Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Five
As the crew piled into the mess, Sofia noticed that Jack was not there, something she was both grateful for and keenly aware of. Every time someone came in or out of the room, she found herself unable to relax until she checked who it was.
Petra leant in close. ‘Don’t worry, I don’t think he’s coming.’
Sofia wanted to know why, but instead she said dryly, ‘I’m not worried. I’m over it, remember.’
Petra whooped, drawing attention to what had been a discreet aside. ‘That’s the spirit, girl!’
‘What are you two bambinos chattering about?’ Patricio, like Declan, was a bloodhound for gossip and the two of them crowded around the girls, leaving Stuart to sip his whisky alone at the table. He was looking a little dejected tonight, Sofia thought.
Petra gave Sofia a look, a look that begged, Can I tell them? Sofia knew it was probably a bad idea to expose her ill-advised personal life to her colleagues, but the drinking was already holding her better judgement hostage. She shrugged and then nodded.
Petra beamed. The cat who’s got the cream, or very salacious gossip. ‘Sofia, well she hooked up with Jack.’
Patricio trilled his tongue, slapping Sofia on the back with a force that left her momentarily fearing she might lose balance.
Declan was quiet, and then softly he asked, ‘Really?’ He was looking straight at Sofia. If she had thought that his feelings towards her had completely dissipated, the hurt in his eyes told another story.
She felt awful, and heard herself repeating the words that had cut her so deeply that very morning: ‘It was just sex, it didn’t mean anything.’
Declan just nodded, looking away. Sofia felt like she’d broken his heart all over again.
Noticing that the air had grown heavy, Patricio valiantly tried to recover the mood. ‘Just the sex? OK, honey, tell us all about it. Is he as good as all the ladies say?’
Sofia couldn’t help herself, dryly asking, ‘All the ladies?’
Patricio laughed, a little uneasily, his attempt at repairing some levity falling flat. ‘Well, you know, when he came back to Capri, there was always some commotion. It’s a very small island...’
Sofia wasn’t surprised. She’d heard before that Jack had a reputation. Why then did it feel like a punch in the stomach hearing Patricio talk about Jack’s salacious past?
Sofia wanted to change the subject. ‘So where are we going out tonight then?’
Patricio too seemed relieved that they were talking about something else. ‘I have a friend who owns a bar just down from the marina. It is just a small place but she says we can drink for free, so...’
‘So it’s perfect!’ interrupted Petra. She had stayed silent amid the exchange of strange tensions, swaying slightly from side to side, but now she was back in the room.
‘I think we should head out before eleven,’ Petra announced, gesturing over at Stuart. ‘What do you think, Mr Keep to Yourself, over there?’
Stuart shrugged. ‘Whatever you want, Petra.’
Sofia wondered what had gone on between them. In the midst of her own drama she had neglected to check in. She thought about her old friends back in London, how she had placed herself at the centre of a story that turned out to be about Erica’s pain, and felt a pang of shame. She seemed to lose her ability to be a good friend in direct correlation with the romantic turmoil in her own life. She needed to work on that.
Despite herself, Sofia looked back at the boat one last time as they stumbled across the dock, half expecting to see Jack running to catch up. As Petra had predicted, he had never shown up. Sofia tried to ignore what she feared was a sense of disappointment and determined that tonight would be about her friends.
When they arrived at the bar, they were all drunk, Patricio and Petra merrily so, the other three in varying degrees of ennui. Sofia was trying her best to have a good time, but Declan and Stuart were doing a less convincing job. Both were sullen, throwing back drinks but refusing to dance.
Petra went out to steal a cigarette off someone. As Sofia danced with Patricio, his arms tight against her waist as he dipped her dramatically, she spotted Stuart suddenly looking animated, stood by the bar, chatting with a pretty, dark-haired woman who seemed to be laughing a little too hard at whatever he was saying.
When Petra came back in to join them, she pointed over at the pair as soon as she saw them. ‘Who is that Stuart is talking to?’ she shouted over the music, right into Sofia’s ear.
‘No idea, but they’re looking a bit cosy right?’ Sofia shouted back.
Petra frowned. They kept dancing but Sofia could see Petra straining to keep an eye on the activity at the bar. Sofia was facing away from it when Petra stopped suddenly in her tracks, as if the music had been cut off in a game of musical chairs. Sofia swung around in time to see Stuart locked into a passionate kiss with the woman he’d been talking to.
Sofia wasn’t sure how Petra would react. She suspected that her friend had feelings for Stuart, but she had always denied them, and maybe they really were just friends. Something about her expression in that moment, though, told Sofia that even if Petra herself hadn’t realised it until just then, she could no longer pretend that there was nothing between them.
