Chapter Sixteen May 11
Chapter Sixteen
“I gotta be honest here,” Micah said, pushing away his plate. “That was awesome, Dad.” Greg murmured in agreement. “If I hadn’t watched you make the whole thing from scratch, I’d have sworn you’d brought takeout for dinner.”
“Now that is high praise.” Alex patted Joshua on the back. Then he buffed his fingernails on his sweater. “I taught him everything he knows,” he said, beaming. Around the table, everyone burst out laughing.
“I just kept repeating one thing over and over in my head, the whole time I was preparing it,” Joshua admitted.
“What was that?” Naomi asked, mopping up the last bit of her lasagna with a piece of garlic bread.
Joshua flushed. “Don’t you dare fuck this up.” There was a moment of stunned silence, before an even louder eruption of laughter.
“I’ll clear the table,” Greg said, rising to his feet.
“I’ll help.” Simon began collecting the dishes.
“Wait!” Naomi gazed at them with stricken eyes. “What about dessert? And don’t tell me there isn’t any, because I spotted Alex when he arrived, and whatever he was carrying looked suspiciously like dessert.”
“Oh, you’d hate it,” Alex told her in a grave voice. “Really.” Beside him, Joshua tried not to smirk.
“Yeah, sis.” Micah kept his tone even. “There’s ice cream if you want dessert. I’d keep away from Alex’s chocolate mousse cake if I were you.” From the kitchen, Joshua caught Greg’s loud guffaw.
“Chocolate mou—” Naomi glared at him. “Greg?” she yelled. “If you like my brother’s balls where they are, you’d better make sure I get some of that dessert.”
A startled choking sound came from the kitchen, and Simon stuck his head around the corner. “Don’t say stuff like that. I don’t know how to do CPR!”
Joshua shook his head as Naomi threw down her napkin and headed for the kitchen. “When she was a little girl, Rachel used to dress her in these gorgeous outfits, and everyone always said what a little angel she was.”
Alex chuckled. “She still is an angel, only with no filters and a low tolerance for bullshit.” He leaned back in his chair. “You have a great family, Joshua. Have you gotten to know Simon this week?”
Joshua smiled. “Yeah. He’s a good kid. Respectful too, unlike my daughter.”
Alex leaned closer. “So how did the sleeping arrangements talk work out? Were you Mr. Cool Dad?” His eyes sparkled.
“Naomi looked like she’d sat on a cactus.
I don’t think she ever expected me to utter the word condoms, let alone leave them in her room.
” Joshua snickered. “Oh, I gotta tell you something about that. Simon looked kinda stunned when I gave him the options, but he recovered quick, I’ll say that for him.
He told Naomi he’d be sharing her room before she got the chance to draw breath. ”
“Like that was a surprise.”
“But the funniest thing was a conversation I overhead between him and Naomi. She told him there’d be no shenanigans while they were here, not while I was around at any rate.”
“I bet that went down like a fart in a windstorm.”
“Fart in a—” Joshua stared at him. “Where the hell did you come up with that?”
Alex coughed. “That’s one of Manda’s. Blame her. She corrupted me.”
Joshua leveled a keen gaze at him. “Yeah, right.”
“I could have said I bet that took the starch out of his shorts, or any number of appropriate sayings. I have lots,” he said, grinning.
Alex reached for his glass of water and drained it.
“Thanks again for inviting me this evening. It’s the perfect start to my weekend.
” He put down his glass. “And I have news. For all of you, but Greg in particular.”
Joshua’s heartbeat raced. “Good news?”
Alex nodded. Then he straightened as Greg brought two dishes over to them. “Just the man. Grab a seat for a sec?”
Greg placed the dishes on the table and sat next to Alex. “Something wrong?”
“Far from it,” Alex assured him. “We’ve got a date for the grand jury.”
Greg stilled. “Does that mean…?”
