Chapter Thirty-One October 5
Chapter Thirty-One
Every which way Joshua looked at the situation, he arrived at the same conclusion. I have nothing to complain about. I should be happy.
But he wasn’t, not entirely, and that had to be his fault.
Back in early September, he’d been happy.
Fuck, he’d floated through the first half of the month, carried along on a wave of contentment.
Of course, most of that was purely physical.
Every chance he got, he was at Alex’s place, and while they still cooked and met up for coffee or a movie, they also did a lot of fucking.
Christ, it was like they’d invented it, which caused no end of amusement for Micah.
Oh God. Labor Day. Joshua could still picture Micah’s puzzled expression.
“I just don’t get it. You just spent two weeks with Alex, but you had to have another weekend? Wasn’t the vacation enough?” Micah held up his hands. “Not that I’m complaining. I’m just… confused. I mean, what could you do in a weekend that you hadn’t already done in the cabin?”
Joshua gazed at him in dawning comprehension. “Wait. You thought we were…at the cabin? Hell no. Not with you guys around. Well… okay, so we did some things, but..”
Micah’s jaw dropped. “You mean, we arranged that whole trip so you two could… and you waited till you got home?”
Joshua stared at him open-mouthed. “Okay then, next time, book the damn vacation—then you stay the hell at home!”
That still made him chuckle.
Joshua shut down his PC and monitor, then sat back in his chair.
What on earth is bugging me? What’s changed?
He got to see Alex two or three times a week, where they’d have dinner, followed by an hour or so in Alex’s bed, or wherever the mood took them.
If Joshua had an itch, Alex scratched it, and vice versa.
So what’s missing from this picture? Why the hell do I feel like there’s something not quite right? He just didn’t get it.
His phone pinged, and he peered at the screen. We have company this weekend. Manda is coming for a visit.
Joshua smiled. It would be good to see her. Does she know about us?
Alex’s reply pinged back. Well, if she doesn’t when she arrives, she will by the time we say goodnight and head to my room. LOL. You ARE staying, right? You don’t have to go home because of Manda.
It took a minute or two for the full import of Alex’s words to sink in. That’ll just tell her we’re sleeping together. Aren’t we more than friends with benefits? Not that he’d say as much to Alex.
Then it hit him. He didn’t know the answer to that question, but it did give him a hint at why he wasn’t happy.
Joshua wanted more than just sex.
Those two weeks at the cabin had been wonderful, not because he and Alex had sucked each other off like horny kids—although truth be told, that had been pretty damn amazing—but because he’d gotten to spend time with Alex.
I loved being with him. Talking with him.
Sleeping with him. Hell, half the time it felt like it was just the two of them, and Joshua liked that, liked it a lot.
Then they’d added sex to the equation, and it was like the closing of a circle, the final piece slotting into position.
Whether it was a BJ, Alex inside him, or him balls deep in Alex, it made no matter.
They were together, joined, as intimate as they could be.
And there it was, the missing piece.
I want that same intimacy outside of the bedroom. That connection. I want to know this is leading somewhere.
And he had no clue what Alex wanted. He only knew Alex seemed content with the way things were.
Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m reading too much into this. Maybe we’re still a work in progress. Maybe…
There were too many damn maybes.
His phone pinged. LOL Where did you go?
Joshua expelled a long breath and typed a reply. Yeah, I’ll stay. It seemed to be what Alex wanted.
And what about what I want?
There was a tap on his door. “Dad? You got a minute?”
“Sure. Come on in.”
Micah came into the office, carrying a canvas. “Got something I’d like to show you.”
Joshua sat up straight. “Is this a new canvas? I thought you were working on ideas for the next show?” Denver had been a great success, and already Micah had a couple of galleries interested in hosting an exhibition of his work. Joshua was so freaking proud of him.
Micah chuckled. “We got a while yet. Like I said, I’m not doing another show this side of Christmas, not with the trial coming up. Remember I told you I was given a commission by Wyoming Equality?”
“Ah, the mysterious commission. Do I finally get to see it?”
Micah nodded, before slowly turning the canvas around.
Joshua stared at the portrait of a young man, silhouetted against the light that poured in through a window. “Why do I know that face?” There was a pensive air about the painting that tugged at Joshua’s heart.
Micah sighed. “Because this is Matthew Shepard.”
Joshua took the canvas from him and studied it. “Oh my God. Of course it is.” He could recall that time like it was yesterday. Rachel had been in tears every time the story came on the news, and when the President had signed the Matthew Shepard Act in 2009, both of them had wept again.
