Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
JACE
Standing in the center of the room, I slowly turn around, my eyes scanning the blank walls with a fresh coat of white paint.
Harrison and I decided we were going to redo the warm room.
We had one of the contractors rip out the wood paneling that covered the walls, then had new insulation and drywall put up.
The painters weren’t able to get to this room until next week, so I told Harrison I would handle it myself. We’re not doing anything to the concession stand part of it, except for replacing some of the appliances. The rest of the room is in good condition, since it wasn’t used often.
There’s still a lot of work left to do, but we’re in it now.
Willow texted me this morning and asked if I needed any help. It wasn’t a complete lie when I told her no, but it also wasn’t the full truth. that Harrison and I can use any help we can get.
At this point, we’re not planning on opening the rink up until next fall. That gives us a whole year to get things exactly the way we want them. Neither of us realized how big of a project this truly is, although, I can say I don’t regret it.
Not now at least.
I would be lying if I said I don’t want her to come help me paint. The fact that I want to be around her as much as I do is what is making me take a step back from the situation.
She’s consuming every spare thought I have and that can’t happen. Willow deserves so much more than I can ever give her. All I am is a washed up hockey player. One who couldn’t even stay healthy enough to keep playing professionally.
And now here I am, trying to make up for my failures, which will only make me fail her in the end.
It’s the only thing I seem to be good at anymore.
This was supposed to just be physical between the two of us.
Nothing more than two friends fucking around.
I’ve never been immune to her. I’ve always had a soft spot for Willow Alder.
I’ve always been protective of her and as fucked up as this all is, I can’t stand the thought of her being with someone else.
Her brothers would kill me if they knew the situation we’re both in. What kind of person does that make me? What kind of a guy fucks the girl he cares about, but can never give her anymore than that?
I was the one who told her it could never be anything but physical, yet I’m the one who’s in their head about it now. My feelings were the one thing I didn’t want to get involved in this because I knew once I crossed that point, there would be no going back.
She’s been inching her way under my ribcage, settling in that traitorous organ inside my chest. I don’t know how I didn’t see it until now.
And I don’t think it’s too late to stop it.
A soft knock on the doorframe pulls me from my thoughts. I look over my shoulder at Noah as he steps into the room. He stops, his eyes scanning the room as I turn on my heel to face him.
“It looks good in here.”
I snort, blowing a breath out as I lift an eyebrow at him. “The entire place is in shambles.”
Noah lifts his shoulder. “I can see the vision though. It’s going to look great when it’s finished.” He pauses, looking around. “Where’s Harrison?”
A frown tugs down on my lips. “Looking at houses.”
“In Sugar Hill?”
“No,” I say, shaking my head at him. “Well, I don’t actually know. Today, he’s looking in Portland.” I let out a sigh as I play over the texts Harrison sent me a few days ago. “Erin told him she wants a divorce.”
“Oh, shit,” Noah says, shaking his head. “He didn’t say anything to me about it, other than that things weren’t good with them. Is he okay?”
“I think so,” I lift my shoulders, turning my palms up. “You know how he is. He’s not really one to talk about his feelings. I think he saw it coming, though.”
Noah slowly nods his head. “Well, let me know if there’s anything I can do. I won’t tell him I already know.”
Noah and Harrison are friends, although over the years they’ve grown apart. Both of their lives went in two different directions, but hopefully with Harrison being in town more, the two of them will see each other more.
I stare at Noah for a moment, watching as he drops his gaze down to his feet and shoves his hands into his front pockets.
Noah is a fixer. He likes to be helpful and to solve other’s problems. I can only imagine what’s running through his head right now as his mind runs wild with speculations of Harrison’s situation.
“I’ll make sure he knows,” I assure him, nodding my head as he looks back up at me. “What are you doing here?”
He purses his lips, his eyes leveling on mine. “I wanted to come talk to you.”
My stomach immediately drops. “About what?”
“My sister.”
Fuck.
My heart comes to a full stop before pounding harder. An anxious feeling washes over me, sending a rush of adrenaline through my body.
“What about her?”
