24. Amias #2
The countryside was breathtaking, a pristine expanse of snow that sparkled under the midday sun.
We passed through forests where snow-laden branches formed archways above us, across open fields that stretched toward the horizon, and beside frozen ponds that mirrored the clear blue sky.
Time seemed to stand still, every moment a snapshot of winter's quiet majesty.
We spoke little during the ride, words unnecessary amidst the beauty surrounding us. Instead, we simply enjoyed the warmth of each other's company. When we finally circled back to the farm, it felt as though we were returning from a world apart, our spirits lifted and hearts full.
"That was amazing." Naya hugged Penelope who received us. "Thank you so much."
Penelope led us into a farm-style lounge where we were served hot cocoa.
Families were now at the farm, and little children were running around.
It was the kind of chaos that I never thought appealed to me, but Naya made it easy.
Whenever a kid stopped by, she talked to them as she sat against me on a comfortable loveseat.
I'd always thought easy meant the woman I was with didn't impose on my time.
I never thought easy meant this—peace and comfort, warmth, and calm.
I hadn't even known this was possible, that it was an option.
All my life, I'd been chasing the next step.
Graduate from MIT. Start a company. Be successful.
Make money. Make the family proud. When was the last time I'd done something as mundane as a sleigh ride?
I couldn't remember. Sure, if I was in Switzerland we'd have gone skiing and then stayed in a chalet with a whole lot of people.
There would be parties every night. Ann and I would maybe have sex a few of the nights when we weren't too tired, but all day, we'd be with other people.
She preferred to be in a crowd—finding it too lonely when it was just the two of us.
To be honest, it was what I thought I wanted as well.
I kissed the side of Naya's head, and she turned to flash me a smile.
"Thank you," she whispered. "I didn't think this was your kind of thing."
"What do you think is my kind of thing?" I nuzzled her cheek, inhaling that beautiful scent of hers combined with fresh snow and the warmth of this lounge heated with a crackling fireplace.
"I don't know…some fancy party where everyone is dressed up. Not here with kids running around screaming, talking to anyone and everyone."
She was right. A few days ago, if someone had suggested this, I'd have thought they were crazy.
But as I'd thought about what to do with Naya on Christmas Day to make it special—I knew taking her to some fancy lunch would not cut it.
How could we beat the dinner she'd made so lovingly?
It hadn't even crossed my mind that I should buy her something, I think, because I instinctively knew she wouldn't care for that.
"Naya, I have news for you." And myself. I traced her cheek with my mouth and loved the shiver that ran through her. "My thing is being with you."
She didn't believe me. I could see that in the way her body stiffened. Could I blame her? I'd gone from keeping my distance to now being all over her. She had serious whiplash, and she was waiting for the asshole Amias she knew in the office to make an appearance.
"Do you want to go back to Boston, or do you have time for one more little surprise?" I asked, wanting very much to divert her mind from her insecurities and her worries that I was merely using her to entertain myself.
"Maybe we should go home," she said in a small voice.
"Why?" I rubbed her shoulder. Would she cut me off even before we had a chance to find out how good we could be? Because in just a short time I knew in my bones this relationship would be different and fulfilling for both of us.
"I just…"
"Won't you look at me, baby?"
She did after a long moment, and I saw the uncertainty in her eyes, in how forlorn she looked.
"Tell me what's going in that pretty head of yours?" I tried to keep my tone light.
"That…I should stop seeing you now, so I don't get attached, and I can avoid all the hurt that?—."
"How do you know you're going to get hurt?
" This woman was killing me with her honesty, with how she opened her heart up and just let me see what was inside.
Had I ever had this with anyone in my life?
Not my family, not any woman I'd been with, and not even my friends.
Sure, Hayes was honest with me, but he wasn't vulnerable with me.
"I just know. Look at you and look at me. Once the novelty of me wears off, you're going to go back to being with people who fit in your world. I don't. I won't be the hostess with the mostest like Ann."
"How do you know what kind of hostess Ann is?"
She shrugged. "Kara talked about the parties she'd throw with you. How fancy they were and how Kara was learning from Ann to do that because it's important for networking. I'm never going to be that person. I don't know how to be, and I don't even want to learn."
I chuckled. "That's okay, I don't like parties all that much, especially in my house."
"But you had so many of them. I know because I babysat Magnus each time."
I should've invited her, I thought regretfully now.
She was Nolan's sister. When Hayes's sister was in town from Chicago, she joined us.
Same with Jackson's brother. Ann's cousins were at these parties and dinners.
It wasn't some sort of exclusive group. And yet, Naya had never been invited.
Nolan would have had to be the one to ask her to come over, but he didn't. Even before he had a baby, he didn't. She was always in the periphery, allowing him to live his life the way he wanted while she took care of things at him.
"Why didn't you come for any of these parties?" I asked.
"Why would I?" she countered.
"You're Nolan's sister. You've known all of us almost as long as he has."
"But not as well as he does."
"Were you never invited?"
"No."
"Even to your brother's house when he was entertaining?"
"That's when I had Magnus at my place."
I felt impotent anger surge through me. "Why did you allow Nolan to use you like that?"
She pulled away this time and set her glass on the short table next to the couch. "I'd like to go home now."
"No," I muttered. "Tell me why you let him use you."
"I want to go home," she said forcefully.
"Fine."