Alex nodded slowly. “We have more witnesses. Four guys have come through for us. Well, for you, if I’m being honest. Four weeks. June 7th.” He took Greg’s hand and squeezed it. “Come to my office on Monday, and I’ll talk you through the process, okay?”
Greg nodded, his cheeks flushed. “I’m just gonna go tell Micah.” He clutched Alex’s hand. “Thank you.” Greg got up and went in search of Micah.
“Can I come too?” Joshua wanted to stay in the loop.
Alex nodded. “But just so you’re aware, you won’t be present when the grand jury convenes.
It’s just me, them, and the witnesses.” He smiled.
“Not that you’d want to be in there, really.
It’s a very boring process. I’m surprised no one falls asleep during it.
” Alex picked up his fork. “Now, enough work talk. Let’s try this dessert. ”
Joshua snorted. “Listen, if you made it, it’ll be delicious.”
Alex leaned in close, coughed, and muttered, “Walmart.” Then he sat back in his chair and forked off a piece.
Joshua bit his lip. “I won’t breathe a word.” He’d really enjoyed dinner. It had been a long time since he’d heard so much laughter around the table, and it warmed him that Alex seemed to fit right in.
“Hey, Alex, do you have to go right away?” Naomi called from the kitchen.
“I see. I’ve outstayed my welcome already, have I?” Alex quipped.
She peered around the corner, a bowl balanced in one hand. “I was only asking, because I thought we might do something later, and I was wondering if you’d stay.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“Oh, I thought it might be nice if we all played a game or something.”
Joshua frowned. “We haven’t played board games since you were twelve. You told your mom and me that you were—and I quote—‘too old for such things.’ And you hated Monopoly.”
Naomi smiled. “Ah, well, I’ve brought a game with me. It’s more of an… adult kind of game.” Micah walked passed her and joined them at the table, Greg close behind.
Micah peered at her. “What game?”
“It’s called Cards Against Humanity.” She grinned. “Trust me. It’ll be fun.” Naomi disappeared back into the kitchen.
Greg raised his eyebrows. “Seriously?”
“You know this game?” Joshua asked him.
He nodded. “I just didn’t think it was the kind of game she’d want to play here.”
Alex chuckled. “Greg is being polite. What he’s trying not to say is, he didn’t think it was the kind of game you played with your parents.” He grinned, then lowered his voice to a whisper. “You want to know what I think? This is Naomi’s revenge.”
“What for?”
“Think about it. You got one up on her by giving her the Cool Dad talk about being safe, so she wants to get even. She wants to prove you’re not as cool as you think you are.”
“I think Alex has nailed it,” Greg whispered. “Honestly, Joshua, some of the answers in this are… well, they leave nothing to the imagination.”
Joshua folded his arms across his chest. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Thanks for the heads-up, boys. I’m gonna have some fun with this.”
Alex regarded him closely. “You’re going to be evil, aren’t you?”
Joshua gave a short burst of maniacal laughter. “You have no idea.”
~ 0 ~
“Okay, does everyone have ten white cards?” Naomi asked, peering around the table.
There were nods from everyone. “So, to recap. One person picks a black card, and reads aloud what’s on it.
It could be a question, or a sentence with one or more blanks.
You choose one of your white cards that best fits, and you pass that over, face down.
The person with the black card gets to choose the best answer, and awards a point.
The person with the most points wins. Got it? ”
“This doesn’t sound so difficult,” Joshua said innocently.
Alex had to smother his laughter in a cough.
“The hardest part is sometimes none of your cards will fit. In that case, you just have to hand one over.” Naomi smiled. “I’ll draw the first black card then.” She picked one from the rectangular box and studied it. “What is Batman’s guilty pleasure?”
Everyone gazed at their cards, and Alex caught a giggle or two.
His own choices had potential, and he selected one, passing it face down to Naomi.
Beside him, Joshua was making a show of staring at his cards, his mouth open.
Naomi seemed to be torn between taking everyone’s cards, and watching Joshua’s reactions.
