Chapter Eighteen
C hristine walked out of the Oasis building to see Julianna leaning against her car.
Matt had stayed true to his word and finagled her a place in the trauma healing session that began just ten days after she returned home.
She’d spent the week in an intensive program seeing and talking only to the program leaders and fellow attendees.
Matt had offered to pick her up, but she didn’t know what frame of mind she’d be in so she asked Julianna to do it.
Matt said he understood. She hoped he did.
Julianna wrapped her arms around Christine, who returned the hug. “Hello, my friend,” Julianna said before letting her go and grabbing Christine’s suitcase. She threw it in the trunk and they got in the car.
“Well?” Julianna asked.
“My therapist believes I have PTSD after a year of cyberbullying and being stalked, and then, of course, the incident from high school,” she said.
“No surprise there. That’s good, right?”
“Yes. That’s what I expected. She recommended I find an outpatient therapist. I need to work through some other issues as well.”
“Like what?”
“Self-esteem issues that I’ve had since high school. It’s amazing how those years affect us into adulthood. And equating men with danger. It flashes through my mind more often than it should.”
“That’s a lot to focus on at once.”
“Yeah. Who knew I was such a wreck?” Christine said.
“We’re all wrecks in our own way. But you have had more to deal with than most. You have a right to be a bit of a wreck.”
“But that’s what this course helped me with.
It addresses emotional pain, compulsive behavior cycles, and disconnection that follows a traumatic experience.
Those are all things I’ve been doing since even before Alicia.
But when I pushed Matt away, I came face-to-face with my behavior for the first time. ”
“And speaking of Matt?” Julianna raised her eyebrows.
“Don’t. I’m not ready to go there. It was only a six-day program. I need time,” Christine said.
“Let me ask you just one question.”
Christine narrowed her eyes. “What?”
“Do you still love him?”
Christine’s voice fell to a whisper. “Yes.”
CHRISTINE WAS MAKING DINNER when her phone chimed with a text.
It was Austin. Hey, Chrissy. I hope you’re going to be home tonight because I’ll be at your place in an hour.
Christine smiled. She was ready to see him.
I have plans with Julianna at eight.
I’ll be there by seven.
Christine changed out of her big, stained T-shirt and put on a blouse. She ran a comb through her hair and put on a little mascara and lipstick. She didn’t want Austin to think she was a total mess—especially if he was reporting back to Matt.
She opened the door to see him holding a bouquet of lilies and grinning like a fool. “Get in here,” she said.
He wrapped her up in a hug, twirling her around the room. “God, I’ve missed you,” he said. “My therapist told me I needed to see you. She was right.”
“Your therapist?” Christine had no idea what he was talking about.
“Do you really think I didn’t need some help after this? My God, woman. You’ve been through hell because of me. That’s some pretty heavy shit.”
“So, you’re saying it’s not all about me?” she asked, a big grin on her face.
“Ha. That’s what I’m saying.”
Christine moved into the kitchen. “Want a beer?”
“Yeah, but only one. I drove here.”
“Smart call. ’Cause I’m not driving your drunk ass home.”
“Those days are over, Chrissy. I’m growing up. Oh, damn. Sorry. Christine.”
“Nah, call me Chrissy. It’s been healing to hear it come from someone I know cares about me. Like ripping a Band-Aid off, but very slowly. And are those drunk days really over?”
“Okay, they aren’t totally over. But it’s time. Hell, I’m thirty-two.”
“Your bio says twenty-eight,” she said. She handed him the beer and they sat on the couch. “What’s this visit about? Personal or professional?”
“Both. I needed to see you. How are you?”
“I’m okay, Austin. I mean it. I’m really okay. Matt was spot-on about sending me to Oasis. It’s intense, but you leave with a set of tools that help you through the tough times.”
“Matt’s always spot-on. With everything.”
“Yeah, he is,” Christine said.
“Did my Chrissy just make dreamy eyes?”
“Shut up.”
“Okay. Moving on. Remember back when I asked you to consider coming to work for me?”
“Yes.”
“Hear me out. I’m starting a publishing company. It’ll be small at first, probably just two writers and myself. But I need a song plugger, and I want you.”
“You’ve helped raise my clout quite a bit. And thanks to you saving our company, I’m being treated well where I am. I got a promotion and a raise,” Christine said.
“I’ll double your salary.”
Christine froze. “You’ll what?”
“I’ll double it.”
“You can’t. You already overpaid for me to live here.”
“I can and I will. And it’s not pity pay. Starting a business is a twenty-four seven job. You’ll earn every penny.”
