43. Brody
FORTY-THREE
It’s crazy how quickly things can change. One minute, I was on top of the world with the entire future ahead of me. I was engaged to the woman of my dreams, planning my life with her and my best friend, and the next, Hayden is walking out the door, taking our hearts and plans for the future with him.
Bree begged me to say something, to do something, but I couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. A million thoughts were running through my head with just as many words I wanted to say, but not a single one came out of my mouth.
So instead, I let my best friend walk out the door. Then, after calling Beatrice so she could take the kids, I spent the next thirty-six hours trying to comfort Bree. At the same time, she cried in my arms, asking me heartbreaking questions like if Hayden left because of the kids, or if she did something wrong. She questioned everything about herself, allowing her insecurities to get the better of her. Had Hayden been anywhere near me, I would’ve punched him in his face for doing what he did, making her feel that way.
I don’t know why he walked away, but I’m sure as hell going to get some damn answers…which is why, instead of going in to work, I’m sitting on my couch, waiting for him to show up.
At nine o’clock on the dot, he walks through the door, his steps faltering the second he sees me sitting, waiting.
“You were supposed to be at work,” he says, his tone devoid of all emotion.
“That’s all you have to say to me?” I stalk toward him. “A lifetime of friendship and that’s all you have to say?” I get in his face, and he backs up against the wall, showing zero emotion. “Fuck work. I’d say my best friend walking away is a bit more important than going to work.” I cage him in, and we both stand like this for several seconds—me, trying to get ahold of myself so I can get some answers, and him, waiting for me to speak.
When I’m finally calm enough to speak, I say, “She spent the last day and a half crying.” Hayden at least has the decency to flinch before schooling his features.
“She thinks she did something wrong. She questioned her weight, if she’s good enough in bed, if she’s pretty enough. Then she moved on to her kids, asking if they were behaved enough, or if maybe it’s because you want your own. She said she’d give us however many kids we wanted. After that, she wondered if maybe she’s not lovable. Her mom and dad didn’t love her enough to stay. From there, she questioned if she was destined to always be left behind. Because you know, everyone she’s loved has either left or died.”
I look Hayden in the eyes, and despite him refusing to show any emotions, I can see it in his features, my words are killing him inside, yet he did this. He caused this. And he won’t tell me why.
“Say something!” I slam my fist against the wall because I have so much anger built up, but I’d never touch Hayden, not violently.
When he doesn’t say a damn word, I continue. “She was so distraught I had to have Beatrice take the kids for the rest of the weekend. She barely slept, wouldn’t eat, just fucking cried. Oh,” I say with a bitter laugh, remembering something else. “Then she apologized. Our sweet, too damn good for us fiancée apologized for being the reason I lost you as well.”
When he finally speaks, the words that come out of his mouth have me wanting to kill him. “I need to pack my shit, so if you wouldn’t mind backing up so I can do that, I’d appreciate it.”
“You’d appreciate it?” I mock, close to losing my shit. “What the fuck is going on, Hayden?” With shaky hands, I cup the sides of his face. “Talk to me, please.”
Liquid emotion shines in his glassy eyes, but he doesn’t say anything, and just when I think he’s never going to, he speaks. “Love her enough for us both, please,” he chokes out, his gaze finally meeting mine. “Remind her every day how perfect she is, that she deserves to be loved, and…” He closes his eyes for a moment, and when a single tear escapes from under his lashes, trailing down his cheek, I know this isn’t what he wants. He’s doing this for a reason—one he won’t disclose. “Please take care of her and the kids,” he says, his eyes meeting mine once again. “Give them the entire world. She’ll get past this. She’ll get over me because she has you.”
“Hayden,” I say. “Whatever’s going on…”
“Please don’t,” he begs, shaking his head. “Please let me walk away. It’s hard enough as it is. Just know that it’s nothing either of you or those amazing kids did. This is on me.”
He slides out and around me, and I stand where I am, watching him go to his room. I want to yell and scream and make demands, but I don’t because deep down, I know he’s not walking away because he doesn’t love us… He’s walking away because he does.
“It’s all gone.” Bree stands in the middle of Hayden’s room, surveying the empty space. I’d stayed for a few minutes to see what he was going to do, hoping he would come to his senses, but when the movers showed up, I left, unable to watch.
“You let him leave,” she says matter-of-factly. “You promised you would handle it. This is handling it? Letting him move out? Good job.” She glares at me, and I remind myself that she’s lashing out at the person who’s still here. She isn’t mad at me. She’s heartbroken over Hayden leaving.
“I have to go,” she says, a small sniffle giving away her hard exterior. “Beatrice is bringing the kids home after practice.”
“Or you guys could stay the night,” I offer, not wanting to be away from her—and also dreading being alone in this big place.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Miles is upset about Hayden making me cry, and I haven’t told him he left for good.”
“Okay,” I say, feeling like even though I’m not the one who left, I’m losing her just the same.
After she’s gone and the place is too quiet, I grab my jacket, wallet, and phone and go out for a drink. I end up at Lush, one of the bars Fields owns, and order a drink. Then another, and another. I’m three, maybe four deep when my dad sits beside me.
