31. Haelyn
THIRTY-ONE
HAELYN
I should’ve been relieved he gave up so easily, that he didn’t put up a battle or ask any more questions, that he just took whatever I had to say with no comment to contradict me, nor try to change my mind.
Instead, I found myself glancing out the window, my chest heaving.
Truth was, I was angry at myself for wanting him to stop the car and tell me he didn’t mean what he said. I needed him to kiss me and tell me all the right things I was desperate to hear coming out of his mouth. I wanted him to see through my lies, lies I’d said out loud to protect my heart. Because inside me, I knew I’d take anything he was willing to give.
That only made me angrier.
No.
He said what he said and that meant zero chances for us. No more attraction, no more dark wishes, no more dreams about him. I was done with it.
Keeping a professional relationship was the best decision—I knew that—and he knew that too if he agreed with no sign of a fight. I wasn’t going to be just another fun night for him, or the simple woman he slept with because he found her attractive enough, not even an ordinary assistant who he fucks and discharges.
Deep down, in the vastest part of me, I was aware we were never going to work. Not only because of my principles, but because he seemed like he was never going to commit to anyone and I wasn’t willing to fix him just so he could discard me and find his love story with another.
That’s what always happened with broken things: they got fixed, then someone else—not the mender—loved them. And truth was, Mr. Graves was as broken as I was, and one thing I knew for certain: we weren’t going to repair each other. We were only going to do more damage.
So I did my best to ignore my stupid heart, which was beating its way out of my ribcage in a desperate attempt to reach his, longing for a chance. My stomach curled and butterflies escaped at the mere masculine smell of him and in that moment, I wished I could never breathe so I didn’t inhale his addictive scent.
I wished I was immune to him, to all of him. To the way his rare smile made my insides flip, or the shiver one single look sent down my spine, even to the burning heat of his presence. They were all affecting me in the worst way possible.
We weren’t made for each other. We were some simple adults attracted to one another, but nothing more. And because we were adults, we could cooperate and not cross that line ever again.
Or at least that was what I was trying to tell my brain so I could cope with the loss of something I’ve never had nor ever will.
While the smart part of me settled on the idea that Mr. Graves and I were over, the other part was acting stubborn. It displayed moments with us in my mind as if wishing us to fail and allow a single slip to bring our fantasies to life.
“We’re here.” His deep, low voice made my eyes shoot open. Unlike the past few days, his tone sounded as cold as an iceberg, and I wasn’t sure if I hated it or if I was glad he was keeping his part of the bargain.
I decided I was grateful.
Good.
But I also despised it.
I dropped my feet on the car mat, stretching my hands to slip my shoes back in. His eyes watched me closely, burning spots everywhere they ran on my skin and I offered him my profile, not wanting to give him a chance to talk this through.
Staying meant being close to giving in.
My lips formed a smile. “Thank you for the trip again. I had a great time.” I said what I had to say to not make things weird between us.
Once I had my shoes on, I laid an arm in the back of the car to grab my jacket and got out. Soon after my door clicked shut and I found my way to the trunk, the sound of his footsteps followed.
His steps rang into the darkness and the car’s lights illuminated the road. I squinted my eyes, not recognizing the place at first, but then I remembered he didn’t know where I lived and brought me back to Merielle’s place. I wasn’t going to tell him about it and instead, would walk home as soon as he left the street.
The trunk opened and I took a step back, not wanting it to hit me in the goddamn face. Mr. Graves came to stand next to me with a shirt and a pair of pants to shield him from the freezing air.
As soon as my luggage came into view, I hurried my head under the door and got a hold of my bag’s straps, then dragged it outside by my body. I didn’t dare to glance up at Mr. Graves and instead, looked at a random building and put on a smile.
“Well, good night. I’ll see you at work,” I turned around and kept my breath in my throat, afraid that letting any air out would expose what I truly wanted.
I wanted him to ask me to go home with him. No. Shut up . I wanted him to leave me alone.
I wanted him to tell me he wanted something serious. No, I wanted him to keep a professional relationship.
I wanted him to say he couldn’t get me out of his head. No, I wanted him to tell me whatever was between us, meant nothing. That way, I could’ve gathered my broken pieces and put them right back, knowing we weren’t possible.
Everything I thought I wanted was out of the question.
Whatever was between us was going to fade in a couple of days, or even hours. It was just a matter of time until I realized I was stupid for my desire for him and his persona. Or for his childhood story, or the way his eyes glistened when he talked about his father, or…
No.
No-uh.
I straightened my spine and started walking when a voice stopped me.
“Haelyn.”
By his tone, I knew I should’ve kept walking, but something kept me in place. My mind was telling me to go, yet my body refused to obey. So I glanced at him over my shoulder, my pulse quickening.
He was standing behind his car with his palms buried in his pockets as the muscles on his arms flexed. I wasn’t able to see his eyes from here, but I could feel them all over me.
My legs squeezed together.
Mr. Graves came closer, letting his car run. “I can’t let you go,” he said when he reached the spot behind me.
It was strange how at his mere presence, my back burned in awareness and my limbs froze as if he had some kind of spell on me.
