Chapter Seventeen May 26
Chapter Seventeen
“Still not sure about this, you know,” Joshua murmured as he finished his soda.
“Aw, come on. It’s my turn to choose. And you said you loved Deadpool!
” They’d watched it over dinner the week before, after Alex had taught him how to make chili and cornbread.
With Joshua’s kids, he figured it was one recipe Joshua had to have in his arsenal.
Alex had to admit, Joshua was getting to be a good cook.
With each success, his confidence improved, and he faced each new challenge with an enthusiasm that Alex found very attractive.
Let’s face it. Every bit of him is attractive.
“Yeah, I did, but it’s rare that a sequel is as good as the original. I can only name you a couple that were better. Plus, now he’s got sidekicks.”
Alex had to laugh at that. “What’s wrong with him having sidekicks?” He pulled out his wallet and removed a couple of bills, which he slid into the check holder. “Trust me, you’ll love it.”
Joshua speared him with a look. “And why are you paying for dinner?”
“Because you paid last time!”
A lady at the next table chuckled. “Lord, I can tell you two haven’t been together long. I can’t remember the last time my husband wanted to pay for dinner.”
Joshua stilled, gazed at Alex, and blinked.
It was an adorable reaction.
Alex shook his head. “If you don’t make a move, we’ll miss the start of the movie, and I hate walking in late. So shift that cute tush into high gear.” He hurried out of the pizza place, his shoulders shaking as he waited for Joshua to catch up.
He didn’t have to wait long. He’d just gotten out the door when Joshua grabbed his arm. “Wanna tell me what all that was about?”
Alex bit back his smile. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Joshua’s eyes were wide. “That woman thought we were … and what’s with the cute tush remarks?”
Alex grinned. “Well, it is!”
“You mean, you’ve looked?”
“Every chance I get.” Alex pouted. “Of course, I’ve only ever seen it in jeans, because that’s all I ever see you wear, but I live in hope.
After all, summer’s coming.” He grinned again.
“I’m gay. What did you expect?” When Joshua’s jaw dropped, Alex took pity on him.
“All right, I am not forever staring at your ass, okay? Just bear in mind that A, I’m not blind, and B, you’re very attractive. ”
Joshua huffed. “Says you. Have you looked in a mirror lately?”
Alex’s phone vibrated in his pocket. When he took it out and saw the screen, he smiled and hit Answer. “Hey. I was just thinking about you this morning.” He mouthed Manda to Joshua. For a moment all he heard was the rush of traffic. “Manda? Where are you?”
“In my rental, heading to Lame Deer.” Her voice trembled. “Asha spent last night in the medical center again, but… they’re sending her home, Alex.” Another quaver.
She didn’t need to spell it out. Alex’s heart sank. “Oh, sweetheart. Call me when you get there? Better yet—do you want me to come?”
“God, no. You stay there, because when this is over, I’m gonna need you.”
“You got me. For as long as you need, you know that.”
She sniffed. “I’d better get off this phone. I’ll call you.”
Alex disconnected the call, staring at the screen. Joshua’s hand was gentle on his arm. “I gather it’s not good news?”
He shook his head. “Manda’s on her way to see Asha now.” He pocketed his phone. “You know what? I really don’t feel in the mood to go see a movie. I think I’ll head home.”
“Want some company?”
Bless him. “That would be great.” He didn’t want to be alone.
“Go get in your car. I’ll follow.”
Alex patted Joshua’s hand that hadn’t moved. “Thanks. I could use a friend right now.”
He had a feeling it was going to be a very long night.
~ 0 ~
Joshua finished lighting the fire. The snows might have passed, but the temperature had dropped to just above freezing.
Alex was in the kitchen, making coffee. By the time he came into the living room, the flames were already flickering, the heat edging out into the room.
Alex didn’t sit on the couch, but put the mugs on the hearth, then grabbed cushions and dropped them on the rug in front of the fire.
“There’s something about a fire, don’t you think?” Alex sat on the cushions, staring into the flames. “Almost hypnotic.”
Joshua joined him. “This might not be such a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Getting down here isn’t the issue—it’s what happens when it’s time to get up off the floor,” he joked. Joshua handed him a mug, before reaching for his own.
“Tell me about it. I remember when it felt much easier, that’s for sure.
I blame it on my sedentary lifestyle.” Alex sipped his coffee.
“Asha has a firepit in her back yard. Manda and I would sit out there for hours, lying on blankets on the ground, counting the stars.” He smiled.
“Not to mention sharing a bottle of anything we brought along, only we had to hide it, because Asha didn’t like the idea of Manda drinking.
We knew why, of course. Manda’s grandfather was an alcoholic, whose liver killed him way before his time. ”
“Bad way to go.” Joshua gazed into the fire. “Let’s face it though—any way is a bad way if it takes you away from your family before they’re ready to let you go.”
“Do you think you were ready?” Alex’s voice was soft.
Joshua sighed. “Not when they first diagnosed the brain tumor, no. And then, when they removed it all, I thought we’d won. I still had her. Only, she wasn’t the same person.”
“Why?”
