Chapter 5
The ride to the Whitaker home was silent, but it was a comfortable silence. Paisley sensed that Kydrick had allowed himself to feel his emotions when he excused himself to the bathroom, and she gave him all the time he needed while she spoke with Steven a little more about Kydrick’s funds and the steps they had to make to get them into the accounts they just set up for him. Of course, Steven took their time alone to remind her about their date. Luckily, Kydrick walked in at that moment, saving her from having to respond. She quickly ushered Kydrick out of the building, and they’d been lost in their thoughts ever since.
As soon as Paisley pulled onto her parents’ street, she felt Kydrick’s hand on her thigh. Chills shot through her as she glanced in his direction, noticing him looking out the window with an unreadable expression on his face.
“You okay?” she murmured.
It took him a few seconds to respond, and when he did, he turned to look at her profile.
“So many memories.”
Paisley parked the car and then met his gaze. “Is that a good or bad thing?”
“Both. There were many days I didn’t think I would be in the free world. I’m happy, but it also hurts. I miss my parents…”
His sentence trailed off as his eyes traveled toward the Whitaker house. Paisley’s parents bought the house when they married, and it had been home ever since. She grew up there, and she spent many days and nights with Janelle and Kydrick there, playing in the front yard and building blanket forts in the family room.
Paisley’s heart clenched as she thought about simpler times in tandem with Kydrick’s words. She couldn’t begin to understand the depth of his pain. The subject of his parents was one they typically didn’t talk about much, but she felt the need to dig a bit deeper at the moment.
After turning the car off and covering his hand on her thigh with hers, she squeezed his fingers and asked, “Do you want to go see them? Their graves? I go there at least once a month. It might be good for you.”
Kydrick stiffened while his jaw clenched. “Eventually. Not now.”
Paisley couldn’t do anything but respect that boundary. It was clear he wasn’t ready to face seeing his parents at the cemetery, and she didn’t blame him. Her parents were still alive, and she thanked God every day. Losing them was a pain she didn’t want to get acquainted with any time soon.
“How can I help?”
His eyes focused back on her. “You’re already helping. You’re the only good thing in my life right now.”
Paisley pointed toward her parents’ two story home behind Kydrick. “You know there are people in that house that love you, right? For most of them, that love has not wavered. You know that, right? I might have been fighting the loudest and the hardest, but those people were advocating for you too. I need you to understand that there are other people than me that love you.”
Kydrick shook his head. “I love them too, Pooh. You know that, but it’s only you… for me. You need to understand that.”
Paisley sat there and blinked, looking crazy, but she needed a second to process his words. Kydrick allowed her that because he got out of the car and rounded it slowly as she stared at the spot he had just occupied.
By the time her door opened, she had a million questions she wanted to ask. She couldn’t tell if she was reading into what he said too much or if Kydrick had actually hinted at wanting to be with her. He helped her out of the car, and when the door shut, they stayed in place for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes.
“What did you mean by that?” Paisley finally murmured, grasping for clarity.
Kydrick smoothed her long hair away from her face and kept his palm on her cheek, allowing her to lean into it.
“I know we have a lot we need to talk about. I’m not oblivious to whatever this is between us, but I need you to be patient with me. I know that’s a shitty thing to ask of you since you’ve been patient, but I’m just not ready to go there yet, P.”
Paisley’s face scrunched up as she took his words in. For some reason, they felt like a hit right to the chest, though she knew she should have been happy that he recognized there was something between them. Since they had never spoken about it before, she assumed her feelings were one sided, as they’d always been. She knew things shifted between them, and there was something there now, but she never allowed herself to feed too much into it.
His admission should have made her feel relief, but she somehow only felt disappointment. He had known for God knew how long that she had feelings for him, and he chose to ignore it. Not only that, he wanted to continue ignoring it. She understood why, but it didn’t hurt any less. All she had ever done was love Kydrick limitlessly. The thought of him being able to do the same had now entered the chat, and she wasn’t sure she could so easily ignore it.
As an empath, she understood that now was not the time to unpack her feelings, Kydrick’s feelings, or their situation. After clearing her throat, she straightened her shoulders and offered him a weak smile, deciding to change the subject. With shaking hands, she ran her palms over his chest, smoothing down his hoodie.
“Ready to see the family?”
A hint of a smile teased his features before he nodded and grabbed her hand. She noted that his grip seemed tighter than usual and quickly realized he was nervous. They were barely able to make it to the front door before it swung open, and Paisley’s mother barreled down the front steps.
