33. Haelyn
THIRTY-THREE
HAELYN
“Oh my God, Merielle. Are you okay?” I asked, rushing to her the next morning.
When I woke up, I had dozens of missed calls from her. I tried to call her back, but she didn't reply. Luckily, she left a message.
Merielle
St. Paul Hospital. I need you.
I didn’t hesitate and got out of bed from under Tristan’s arms, in a hurry to put my clothes on and get there as fast as possible. He barely was waking up from his sleep, but somehow proceeded to drive me here.
Merielle looked up at me with red eyes and tears dried on her cheeks, as she kneeled down in front of a chair. Her hair was a mess, showing just how many times she nervously played with it.
“You’re here,” she whispered and grabbed onto my shoulders the second I leaned to her. Merielle broke into sobs, her fingers clutching my skin.
I looked around, trying to figure out what happened. She was in my arms which meant she wasn’t here because of her, but someone else. I froze, gasping for air.
“Merielle, are your parents okay?” I asked, my heart thumping in my chest.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Even though neither of my parents are dead, I knew better than anyone what it was like to lose someone that was once your family. Though I wasn’t sure what was worse. Your parents actually dying or feeling like they already did?
I counted the seconds that passed without any reply from her. I never saw her this way.
She broke away, wiping her tears with the upper part of her palm. Merielle nodded. “It’s… It’s David.”
My stomach sunk into the ground.
David? What happened to him? Why was he here? When did it happen?
Shit. I should’ve been here, not on a goddamn vacation.
I raised a hand and caressed the top of her head, my eyes softening with tears. If she looked like that, it meant it was bad. I sucked in a breath, not ready to hear what she had to say, but needing to know.
“What happened?”
She gulped, breathing harshly. “The night you left with your boss?” Merielle started, her voice breaking. I nodded, letting her continue. “Remember David called me a few times?”
My mouth stopped delivering air to my lungs. “I do.”
“He was working at the seaport and one of his colleagues didn’t see him at the unloading ramp.” She took a break, her eyes swelling with more tears as she glanced aside. Merielle looked down at her cuticles, already bleeding from how hard she was picking them up. “A container fell over his truck. Both of his legs are broken.”
Suddenly, all the oxygen vanished from the hospital. I supported my back on the wall, staring at a blind spot.
He… he had both of his legs broken and Merielle had been here going through everything by herself while I was unreachable. I should’ve been here by their side.
These people needed me once in their life and I wasn’t here.
“He broke up with me, Hae,” she burst out in a more violent cry, touching her chest with her palm.
My head immediately snapped back to her. “What are you talking about? What do you mean he broke up with you? He would never. David adores you.”
She nodded, the tears kept coming. “While he had surgery, Christian called me from his phone and I didn’t answer. When he woke up and found out, he was mad I didn’t answer him and gosh, he has every right to be. The first two days he was distant with me and I thought it was because of the pain he was going through, but today he asked me what I was doing when he called.”
I closed my eyes and banged my head on the wall. She was with me that night and she didn’t want to pick up the phone because I had been confessing my past to her. Because we were sharing a moment she thought was more important than David.
David broke things off with her because of me. I was an impediment in their relationship.
“Then he asked me where you were, because usually, you’d be right beside us and when I told him you were out of town he said ‘Ah, because if she was home, you wouldn’t be her.’” She imitated the grave tone of his voice, with a lump in her throat. “Was I really so bad as a girlfriend that he now thinks I wouldn’t be here for him if you weren’t out of town?” She broke again, looking for the answer in my eyes. “He asked me to leave, but I couldn’t—I can’t.”
I took a deep breath, placing a hand on top of hers. “No, Merielle. No.” I shook my head, caressing her. “You’re the best woman I’ve ever met. You have a heart so big you help everyone in need and because that was the case with me, your entire attention was on fixing me. But just because David didn’t need it that way, it didn’t mean he didn’t want your attention,” I explained with a sad smile. “I’m going to step away for a bit, to give you two space. I know you’ll figure things out?—”
“No, what are you talking about?” She shook her head. “I already lost my boyfriend, I don’t want to lose my best friend.”
I dragged her into my arms, tears rolling down my cheeks. “I’ll still be one call away, but you two have to work things out without me in the picture. You two matter the most now.”
All I wanted was to walk into that hospital room, see if my friend was all right, and be a rock for the two of them. But I had a feeling that if David saw me, it was only going to make things worse.
So instead of following my heart, I let my rational part win. I had to put some distance between us even if it hurt.
This was something I should’ve done long ago, but I was too selfish to do it. After that moment when I heard David complain to Merielle about their relationship, I should’ve stepped away.
I walked out of the hospital after five hours, trying and failing to keep my tears inside.
Leaving Merielle like that on the hospital chair was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It didn’t feel right. Not when for the past few years we shared every moment together—good and bad. But that was the problem. We did everything together and because of me, David and Merielle barely got time to enjoy each other. I was like a pain in the ass that didn’t want to leave.