“She used to get these headaches—only she didn’t call them that.
She said there was a Gremlin inside her head.
And then there was the double vision. Bless her, she didn’t complain, but it was obvious she didn’t feel herself.
So when she collapsed, I had a feeling.” He studied his coffee.
“Those few days in the hospital, waiting for them to say yeah, it was finally over, she was finally at rest… but they didn’t.
First it was ‘we can’t declare her dead because of X.
’ Then it was ‘yeah, but now there’s Y.’ I wanted to scream at them, to just switch off the damn machines, because she wasn’t there anymore. She’d gone.”
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
Joshua reached for Alex’s hand, curling his fingers around it.
“When they finally agreed to switch off life support, her heart kept on beating. I sat by her bed, holding her hand like this, knowing that she’d never squeeze it again.
” He watched the flames lick and curl around a log.
“I thought I was ready then. I truly did. But instead of letting go, I held on to the pain of losing her, and shut out everything else. How those kids got through two years of me like that, I’ll never know. ” He released Alex’s hand slowly.
“What changed?”
“Greg,” Joshua said simply. “His arrival jolted me out of my self-imposed misery. And when I read that letter from Hayden…” He smiled. “That really did bring home to me what a lucky son of a bitch I was. To have known two such wonderful people.”
Alex gazed into the fire. “Can I ask you something? Do you find it strange that Greg should end up being part of your family? Because if things had gone differently, there’s every chance you and Hayden might have stayed together, gotten married, adopted, or had your own kids.
” He sighed. “You and Hayden could have had a Greg of your own.”
“Yeah, I’ve had that thought too. Maybe that’s why I took to him so quickly.
If we’d made the decision early enough to have kids, they’d be about Greg’s age by now.
” He smiled. “Not that it’s difficult to take to Greg.
He’s an amazing young man, so giving and thoughtful.
” Joshua sipped his coffee. “You know what? Part of me thinks that night was meant to be. That of all the people driving along that road, Micah was the one who had to find him.” He closed his eyes, aware of the fire’s warmth on his face, the crackle of flames, the slow tick of a clock somewhere.
“And then there was Rachel. She always knew that I’d loved Hayden, and yet she told me to keep the photos.
She knew I’d never forget him, and that was okay with her.
” But that was Rachel, beautiful inside and out.
“She sounds like she was also an amazing person.”
Joshua opened his eyes. “And what about you?”
Alex’s brow furrowed. “What about me?”
“In all the weeks—sorry, months—we’ve been friends, you haven’t once told me a damn thing about you.
Oh, I know about you and Manda, but let’s face it, she shared that.
And the only reason I know you’re gay is because of her.
Ditto knowing you have an ex.” Joshua gazed at Alex’s face, bathed in the glow of the firelight.
“Are you just one of those people who don’t like talking about themselves?
Because the night Manda was here, I got the impression you didn’t want to talk.
I wasn’t sure if it was because you didn’t want me knowing you’re gay. ”
Alex put down his mug. “Christ, no. I don’t care who knows I’m gay. I’ve been out since I was seventeen. No, I just didn’t want to talk about Todd.” He bit back a smile. “Although… I don’t exactly go shouting about it in the office.”
“Well, yeah. You’re an elected official. I guess you have to be careful, being in the public eye and so forth.” Alex’s phone rang, and Joshua’s stomach clenched to see his expression tighten.
“Hey…. I’m at home. Joshua is here.” He listened intently.
“Okay. Just call me if anything happens, all right? Love you too.” He disconnected and put the phone on the cushion beside him.
“Manda’s taken her home. She’s going to stay there tonight.
” He looked so forlorn, that all Joshua wanted was to give him a hug.
“Is there anything I can do for ya?”
Alex gave him a warm smile. “You’ve done plenty. I didn’t want to be alone. And right now I don’t want to think. Does that make sense?”
Joshua nodded. “How about I just let the kids know what’s up, and tell them I’ll be home whenever?”
Alex nodded. “Thanks. I was going to put on a movie. Just something to keep my mind occupied. Want to help me choose something?”
“Sure. As long as it’s nothing too loud, or tense, or scary, or complicated…”
Alex snorted. “I might as well put on The Wizard of Oz.” Then he chuckled. “Although… that is kind of appropriate, I suppose.” When Joshua gave him an inquiring glance, Alex’s eyes sparkled. “Why, come now, Mr. Trant. Surely you know what a friend of Dorothy is?”
Joshua huffed. “I’m not that clueless. And personally speaking?” He shuddered. “The wicked witch of the west always scared the pants off me.” Alex laughed, which was Joshua’s intention. “So, you got any popcorn in this place?”
Alex rolled his eyes. “Do I have popcorn? Pick your flavor.” He got up off the cushion and headed for the kitchen. “I’ll call them out, you just yell when you hear one you like.”
Joshua listened to the little noises Alex made as he busied himself in the kitchen.
He knew what was coming was gonna hurt, and there was nothing he could do about it.
The best he could manage was to distract Alex with some company.
Alex would be doing his damnedest to support Manda, Joshua knew that.
The least he could do was be there for his friend.