17. Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Seventeen
Adam definitely felt like a fifth wheel. He had accepted the invitation to a Sunday-afternoon barbecue at the Jameses’ house mostly because he wanted to watch Danny interact with other people. The hearing could be scheduled anytime now, and he needed some idea of how Danny would behave.
The afternoon had been a revelation. Danny had munched on snacks, listening to Dora’s stories about Callie and her sisters when they were little. She’d told tales about all the summer kids, including Adam and Evan and Lainey, and Danny hadn’t been able to get enough. Once he’d relaxed, he’d behaved like a perfectly normal—if quiet—eight-year-old boy. By the time they had finished eating and were all seated on the porch watching the sunset and pulling out instruments, Adam had become the outsider.
Dora’s constant chatter had put Danny completely at ease. With her, there were no awkward silences—in fact, there was no pressure to say anything at all. Danny adored her, and she adored him right back. Danny seemed a bit in awe of Luke, perhaps because he was a teacher at school, or more likely because he was the father of Danny’s idol, Callie. He had studied Callie as she interacted with her sisters. The concept of identical triplets fascinated him, and he’d asked all sorts of questions about it. The comfortable companionship of the group highlighted Adam’s failure. Of course Danny needed more than just Adam in his life. Why had he not realized this before? What else had he missed?
The thought made Adam sick to his stomach, so he took another sip of cold beer and watched the sunset. Dora must have sensed his mood, or maybe he wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding it, because she came over to sit beside him on the wicker sofa, patting him on the knee and launching into yet another story.
A loud fanfare on the guitar interrupted Dora, for which Adam was grateful. The musical portion of the evening was about to begin. The players had all tuned their instruments, Danny included. He had brought his guitar ‘just in case.’ Now that they were really going to play music all together, he glowed.
The next hour was one of the most difficult of Adam’s life. Danny’s clear voice, shy at first, then gaining strength as he grew more comfortable, cut through Adam’s defenses and left him completely exposed. After so many months of struggle, Callie had reached right into Danny’s soul and healed him. He would be forever grateful to her for doing what he couldn’t. He should be feeling only joy now, and relief—and he did—but the weight of his failure pressed down on him until he couldn’t breathe.
Just when Adam thought he could stand no more, Danny took a deep breath and said, “I have a song.”
“Are you sure?” asked Callie, and Adam realized what Danny intended. Somehow, he had written a song already. Adam closed his eyes, searching for the reserves he knew he was going to need. Damn Callie for not warning him about this ahead of time .
“I’m sure.”
Adam opened his eyes and put on his poker face just as Callie looked over to assess his readiness. He nodded to her, and apparently he was faking calm well enough that she turned her attention back to Danny. She hovered over him like a lioness guarding her cub, but when he was ready to play she backed off.
God, what a song. Simple, but powerful, it had the feeling of a spiritual. Danny sang about his family. He knew they were on the other side, waiting for him, but he couldn’t see them, and they couldn’t see him, except in his dreams. He sang about searching for them every night, waking to find himself alone again. He sang about the silence that filled his days, and how he waited for night to come again, so that he could go to sleep.
I remember her laughter.
I remember her face.
And I will keep searching
until I find Grace.
Adam could feel the knot tightening in his throat, and he wasn’t sure that he could make it through the end of the song. Callie was as lost in the music as Danny, unaware that Adam was about to self-destruct. She had heard the song before, probably helped him put it together. For them, this moment was all about release. But for the rest of the small audience, this moment was a revelation.
Danny had found his voice.
As the last few chords faded into the sunset, Adam worked to control his throat. Danny looked up at Callie, and she grinned down at him, the two of them glowing like a pair of light bulbs. Luke squeezed Danny’s shoulder, and Dora bubbled over with praise for Danny’s first song. Everyone else basked in the moment, but Adam couldn’t engage. He could feel himself begin to crack, the fault lines splintering through his body. He was going to shatter into a thousand tiny shards, and someone was going to get hurt.
Adam stood up and walked out.
Callie stared after Adam, stunned and hurt. He had promised—promised!—to handle this moment well, and he had let her down. Worse, he had let Danny down, leaving her to clean up the aftermath.
“Oh, poor thing.”
At first Callie thought her mother was talking about Danny, and she was ready to yell at her for saying something so condescending right in front of him. But one look at her mother’s face told her Dora was talking about Adam.
“Are you crazy?” Callie was furious.
“Pipe down,” reprimanded Dora. “That was quite the stunt you two pulled. I don’t know why you’re so surprised.”
She caught Danny’s eyes and directed her next words to him.