“You can’t afford that.”
“I’ll be able to soon. Residuals are coming in off my hit songs, I’m touring, and I’m selling loads of merch. Next year will be even better,” Austin said, his eyes glowing.
“Can we say loads of product? The word ‘merch’ still causes me to break out in hives.”
“Ugh. Sorry. But I can afford it,” Austin said.
“And if I say no?”
“I’ll have to hire someone else. But I don’t want to.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“I am. What do you say?” He gave her two thumbs-up.
“When do you need an answer?” Christine asked.
“No rush. I hired the writers and want them to focus for a few months on writing every day. I’m paying them a small salary for the first year, so they don’t have to worry about a draw.
It’s not much, but it’s what I can afford, and they can at least pay their bills.
I know what it’s like. I was in their shoes before writing my first hit.
Once we have the songs we feel are worth taking around, I’ll need you. ”
“It’s intriguing.” She sat up straighter, her eyes wide as she considered the possibilities.
“You’re not going to turn me down, are you?”
“I don’t know, but I promise to consider it.”
“Okay. I know you have plans with Julianna, so I’m gonna run. We’ll be a powerhouse together. I don’t want to do this with anyone else.”
They stood and she walked him to the door.
“Did I mention I plan to give you a percentage of the company?”
“Austin.”
“I’m just saying, it’ll be well worth it to come work with me.”
“You’re hard to say no to.”
“That’s the plan. Although you’ve found it easy enough to say no in the past. Can I ask you a question?” He put his hand on her arm.
“You know you can.”
“Did I ever tempt you at all?”
Christine looked at his gorgeous face. He truly was a beautiful person, inside and out. “Of course you did. More than you’ll ever know.”
“Then why did you always turn me down?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I thought about saying yes many times. But if I must give an answer, it’s because I felt like you only kept asking because I kept saying no. And if I ever said yes, you’d have disappeared. I think your interest in me stemmed from the fact you couldn’t have me.”
“I think it was more than that. But I won’t lie. It did keep me interested. That and the fact I think you’re one cool chick.” He smiled his gorgeous smile and gave her a wink.
“I didn’t want to risk what we had with a one-night fling. And I was pretty sure Matt wouldn’t go in after you. So to speak.” Christine blushed, making Austin laugh.
“So to speak. No, that probably would have ended any possibility there.”
“Then I’d have slept with you, lost our friendship, and lost any chance with Matt.”
“Might not have happened that way.”
“But good chance it would have. I could have lost you both.”
Austin nodded, accepting the answer. “Love ya, girl.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Love ya back.”
He stepped outside just as Julianna opened her door. She peered out at them.
“Jules! What’s up, gorgeous?” He gave a salute and walked toward the elevator.
Christine raised her eyebrows at Julianna, who shrugged and headed toward Christine.
“Jules?” Christine asked.
“I told him not to call me that,” she said.
Austin stepped into the elevator, whistling on his way. He waved as the doors closed.
“Anything I should know about?” Julianna asked.
“Nope. Not yet . . . Jules ,” Christine said. “Anything I should know about?”
“Nope. Not yet.”
Christine stared at her. “Watch yourself with that one.”
“If and when the time comes, I will.”
“Fair enough. Hey, there’s a songwriter night at the Bluebird tomorrow. Want to go?” Christine asked.
Julianna looked at Christine with a big smile on her face. “You’re going to be okay, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. I’m going to be okay.”
THE PAIN WAS SEARING. Alicia plunged the knife in repeatedly.
Christine tried to fight her off, but nothing made it stop.
Right before Alicia lunged one last time, Christine opened her eyes and glanced around to see that nobody was in her bedroom.
She always left a light on at night. She wondered if she’d ever sleep without a light on again.
She felt another stabbing pain in her stomach. Cramps. She stumbled to the bathroom and discovered that, once again, she had let her tampon supply run low. “When will I ever learn?”
Christine called in late to work. It was the music industry. Nobody showed up on time anyway.
She threw her hair up in a bun, slapped on some lipstick for good measure, dressed in baggy jeans and a fitted T-shirt, and made her way to Target.
She tossed her list of items in the cart.
“Lightdays, tampons, Pamprin.” She added shampoo and conditioner, a box of facial cloths, and a six-pack of toilet paper.
Waiting in line at the checkout counter, she glanced at a rag mag and wondered once again how anyone could believe the stuff they published.
“Christine?”
She shut her eyes. “No,” she said. “This could not happen twice in one year. Fate is not that cruel.”
“What?” the cashier asked.
“Just talking to myself.”