“We all done?” Naomi arranged the five white cards in front of her. “What is Batman’s guilty pleasure? We have… a balanced breakfast, farting and walking away…”
“Really?” Joshua stared at her.
“Dad, you can only go with what’s on the cards,” she said, smirking. “Then we have lumberjack fantasies, Justin Bieber, and… tentacle porn.” Chuckles broke out at that. Naomi snickered. “I’m gonna choose tentacle porn.”
“Yay!” Joshua beamed. “That’s a point for me.”
Naomi gaped. “That was… your card?”
He shrugged. “It’s like you said. You can only go with what’s on the cards.”
Both Micah and Greg burst into a bout of coughing.
Joshua grinned. “I like this game. Who’s next?” He gazed at Alex. “Which card was yours?”
“Justin Bieber, and I thought that was pretty good, but tentacle porn?” Alex shook his head. “Good choice.”
“My turn.” Greg chose a black card. “A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without… blank.”
Alex picked any card, because none of his really worked, but he was more interested in watching Joshua. “Careful. You’re having way too much fun with this.”
Joshua snickered. “I’m just warming up.” He passed a card to Greg.
Greg repeated the sentence, and regarded the cards.
“Without… a gassy antelope—yuck—the Chinese gymnastics team—gee, we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel here, guys—a snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis—can I just say OUCH?
—panda sex—Really?—and…” he bit his lip, his eyes shining.
“Okay. We have a winner. A salty surprise.”
“Ew.” Naomi grimaced. “Whose was that?”
“Me again.” Joshua let out a happy sigh. “This is a great game. I could play this all night.”
Naomi was staring at him like he’d grown a second head.
By the time the box had been around the table four times, there was no doubt who was winning.
Joshua had thirteen points, and Alex had to admit, the cards had certainly been with him.
Some of his choices… Alex’s favorite had to be, ‘What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner? Daniel Radcliffe’s delicious asshole.
’ But the funniest moment had to be when it was Naomi’s turn.
She read aloud, “Uh, hey guys, I know this was my idea, but I’m having serious doubts about… blank.”
Simon had smirked and murmured, “Playing this game with my dad ever again.”
Naomi blinked, and then to Alex’s relief, she started laughing, and soon everyone had joined her. When the laughter had died down, she got up from the table. “I’m going to make some tea, if anyone’s interested.”
“I’ll have some,” Alex said with a smile. He waited until she was out of the room before turning to Joshua. “Okay. What did you do?”
Joshua’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’ve played this game a few times. The odds of you having so many really good cards are just too astronomical to be calculated. Most of the time you’re lucky if you get two or three good ones.”
Simon snickered. “I still think your best one was… ‘I’m sorry, ma’am, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of… a Fleshlight.’” He held up his hand, and Joshua high-fived it. “Priceless, dude—I mean, Joshua.”
Micah snorted. “Come on, Dad, the game’s up. Better tell him. If you won’t, I will.”
Joshua pulled a face. “That’s right, spoil the illusion.”
Micah leaned across the table. “Greg kept Naomi busy in the kitchen, while I went and found the box of cards. Dad and I went through them, picking out the most risqué ones. Then he kept them out of sight, pretending to choose a new card each time.”
Alex gaped in mock horror. “You cheated?” When Joshua gazed back at him with an innocent expression, Alex laughed. “Have I told you recently that I really like you?”
Simon gasped. “What? Seriously?” He grinned and held out his hand. “Kudos.” He shook Joshua’s hand. “Of course, if she ever finds out…” Simon shuddered.
“Then let’s make sure she doesn’t,” Greg said decisively. He snickered. “Nice one, Joshua.” He clammed up as Naomi entered the room, carrying a tray of cups and a teapot.
“Oops. Forgot the sugar.” She darted back into the kitchen.
“You know, as someone sworn to uphold the law, I should rat on you,” Alex muttered.
Joshua turned to face him. “I have one word to say to you. Walmart.”
Alex cleared his throat. “Tea, anyone?”