“Oh, Kydrick!”
Alyssa’s cries must have alerted everyone else that they were there because Paisley suddenly found herself on the outside of a circle where Kydrick was in the middle and all the parents and her siblings surrounded him. Paisley wasn’t the only one on the outside looking in though. Her eyes happened to catch Janelle’s, who stood awkwardly at the top of the steps, wringing her hands. Paisley noticed Janelle had tears in her eyes, and she scoffed, stomping up the steps and brushing past her old friend.
“Paisley,” Janelle called out, grabbing Paisley’s wrist.
Paisley snatched out of her grasp and turned to glare at her. The anger she felt whenever she was in Janelle’s presence bothered her. She wanted to be unbothered, but the truth was, when Janelle abandoned Kydrick, Paisley felt like her best friend also abandoned her. Janelle left Paisley to fight for Kydrick alone. In a lot of ways, Paisley blamed Janelle for how consumed she had become with Kydrick. Being the only person he had to lean on was a lot of pressure, but she made sure she rose to the occasion. Had Janelle been there, though, a lot of weight would have been lifted off Paisley’s shoulders. It wasn’t even so much that she had broken his heart. Janelle had also basically said fuck the friendship and history she had with Kydrick and turned her back on him.
“What?” Paisley snapped.
Janelle recoiled as if Paisley had hit her. “I just… I wanted to know how he’s doing—how you’re both doing.”
“He’s right there, Janelle. Why don’t you ask him?”
Janelle looked at the floor, giving Paisley a moment to really look at her former friend. She was dripping in labels and looked good. Both women had done really well for themselves. A small pain twinged her heart as she thought about what could have been if none of this had happened. The three of them could have been unstoppable together.
“I don’t think I can face him,” she whispered, tears clinging to her long lashes.
Paisley blinked her thoughts away as her frown deepened. “You’re going to have to face what you did at some point, Janelle. Tonight might be the best time to do it, but I’m not about to play middle man. Don’t put me in that position again, and as for me? I’m fucking tired. I was on the outside fighting for Kyd alone. How the fuck do you think I’m doing aside from being relieved that it’s finally over?”
Tears slipped out of Janelle’s eyes, and for a second, Paisley felt bad for snapping at her. It was the most Paisley had spoken to Janelle in twelve years, and her words hadn’t been very kind.
Paisley opened her mouth to apologize and blame her harsh words on stress, but she felt a hand on her back at the same time she saw Janelle’s tear-filled eyes grow wide. When Paisley turned around, she saw Kydrick with red-rimmed eyes and the ghost of a smile on his face. Janelle was already forgotten as soon as she laid eyes on Kydrick.
“Are you okay?” Paisley uttered, though he didn’t look down at her anymore.
His gaze was fixated over her head, and she knew he saw Janelle. Like, he really saw her up close and personal for the first time since they were teenagers.
His jaw flexed as he looked at his ex-girlfriend and his childhood best friend before he nodded slightly at her and then looked back down at Paisley, who had somehow wound up in his arms. He placed his palm on her cheek. That action quickly became comfortable between them. She leaned into his strong hand while still gazing up at him, and he nodded.
“It’s so good to see everyone and to hug them. This just made it feel really real for me.”
His voice cracked slightly, and Paisley buried her head into his solid chest while squeezing his middle. She poured everything into her embrace, praying he could feel the love she had for him. When they finally pulled apart, Paisley’s cheeks instantly warmed, seeing that her entire family plus Janelle and her family stared at them. Most of them with huge smiles on their faces.
“Is the food ready?” Paisley awkwardly asked as she stepped away from Kydrick, who let her create some space between them but grabbed her hand quickly, preventing her from taking too much space.
Linda bypassed her daughter, who still stood there with tears in her eyes and looked like she saw a ghost, and pulled Paisley into her embrace. Paisley had a hard time hugging the woman back because Kydrick refused to let go of her hand.
When Linda pulled away, she said, “Me and your mama been cooking all day. The food is all ready. Nelle helped too.”
Paisley did her best not to react to that last part, and Linda’s hopeful gaze melted into disappointment, causing Paisley to feel guilty once again. She knew Linda and Charles, along with her parents, all hoped that she and Janelle would rekindle their friendship, but they were wishing on a dried up wishing well because it could never happen.
