22. Amias
TWENTY-TWO
AMIAS
For years, I'd tried to ignore Naya because she didn't fit into what I thought was the kind of woman I saw myself with.
For years, I'd failed. The minute I had a chance to have her close after she left for California, I made a recruiter chase her down and bring her to Midas.
I could call it doing a favor for Nolan or her father or their family—but the truth was that I did it for her.
Because I saw who she was. A good person who took care of people.
A person who gave and didn't demand anything in return.
I'd go see her father once in a while when he was sick, and she'd be there, quiet, and elegant, taking care of him.
We didn't talk much except make some small talk until she started working at Midas; then, we only talked about work.
But when she started working closely with me after Ethan went on paternity leave—I fell for her.
I could see it now. My animosity toward her was because I wasn't sure how to handle my attraction to her.
Ann could obviously see it as well because I probably started bringing up Naya in conversations, and that's when she started to disparage her.
But I didn't know Naya. There had been a life-changing event in her life, and I hadn't known. Nolan may have mentioned it in passing, but I couldn't remember; he definitely didn't make a big deal out of it. But it had been a big deal; the evidence was right here in front of me.
"What do you want to know?" Naya asked.
"Is it difficult to talk about?" I asked.
She shook her head. "Not really. It's been a while and I've processed it. There's still stuff like…how I feel about my body. Therapy has not helped with that…yet."
I hoped I could.
I stroked her back, feeling the scars under my fingers, touching them, learning them.
"I'd turned eighteen and was excited about going to university. I was driving home after picking up dad's medication and it was late. I'd forgotten to do it earlier in the day. The roads were empty, nothing was supposed to happen."
She paused, her gaze distant as if picturing the scene once again. I kissed her forehead and silently asked her to continue.
"Suddenly, a car veered into my lane. There was no time to react, no time to think. Just the blinding headlights, a deafening crash, and then... darkness. The other driver, he had a heart attack behind the wheel. Died instantly. His car hitting mine caused it to catch fire."
I noticed the way her voice faltered, the strength waning as she relived the moment, but she pressed on. "I was trapped. The fire spread so quickly. By the time help arrived and got me out, I was burnt pretty badly."
I raised her face to look at mine. I wanted to see her eyes, see what she felt.
There was pain, yes, but also courage. "I spent months in the hospital, surgeries, skin grafts on my back and legs.
The physical scars healed, but the emotional ones took longer.
That's when I started Krav Maga. I stayed home for the whole year.
Daddy had retired, and we took care of each other.
Nolan had already started working. He was doing his MBA, and he was living with Kara. She…anyway…."
"She what?" I insisted.
She swallowed, and I knew she wanted to look away, but I didn't let her.
"She what?" I insisted.
"She didn't want Nolan to come around much and after her comment about how no one would ever date me, Daddy and I were sort of glad they didn't come around often.
I started Krav Maga and met Darren. That was an amazing help.
I healed inside and out. Then I went back to university; I'd deferred for a year. "
Listening to her, I felt a mix of admiration and heartache. Admiration for the woman who faced such adversity and emerged strong, compassionate, and resilient. Heartache for the unimaginable pain she must have endured, alone in the dark, burning.
"I learned a lot about myself in that time," she continued, her voice gaining strength. "About strength. It changed me, made me realize what's truly important in life."
"And what's that?" I asked, kissing her cheek.
"Being true to myself. Not changing who I am because someone does something to me or something happens to me.
I'd been so angry right after the accident, but it wasn't helping me.
I wasn't an angry person in general, mostly content, and I fought to not let what happened to me define me or change me.
It took work, but…I feel like I'm living my life the way I want, even if Darren doesn't think so. "
I stroked the skin on her back again, feeling her spirit, her strength, her toughness. "What does Darren think?"
"That I should give Nolan a piece of my mind, not let you walk all over me at work, ask Kara to go fuck herself, and get laid."
I laughed. "I can help you with all those things, baby, if you let me."
She stilled and then as if making a decision, said, "Can I ask you a question? Actually, two questions?"
"Yes."
She sat up and then looked at her naked boobs and tried to cover herself. "Oh no, don't take my nice view away. You have very, very nice breasts."
"They have some scarring, not a lot but?—"
"Sweetheart, I have no problem with your scars.
They don't disgust me or horrify me. They hurt me because it means you were hurt.
But I'm also glad for them because it means you healed.
You didn't die in that accident. It means you're here with me, because I could've lost you and never even have known how great a loss it was. "
She didn't look happy about what I said. Instead, she looked downright frightened. Her eyes went straight down to her lap, and when she saw she was naked, she pulled a blanket from the foot of the bed.
"Cold? We can get under the duvet?" I suggested.
It wasn't cold, she kept her place warm.
"I just don't want to sit here naked. You're wearing your boxers." I'd put them on when I'd come back to bed from the bathroom, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.
"I can take them off," I offered.
She laughed, and I loved that sound. I wanted her to laugh more, a whole lot more. I'd make it my life's mission.
Whoa! Amias, your life's mission? Asshole, you haven't even fucked this woman, and you're thinking of a whole life?
Fuck me! I was, wasn't I? Where had this come from?
Had it always been there inside me waiting to be let free, and now that I was here with her, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else?
"You said you had questions for me." I rested my back against the headboard and waited.
"Should we do this over dessert?" she asked cautiously.
"No. Now."
"Ah…that day when Mila and I walked into your office, you were…ah…."
"Kissing Ann?"
She nodded.
"Yeah, and?"
"She came out and told us how you were getting engaged. I…she made it sound like you were both in agreement, and then you told me you broke up. So…are you on a break, and you'll get back together again? Or…."
"Or am I here making time with you while I'm taking a break from Ann, and when I've had enough of you, I'll go back to her?" I couldn't keep the hardness out of my voice. She had a very low opinion of me.
"Are you?" she asked meekly.
I wanted to scream at her, the rage inside me profound. Since I'd seen what happened to her, my emotions were all over the place.
"Is that what you think?" I challenged, still angry.
She cast her eyes down.
"I don't like confrontations," she had told me, and here I was goading her. She had no reason to trust me, believe in me. We didn't know each other; we were just finding one another, and I wanted a full pardon and then some for how I'd treated her in the past. I was a selfish asshole.
"Baby, I'd never do that to any woman ever. It's not who I am." I cupped her cheek and lifted her face. Her eyes were watery, and I hated myself. "I care about you. I really do. I'll never hurt you on purpose. I promise you that. Never again."
She just kept looking at me, her lips trembling.
"Can you believe me?"
She shook her head almost imperceptibly.
"I understand." I wanted to hit something hard. With my callousness, I'd damaged a wonderful and kind woman to the point that she had no trust left in people. Her brother, her sister-in-law, Ann…so many people hadn't helped either, so many people who should have. "I'll earn your trust."
Now, she looked surprised.
"I'll show you that you can trust me. It'll take some time, but I won't let you down. Okay?"
She looked just about as steady as a newborn foal trying to find its feet.
"What do you want from me?" she asked in a small voice.
I smiled. Fuck, she was something else.
"I want you to be you."
"What does that mean?"
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do with me. You don't have to say anything you don't want to say. You wear what the fuck you feel like. Eat what you want. Talk to me about anything or nothing. You're the boss."
She chuckled then and sniffled. "Can you ever not be the boss?"
I brought her closer, and she automatically cuddled into me.
"I know I'm an arrogant asshole. I don't know if that will ever change but what I can tell you is that I'm going to work very hard at being a better person for you."
"Why?"
"Because you make me want to be someone you trust."
Someone you can fall in love with.
Whoa!! What the fuck?