As Patricio spotted the scene, whopping and clapping encouragingly, Stuart leant back, the lipstick smeared across his chin matching the rising blush creeping up his neck. In the commotion, Petra rushed for the door and Sofia glanced over to see Stuart’s face drop as his eyes followed her out the bar.
Outside, Petra had procured herself another cigarette. She was sitting on the kerb when Sofia found her. Petra offered her a drag as Sofia settled down beside her. Sofia shook her head.
‘Talk to me,’ Sofia said gently.
Petra sighed. ‘What is there to say really? If I were giving myself advice, it would be the same that I gave you this very morning... Let it go.’
‘I didn’t think you liked him like that,’ Sofia probed, and Petra gave her a bemused look.
‘Didn’t you?’ She smirked.
‘Well,’ Sofia conceded, ‘I suspected of course, but when you said you were just friends, I don’t know... that also made sense to me.’ She thought back to those precious moments with Jack where she had thought they might be friends. In retrospect, maybe that’s what she should have held on to, instead of making everything so difficult and tense by giving in to a crush.
‘I just didn’t want to make the same mistake all over again. The captain made it clear that she wouldn’t tolerate any kind of relationships on board.’ Petra’s voice pulled back Sofia out of her own thoughts. ‘It was fine with Jack because there were no real feelings there... but Stuart.’ She stopped as if afraid that saying it out loud might make it too painful to bear.
‘We’ve only had that one drunken kiss, so I guess this is all a complete over-reaction from me. He obviously moves fast—’ she gestured vaguely at the bar behind them ‘—so it’s probably all in my head, whatever I thought was going on.’
Sofia thought about how many times she had had this exact conversation with the women in her life, and many more times she would have it in the future. It was a sort of universal phenomenon that when they were left feeling hurt and confused, the blame would be turned inwards. It was their fault for ‘misinterpreting the signs’ or for ‘expecting too much’.
‘For what it’s worth, Petra, you’re not delusional. The way he looks at you, I’ve seen it. You’re not imagining anything.’
Petra had a go at a smile, her eyes welling. ‘We really must stop all this crying,’ she said sternly, shaking her head and swiping her finger under her eye to fix up her running mascara.
Sofia stood up and held out her hand, pulling Petra to her feet. ‘Fake it till you make it,’ she said as she fixed Petra’s fringe. When they went back inside, Petra danced even harder than before, with her back to Stuart.
It was only when it came time to leave that anyone realised that Declan had disappeared. While Stuart had been otherwise occupied at the bar and the other three had been dancing the night away, Declan had slipped away from his quiet spot in the corner.
‘I thought you two were together.’ Patricio was looking around anxiously, but talking to Stuart.
‘He was otherwise occupied, I believe,’ Petra interjected, a bitter edge to her voice.
Stuart looked agitated. ‘I swear he was right there. I only looked away for... for a bit.’ He faltered, stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking defeated. ‘I’m sorry, everyone.’ It was hard to tell if he was apologising for losing sight of Declan, or something else.
Sofia felt sorry for him. ‘It’s not your fault, Stuart; you’re not his babysitter. He can’t have gone too far. Anybody got his number?’
They all checked their phones.
‘How do I not have his number?’ Patricio exclaimed, frustrated.
‘We all live together all the time. It’s one of those weird quirks of yachting – it never seems the right time to exchange contact details,’ Petra said as she scrolled through her contact list. ‘Jack might have his number?’ She glanced over apologetically at Sofia as she said this. ‘I’m going to give him a call and see.’
As the phone rang they stood outside in silence, waiting for the pick-up. Eventually Jack’s voice rattled through. ‘It’s three o’clock in the morning, Petra. What’s going on?’
Petra got straight to the point. ‘We’ve lost Dec. Do you have his number?’ Rustling on the other end and then a sigh.
‘I’m coming to find you guys. Where are you?’
‘There’s no need, Jack. We don’t need a knight in shining armour; we just need his number.’ Petra raised her eyebrows at Sofia knowingly as she spoke.
‘I’ll send it over to Stuart now. Stay on the line with me. I want to see if he picks up.’ Even in absentia, Jack was taking control of the situation. Stuart’s phone pinged, and he dutifully dialled. All Sofia could hear was their steady breathing and the continuous ring. Declan didn’t pick up before it went to voicemail.
‘OK, I’m on my way. Send me your location.’ Jack hung up before Petra had the chance to respond. She did as she was told.
‘What if he’s hurt?’ Patricio asked, his voice full of genuine worry. ‘Declan! Declan!’ he yelled up and down the street.
Petra put a comforting hand on his shoulder ‘I’m sure he’s fine.’
