Chapter Seventeen
M att and Christine arrived at the hotel. Julianna had offered to take his bunk and ride the bus back. Austin assured Matt he’d be fine on his own for the trip home. He also told Matt to stay with Christine and fly back to Nashville with her.
Christine raised her eyebrows at Matt. He raised his back.
Matt grabbed their bags. They rode the elevator and walked to their rooms.
Christine felt nervous and didn’t know what to say.
“I think we could both use a few minutes to get ourselves together. I need a shower for sure. How about I check on you in thirty?” Matt said.
“A shower sounds divine. Thirty should be great. Thank you.”
Christine stood under the water, which was slightly hotter than she normally tolerated, and allowed it to wash away the events of the day.
She wanted to block certain parts out and pretend they’d never happened.
Alicia had caused her so much pain, all over a perceived relationship that didn’t even exist. It would take a while to come to terms with what had happened and truly feel safe again.
Christine dressed in her Victoria’s Secret sweats, which Julianna had convinced her to buy, and a black tank top. She hoped Matt would find it sexy.
When he knocked, she jumped up, unlocked the adjoining door, and opened it.
His gaze traveled over her tank top.
She went back to the bed, where she sat leaning against the pillows on the headboard with her legs pulled up tight.
Matt sat at her feet and put his arm over her knees. “How are you?”
“I don’t really know. On the one hand, it’s over. On the other hand, it’s freaky realizing the danger was that close and none of us knew it.”
“I know. It was right in front of us, and we had no idea. Austin didn’t think some minor flirtation would go to Alicia’s head.
He thought he was being nice—friendly. But when you have Austin’s charm and star quality, women sometimes perceive it as more.
He may have led her on in a way he never meant to.
He feels bad about that, but he feels horrible about how it affected you. ”
“He shouldn’t. I chose to keep hanging out with him long after the threats. It was my decision. But . . .”
“Yes?”
“Do you mind if we don’t talk about this?”
“Of course not. What would you like to do?”
Christine froze. Would it be too much for her to say she’d like to do him? She stalled, a minute too long.
“If you’d like me to leave and give you some time, I get it. Just say so.”
Christine was losing the moment. It was time to take control. She had to do this. “What I’d really like to do, Matt . . .”
“Yes?”
“Is you. I’d like to do you.”
Matt reached over and tucked a strand of Christine’s hair behind her ear. His touch felt safe, like coming home.
“Christine,” he said. He pulled her to him and kissed her ear, then the side of her head. He used his hand to hold her chin and turn her face toward him. “Kiss me, Christine.”
She kissed him with the passion of a woman who was ready to be with the man she loved. She lay down, pulling him with her.
He reached under her shirt, cupping her breast and teasing her nipple. It hardened with his touch. She could hear his breathing speed up. He lifted her shirt and she leaned up, allowing him to take it off.
“Beautiful,” he said in a soft voice.
She shook her head.
“Yes. Beautiful,” he repeated, staring directly into her eyes.
He took off his shirt and pulled her to him, bare chest to bare chest. Skin against skin. She melted into him. They shimmied out of their pants, and she brought the sheet up over her body.
Matt pulled it back down.
She started to protest but stopped. He was looking at her, all of her, and he wanted to see her.
“I’m not on birth control,” she said.
“It’s okay. I’ve got it covered.”
She smiled, liking the fact that he had come to her room wanting her. This wasn’t mercy sex or mere consolation. He desired her, too.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“I’ve never been surer,” she said.
She had dreamt of this moment, lived it in her fantasies, and built it up to the point where it would be impossible for anyone to compete with her imagination. He didn’t just compete. He won. In a world surrounded by awards, Matt won the gold medal, the platinum album, the Emmy, and the Oscar.
THE NEXT MORNING, CHRISTINE and Matt cuddled in bed, her body wrapped around his. Matt rubbed her back.
She rolled onto her stomach and moaned. “That feels so good.”
He pushed the sheet down farther, exposing her back. She felt him trace the tattoo on her lower left side.
“What’s this? It looks like a kidney bean. And it says, ‘Was here.’”
“My left kidney was there until July of 2018.”
“The one you donated. Of course. To your cousin, right?”
Christine nodded.
“Must have made your cousin feel special.”
“Talk about feeling special. You brought your A game last night,” Christine said, rolling over and planting a light kiss on his lips.
“That’s just my normal game, hon,” Matt said, looking serious until he burst out laughing. “I can’t get away with a comment like that, can I?”
“Nope. But if that’s your normal game, I can’t wait for overtime.”
“Flight’s not until two o’clock. Game on.” He pulled her on top of him, and Christine couldn’t remember a time when she’d been happier.
