36. Tristan
THIRTY-SIX
TRISTAN
I couldn’t stop looking at her and while that was a common thing since I’d met Haelyn because of her outshining looks, it was different today. My eyes were locked up on her, hoping to find a moment where she was stealing a glance at me or when her body reacted to mine being near hers, but I couldn’t catch her dropping her walls. She was either very good at hiding her feelings or her feelings vanished when she read that cursed notification on my phone that morning.
She had every right to act the way she did. It was wrong of me to hide the truth for so long from her. I should’ve confessed everything the moment we got closer and maybe regaining her trust that way would’ve been easier. Because now, I had no doubt she thought I lied to her because I waited until I got her in my bed.
That couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Most of the time when I was around her, I forgot Chad truly existed. It was just the two of us and I analyzed every stare, every gesture, and every word carefully, curious to see if she was feeling the same.
Since that day, I couldn’t wait for the sun to go down, so I would go to sleep to dream of her. She was more addicting than any drop of alcohol had ever been and lived in my head rent-free.
It fed me. Dreaming of her, I meant. It fed me a sense of reality I knew I was never going to experience and I got worked up only at the thought of putting my head on a pillow and thinking about her. It made me pleased to see her, talk to her, and hug her in my dreams and mind, but it also hurt like a motherfucker knowing I ruined it all.
How was I going to watch her every day at work when she was impossible to get? Were all the dreams going to continue while she kept me at arm’s length? Were they going to stop? Were we supposed to leave fate to do its job and move on?
Was there a right answer?
Because I was desperate for my mind to be silenced again like it was in her presence. I was desperate to get a sense of how having her look me in the eye used to feel. I was hungry for the smallest touch—on my arm, shoulder, anywhere.
The memories of her were the only things keeping me away from alcohol.
Was I… missing her? Was that even possible when we spent so little time together?
We both sat on a couch in Gorig’s meeting room, waiting for him and his team to show up, but believe it or not, I couldn’t have cared less if we got the partnership or not. Gorig could’ve gone to hell. I did everything on my part to make this possible and if he wasn’t going to accept, I wasn’t going to insist anymore.
I burned the side of her face with my stare, hoping and praying she was going to look back even if it was to snap at me for gawking at her. But she kept her chin tall, straightened her back, and glanced at the presentation displayed on one of the walls.
There was a strange feeling buzzing in my chest at the thought that I was never going to be able to touch her, hold her, feel her, and smell that smell of strawberry she had imprinted on her clothes and hair.
Couldn’t she see how much I regretted everything? Or how badly I wanted her back? Or how I was at battle with myself not knowing what to do?
What was the right thing to do? Insist until she forgave me and not giving her the space and time to forget me or to let her make her own decisions?
Was she able to forget me, though? Because I knew I was never going to.
I opened my mouth to call her name when the door opened and a few people hurried inside. Gorig clapped his hands in excitement and took a seat at the head of the table, then offered Haelyn a smile.
“I’m glad you came, Haelyn. And my offer still stands.” He pointed a finger at her.
My jaw twitched. I was going to make that man eat his own balls if he suggested one more time Haelyn should work for him. It was as if the prick sensed that the bridge between us fell or maybe it was my imagination.
She nodded, returning the pleased expression. “Thank you.”
Gorig’s team placed their laptops on the table in front of us, glasses pointed at their noses. Haelyn and I got up and I stopped myself from placing a hand on the small of her back to guide her to our seats.
She took a deep breath and dragged the chair under her, the remote in her hands.
Did she eat anything today?
Haelyn started talking, presenting our profits and victories over the years, but my attention was all on her. On the way her lips moved so slowly, how she occasionally threw a quick glance around the room to see everyone’s reaction, at how she spoke so clearly and focused on my company.
I knew I was supposed to pay attention and to make occasional add-ons or more in-depth explanations, but it was hard to focus when all I could think about was getting her back.
And looking back in retrospect, I had an idea.
At some point, Gorig interrupted her. “That’s amazing. But what assets would your firm bring us if we have what you have and ten times more above that?” I shot him a look, but not because of what he said, but because he didn’t let her finish. “Why should we work together if not simply for your own benefit?”
She placed her hands on the table, raising her brow. “I’m sorry, but do you think your target audience is just the one you already have? It’s true your company is way more developed than Mr. Graves’, but when was yours founded?”
“In 1970, by my father.” Gorig nodded.
“In that case, your buyers and clients are just as old. Graves Automobile Company was founded six years ago and in two more years it might be standing on top of you. Having different audiences might be the exact reason you should consider this possible partnership as fitting. You’d be surprised with how many companies Mr. Graves has partnered with when they just started. Now, he owns half of those companies only because he supported them right from the beginning,” she said, the tone of her voice a challenge. “I’m not saying you’ll get to own a part of his company, but your sales will have a boost you didn’t think about. I took the liberty to make a sample test so I can prove I’m right.” She clicked a button on the remote and the slide changed to the potential profits in three years.
Gorig and his team spoke about it for a while and when their conversation was done, Haelyn continued.
“And before we finish, Mr. Graves came up with the idea of including you in a secret project no one has seen to this day.” An image of a car popped up, and then she continued to the mechanical part of the job and the room fell quiet. She looked back at Gorig. “This might change your perspective about the partnership.”
He got up from his seat, then walked around the table, and stopped to analyze the sketches. Groig’s eyes were big when he looked back at me. “No one has seen this?”
I shook my head, replying.
“Good.” He nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. His team started to gather their things and after a few moments of staring at the images in front of him, he talked. “We’ll get back to you once we discuss things. Can I get a copy of the presentation?” Gorig asked.
“Sure.” Haelyn got up and fished a disc from her purse, then handed it to Gorig.
I realized then I didn’t give a flying fuck about how this turned out because, in my eyes, Haelyn already won. She handled Gorig like a goddamn pro.
Ten minutes later, we were out of his office, and the meeting we waited for so long had ended. I thought I was going to walk out of this building with my heart beating out of my ribcage and while it was doing that, it had nothing to do with Gorig and everything to do with Haelyn.
I opened the exit door for her and she silently stepped out. When I noticed she was about to turn left with no goodbye or other words addressed, I caught her by the elbow.
“Let me drive you home,” I urged.
Without looking at me, she released herself from my weak hold. “I think I had enough time stuck with you in a room, Mr. Graves. You’ll get my resignation tomorrow morning,” she said and then just like that, she strode away from me.
Resignation? What was she talking about?
“Haelyn,” I shouted after her, but she didn’t stop.
Was she leaving? Because of what happened between us?
No. I couldn’t let her.
If she left, I wasn’t going to see her ever again. If until now I wasn’t satisfied with the mere sight of her, I agreed with myself that even that was better than not having her around at all.