Chapter 25
"There he is."
Damon's eyes flew open at Steven's booming voice.
Matt followed their oldest brother into the room.
"Hey, when did you guys get here?" Damon pushed the button to raise the head of his bed.
"Just arrived," Matt said. "We dropped our bags at Fischer House, said hi to Mom, and came straight here."
They both approached the bed, and one at a time, clasped Damon's hand then leaned in and pressed their shoulder to his in a semblance of a hug.
"You look like warmed over meatloaf, man." Steven's voice was laced with humor.
Their family always used dark humor to deal with uncomfortable, sensitive situations. Damon was glad this was no different.
"You should have seen me a week ago." Damon studied his arms. "At least they finally removed the IV and all the cords and sensors and let me shower."
With the help of a nurse. Male nurse, thank goodness. But that didn't make it any less awkward. Despite the steady regiment of pain meds they were keeping him on, he nearly passed out in the shower.
The simple fact that he needed help to bathe meant he was right to send Grace away. It wouldn't always be like this, he knew that, but that didn't mean he wouldn't still be a burden on her in many ways.
"You went a whole week without showering?" Steven's nose wrinkled.
"Longer than that. I was out on assignment before—" Damon's throat seized up at the snippets of memory that assaulted him of the explosion. The ones that haunted his dreams last night.
"In the meantime, he’s probably had some hot nurse giving him sponge baths." Matt teased, pretending not to notice his struggle.
Damon snorted. "If you call robust and forty-something hot."
"Well, it looks like you're going to live." Steven's head bobbed.
Every time Damon started to feel sorry for himself, he had to stop and remember how lucky he was to be alive. It was easier said than done.
"Looks like it." A smile, the first one in over a week, pulled at Damon's lips. "You suckers are stuck with me."
"You always were an attention seeker." Matt's gaze shifted to his leg. "But did you really have to give us the biggest scare of our lives?"
"Go big or go home, right?" Bantering with his brothers almost felt normal. It was exactly what Damon needed right now.
Might as well get the awkwardness over with. He tugged the blanket up to expose his stump of a leg.
Stump.
He was still trying to get used to that term.
"It's got a compression wrap on it, so you can't really see anything, right now, but it's pretty gnarly."
Hideous was more like it. He'd been completely unprepared for how grisly it would look when the nurse took the bandage off this morning before his shower. Dr. Campbell assured him that once it was fully healed, the scars wouldn't look so bad, but Damon wasn't sure he believed him.
"Still looks pretty swollen." Matt surveyed his leg.
Damon winced as a stabbing phantom pain pierced the bottom of his non-existent foot. The phantom pains started yesterday, and according to the doctor, they could last from a few weeks to a couple months. Possibly even years.
Damon was not thrilled with that news. He hoped it was the former and not the latter.
"Doc said it could take six to eight weeks for the swelling to go away completely."
"When do they fit you with the prosthetic?" Steven asked.
"Shortly after that, but it will only be temporary. I probably won't get a permanent one for twelve weeks or so."
Matt looked around the room as if searching for something. "So, you're getting around on crutches in the meantime?"
"Wheelchair. I'm still too weak and unsteady for crutches."
"Well, don't you look spiffy." Mom walked into the room carrying a small gift bag. "They must have let you shower. How do you feel?"
"Better, but I couldn't believe how utterly exhausting it was."
"I'll bet." Mom set the bag at the foot of his bed and patted his right leg. "Remember what Dr. Campbell said. 'It's a marathon, not a sprint.’ Healing takes time."
"I know."
He'd thought a lot about what Dr. Campbell said Damon’s first day here. He decided he was going to do his best to make the most of this second chance at life and live each day with gratitude and purpose.
With the guilt that ate at him, the nightmares that soaked him in a cold sweat, and the shroud of depression that hung over him, it was going to be much harder than he thought. Not to mention the monumental effort it took just to go to the bathroom.
"Did Grace get off okay?" Matt asked Mom.
"Grace?" Just her name caused Damon's blood pressure to spike. He couldn't decide if it was in a good way or a bad way. "She's still here?"
"Well, not anymore." Mom smoothed his blanket. "She just caught the shuttle to the airport."
Why had she stayed when he told her he didn't want her here?