“Then let’s eat. I never got the chance to cook dinner last night, so I’m sure Kyd is more than ready for a homecooked meal.”
“Hell yeah!” Kydrick exclaimed, causing everyone to laugh.
The room buzzed with pure happiness, and it was all because of Kydrick’s presence. Everyone moved toward the dining room, and Tiana found her way next to Kydrick, putting an arm around his waist and hugging him. He dropped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, causing Paisley to smile. This was exactly what he needed, a reminder that he still had family out in the world.
Tiana craned her neck around Kydrick, blatantly glancing down at his and Paisley’s locked hands. Paisley shook her head, already knowing her sister was about to be on some bullshit.
With a sly grin, Tiana looked up at Kydrick and asked, “Soooo, bro, how was your first night home?”
Her brows wiggled suggestively, causing Paisley to pinch on the arm that was wrapped around Kydrick’s waist.
“Ouch! What was that for?”
“For being nosy.” Nasir butted into the conversation, and that caused Paisley to roll her eyes toward the ceiling. There was no doubt that the oldest and youngest Whitaker siblings would start their bickering for the night right at that moment.
Tiana smacked her lips. “I wasn’t being nosy. I was asking a simple question.”
They arrived in the dining room, where everyone else settled into their seats.
“It’s not about the question you asked. It’s about how you asked it,” Nasir pointed out as he sat next to their father.
“And how did I ask it since you know everything?” Tiana asked, sitting down next to their mother.
“You’re not dumb, Tiana. Most of the time anyway. Stay out of grown folks’ business,” Nasir responded.
Tiana’s face scrunched up. “I am grown, and I only asked a question everyone else wanted to know.”
“Would y’all cut it out?” their father snapped. “It seems like the only grown child I have at the moment is Paisley. Y’all bicker like you’re still in pre-school.”
“He started it, Daddy.” Tiana pouted as she slouched into her chair.
“What did you ask, Tiana?” Their mother’s voice sounded tired as she asked the question, but she also looked a bit amused by her grown ass children.
Tiana’s lip poked out. “I was only asking how Kydrick’s first night home was.”
“That ain’t how she said it,” Nasir argued.
“Okay, enough,” Linda butted in. She didn’t care that Tiana and Nasir weren’t her kids. In their group, it didn’t really matter who was the parent, because as long as they were the child, even at their grown ass ages, they could still get scolded. “We’re here to celebrate, not listen to you two bicker all night.”
At that point, Paisley had been so into the parents scolding her nosy ass siblings that she hadn’t realized she and Kydrick somehow got stuck sitting across from Janelle.
With a quick glance over at Kydrick, she could tell he had already noticed. Subtly, he scooted his chair closer to Paisley, still clinging to her hand. It occurred to Paisley that he was leaning on her for support, and her heart did a funny little dance. She was his comfort zone, but what he probably didn’t realize was that he was hers too. She needed his touch at that moment as much as he needed hers. Given the dynamic between the families, there was just as much tension as there was happiness stirring around in the air.
Leon, Paisley’s father, held his hand out to his wife and to his son before saying, “Let’s say grace so we can eat.”
Everyone bowed their heads, and Leon said a quick grace, true to his nature, before food was passed around.
Paisley got a kick out of watching Kydrick fill his plate high. Meanwhile, she barely put anything on hers. Her nerves were worse than she thought they would be in this situation. She had been so focused on making sure Kydrick was okay that, once again, she forgot about herself.
When everyone had their food and conversations flowed around the table, Janelle suddenly looked at Kydrick and blurted out, “How are you?”
Kydrick chewed the food in his mouth slowly while making eye contact with Janelle. Finally, he nodded once and said, “I’m better now that I’m home, Nelle. How are you? How are the kids?”
A tear traveled down her face, and she seemed flustered by his response. Paisley was surprised too. Kydrick wasn’t a rude man, but he had become hardened while in prison. It surprised her that he didn’t take on a harsher tone with Janelle.
“I… they’re good. I’m good,” she muttered. “I’m happy you’re home, Kydrick. Really happy.”
Her eyes found her plate, and she used her fork to play around with the food on it. Kydrick didn’t respond to her. He simply continued eating, and Nasir picked up a conversation with him, the awkward moment passing. Paisley squeezed Kydrick’s hand under the table, and he squeezed hers back.