“You wrote a powerful song, young man. You weren’t watching your Uncle Adam’s face during the song, but I was. You ripped his heart wide open, brought back all sorts of memories. Of course he’s upset, and he’s not the type to fall apart in front of other people. He needs some time to recover, and we’re going to give it to him.”
Callie was so churned up inside that she wanted to hang on tight to her anger, but her mother was right, damn it. Danny had taken to songwriting like a fish to water, and he had stirred up a storm of emotion with a single song. Danny wasn’t the only one who had lost family in that accident.
Callie turned to Danny.
“Why don’t I go find your uncle and make sure he’s alright. Maybe talk a while. You stay here, okay? ”
Danny nodded. Callie squeezed his arm, then stood up.
“Would you mind putting my guitar to bed?” she asked Danny. He looked like he needed something to do.
“Okay,” he whispered.
She knelt back down in front of him, forcing him to meet her eyes. He looked lost, and she feared that he would crawl right back inside himself and never come out again.
“Honey, your uncle is going to be fine. I’m going to go make sure of it. This is not your fault, and I don’t want you to change anything about your song. It’s perfect. Do you understand?”
He nodded solemnly, and his eyes looked less wild.
Callie rose and handed Danny off to her mother, who immediately launched into another triplet story. She caught Tessa’s eye and motioned for her sister to follow her outside. It was very handy to have a licensed counselor on hand during a time of crisis.
“Any suggestions?” she asked, pitching her voice so Danny couldn’t hear them.
“Just listen,” said Tessa. “Try not to judge. He’s probably been playing the strong, silent type for the past year when he should have been grieving. You don’t need to fix him. Just listen.”
Callie nodded, more than a little intimidated but ready to help if she could.
“Will you help Mom with Danny?” she asked.
“Of course,” said Tessa, “especially if it means Mel has to do the dishes.”
They grinned at each other, and then Callie slipped away into the long shadows of the sunset. Heading toward Adam’s cottage, she hoped that the right words would magically come to her. Right now her mind was a blank. She stepped through the fence and into Adam’s yard, turning toward the cottage but then doing an abrupt about-face and heading for the barn instead. She had a hunch that Adam was in his man-cave. Maybe cornering him in his man-cave was a stupid idea, but she was in no mood to wait patiently until he was ready to talk.
Callie pushed open the office door. The cowbell, as usual, announced her presence. She followed the sound of power tools and found Adam working on the boat. This time he had kept his shirt on, but in her mind she could see the play of his muscles as clearly as if he had stripped down. She liked the solidity of him, the raw power. She wished that he would use that power for something other than locking up his own feelings.
Callie realized that she was stalling. She was going to have to say something.
“Adam.” Her voice came out as a wimpy little croak. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Adam.”
This time he heard her over the whine of the equipment and switched it off, standing still for a moment before turning around. Her stomach clenched. What the hell was she doing? She had no idea what to say, and she couldn’t exactly whip out a guitar to express herself in song. She suppressed a hysterical laugh at the mental image.
She should have walked Danny home and let the two of them sort it out, or maybe sent Tessa over to talk him off the ledge, but then she gave herself a mental kick. She was a big girl, and she could certainly handle one difficult conversation. Danny didn’t need to deal with this.
Callie squared her shoulders.
“Um...Hi, Adam.”
“Hi Callie.”
Great. Brilliant start. This was going to go really well.
“We...ah...we were worried about you, after you walked out like that.”
“Well as you can see,” said Adam, spreading his arms wide, “I’m fine, thanks.”
Callie could feel her spine stiffen at his condescending tone. She narrowed her eyes. If Adam was itching for a fight, she could think of a few things that needed saying.
“And Danny? Do you think Danny is ‘fine’?”
Ha! Direct hit. She could see the involuntary flinch before he closed up his face again. Take that, Mr. Tough Guy. His eyes slid away from hers and he looked at a spot somewhere over her shoulder.
“I’m sure Danny will be fine by morning. In the meantime, I’m the last thing he needs.”
“Yeah,” said Callie, sarcasm giving her voice an edge. “If I were baring my soul to the only father I’ve got left, I’d want him to run away, too. I mean, who wants a father-figure around when things get tough?”
Callie took an involuntary step back as Adam closed the distance between them. Maybe she had crossed the line with that last remark. She had definitely blown her instructions to ‘just listen.’ As he left the glare of the work lights, his face fell into shadow, making him look even more menacing.
“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you,” he growled. “Do you remember that we were going to talk about Danny’s music? Do you remember how you were going to ‘keep me posted’ and ‘fill me in’ on anything important?”
She retreated until she bumped up against the wall of the barn. She had to look up to see his face, and this close she could see that he was furious. She quickly looked back at his throat. Much safer. Callie felt like prey, and she didn’t like it.