“This is beautiful, Micah. Do you have any idea why they wanted a portrait of him?” Joshua tore his gaze away from the canvas. “You were only little when he died, maybe six years old.”
Micah nodded. “And this painting is going to be placed near his remains. Later this month, they’re going to lay him to rest at the National Cathedral in Washington. The lady from Wyoming Equality said they felt it was fitting that the portrait should be done by an artist from Wyoming—a gay artist.”
Tears pricked Joshua’s eyelids. “Wow. I… I’m stunned. And can I just say… I think it’s one of the finest pieces you’ve ever produced.”
Micah’s face glowed. “Thank you. They’re sending someone at the end of next week to collect it, and then it’ll be taken to Washington.”
“Is there going to be a service? Would you like to go?”
Micah shook his head. “There are probably gonna be thousands of people there. My portrait will be there—that’s good enough for me.
Besides, an event that big? It’ll be on TV, so I’ll get to see it.
” He took the canvas from Joshua. “And Greg says to tell you to stop what you’re doing, because dinner will be in ten minutes.
” He tilted his head to one side. “Will we see much of you this weekend? Especially as Monday is Columbus Day.” His eyes twinkled. “Or will Alex be kidnapping you again?”
Joshua gave a half smile. “Not this time. Manda is visiting. But I’ll be there until Sunday.”
“Gotcha.” Micah regarded him closely. “Are you okay? You’ve seemed a little… subdued lately. Is everything all right with you and Alex?”
Now that’s a good question.
“I think I’m just working too hard,” Joshua told him. He gestured to his desk. “I’ve got a huge program to write.”
Micah nodded. “Then maybe a weekend with Alex and Manda is just what you need.” He left the office, closing the door behind him.
Maybe. Then it struck him that he was ignoring an obvious solution to his problem.
Maybe I should just talk to Alex.
~ 0 ~
Manda let out a contented sigh. “So, is this where I get to say, ‘I told you so’?”
Alex peered at her over his wine glass. “Excuse me?”
“You and Joshua. Well, you did take my advice, didn’t you? I mean, you and he… you’re an item, right?”
Alex chuckled. “Not sure what ‘an item’ means.”
She blinked. “Okay, then let’s put it this way. You’ve moved past being cooking buddies. And you’re definitely fucking.” Her eyes sparkled. “Don’t bother denying it. I’ve known you too long.”
Alex paused, his glass almost at his lips. “I’m glad I wasn’t drinking at that point because you would have ended up wearing it. Although I am intrigued how you arrived at that conclusion.”
“You have this well-fucked air about you. You know, like a glow of contentment?” Manda snorted. “And I saw the empty condom box in the trash just now.”
“You went through my trash?”
“I was throwing something out! It caught my eye!” She grinned. “So, tell me everything.”
Alex laughed. “Not sure there’s much to tell. You kind of summed it all up.”
Manda put down her glass. “That’s it? You’re getting your itch scratched, so all’s right with the world?”
He frowned. “Wait a moment. You’re the one who suggested I needed to have some fun. You’re the one who said I didn’t have to be alone. Well, I’m not. So why aren’t you happy?”
“Because I thought you’d work it out, you moron!”
Alex stared at her, his stomach churning. “Keep going. You’re obviously not done yet.”
Manda picked up her glass and drained it.
She put it on the coffee table and leaned forward, her gaze intense.
“Joshua is a great guy. He cares for you. You’re attracted to him.
You go well together. You’re clearly a good fit in bed…
so why haven’t you let him in here?” She placed her hand over her heart.
“It’s like you’re keeping him at arms’ length. ”
Alex sighed. “I know it all seems cut and dried to you, but…” How many nights had he lain in bed, asking himself the same question, over and over again?
“Try me. Make me understand.” Manda’s voice was soft.
Alex took a deep breath. “Joshua has always known he’s bi, okay? But he’s only just now getting comfortable with that part of himself. This is all new and exciting for him.”
“Wait a minute.” Manda leaned forward. “When you say, ‘that part of himself’… let’s not be coy here. You’re talking about the gay sex side of being bi, right? Because he did love a guy once, right?”
“Yes, but they never got the chance to—”
“Yeah, yeah, okay. So you know this is how Joshua is feeling because you and he have talked about it?”
Alex stared at her. “Not exactly.”
Manda snorted. “Lemme guess. Neither of you are doing much talking these days. Which means you just fed me a big ol’ pile of assumptions.”