The Present
Midnight struck, and my heartbeat quickened. It’s time.
Nicholas appeared in my living room, blinking into existence, looking more anxious than I’d ever seen him before. “Hey.”
I forced a smile. “Hey you.” I walked over to him with none of my usual fervor and impatience, and kissed him, my hands cupping his face. “Missed you.”
Our foreheads touched. “In all of my existence, I don’t think I’ve ever spent a year in such torment. So many times I wanted to see how you were doing…”
“But you didn’t.” Somehow I’d known that.
“You’re right, I didn’t.” He swallowed. “I need to know. Please, don’t make me wait a second longer.”
I took a deep breath. “I spent tonight thinking about all the times we’ve shared. So many memories.” I bit my lip. “And once we got started, a lot of sex.”
He laughed softly.
“I thought about other things too. Not seeing your sweet face, not hearing your laugh, not lying in your arms listening to music, talking about books and movies… I thought about not experiencing the joy I’d found in our lovemaking.”
What it all came down to was… there would never be another man for me. I knew that, balls to bones.
And in that moment I made my decision.
“I’ll come with you.”
He froze. “Say that again?”
I smiled. “I’m coming with you.”
His eyes lit up. His face glowed. And then he seized me in a bone-crunching hug that took my breath away. “Oh my God. I hoped. I really hoped.”
I cupped his nape. “Hang on there. I’m not done.” I disengaged myself, my heart pounding.
He became so still. “There’s a condition, isn’t there?”
“Yes. And this one might be a game-changer.” I’d thought about it long and hard, and there was only one way I would go ahead with this.
“Is it your job?”
I snorted. “Hell no. I was about to take early retirement anyway. My old boss has already left the company, and my new boss is a snot-nosed little asshole. No, my condition is… We have to let someone else in on the secret.”
He stared at me, his eyes perplexed, and then he sighed. “Your brother.”
I nodded. “I can’t just walk away, leaving them with so many questions. I can’t tell them ‘By the way, you’re never going to see me again except once a year on Christmas Eve.’ I can’t tell them they’re not going to be able to call me, or see me on their phones.”
“I understand.”
“I haven’t finished.” Throughout the past year, I’d kept coming back to one persistent thought.
I fought to breathe evenly. “You wanna know what’s been the hardest pill to swallow about all this?
The knowledge that someday, all my family will be dead, and there I’ll be, alive and living with you in a magical realm.
And when that day comes, I’m not sure how I’ll face it. If I can face it.”
He held my face in his hands. “Then focus on this. You will get to see Ben’s children grow to adults.
Have children of their own. Grandchildren.
You will watch over generations to come.
You can care for generations to come. Because you’ll work with me to provide for them.
To ensure their happiness.” Then he sighed.
“But I do understand about being unable to simply walk away.”
My heart was still racing. “So I guess what I’m asking is… Will you? Will you let me tell Ben where I’ll be going, and who you are?”
Please say yes.
He cocked his head. “Does he get to tell his family?”
I’d thought about that too. I shook my head. “Only him. I know he’ll want to tell Layla, but I’m not sure if she would be able to keep that secret. I’m not even sure he can. But I have to try.”
Nicholas bit his lip. “Where is he now?”
“It’s what time in Germany right now?” I knew he’d have that information at his fingertips.
“Six a.m.”
“And it’s Christmas morning.” I stared at him. “Then I can tell him?”
Nicholas smiled. “We can tell him. And we’re going there right now.”
I stared. “But… I thought no one can see you?”
“I’m going to make sure he can. It’s the only way he’ll believe you.”
“But… he’ll be getting up soon, because in a few hours he’ll be on duty at the base. That means Layla and the kids will be there too.”
“Don’t worry. They won’t know I’m there. Only Ben.” Nicholas smiled. “Did your parents ever know I was around?”
He had a point.
“This isn’t going to be easy, you know that, don’t you? He’s fifty-one. He’s going to require a lot of proof. And even then, he might not accept it.”
“What if he doesn’t?” He studied me. “Will that alter your decision?”
“No, but it’ll make subsequent Christmas Eves a little awkward.” I kissed him on the lips. “We have to try.”
Ben’s life was about to change too.
I blinked. We were standing in Ben’s living room. It was still dark—the sun wouldn’t be up for a couple of hours—and all was quiet. In the corner of the room stood the Christmas tree, its boughs heavy with ornaments and tinsel.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” I muttered.
“Used to what?”