The rest of the dinner was spent with everyone overwhelming Kydrick with questions while Paisley took it all in. She was more than okay with playing the background and observing. It had been a long time since she had been able to do that. Any time she was around her family or the Cooper family, they always had questions about Kydrick and his case. Now, they could ask him themselves, and she felt relieved.
When they finished eating, everyone tried to convince them to stay awhile and hang out, but Paisley could tell Kydrick was overstimulated and needed to get home. She didn’t want to put him in the position to have to tell them no, so she was okay with being the bad guy that night.
“We’ve had a really long day, and I think we’re both tired. We’ll come over again tomorrow or the next day. I promise,” Paisley told the parents as she stood from the dining room table, causing Kydrick to follow.
They picked up their plates, but Alyssa stopped them. “Leave them. Are you sure you can’t stay?”
“We can if you want to watch us sleep on the couch,” Paisley said with a grin on her face. “Seriously, Mom, I promise we will come back within the next day or so.”
Alyssa nodded, sadness rimming her eyes. Linda stood and walked around the table, squeezing Kydrick around his waist. He reciprocated the hug with one arm since he still held Paisley’s hand with the other.
“And what about me?” Linda asked. “You’ll come visit an old woman?”
“And an old man?” Charles asked, standing to shake Kydrick’s hand and then looking at Paisley. “I wouldn’t mind a visit from you, too, Paisley P.”
Paisley smiled and hugged them while Kydrick answered for them both. “You know I gotta come by and check y’all. We got you.”
Next, Paisley’s parents stood to hug them, her mom barely containing tears as she held onto each of them extra tight. Alyssa knew how much this day meant to Paisley, and she was happy for them both to experience this freedom together.
After her siblings bickered some more as they said their goodbyes, all that was left was Janelle. Paisley didn’t want to make it awkward. In fact, she wanted to spare the poor girl another tense moment, so she attempted to turn on her heels and walk toward the door, but Kydrick’s voice stopped her.
“Good seeing you, Janelle. Maybe one of these days, I can meet your kids and husband.”
Paisley looked up at him in confusion before masking her emotions as she looked at Janelle, who once again looked shocked.
“Oh… yeah. That would be nice. I can make that happen. I mean, it can happen whenever it happens. Like, if we have another family dinner or whatever. My husband just didn’t want to come out of respect, but of course… I can… yes. I can make that happen.”
Paisley cringed at Janelle’s rambling, her cheeks tinting red from second-hand embarrassment.
Kydrick simply nodded at her politely before moving toward the front of the house. Paisley felt like they had an entourage as they walked out the front door with everyone saying goodbye again and waving as they walked toward the car.
“Let me drive.”
Paisley stopped and turned to Kydrick with her eyes squinted. “I don’t know about that, mister.”
“Come on. I got my Ls earlier. What’s the problem?”
She turned her head to the side. “Do you even know how to drive still?”
He chuckled, showing those dimples she loved so much. After snatching her keys from her, he said, “Girl, watch out. Get in the passenger seat. What they call that? Passenger princess.”
Paisley giggled. “What the hell do you know about a passenger princess?”
Kydrick opened her door. “Just get in.”
“Yes, sir.”
When he got into the car, they pulled away from her parents’ house with another round of waves from the people still standing on the front steps and on the lawn before Paisley turned to Kydrick. She stared at the side of his head for several seconds before he sighed and placed a hand on her thigh.
“What, Paisley Pooh?”
“What was that back there?”
“What was what?”
“Don’t act dumb.”
He chuckled and then stayed quiet for several seconds before responding.
“I thought I would be angrier when I saw her, but I wasn’t at all, actually. I kind of just felt bad for shorty.”
Paisley’s jaw dropped. “ You felt bad for her ?”
“Yeah,” he said with a nod.
“Why?”
He glanced at Paisley. “You don’t see that guilt she’s carrying around? It’s gotta be a heavy burden.”
“She deserves it.” Paisley crossed her arms over her chest.
Kydrick squeezed her thigh and didn’t respond for several minutes until they were almost home. Finally, in a low tone, he said, “I know what it’s like to carry heavy ass burdens for twelve years. Janelle knows she was wrong, but I never wanted her or you or anyone I loved to do that bid with me. Not in that way. Not in a way that tortured them. I served my time. Don’t you think it’s time to free her of her time served too?”
It wasn’t often that Paisley was rendered speechless. She might bite her tongue on a lot of things, but she always had something to say rolling through her mind, at least. This was the first time in a very long time she was left to fully process the weight of the perspective someone else gave her.