Did I hear that right? Did he say out loud what I was thinking? If not, how did he know to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear?
I couldn’t believe my own ears and instead, I tried to dim down the butterflies in my body, the goosebumps rising on my skin and the erratic breaths coming out of my mouth.
God, he should’ve let me go. Confessing that made things ten times harder for us. I didn’t want to let him go either, but we just had too many reasons not to be together. Both of us were still too fragile and broken to deal with the reality of a relationship.
The only way it could’ve ended for us was catastrophic.
I closed my eyes shut. As much as I wanted to enjoy his words, I couldn’t. If anything, pain pierced my chest.
When he noticed I wasn’t going to say anything, he took another step, his chest touching my back. He ran a finger on the exposed skin on my neck, his warm breath falling over me. I suddenly felt as if we were on a sunny, hot day.
“I don’t want to let you go,” he murmured, his lips pressing on the back of my throat.
The way he rephrased the sentence didn’t go unnoticed. If anything, it made the fire burning inside me fire up more and the battle inside my mind turned more brutal.
Unconsciously, I let my head fall on his shoulder under his touch. “And I don’t want to fall for you,” I admitted.
He took a breath with my body in his arms, shuddering us both as he removed a curl that was getting in his way. “Then let’s both give in tonight. Let’s give each other one chance to try. If it doesn’t work out, if it was just something we had to get out of our system, then we walk away. We know we’ve tried. If you no longer want me after, I’ll let you walk away. Keep it professional, whatever you need. I promise.”
As much as I hated it, what he said made sense. We could try, see if the attraction died once we had each other and then figure out if we should walk away or struggle some more.
No.
I shook my head, but made no move to remove myself from his embrace. “We can’t.”
His hand slipped under my shirt and jacket, teasing the skin above the zipper of my pants. I tensed, gulping at the warm flicker passing through my belly.
“I need you,” he urged. “Like a fucking desperate man who’s never had a woman in his life. Haelyn, if you didn’t realize that yet, you made me forget about the existence of any woman I met before you.”
I gulped and smiled so freely my cheeks hurt. God, he had his way with words and I would’ve been a fool to say I didn’t squirm in happiness the moment I heard them.
No. Get it together.
I knew I was about to end the charade and give in soon. My only hope was he’s going to step away before that happened.
“Damn it.” My voice croaked when his fingers traced under my panties. “You want everything that has a pussy between her legs,” I breathed out the moment his thumb covered my clit, arching my back into him. My fingers dug into his cold arm. “You want anyone just to prove to yourself you can have whoever you want,” I continued, one of his fingers entering me. “If—if it wasn’t me, it was Sara. If it wasn’t Sara—ah,” I moaned, biting my bottom lip. “It would’ve been anyone else.”
His teeth bit the lobe of my ear and I shuddered, feeling the slick between my legs. He was putting his anger on me, lashing with no shame. “I would’ve never fucked, Sara,” Mr. Graves said in a grave tone. “I made a promise to myself about my assistants,” he spit out while the softness of his fingers inside me turned into a volcano about to erupt.
“And what am I? I’m your assistant.”
He grabbed my neck next, grunting. “You don’t think I can keep my cock in my pants?” Mr. Graves asked, but wasn’t expecting an answer. “I thought I made myself clear that it happened one time and it didn’t mean shit to me. She wasn’t like you, Haelyn. You make my mind swirl every time you are around and if it isn’t fucking obvious by now, I want you. Fuck, I’ll make you walk around naked and keep my hands to myself if that would prove just how I want you to be mine. With or without clothes.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t even know if I should say this because when I’m with you, I have no control over myself, but it’s not just your body that I want. And call me an idiot or whatever you want, but I never felt like this and I don’t know what to do—let you go or make sure you don’t slip between my fingers?”
I moaned, not able to contain the sound from rushing out of my mouth.
This was everything I wanted to hear for so long. This was like a sweet song that brushed my ears, like the sun on a summer day kissing my skin. No, scratch that, it was better than anything I lived before. It was better than any victory, any achievement, or any type of wealth.
“I do know one thing, Haelyn Ross. I want you.”
My stupid heart felt important.
My mind woke up at his confession and I snapped my eyes open into the darkness. I stilled, just now realizing we were in the middle of the road and any passing human or car could see us. Yet I didn’t have the courage to make him stop—not when I wanted it with every cell inside me.
“You don’t even understand,” he whispered in my ear with a laugh. He almost sounded in pain. “No one has made me feel what you make me feel and I don’t know how the fuck to label it, but I know I want you. I want you, Haelyn. Any other woman could be in front of us, telling me to have her instead, and I’d still send her to walk away.” Mr. Graves’ breaths were uneven when he rode me with a twist of his finger to my orgasm.
I wasn’t sure if it was his words or his fingers that made me come so quickly.
“One chance,” he pushed as I shuddered into his arms, clinging onto him like a goddamn monkey and my legs trembling on the ground.
God, he felt so good.
Because I wasn’t in the state to say anything else, I gave him a curt nod. Luckily, he got the message because the next thing I knew, I was thrown in the back of his car.
This night was what we needed to figure out what to do next. Then, we weren’t going to be as confused about what we wanted from each other.