"What's the matter, Damon? Did she forget to come kiss you goodbye?" Steven's tone was teasing.
Damon gave his mom a questioning look. He’d thought the whole family would have heard by now that he’d broken up with Grace.
Mom returned his gaze, her expression innocent.
"You didn't tell them?" His question was quiet.
"Tell us what?" Curiosity was written all over Steven's face while Matt studied Damon carefully.
Mom's eyebrows arched, telling him that if his brothers were going to find out he broke up with Grace, it would be from him. But he wasn't sure he wanted to tell them. His family loved Grace and would think he was an idiot for letting her go.
Maybe he was. But they wouldn't understand that he did it for Grace's sake. So she could move on with a man who could give her everything he couldn’t.
Just the thought twisted a knife in his chest.
"Nothing," Damon mumbled.
Mom gave him a lecture three days ago, right after he broke up with Grace, about how just because he was hurting didn't give him the right to hurt others. She'd also told him that pushing away the ones who loved him the most wouldn't make him feel any better.
She was right, but it didn't change the fact that Damon knew he'd done the right thing.
"What's in the bag, Mom?" Matt asked.
"This..." Mom picked up the small gift bag. "...is a gift for Damon." She handed it to him. "From Grace."
He stilled. Why would Grace give him a gift after the way he treated her?
He looked at the three sets of eyes watching him. Steven's were expectant. Matt's contemplative and observant. And Mom's held a challenge, as though daring him to reject Grace's gift.
He opened the bag to find two small boxes. The heaviest one contained a new cell phone with a sticky note attached to it. Figured you needed this to continue adding things to your bucket list. You have a new one for your Dumb Things I've Done list.
The sticky note on the second box—a heavy duty case for the phone—read: This was the most durable case I could find, but I doubt it can stand up to an IED, so stay out of trouble. P.S. Sorry if it's too soon for that joke.
Yep, Grace fits into the family perfectly.
Yesterday, he'd finally reached the point that he felt clear-headed enough to wish he had a phone. He wanted to thank everyone who had sent well wishes via his mom, and he needed the connection to family.
"Grace had to get a new sim card for it, but it has your old number. So most of your contacts should still be there, including all of the family."
He swallowed the lump in his throat as he gripped the box. He was touched that Grace had gone to so much effort and expense.
Matt must have noticed the tremble in his hand, because he perched on the edge of the bed and asked. "Would you like me to help you unbox it and get it into the case?"
"Thanks." He shoved it at his brother as his mom caught his eye, the challenge still on her face.
"I'll be sure to thank her." The words were quiet and wholly inadequate, but they seemed to pacify his mom.
The conversation quickly changed to Steven and Matt's kids which Damon was grateful for.
Proud Daddy, Matt, showed him pictures of their baby who was now two months old.
They laughed and talked, almost like old times, but a pall hung over the room, everyone aware that things were going to be different for Damon now.
The new phone buzzed on Damon's lap. Matt caught sight of the name on the screen and grinned as Damon picked it up.
Grace: I know you don't want me there (I refuse to believe you don't ever want anything to do with me again) but you were there for me when I needed you, so I'm going to be here for you. Whether you want me to be or not.
She's so stubborn.
He used to love that about her, but now...he found it annoying. How was he supposed to get her out of his head and heart if she refused to leave him alone?
"What did she text to make you frown like that?" Matt studied Damon's face again.
"Nothing."
The door swung open and a young attractive nurse walked in, saving Damon from having to answer further. "Time for your pain meds."
After she made her notes on the computer and walked out, Steven muttered, "Robust and forty-something my foot."
Matt chuckled.
Mom looked at them. "What are you talking about?"
"Nothing," they all said in unison.
She rolled her eyes and gave them a scolding look before pulling out her phone. "Did I show you the pictures of Daniel and Riley's baby?"
They continued to discuss the latest family news, and before long, Damon's eyelids drooped.
"His meds always make him so tired," Mom said, getting to her feet. "We should let him rest."
"Wait," Damon looked at his brothers. "How long are you guys staying?"
"Just until Sunday." Steven turned to their mom. "Have you decided whether you're going to fly home with us or not?"
"I don't know yet." She cast a worried glance at Damon. "I have some things I need to take care of at home, including finishing up my Christmas shopping and wrapping presents, but I hate to leave Damon."