could see anyone else and I just had to stand there and swallow.
Was I going to let another man touch her?
Over my dead body.
If I couldn’t offer her what she wanted, was I going to let her see someone else?
Selfishly, no way in hell.
I took a deep breath, tightening my hold on the steering wheel. “You could never be a fling, Haelyn,” I said and stopped, afraid that much more was going to slip out.
“But could you give me something serious?” she asked, then threaded a hand in her hair and her tone gathered a sense of sadness. “Because no offense, I don’t know much about you, but I did hear about your activities with your previous assistants. So why would you do it for me?”
Because you ’ re different.
Because you made me forget the world exists for two days.
Because I didn ’ t feel like drinking when I was around you.
Because I liked to hear your laugh.
Because you ’ re smart.
I wasn’t surprised she heard that—especially with Sara as her guide at the beginning—but what caught me off guard was a completely different thing.
The sting of guilt in my chest was a rare feeling for me, but the burning paths of it hurt like a motherfucker.
Never in my life have I been so embarrassed about something I did, nor regretted it. Yet two years after that episode, Haelyn was the only one to make me feel all three at once—guilt, embarrassment, and regret.
And until now, I never cared about what people thought about me or what the newest gossip was. What bothered me was that Haelyn could hear it.
Sleeping with Blair was a foolish thing to do. I wasn’t even attracted to her, but I remember our sales dropped 20% that year and I wasn’t in the right state of mind. So I had her on my desk and before I knew it, I was called the assistant banger.
Glad that nickname didn’t reach Haelyn’s ears.
I struggled for some time to let Blair have her job, but the hushes at every corner when I passed by and the sudden flirts coming from my employees were starting to be tiring. So I fired her and since then, never laid a hand on any of my assistants.
Until now.
Fuck me.
“That rumor doesn’t reflect who I am, Haelyn,” I exhaled, my muscles tensing as soon as I told her. When I glanced to my side, her head was turned to me and her eyes softened.
She touched her temples with a sigh. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m a bit… stressed today. That’s all.”
I nodded. “If it helps ease the stress away, know the rumor isn’t real.”
Haelyn’s eyes rounded on me, her brows lowering on them. “It isn’t?”
“No, at least not fully. It only happened once, two years ago.”
A deep exhale filled the space as she fidgeted in her seat. “Gosh, I was so stupid to believe Sara out of all people.”
I didn’t blame her. After all, Sara had been in the company for longer than she was and it was natural to seek guidance from her even if it included putting her in trend with the rumors.
My mouth opened and I wanted to tell her I was willing to try whatever she wanted, just for her, but it quickly closed back.
Was I really willing?
I couldn’t promise something when I didn’t know if I was going to respect it.
“I don’t think I’m ready to commit to something long term.” I barely forced the words out, my teeth clenching over each other.
Fuck. That was the opposite of what I truly wanted to say. Something along the lines of ‘I’ll learn to function in a serious relationship if that means having you’.
So by telling her a lie, I avoided getting her heart broken in the future. Because Haelyn’s heart was the only one I didn’t want to break.
I had the courage to steal a glance at her, but I wished I hadn’t. Her eyes were unblinking, a path of water tracing the line from one corner of the eye to the other. She gulped and put on a smile, though her eyelashes were trembling.
She was hurt. But I did it for her. I did it because I wasn’t sure I was able to offer her what she needed and I didn’t want to shatter her to pieces while I was trying to be the man she wanted. I did it for her, not for me.
Because my heart was already shuddering.
“Let’s keep things professional once we get back to Los Angeles, okay?” she suggested, but her tone was bitter.
I clenched my jaw. “Professional is what I do,” I replied to what she previously said about relationships.
She sighed, rolling her eyes in her head. “That means no thousands of pairs of shoes, no eye-fucking me, no surprise trips, and no inappropriate comments.” Haelyn reached with her finger close to my face, trying to make her point proven.
At the word ‘fuck’ out of her mouth, my blood purred in my veins, enjoying the idea of performing that activity with her.
“Got it,” I let her know, though a smile crept upon my lips.
“What?”
I threw her a look. “When did I eye-fuck you?”
She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “The entire trip, and Mr. Graves, this question is part of the ‘inappropriate comments’ category.”
“True, but we’re also not in Los Angeles just yet,” I said matter of factly.
“Ugh,” she grunted, turning with her back to me. “I’ll rectify for you: we should start acting professional starting now.” She pressed her tongue on the roof of her mouth on the last word, then drew a crossword sword with her palms.
I couldn’t help but laugh at her adorable posture—with her legs stuffed to her chest. “Sure, but as a professional boss, I’d like to know when exactly I eye-fucked you so next time, I know to hide it better.”
When my eyes caught a glimpse of her face, heat rose to her cheeks, but she quickly turned her head away, treating me with her back. From a side glance, I noticed her middle finger lifting in the air.
She wasn’t going to reply to me, that I knew for sure because both of us knew the answer already.
I was eye-fucking her every time, though I didn’t think she noticed.