26. Amias
TWENTY-SIX
AMIAS
When I said we'd make love, she said we'd have sex. I don't know why, but that pissed me off.
I wondered if she was using me to lose her virginity?
I didn't want to be used. Fucking hell! I usually didn't care why a woman was having sex with me as long as it was consensual, and now I was having trouble with the fact that Naya was using me to pop her cherry? How the fucking mighty had fallen!
I looked at her profile as she looked at the fire and was once again struck by the elegance and beauty of her face. Her skin looked like gold in the firelight. Her lips lush. I stroked a finger down her cheek, and she turned her head.
Her eyes were swarming with emotion.
Here I was, getting pissed off with her about her word choice while she was nervous as hell about having sex with a man for the first time while worrying if her body was somehow repulsive. I was a gigantic selfish asshole.
"I have a question," I murmured.
"Okay."
"Birth control," I whispered. I wanted to make her feel comfortable, and the women I slept with knew their contraceptives. With Naya, I wasn't sure of anything.
She bit her bottom lip, and I couldn't help but drop a kiss over the small bite she'd made.
She shivered, and I hoped I wouldn't fuck this up.
I wanted her first sexual experience to be good.
Fun. Exciting. Memorable. Something she'd want to do again and again and again, preferably with me. Only me, the animal inside me growled.
I wasn't the possessive kind. If a woman I was with was flirting with another in the hopes of getting my attention, good luck to her. Ann used to try to do that and would get furious that I wasn't jealous, equating that to me not caring enough.
"Ann, you were sticking your tits out at some guy, looks to me that you're the one who doesn't care," I retorted.
But I'd always been clear. While I was fucking someone, I was the only one. I didn't cheat, and I didn't want to be cheated upon. If it was casual, then we say so. If it's not, we agree upon that.
"I have an IUD," Naya said and surprised me. "I got it first when I was recovering. The doctors suggested it would be better for me to control my periods. They were painful, and I was already in so much pain…I just kept getting it replaced. My periods are non-existent, and I kinda like that."
"I have condoms. I have never been inside a woman without one."
She raised an eyebrow. "Even Ann, the woman you were getting married to?"
"Not even Ann, and she wanted to marry me; I wasn't even sure if we should live together."
"Why?"
"We'd been together once in MIT for two years, and then again after a few years for a few months, and now. I just didn't think I should make any commitments until I was sure it would last."
"Why did you keep going back to her?"
"Sweetheart, I really don't want to talk about my ex when I'm thinking of the various ways in which I want to make love with you."
Her eyes widened. My god, she was innocent! I felt like a lecherous old man even though I was only seven years older than her.
"She was easy. I like sex. And it's nice to have someone to have it with regularly. I don't have to go pick someone up at the bar."
She wrinkled her nose. "Sex is that important to you?"
I chuckled. "Yes, Naya, sex is important to me. Who I have it with, not so much."
The instant the words were out, I knew it was a mistake. "That's not what I meant. I…hell, Naya, I fucked a lot of women, okay?"
"Good for you." She rose as if wanting distance for me.
I was fucking this up. I knew it.
"I want to like the woman I have sex with. I…like to know them. But I also like sex, so I prefer to be in a relationship." Did that sound better? It was the truth.
"What if after we have sex, I decide that was it, and I want to have sex with other people?"
I will fucking kill any man who touches you.
"If that's what you want, I won't stand in your way." Like hell, I won't!
"And you won't agree to turn the light off?" she asked again.
"No."
"Now come here." I patted my thigh.
"I'm scared," she admitted.
"I know. But come here anyway."
She waited a moment and came to stand in front of me. I opened my thighs and pulled her in between them. I nuzzled her stomach. I lifted her sweater.
"Take this off."
I didn't wait for her to do as I said; I knew she would. I unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, and they fell on the floor. Her body was strong. Muscular and feminine at the same time. I loved a woman who worked out like she did, with a strong core; it wasn't about being skinny but being powerful.
I fucking loved her abs. I kissed her bare stomach and felt her convulse.
"If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, you have to tell me."
"Everything you're doing is making me uncomfortable."
I gently bit her stomach, and she yelped softly.
Her hands were balled into fists at her side. I opened her hands up and put them on my shoulder.
"Let me rephrase that. If I do anything that hurts, you tell me. If I do anything you don't like, you tell me. If I do something you feel shy about, shut up and let me continue." I looked into her eyes.
"Then…you can continue," she invited a ghost of a smile on her lips.
I went back to nuzzling her stomach, my hands on her thighs, streaking up to the promised land.
"I can smell your arousal."
Her hips shimmied. I watched her as I moved the fabric of her crotch and stroked her pussy. "How long have you been wet, sweetheart."
"Since this morning," she choked out and then moaned when I slid a finger inside her.
I pulled the finger out and licked to taste her. "I want more."
I pulled her panties down, and she balanced herself on my shoulders. As I did, I followed her scent and, using my hands to part her thighs, I did what I'd been wanting to do all fucking day. I finally tasted her pussy. I hummed as I licked her and swirled my tongue around her clitoris.
Her hands moved to my hair, clenching hard.
"You taste so sweet, Naya. Just like roses." I suckled her clitoris and inserted two fingers inside her, wanting to find her G-spot so I could…fucking hell, she was so responsive. Her cunt was clenching my finger tight. It would feel amazing around my cock.
She was crying out softly.
"You want to come," I asked harshly.
"Yes," she whimpered.
I sat back. She looked at me, incredulous that I'd stopped. "Get on the bed. On all fours."
She gaped at me. Oh, she was aroused as hell but also skittish.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because we have some lessons for you to learn before we can make love, darling."
She was squirming as she stood in just her bra. "And take the bra off. Now, on the bed."
"I can't do that."
"Do what?"
"What you're asking."
"Now, Naya. Or I'll make you," I commanded coldly.
Watching her battle with herself was fucking erotic. She slowly went to the bed that had been turned down and crawled up on it. I watched her in the mirror above the fireplace as she sat on her ankles as if contemplating.
"I don't have all night, Naya," I barked. "Now."
"But, Amias, my back," she protested, her head down.
Pain seared through me. She was battling her shyness earlier; now, it was her scars. I wanted to comfort her, but instinctively, I knew that was not what she needed.
"I don't give a shit. Do as you're told."
It took a while, but she did, and I closed my eyes as I heard a small sob come out of her.
Was this a mistake? Should I take a different approach with her?
I should've consulted a shrink about this.
That's what I should've done. What if my instinct is wrong, and I fuck her up more than she already was when it came to sex and intimacy?