The muscle in his jaw clenches. “What’s going on between the two of you?”
Swallowing roughly, my eyebrows tug together. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t play stupid with me, Miller.” His eyes are cold, his stare hard as he pulls his hands from his pockets, crossing his arms over his chest. “I was watching the two of you the other night at the fire and it’s pretty fucking obvious.”
My breath is momentarily trapped in my lungs. He means the night I fucked her in their bathroom. When I covered her mouth and had a full conversation with him while I was inside her.
“After you came outside to the fire, I saw the way you were looking at her when she came back out. It was like you couldn’t look anywhere but in her direction.
Like something kept pulling your gaze back to her.
” He pauses, lifting a hand to rake his fingers through his hair.
“Just be real with me, bro. Is there something going on between the two of you?”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
This is the exact situation I wanted to avoid. Being cornered by him—by one of my best friends—I’m so fucking torn. Obviously Willow hasn’t said anything to him and judging by what he’s observed, I don’t think he knows what all has really gone on between us.
I don’t want to lie to him, but if I’m honest, what the hell happens then? Although, if I lie and he finds out the truth later, that might be worse.
“Kind of.”
The color drains from Noah’s face. “I—Kind of? What does that even mean?”
I let out a breath. “It’s complicated.”
His nostrils flare. “Are the two of you together?”
“No.”
He holds his hands in front of his chest, interlacing his fingers as he cracks his knuckles. “Does she know that?”
My eyebrows tug together. “Yes, Noah. I’m not that big of a piece of shit.”
“That’s not what I was insinuating,” he mumbles, shaking his head.
“I don’t know how I didn’t put two and two together sooner.
With how much time the two of you have been spending together, not just at the shop, but outside of that.
” He blows out a deep breath. “I don’t even know what to think about this. ”
“I’m sorry,” I say, the words coming out in a rush, my voice low as a frown tugs my lips downwards. “I was going to say something about it to you, I just—I’m a coward.”
Noah’s lips press into a flat line. “Clearly.” He runs his tongue over his top teeth. “I don’t know what else to say to you right now. I’m not going to lie and pretend I’m not angry with you.”
“You have every right to be.”
He shakes his head in disappointment. “You’re the one person I’ve always trusted with her.”
Defeat weighs on my chest. “I know.”
“My sister is old enough to make her own decisions and whatever you guys have going on is between the two of you.” He clears his throat, corkscrewing his lips.
“You’re my best friend, but she’s my sister and she will always come before you.
” He pauses, shaking his head again. “Why didn’t you tell me? ”
Rolling my lips between my teeth, I bite down on them as I push my hand through my hair. “Because I told her I can’t give her anything more than this.”
He snorts. “You know that Willow deserves more than that.” He narrows his eyes on me.
“She had a crush on you in high school, but I promised her I wouldn’t tell you.
” He closes his eyes, sucking in a deep breath before exhaling and looking at me again.
“She would take whatever fucking crumbs you threw in her direction.”
My forehead creases. There’s no way… I would have known, I would have been able to tell and she never acted any other way towards me, other than just being friendly.
“No, she never liked me more than a friend.” Or was I just too busy looking at girls my age to notice?
“Jesus, you’re an idiot.” Noah rolls his eyes in disbelief. “If you can’t give her what she deserves, you need to end it with her. Let her have the chance to find something real with someone.”
My heart clenches. The thought of her with someone else. My hand curls into a fist.
“Noah…”
He’s silent for a moment. “Do you love my sister?”
My heart crawls into my throat. “I…I…”
He frowns, shaking his head. “Let her go, Miller.”
This would be the time to tell him. To explain to him the fear of failing her is what keeps holding me back. I know deep down, I want nothing more than to be what she deserves, but what if I don’t live up to that?
If I were to let her down, I would never forgive myself for it. Noah would want to kill me and I’d probably let him.
“You hesitated and my sister deserves more than that.”
Without another word or a glance back in my direction, Noah heads out of the rink, leaving me alone with the hard truth hanging heavily in the air.
And the remnants of my betrayal.