“Tonight wasn’t the first time you heard that song. How long have you two been cooking up this surprise? How the hell did you think I’d react?”
Callie sucked in a breath. Anger rushed through her, making her taller and stronger. She met his eyes, ready for battle.
“Frankly, I thought you’d be thrilled. Not only is Danny talking about the accident—finally—but he’s talking about how he feels. Now. Today. Not stories about what he used to do or feel, but stories about how he’s coping today. This is a big deal, and you’re missing it. You’re wallowing in some weird kind of self-pity because I didn’t keep you in the loop enough, but the truth is that you weren’t paying attention. I told you that he was talking about his parents. I told you that we were playing music together. And I told you that he was going to try writing a song for Grace.”
Callie punctuated her remarks with her finger, poking Adam in the chest for emphasis.
“What more did you need to know? Danny cares about you. He cares what you think. And when he revealed his innermost feelings to you, you walked out. You left. Like his family left him. So good luck winning his trust. After the stunt you pulled tonight, I wonder if that will ever happen.”
Callie put both palms on his chest to shove him away, but he put his own hands over hers and held them there, against his heart.
“Don’t say that,” Adam said, his voice rough.
“Don’t say what? Don’t tell you the truth?” She tried to tug her hands free, but he wouldn’t let go.
“Don’t take away my hope.”
Her breath caught and she could feel the sting of tears at the back of her eyes. Damn it, she needed her anger back again. But it was gone, leaving her defenseless.
“I know I was an idiot tonight, but that song—that stupid, amazing song—caught me by surprise. What was I supposed to do? Have a breakdown right there in front of everyone?”
Callie shook her head. She couldn’t speak.
Adam looked down at her small hands imprisoned by his large ones. He didn’t meet her eyes.
“I need your help.” He said it so softly that Callie wondered if she had misheard.
“What?” she whispered .
“I need your help,” he said, anger returning to his voice. How he must hate asking for help from anyone. She smiled, sympathy softening her expression.
“It’s not funny,” he said, and she laughed. She couldn’t help it. He looked so outraged.
And then he kissed her.
Callie wasn’t sure exactly what had happened. One second he was glaring at her, and then the next his mouth was on hers, their hands still clasped between them. Only now the backs of his hands burned into her breasts, and her head scraped against the wall behind her. She didn’t really care. Her attention was focused entirely on his mouth and the electricity coursing through her body.
Callie didn’t want it to stop. She had waited too long.
Adam pulled away, abruptly ending the connection between them, but her body continued to thrum with energy. She stared at him, wide-eyed.
“What was that for?” she asked, breathless.
“You were talking too much.”
“Oh.” She smiled. “I could do it again. I have a lot to say, you know.”
He laughed. She hadn’t seen him laugh like that since forever. Open. Vulnerable.
Then he kissed her again.
After that, Callie couldn’t think very clearly. Her conscious mind shut down and all that remained was feeling. Heat, hunger, and lust roared through her, tearing away all the trappings of civility. Her single, mindless goal was to consume this glorious man, to draw him inside of her in every way possible until they were one being, and to do it now.
She tugged her hands free of his and wrapped her arms around his neck. His hands slid around her body to grab her behind and lift her up. Suspended between Adam and the plank wall of the barn, Callie wrapped her legs around his waist and gave herself to him.
His hands were everywhere, beneath the fabric of her shirt, her bra, drawing her breasts to a painful arousal. His mouth devoured her jaw, her ear, her neck. When he shifted his arms to get a better grip, then moved to carry her somewhere else, Callie blinked away the haze.
“Adam,” she murmured into his ear.
He didn’t respond, just kept carrying her down the hall toward the office.
“Adam,” she said again, this time louder.
Again no response, so she wiggled until he lost his grip and she slid down the front of his body to rest her feet on the floor. That friction almost distracted her from the problem at hand. It certainly distracted Adam, who nudged her against the wall and began kissing her again.
She hugged him, hard, so that he couldn’t kiss her senseless anymore, and said firmly, “Adam, we need to go back and get Danny.”
He stilled. At least he had heard her. After a moment he responded.
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
She hugged him tighter.
“You need to talk to him tonight. No excuses.”
She felt him sigh. He pulled back and she released him, looking up into his eyes as he rested his forehead against hers.
“I don’t suppose you’ll join us for the conversation? Act as translator?”
She smiled.
“You guys are going to be fine. Now come on,” she said, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him toward the door.
“Wait,” he said, holding her back.
“What?” she asked, exasperated at this new delay.
He grinned, the light of mischief in his eyes .
“You might want to button your shirt first.”
