Chapter 9
Who am I kidding, of course he does. I nudge him with my elbow. “You should go do it.”
He looks like a little kid set free in a candy store. “You think?”
“I mean, you don’t need my permission, but yeah I think you want to do it, so you should.”
“You won’t think I’m dumb?”
Since when does he care what I think?
“I mean, I always think you’re a little bit dumb.” I try to make it obvious that I’m joking, but sometimes my delivery is off.
With a smirk, he starts removing his flannel, and I can see him gearing up to perform. The soft cotton is off, and he drapes it over my bare shoulders. The familiar scent of pine that clings to Reid Hastings wafts over me.
Maybe I’ll get away with accidentally keeping it to sleep in tonight. He looks at me with a bit of nervousness. “Here I go.”
I smile. “Go get ‘em cowboy.”
This feels good—right. I’m already lighter than I was earlier today. Riley finally breaks herself free from her various suitors and ends up back at my side. I barely acknowledge her because my eyes are on Reid as he approaches the bull.
He’s talking to the operator, and I can’t make out what he’s saying. The operator hands Reid his hat. He must have asked to borrow it. Reid would need a full costume before he’d be willing to put on a show. If I know him, this is about to be a full-on performance.
That hat makes me think he could pull off the cowboy thing. This image will haunt me. I’ll be uniquely tortured by my imagination with images of Reid shirtless and wielding a lasso. He throws his thigh up over the edge of the bull and makes himself comfortable.
It looks like he’s been doing this his whole damn life. Reid makes everything seem easy, and he looks great while doing it. He knows it too. His eyes scan the crowd until he finds Riley and I.
With a tip of his borrowed hat and a wink, he grabs at the center of the bull, and it takes off.
It’s rocking back and forth intensely, but Reid barely moves.
His knuckles flex a little, but it’s all the strain he needs to stay on.
The operator cranks it up even higher, and I see the bartender smirk.
They’re doing their best to throw Reid off, but it’s not working.
I’m not sure they realize Reid is one of the most daring downhill mountain bikers there out there.
A mechanical bull is no match for him and his solid core.
Reid gets distracted and damn near loses his grip, but he gathers himself quickly. His t-shirt is molded to his arms and as they flex, so does my stomach. This is some sweet kind of torture.
The timer goes off, and the crowd is cheering. The bartender and the operator both look disappointed. Reid jumps off the bull and lands in a crouch. He tips the hat over his face and then dramatically holds it out towards the crowd before throwing it back to the operator like it’s a frisbee.
I’m smiling foolishly, and I can’t help it. Riley is staring at me, and she probably has been for a while. A hot blush creeps up my cheeks, and I do my best to blame it on the alcohol. I’m sheepish as I ask, “What?”
I know exactly what, but it doesn’t hurt to try and feign innocence.
She gives me a look. “Come on, Ad.”
I am not having this conversation today. I’ve never explicitly told Riley about my crush, but she knows. She makes it incredibly obvious that she knows—constantly trying to get me to talk about it. I shut it down every time, and she usually drops it. I’m hoping that trend continues tonight.
I’m pretty sure everyone knows except for Reid. At least I hope he doesn’t know…that would be mortifying.
Riley looks exasperated. I get it, I’m exasperated too—I wish I could get rid of this crush, but I just can’t, and I don’t know if I ever will.
“You have to take a chance and tell him. You can’t let the fear of him saying no keep you from finding out if he’ll say yes.”
“It’s not that easy.”
She pulls me into a side hug. “It kind of is, babe.”
It’s really not, but I don’t want to argue with her anymore, and Reid is making his way over here. Part of me figured we might not see him again tonight, that a sexy cowgirl would sweep him away after that performance and he’d sneak his way into a real bed tonight too.
He comes back, and I find it in me to give him a high five. I start to take off his flannel to give it back to him, but Reid stops me and pushes the sleeve back up on my arm.
“Keep it. You look cold.”
Reid is awfully concerned about me being cold tonight. More people line up to ride the bull, but I sure as hell won’t be one of them. I swear I see Kai in line for it, and that shocks me. It’s hard to picture the peaceful ‘go where the river goes’ guy from earlier riding a bull.
The three of us go back to our table, but it’s taken. We find a corner booth and squeeze in together. This will be the first time we have had alone time together in awhile.
All of us used to see each other at the resort at least once a year. But as we’ve gotten older, we see each other less and less. Lately I’ve been seeing Riley on my own. I can’t remember the last time that the three of us were together.