God. I was the worst friend.
How could I have been so blind? Or did I notice everything but was too selfish to care about anyone else but myself?
Shit.
I gulped, placing a palm over my chest. I knew I was doing the right thing, but then Merielle was the last important person in my life and distancing felt like putting a big wall between us. Maybe that was why I clung so hard to her. Because I was afraid she was going to leave me just like the rest.
My feet carried me away through the parking lot. I had no idea where I was headed. It was cold as a frozen lake outside and I only had a jacket on top of my t-shirt, but I didn’t seem to care.
My eyes stung from the wind as tears continued to roll down my cheeks.
Why did I have to be such a mess? I was a package with past trauma, family issues, and problems that seemed like they were following me every step of the way.
That was what I was. I was a problem magnet.
Two repeated honks got me out of my thoughts and I snapped my head to the direction where the sound came from. I squinted my eyes and saw Tristan behind the wheel of his grey BMW. His brows met halfway on his forehead, eyes frantically searching over my face.
I stepped closer, sniffling.
He watched me walk to his car and the way he looked at me was as if he knew.
Was I giving myself away that easily?
I opened the door after recollecting myself and got inside. The warmth immediately reached me and I sunk into the comfort of the seat.
“Why are you still here?” I found myself asking, stealing a glance at him.
He twitched his jaw, the hand on the steering wheel flexing. “Did you think I was going to let you walk home alone?”
I knew it was a rhetorical question, so I didn’t bother to reply. I bit the inside of my cheek, looking out the window.
“What happened?” he asked so softly, it was as if he was afraid to upset me with his question.
What happened was that I got the prize for the worst best friend this year. But I didn’t say that.
“David had a work accident and he broke up with Merielle,” I explained, already feeling the rush of the tears approaching once again. He stood silent and waited for me to finish. “It’s my fault, you know?” I forced a raise in the corner of my mouth, seeing the confusion on his face.
“How could it be your fault?” he asked and then I felt one of his palms laying on my shoulder.
At the unexpected touch, my body instantly relaxed. I let a bubble of air out of my mouth before giving him a sincere smile.
Last night was amazing and in the real sense of it, we both changed. I was sure we were going to part ways once the sun was back in the sky, but after the fourth round that ultimately led to the eighth, made it clear to both of us that we couldn’t fuck each other of our system.
While we didn’t put a label on our relationship, things felt harmonious between us. The only thing last night did was prove we wanted each other more than one night and that it got us closer.
“I got between them and I practically lived at their house. They never had any privacy because of me,” I said.
“And how is that your fault?” he asked again, this time seeming somehow angry. “Was it your fault that you felt safe around them and they never gave you the message that you should leave?” He continued and then grabbed my palms in his. “A real adult would’ve told you how they feel. Yes, it might’ve hurt, but then you would’ve known what to do.”
I shook my head. “I can’t blame David for what happened.”
He agreed with a bob of his head. “No, but that doesn’t mean the fault is entirely yours.”
Another stolen smile. I knew he was saying what any other person would’ve said, but the look in his eyes was different. If last night he was watching me with uncertainty, today he looked at me as if I was forever his.
The butterflies in my stomach started flying. “Thank you,” I breathed out, then touched my temples. “I could really use a hot shower.”
He nodded, then put the car in drive. “We’ll go back to my place.”
My eyes rounded. Again?
“It’s fine,” I said. “I can go home. I have to unpack anyway.”
Tristan drove out of the hospital parking lot and before going out on the streets, he threw me a glance. “I’m okay with that as long as you unpack at my house.”
I laughed. Was he out of his mind? I couldn’t go to his house again—though I couldn’t find any proper reason to refuse him.
“Tristan,” I pushed, tilting my head.
His palm landed on the inside of my thighs and he massaged the spot there. “Just for a couple of days. I don’t want you to be alone when you’re upset.”
My chest heaves. “Is that the only reason?”
I watched a bob pass his throat before he sped on the road. “No.”
He didn’t have to say anything because I knew he was thinking what I was. That we spent the last few days in a bubble that was slowly closing on us and we were both afraid of the moment it would pop.
The blood flooded warmer in my veins.
Was this the right thing to do? Or was it better to insist on taking me home?
But since my first instinct wasn't to convince him to take me home so I could be alone, it meant I needed his presence more than I would’ve liked to admit.
What did that mean for us?
I wanted to ask. I really wanted to. But it could’ve also been the needle to poke the bubble and ruin everything.
I found myself taking my phone out, ready to text Merielle and ask her about what I should do when I realized what I was doing.
No.
Merielle and I were distancing ourselves so she and David could regain what they lost. Yet that didn’t mean our friendship was done. I was giving her the space she needed, but at the same time making sure she was okay from further away.
With a sigh, I put my phone back and bit my tongue as I glanced out of the window.
It was my fault they broke up, but it wasn’t going to be my fault for them not getting back together.