She looked down, horrified to realize that her shirt was hanging open, and her lacy bra was on display for all the world to see. When had he…? Never mind. She raced to button it up, then grabbed him by the hand again and pulled him out the door.
They found Danny standing on a stool at the kitchen sink, helping Mel. Dora kept up a running commentary. The woman was truly a world-champion talker. Danny glanced up when they came through the back door, but immediately looked back down at the sink. Adam’s last shreds of optimism faded.
Callie gave his hand one last squeeze, then left him to go distract her mother, giving him a clear path to approach Danny. He walked slowly over to his nephew.
“Hey, Danny. It’s time for us to head home. Could you please say thank you to Mrs. James?”
Danny stilled but didn’t look up. He carefully handed the slippery wet plate to Mel. Wiping his hands on a towel, he stepped down from the stool and walked over to Dora.
“Oh, sweetie, is it time for you to go already?”
Danny nodded.
“Well, thank you so much for helping with the dishes. I really appreciate it. And I hope you’ll come over and see us again soon.”
Danny nodded again. Adam walked up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder, a gentle reminder of what he was supposed to say. The boy tensed under his hand, but he did remember to mutter “Thank you,” even if he said the words to his shoes.
“You’re welcome, sweetie,” answered Dora. “We’d love to see you anytime.”
She reached over to ruffle Danny’s hair, then met Adam’s eyes. He turned away from the compassion he saw there and guided Danny toward the door.
“Thanks again, Mrs. James,” he called over his shoulder. “Good night, everyone.”
He held the storm door open for Danny, and the two of them stepped out into the twilight. Danny took a few steps toward the break in the fence, but Adam stopped him.
“I thought we could go down by the water for a few minutes,” he suggested, “so I can explain what happened earlier.”
Danny shrugged. Not exactly an enthusiastic endorsement of the plan, but Adam would take what he could get. They picked their way down the hill, then found a place to sit on the stacked white pier lumber, looking out over the lake. The far shore had fallen into shadow so that you couldn’t see where the water ended and the trees began. Soon enough the piers would go in and the summer people would arrive, but for now they had the lake to themselves.
Danny swung his feet, tracing patterns in the dirt with the toes of his sneakers. For a long time, they sat in silence watching the colors change in the sky. Adam liked to imagine that his brother was up there somewhere, looking down on him and Danny. Adam sent up a plea for assistance, hoping for a flash of inspiration. The sun had long since set. The surface of the water danced in the darkness, but the sky still glowed orange behind them. The dark blue of night crept up from behind the far tree line, arching over their heads, and slowly chased the orange from the western sky. When he could wait no longer, Adam broke the silence.
“I’m sorry I ran out on you earlier,” he began, feeling all the awkwardness of the moment. “Callie had mentioned that you were working on a song for Grace….” Adam cleared his throat. “I thought I was ready to hear it, but I was wrong.” He listened to the tree frogs sing for a minute before continuing .
“I know you miss your family. I do, too,” admitted Adam. “But I don’t let myself think about them very often. Maybe I should.”
Danny stopped scuffing his toes. At least he was listening.
“To be honest, when you got to the end of your song, I thought I was going to cry right there in front of everyone, and I panicked. I needed to get away for a few minutes until I could pull myself back together.”
Danny looked up at him then, his expression masked by the dark.
“Doc Archer says that crying is good for you.”
Adam barked out a laugh.
“I’m sure Doc Archer is right,” he said, “but I’m a grown-up. I’d still be embarrassed if I cried in front of Callie and her parents.”
Danny thought about that for a minute.
“You can cry in front of me,” he offered. “We’re family.”
Adam put an arm around Danny’s shoulder and squeezed.
“I know, buddy. And I should have brought you with me when I got the hell out of there.”
“Yeah, you should have,” agreed Danny. “And by the way, you’re not supposed to say that.”
“Say what?” asked Adam.
“H-E-L-L,” answered Danny. “It’s a swear word. If you say it at school you get in trouble.”
“Oh,” said Adam. “Good to know.”
“You swear a lot,” said Danny.
“I do?”
“Yeah. But I don’t care. My Dad swore a lot, too.”
Adam chuckled.
“He did, didn’t he?”
“Yep. I know all the swear words. Even more than the other kids at school.”
“Great,” said Adam, imagining the trouble in store now that Danny had started talking. “Maybe you can keep that knowledge to yourself.”
Danny snickered. “Maybe.”
“Troublemaker,” said Adam, giving Danny another squeeze. “Let’s get back home. It’s a school night.”
As they climbed back up the hill, Adam sent a ‘thank you’ up to his brother, grateful that he and Danny had found a way to muddle through.