Chapter 22
The stars lead the way back to the campsite, but Reid isn’t here yet. Who knows if he will be back tonight. Maybe he’ll leave me out here alone while he goes to the blue haired girl’s room.
Once I park, I close up all of the windows and double lock all of the doors. I make sure to add the interior lock to the side door, and then I get ready for bed. I scrub my lips—they feel dirty. Callum barely touched them with his own, but it felt so wrong. I have to remove any evidence of it.
He was the first guy I’ve kissed in a long time. I’m starting to wonder if I’m the problem, because it never feels like they describe it in books. It always starts off feeling good—warm, nice—but it never goes past that. Never reaches my toes and makes me curl into it.
My bed feels lumpy. I can’t get myself comfortable, so I lay there watching videos of Chloe riding, reminding myself how lucky I am to be able to ride again instead of focusing on the fear.
I send her a text telling her how much I respect her, and it makes me feel a fraction better.
Just as quickly, I’m reminded how much time I wasted pushing her away.
I need to be better about telling people I love them.
What if she had died today and I had to face that failure forever?
Headlights stream in through a sliver of exposed window by my bed. I left it open some so I could see if Reid came back. He did. I’m disappointed by the relief that swarms me—I swat it away, but it comes right back.
The gravel shifts under his tires, and I hear the faint sound of his van shutting off. I should let him know he can shower, but I don’t. He’s the last person I want to see tonight. I hold my breath while I wait to hear if he’s going to come knock on my door.
He doesn’t. I’m not sure why I’m surprised. I’m sure he showered with that girl.
My meditation app streams through my ears, and I’m convincing myself to relax when I hear the lock on my door being fiddled with. Panic surges through me, and I fumble for my mace and pocket knife.
The person at the door is mumbling angrily. It doesn’t sound like they have innocent intentions. I swallow deeply and prepare to shank them as hard as I can with my measly pocket knife.
I swing the door open, forcing the dark figure backwards as I shine the flashlight of my phone right at it. Mace at the ready, my heart thumps hard against my rib cage.
“Addie, stop. Fuck—stop!”
It’s Reid, and he’s shielding his eyes with his arms. Even though he’s not an actual intruder, I hit him with the edge of my phone. “Why would you scare me like that!”
“I have a key!”
“Fucking knock, dude. It’s the middle of the night and we’re in a weird field.”
Realization crosses his face, and I soften. “I didn’t know if you were coming back. I thought you were a murderer.”
His lips turn downward. “Addie. When have I ever not come back? We’ve talked about this.”
I shrug like it doesn’t matter, but unfortunately the moisture in my eyes gives me away.
He pulls me into him and out into the chilly summer air.
Tears are flowing before I can even attempt to stop them.
They’re soaking through his shirt but he doesn’t seem to care…
he just holds me closer, and I never want it to end.
Once I start to breathe again, he pushes my shoulders back so I can look at him. He’s inspecting me for something as he tilts my chin. “I didn’t expect you to get high tonight.”
My shoulders cave in again in a shrug. Apparently that’s my signature move tonight. I can’t believe he even noticed me smoking. A flash of something crosses his eyes before I can name it.
“So, where’s your boyfriend?”
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
His eyebrow raises high, urging me to continue. “Nothing happened.”
My fingers graze my lips and he catches my hand before I bring it back down. He’s accusatory. “Did he kiss you?”
I don’t know why he sounds mad, but it pisses me off. “Why does it matter?”
He faces away from me. “It just does.” There’s a vein pulsing in his throat.
“No, Reid. Tell me why it matters to you who I kiss.”
“Because I care about you, Addie. I don’t want you to get hurt.” He adds that last part as an after thought.
My eyes are rolling, and I feel my heart rate rising. Does he fucking expect me to never kiss anyone?
“I’m a grown woman, Reid. I can kiss whoever I want.”
His Adam’s apple bobs. “I know you are.” He shifts back and forth. “So, did he kiss you?”
I sneer at him, “Did you kiss the girl with the blue hair?”
“No. I wasn’t interested in her at all.” His brows are furrowed together.
“It sure looked like it. With her in your fucking lap like that,” I say with a scowl.
“Oh you’re one to talk, innocent Adelaide. You were letting that East Coast loser feel you up in there.” He almost sounds hurt.
“I can do whatever I want.” My arms cross under my breasts in defiance.
His hands are reaching out for my shoulders—holding me in position to stare at him while he talks. “Addie.” He’s imploring me with his eyes. “Did. He. Kiss. You?”
Each word is punctuated with a long pause. It gets harder to breathe each time he starts again.
I nod, and that glimmer of emotion is back in his eyes. It almost looks like jealousy.
Reid’s voice is strained. “So, where is he then?”
“At his hotel. I ended things. It didn’t feel right.”
He steps back and looks me up and down. I’m suddenly self conscious of my Pj’s, and I step backwards as I bring my arms up to hug my torso. Before I can register what’s happening, he’s sweeping me up into his arms, and my legs wrap around his hips. It’s instinctual.
My back presses into the cold metal of the van, and it buckles under the pressure. His green eyes are stormy, full of something primal. It makes my breath catch, and I try to look away, but he grabs my chin, gently forcing me to gaze directly at him. His touch is so tender it almost hurts.
“Addie.”
“Yes, Reid.”
“I’m going to kiss you.”
My vision goes blurry—the image of him before me fading in and out of focus. He’s grasping my face with his hands before I can make sense of what the fuck is happening. Is Reid actually about to kiss me? Was that weed laced with something else?
This can’t be happening.
He’s leaning in…I am too. My hands are threaded through his messy hair, and I swallow down my fear. Lust is bubbling up in my chest, threatening to spill over, and it gives me the courage to finally kiss the man of my dreams.
Before he presses his lips to mine, my rationality takes over. I unlock my legs and slip down between his hard body and the van. The cold metal against my back assures me I made the right decision.
Yes, this feels fucking good—finally having his attention on me in the way I’ve always craved.
But it’s not real.
I don’t know why he wants to kiss me now, after all of these years.
I don’t trust it. If we ever do kiss, I want it to be for the right reasons—not whatever this is.
He looks like a sad puppy, and his shoulders fall forward.
“I’m sorry, Addie.” His hands rake through his messy locks. “I just thought you…uh.”
Great.
He does know I have a crush on him. He’s probably always known, how embarrassing. I don’t reply—I can’t tell him I desperately want to kiss him. I can’t tell him that kissing him is all I think about when I lie awake at night. I can’t lie either, though.
My voice crackles where I want it to sound strong. “Why tonight, Reid?”
The look he gives me tells me enough—this is all some twisted competition.
He only wants me because someone else did.
It hurts more than it should. For a second, when my hands finally got to touch that hair, I let myself believe that he actually wanted me.
The tears are flowing again. “So, you don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me either? ”
He’s following behind me as I retreat to the comfort of Willa, and I slam the door in his face before I can hear what he has to say.
Today is fucked. It was set up to be wonderful, and then it all crumbled around me—as it usually does. Chloe is laying in a hospital bed, stuck. She may never walk again, and here I am lamenting over stupid shit like childhood crushes.
I need to get it together.
My phone dings with what I’m sure is an apology text from Reid. He had a brief moment of insanity, but I don’t need him to affirm that to me right now. I want the sweet silence that is sleep to take me away.