“You clicking your fingers and we’re instantly someplace else.” I peered at him. “So now what? Do I go wake him up? Without waking Layla, of course.”
Nicholas smiled. “No need. He’ll be here any minute.”
I was about to ask him how he knew that, when the door opened and Ben walked in, wearing sleep pants and a tee, and making a bee line for the kitchen. He came to a dead stop when he saw us.
“How… what…?” He rubbed his eyes.
“You’re awake,” I told him. “This isn’t a dream.” Then it hit me.
There was no sound.
I turned to Nicholas. “You’ve stopped time, haven’t you?”
He nodded. “And it’ll stay like that until we leave. That way, there’s no chance of us being interrupted.”
Ben coughed. “Okay, this is getting weird. I only got up because I was having this really strange dream.” He stared at me.
“And you were in it. I dreamed I was going into the kitchen to make coffee for you. Actually, you and Santa—” He looked past me to where Nicholas stood, and his eyes widened.
“What on earth is going on?” A trace of fear flickered across his face before he straightened, his shoulders back. “I think you owe me an explanation.”
I glanced at Nicholas. “Let me guess. He got a little push.”
Nicholas shrugged. “It’s what I do, right?”
Ben frowned. “Don’t you think the kids are a little old for Santa Claus? I hope you’re paying this guy a ton of money to do this.” Then he frowned. “What am I saying? I still have no clue how you got in here.” He locked gazes with me. “What the hell is going on, Anthony?”
I gestured to the couches. “Can we sit? Because I really think you need to be sitting down for what I’m about to tell you.”
Without a word, he sat, his gaze trained on us.
Nicholas and I perched on the other couch. I opened my mouth to speak, and before I could utter a word, he took my hand in his. Calm flowed through me, and I gave him a grateful glance. I faced Ben.
“Before I begin, I told you a few years ago that there was someone in my life.” I gestured to Nicholas. “This is him.”
Ben gaped. “You came all this way to introduce me to your boyfriend?” He arched his eyebrows. “You left out the part that he’s a Santa Claus.”
I took a deep breath. “Not a Santa Claus—the Santa Claus.”
He laughed. “Nice one.” He glanced at Nicholas. “Hey. Pleased to meet you. How’s Rudolph? Got all your deliveries done for the night? Isn’t it time you were on your way back to the North Pole?”
I sighed. “This isn’t a joke. His name is Nicholas. Don’t ask me how old he is because you wouldn’t believe me if I told you, and I love him.” Another breath. “And we’re here because… I’m going to be with him, and that will mean changes.”
Ben stared at me. “Have you been drinking?”
I’d known it wasn’t going to be easy. “I’m stone-cold sober. And every word I just said was true.”
“Sure. Whatever you say.” Ben chuckled. “This is a dream, isn’t it? I’m going to wake up any second now.”
“We don’t have much time.” Nicholas said with a sigh.
“So I have to make you believe your brother.” He clicked his fingers, and all three of us stood beside the sleigh.
Around us was nothing but snow, the boughs of the trees weighed down by it, and far off in the distance was the air base, its bright lights stark against the whiteness.
The wind picked up, and Ben shivered. “Why am I so cold? I shouldn’t be cold in a dream.” He gazed at his surroundings. “How… how did you do that?” He blinked. “Wait a minute. I know this place. This… this is three miles from my house.”
Nicholas nodded. “And I brought you here—by magic.”
Ben stared at him. “There’s no such thing.”
“Then how else do you explain it? You’re not a man given to hallucinations, so you can discount that theory.
You believe what you see with your own eyes, so right now the only option open to you is to believe I am who Anthony says I am.
” Nicholas clicked his fingers again, and we were standing in Ben’s living room.
Ben jerked his head, blinking furiously. “You can make a guy dizzy doing that. Don’t do it again. And I still don’t believe you. I might not have suffered from hallucinations before, but I’m sure having one now.”
“Ben,” Nicholas said in a low voice. When Ben looked at him, Nicholas pointed to the floor. “You’re dripping.”
Ben lowered his gaze to where the snow from the bottom of his sleep pants had melted, forming a puddle of water.
“Oh dear Lord. It wasn’t a dream, was it?”
“I think we got through to him,” I murmured.
He collapsed onto the sofa. “Are you seriously telling me my brother is dating… Santa Claus? That Santa Claus… is real?”
I sat beside him. “I’ve known him since I was twelve years old.