I love them both, but they’ve never quite connected. They’re so similar that they clash. Right now they’re doing a good job, but I’m sure they’re only trying for me. They both know how worried I am about this downhill season and how little faith I have in myself to make it.
Often I wonder if they understand my anxiety so well because they have the same fears that I do.
That I’m not cut out for mountain biking, and I never will be.
That I’ll hesitate on a jump and crack my skull open.
That my parents are right and I’m molding myself into a ‘dirty hippie’ just to piss them off.
How do they know my fears without me sharing them, if they don’t also think those things about me? Their kind words help, but I’m sick of requiring them. They’re being gentle with me—dimming their own brightness to make my darkness more palatable. I hate it.
Tonight I’m feeling bright, maybe not bright enough to hop on a bull, but bright enough to giggle with my friends in the corner of a cheesy bar.
I wish I could bottle this up and sip on it when I’m feeling down.
We don’t leave the bar until after midnight.
It’s way past my bedtime, but I’m loving every minute of tonight.
I packed a change of clothes and put it in the back of Reid’s van before we left.
We stumble outside, and Reid grabs my bag for me.
He even goes so far as to throw it in Riley’s rental car.
I start to take off his flannel once again, even though I don’t want to part with it.
As soon as the warm fabric is gone, goosebumps spread across my arms. Reid hands it back to me. “Put that back on little lady.”
His country accent is pitiful, but it forces a girlish giggle out of me. I cover my laughter with my hand, and he pulls it down from my face. He holds onto my hand for a moment. “I’ll cya tomorrow, Blondie.”
That ridiculous nickname actually sounds kinda cute this time, with his fake accent.
I must stop reading these romance books. They’re fucking with my head—making me believe that one lingering glance means something, when logically I know it never could.
Riley barely had a sip of alcohol all night long, so she drives us to the hotel. Usually I’m the responsible one who makes sure everyone gets home safe, but it’s a relief to be taken care of for once, even if I do feel guilty about it.
The heated seats feel heavenly, and I slump against them, taking in my first true inhale of the night. I’m always holding my breath a bit around Reid—unable to fully let go for fear of my feelings slipping out. I don’t have to worry about that in front of Riley.
She cranks the music as soon as she sits down. It’s a light acoustic tune, as it usually is with her. It relaxes me. The air is chilly for a summer night, but I still find myself wishing we had the windows down. We’re pulling into the hotel parking lot before I know it.
It’s luxurious—lots of the hotels in downtown Jackson are. It’s one of the richest towns in the U.S. despite being in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by cattle. As soon as we walk in, a young man takes our bags, even though I’m sure typical check-in protocols ended hours ago.
A grumpy receptionist leads us up to our room and explains where the gym and spa are. She emphasizes the hours of the spa, and I can tell she’s pissed we checked in this late. I’m sure she’d rather be scrolling on her phone right now.
We make our way into the room, and I plop down on the bed furthest from the door. I’m not sure why, but I always take that one. It’s not even a conversation anymore after how many times we’ve shared a room.
Riley still seems wired. She’s taking off her makeup and talking to me about what we’re going to watch. I hate to break it to her, but I’m in no mood for reality trash right now. I’m exhausted.
We’ve only been on the road for one day, but still, ten hours of driving is inherently tiring. Especially when you’re driving through no man’s land, and there’s nothing to pique your interest. All you have is you and your thoughts, and man, I’m sick of my thoughts.
I desperately want to fall asleep and dream about a life where I’m not so fucking anxious.
A pillow covers my face, and I can barely hear Riley rambling on in the bathroom. She finally notices I haven’t replied. I smell her sweet perfume before I hear her. Riley tugs the pillow off my face, and I don’t have the energy to fight her.
“You loser. I thought we were gonna watch reality shows and do face masks.”
“We can do that tomorrow.”
She huffs, but apparently realizes I’m a lost cause and throws the pillow back at my head. “Fine, but you have to do your skincare.”
“Do I, really? What’s one night?”
“Yes, Addie, you must.”
I’m sure I’ll thank her for this in the morning, but right now I kind of want to slap her. Anxiety is draining. I’ve lived ten lives today just imagining different disaster scenarios in my head.
Dragging myself to the bathroom, I notice I still have Reid’s flannel.
It looks kind of cute wrapped around my sundress.
I’ve finally achieved that effortless Pinterest vibe, and it’s all thanks to Reid.
I still can’t believe he brought my boots for me.
Reid has never been much of a planner. I tuck that shred of hope away in my heart to savor later.
And I fall asleep faster than I have in months.