CHRISTINE AND MATT MET IN the lobby after showering and dressing. He handed her a tea, made just the way she liked it.
“How did you know?” she asked.
“I know,” he said, kissing her cheek. “I called an Uber. It’ll be here in five minutes.”
“Thanks.”
Matt checked out at the front desk, grabbed the receipts, and took their luggage outside, where the Uber driver waited.
Last night and this morning had been wonderful, but now that she was in the car, riding along with time to think, Christine’s head was spinning.
There was so much Matt didn’t know about her, and she had issues to work through.
The last year had brought things to the surface that she’d tried to bury.
Last night had been traumatizing, seeing someone remember her high school shame and having it posted for all to see.
Her time with Matt had been everything she’d dreamed of, but until she worked on herself, she knew she couldn’t be the person he needed.
She stared out the window, not wanting to look at him. “There are things you don’t know about me, Matt.”
“Then tell me. I want to know everything about you.” He put his hand on her knee.
She drew a lazy circle on the window.
“Christine?”
She turned to look at him. “My limited experiences with men have not turned out well.”
“I’m not going to hurt you, Christine.” Matt reached for her hand and caressed her palm.
“It’s not that I think you will. But Austin didn’t mean to hurt me either. We may not have been romantically involved, but we do have a strong relationship. And it led to so much agony. And there was an incident in high school where I got hurt. It left me badly scarred.”
“Oh my God. Were you . . .? I mean, never mind. It’s none of my business.”
“I wasn’t raped if that was your question. But I was sexually assaulted. And it’s taken me over a decade to realize it was a sexual assault. I never came to terms with that. My point is, I just seem to have bad luck when it comes to guys. And I’m scared. I mean, really scared.”
“I’m kind of scared, too. I’ve never been in love. I’ve had a couple of girlfriends, but I’ve never felt the way I feel about you. But, Christine, the level of fear you lived with this last year is going to affect every aspect of your life. I get that.”
Christine turned his hand over, brought it to her lips, and kissed it.
“I don’t know, Matt. I have a lot to sort through and deal with.”
“I know you do. Have you ever heard of the Healing Trauma program at Oasis? It’s right outside of Nashville.”
“I went to a fundraiser for them once. I’ve heard they do great work.”
“It’s an intensive program to help people deal with an experience that overwhelms them. You’ve had two major traumas in your life. I think you should consider going.”
Christine nodded.
“I’ll call in some favors and try to get you into the next session if you’re interested,” Matt said.
Christine’s eyes met Matt’s. “I love you. You know I do. But I don’t know if the time is right. And I can’t even believe I’m saying that since I’ve wanted this for so long.”
“You don’t have to know now. When you feel like you’re ready, I’ll be here.”
She rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”
ALL CHRISTINE WANTED WAS TO collapse in her condo and be alone. But once she was there, she felt lonely.
She texted Julianna. Just got home. You?
About an hour away. What an experience the tour bus is. No wonder you stress about it.
It’s a moving boy’s dormitory. A lot of testosterone and odors.
How are you? Julianna asked.
Christine texted a frowny face.
Call ya when I get in?
How about you just stop by? And bring wine. Lots and lots of wine.
Uh-oh. You got it.
Later, when Christine and Julianna were settled on the couch with a bowl of popcorn on the table and wineglasses in hand, Julianna asked Christine what had happened the night before.
“It was great. I mean, everything I’d wanted happened. My stalker was arrested and no longer a threat, and Matt was with me.”
“ With you , with you?”
“Oh, yeah. In every way.”
“And how was it?” Julianna asked, sipping her wine.
“Amazing.”
“So that’s good, right?”
“Right up until this morning, when it all came crashing down on me. I’ve spent months living in fear because of my relationship with Austin.
And I nearly got raped in high school. The idea of starting a relationship right now causes a panic attack.
In some ways, I never expected to have a chance with Matt so I wasn’t prepared.
A fantasy is one thing. Reality is another.
I thought I had dealt with all my crap. But I haven’t.
I never have. Until you made me acknowledge it, I refused to even call it an assault.
But it was. And that memory and fear have never left me. ”
Julianna leaned back against the couch. “Oh, Christine.”
“Matt recommended I go to Oasis for trauma healing. I think it’s a good idea.”
“I think it’s a great idea.”
“I need help, Julianna. Until I get myself sorted out, I’m no good to anyone.”
“That’s fair. Think Matt will wait?”
“He said he would. What do you think?” Christine asked, her eyes rimmed with tears, hoping Julianna would say what she wanted to hear.
“I think Matt’s the type that would wait for you forever.”
Christine reached over and hugged her friend. “Thank you.”