I’ve wanted him since I was in my thirties.
And I’ve loved him for a while now. Our time together amounts to every Christmas Eve since 1979, but it isn’t enough anymore, so I’ve made a decision.
We’re here because it will affect you too. ”
Ben swallowed. “You’re scaring me.”
“If that means you start to believe what I’m telling you, then please, be scared.” I took another deep breath. “He’s asked me to live with him, in his realm, and I’ve said yes, but—”
“‘His realm’?”
I nodded. “Forget all that North Pole shit, okay? I’ve been to his realm, many times, and it’s as far from the North Pole as it’s possible to be, all right? And while I have agreed to go with him, there’s a drawback. Which brings me to why we’re here.”
Ben became still. “Go on.”
“I’d be going there for good. Forever.” I gestured once more to Nicholas.
“He knew I couldn’t walk away from my family, that I’d need to see you, so he agreed that…
I’d come back here one night every year—on Christmas Eve.
” I swallowed. “But I had a condition. I had to come here first and tell you what was going on.” I gazed fondly at Ben.
“And Nicholas agreed to share his secret, to let you see him—just you.”
Ben stilled. “One night?”
I widened my eyes. “One night is better than no nights at all. At least this way, I’ll still be in your lives, for a while anyway.”
“What does that mean?”
Nicholas leaned forward. “Anthony won’t age. He’ll always be as you see him now.” His eyes gleamed. “Which might be a little hard to take, don’t you think? So the day will come when he’ll stop visiting, and you’ll have to pretend he’s dead, for the sake of your family. They can’t know the truth.”
“Why not?”
“Do you really think they could keep something like this a secret?”
Ben frowned. “No. I don’t think they could. I’m not sure I can, to be honest. But what do I tell Layla, Pete and Becca?”
“They don’t see that much of me, really, if you think about it. One day a year isn’t so far-fetched.” I gazed at him. “Can you cope with only seeing me once a year?”
“It’s not as if I have a choice, is it?” A note of bitterness crept into Ben’s voice. “And what if there’s an emergency? What if I need you? How on earth would I contact you? Because it doesn’t sound to me as if you’d be on this earth.”
I turned to Nicholas. “He’s right. I didn’t think of that.”
Nicholas smiled. “Then one channel will remain open, all year round. I’ll be able to know immediately if there’s anything wrong.”
“‘Channel’?” Ben’s brow furrowed.
“It’s… complicated,” I told him. “All you need to know is, we’ll be aware of everything that happens here.”
Ben peered around the room. “You got cameras in here that I don’t know about?” he quipped. Then he sighed. “I still don’t see why you need to go with him.”
I knelt in front of him and took hold of his hands. “You have your happiness—Layla, Pete, Becca, a job you love…” I looked him in the eye. “Well, Nicholas is my happiness.”
He gave a half-smile. “And I still can’t get my head around that part. Santa Claus—gay.”
“He’s always been gay. There is no Mrs. Claus. And… I want your blessing.”
Tears glistened in his eyes. “How can I argue against that?”
“Then… I have your blessing?”
Ben smiled, wiping his eyes. “I think my brain is just catching up. I get to see you once a year—and you get to spend the rest of it with the man you love. I think that’s a no-brainer, don’t you?”
I hugged him so tightly. “Thank you. Thank you.”
“Love you, bro,” Ben whispered. Then he burst out laughing.
“What’s tickled you?” I demanded, releasing him.
“I’m just thinking… oh my God, the irony.” I stared at him, and he grinned. “Weren’t you the one who told me Santa didn’t exist?”
Okay, that was pretty funny, now that I thought about it.
I rose, and Ben extended a hand to Nicholas. “I’m so glad I got the chance to meet you.”
“Me too.” His eyes sparkled. “Whatever happened to your elastic Superman, by the way?”
“My—” Ben gaped. “How did you—” He rolled his eyes. “Stupid question.”
“That was my gift to you.” Then Nicholas hesitated, and I wondered what was coming next. “But there’s a gift you could give me, if you’d be willing.”
Ben blinked. “I doubt there is anything I can give Santa Claus that he couldn’t find for himself,” he said with a chuckle.
Nicholas’s breathing quickened, and I realized I had never once seen him in that state.
He was nervous.
He inhaled deeply. “The thing is… I’m an old-fashioned kinda guy. And if I’m going to ask a man to join me in my realm, to commit to a life with me… I want to put a ring on his finger first.”
Wait… What did he say?