It was hard to believe her. If his phone was off and he was drunk and wandering back towards the marina alone... Sofia shook the thought from her head.
Everyone was restless, and having to wait for Jack felt like a waste of precious time. ‘I’m going to go look for him,’ Patricio declared, marching off.
‘Wait...’ Petra tried to call after him, but it was useless. ‘Great now we’re two down.’ She checked her phone again. ‘Where is he, dammit?’ she muttered under her breath.
Her phone rang just then and the three of them jumped. Petra checked the caller ID, waving Stuart and Sofia away as they peered over her shoulder. ‘It’s just Jack.’
‘I’ve found him,’ Jack said simply. They all let out a sigh of relief. ‘But you better come meet me. He keeps saying he doesn’t want to talk to me.’
‘Where are you?’ asked Petra.
‘Literally just by Lady Shelly. He’s sat right here, legs swinging off the pontoon, no idea where he got a bottle of vodka from...’ Jack tailed off.
In the background of the call, Sofia could faintly hear Declan yelling, ‘You betrayed me, man. You lied to me!’
‘What’s he talking about?’ Petra was hearing it too.
‘I don’t know.’ Jack’s tone was defensive, clipped. ‘Can you just come and help me out with him?’
‘On our way, Captain Jack.’ Petra hung up. ‘Now where the hell is Patricio?’
Earlier it had seemed like such a long way, but sobered by the events of the evening, Sofia noted that the walk was only about fifteen minutes.
When they got to the boat, Declan was wailing incomprehensibly into the dark, bottle in hand, legs swinging over the water. Jack stood to one side a few feet behind him, talking furtively with Patricio, who’d found his own way back to the harbour. As Sofia, Petra, and Stuart approached, Jack and Patricio stopped talking abruptly, both crossing their arms. Side by side like this, Sofia’s drunk brain thought that Patricio looked like Jack in miniature.
‘There you are, Patricio. We thought we’d have to send out another search party!’ Petra exclaimed.
Jack caught Sofia’s attention and she searched his eyes for any sign of the tenderness they had held the night before. But the green was frosted and he looked away quickly, addressing Stuart. ‘We can’t let the captain see him. Can you help me get him on board?’ Jack was all business.
Stuart and Jack flanked Declan, each bending to grab an arm. Declan flailed like a wild animal. ‘Get off me, man. I mean it.’ The venom directed at Jack took everyone by surprise.
‘He’s only trying to help,’ Sofia said, her voice barely more than a whisper.
Declan sniggered, but there was a meanness in it. ‘Oh of course, the two lovebirds sticking together. What a surprise.’
Jack stepped away from Declan, clearly taken aback. No one spoke for a moment.
It was Patricio who braved the silence. ‘I’m going to head back on board.’
Stuart jumped on the life raft. ‘Me too,’ he said, jogging after Patricio.
Petra turned to Sofia. ‘Do you want me to leave you?’
Sofia knew that this was her mess to sort out. She nodded. Petra shot Jack a look.
‘Let’s try and remember that it takes two to tango, Jacky. If there is to be any blame, you can’t lay it all at Sofia’s door.’ When Jack didn’t respond, she waited, hands on her hips.
‘Yeah OK, sure,’ he muttered finally. Petra didn’t look satisfied by the response but she took it, running to catch up with the others.
Sofia was left with Declan and Jack. How had it come to this? she wondered.
Jack didn’t even look at Sofia when he said stonily, ‘I see you took it upon yourself to tell everyone about...’ He paused and she held her breath. She wanted to know more than anything what exactly he thought last night had been. ‘Us,’ he concluded, and she let out the breath, none the wiser.
‘Well, after you took it upon yourself to tell the captain, it seemed only fair that everyone else should know too.’ She felt defiant; maybe it was the shots still coursing through her blood. She wasn’t going to just lie back and take it.
Jack scoffed, ‘Oh right, like I was the one who ran away?’
‘I went to make us coffee, Jack.’ Sofia was indignant. Jack’s expression flickered, the stony mask slipping for a moment, and Sofia thought she spotted something like surprise, or maybe regret.
Their exchange was interrupted by a loud sob coming from Declan. ‘I want to talk to Sofia.’ He sounded like a toddler having a tantrum.
Sofia took one last look at Jack. He didn’t say anything, just ran his hand through his hair exasperatedly. It was up to her to fix this mess, it seemed. She sat down tentatively next to Declan. He wrapped his arms around her, the bottle falling into the water below with a loud splash. Declan buried his head in the nape of her neck and started crying softly. Sofia pulled him closer.
‘I’ll leave you two to it.’
‘OK.’ She didn’t turn around as Jack walked off.