“What are you doing here?” Ever since he retired, it’s rare to find him in the city.
“Hayden called,” he says, making me drop my drink and give him my full attention. “Said you might need someone tonight and that I could find you here.”
Fucking location app. When Bree told us she uses it to keep track of where her kids are, Hayden suggested we sign up as well. God forbid something happen to Bree or the kids, we could pull up the app and see where they are. I honestly forgot about it, but he clearly didn’t.
I pull out my phone to see where he is and laugh bitterly when it shows his location is unknown. Then I turn my location off as well—because fuck him—and down my drink, motioning for the bartender to bring me another once my glass is empty.
“Did he also tell you that without any reasoning, he quit his job at Fields, broke up with Bree, and moved out?” I ask, looking over at my dad.
When his eyes widen, I know Hayden conveniently left all that out. I throw back the drink the bartender sets down and then slam my glass on the bar top. “What I need is for my friend to come back.”
Another drink is placed in front of me, and I shoot it back. But before I can motion for another, my dad shakes his head, cutting me off.
“Getting drunk isn’t going to fix things.”
“Nothing will fix this, but at least getting drunk will numb the pain.”
I raise a finger to get the bartender’s attention, then gesture for another drink, but my dad shakes his head again, throws down a few bills, and wraps his arm around my shoulders. “C’mon, son,” he says. “How about you come home with me tonight? Savy is making dinner, and I know your brother and sister would love to see you.”
“I appreciate it, but I’m not good company tonight,” I mutter once we’re out of Lush and standing by the valet. Knowing I had every intention of getting shit-faced, I didn’t drive, but Dad showing up put a damper on that.
“We don’t need you to be good company,” he says. “We just want to be there for you. I don’t know all that’s going on, but I don’t think you should be alone tonight. Come home with me, have a home-cooked meal, and then if you want to close yourself off in a room, we won’t stop you. But at least we know you’re not alone.”
Because I can tell he’s worried, and I really don’t want to be alone in that condo, I agree and go home with him. Just as he said, Olivier and Penelope are happy to see me, and Savy made delicious pot roast, one of my favorites. Nobody questions why I’m home on a random Monday night, and after dinner’s cleaned up, they don’t say a word when I excuse myself to the guest room that used to be my room before I officially moved out after college.
I open a drawer and find some shirts and pajama pants in my size. Since the room has an en suite bathroom, I take a quick shower to rinse off, get dressed, and then drop onto the bed, staring at my phone.
It’s been hours since I spoke to Bree, and I hate that she left upset. I hate even more that I don’t think there’s any way I can fix this. Not unless Hayden tells me why he left, and from the way he was talking, I don’t think he’s going to do that any time soon.
Refusing to let Bree push me away, I check the time and see the kids would be in bed by now since it’s a school night, then video call her, hoping she’ll answer.
I’m shocked when she actually does. And my heart breaks when her blotchy, tearstained face comes over the screen. She’s lying in her bed, the covers surrounding her, and even sad, she looks so damn beautiful.
“Hey,” I say softly, afraid to say anything else.
“Hey,” she says back, fresh tears filling her eyes. We stare at each other for a few moments before she speaks.
“I’m so sorry,” she murmurs, crying softly. “I shouldn’t have been so mean to you earlier.” She sniffles back a sob, and I know she’s trying to keep it together so the kids don’t hear her.
“Sweetness,” I say, mustering up a smile so she knows I’m not mad. “I love you, and I hate that you’re hurting. And it’s killing me not to be able to make it better.”
“You’re hurting too.”
“I am.”
“Do you think…?” She swallows thickly. “Do you think if we broke up, he’d go back to being friends with you?”
I think back to Hayden’s earlier words and shake my head. “I think he wants us to stay together. He asked me to love you enough for us both.”
Her eyes widen, then fill with fresh tears. “Why can’t he just love me himself?”
“He does. I think he loves you so much that he felt the only way to love you was to walk away.”
“That’s not how you love someone,” she mutters, her mouth forming the most adorable pout. “Did he say anything else?”
“He said to take care of you and the kids and to make sure you guys know it’s nothing you did.”
“I really miss him.”
“I do too.” It’s not about the distance—it’s feeling like he’s broken our connection. The only time we were apart was during high school when his parents forced him to go to boarding school—a family tradition—but we never stopped talking, and whenever he was home, we hung out. It’s a bad feeling, wondering if or when I’ll speak to or see him again.
“Brody,” Bree says, snapping me from my thoughts. “I was thinking about the wedding…”
I nod, mentally preparing myself for the blow—for her to tell me that she’s calling it off. I already put it in my head this was coming. Bree made it clear she never wanted to choose. Hell, she didn’t even want to have sex with one of us without the other. But as I hold my breath, waiting for her to confirm, I know no amount of mental preparation can prepare me for losing my best friend and my soul mate in the same week.
“I think we should push the wedding back a little bit.” Push it back—not call it off. Or is that her way of calling it off without saying it? “Brody…”
“You still want to marry me?”
“Of course, I do,” she says. “I want to marry you both. And I’m going to. I just think we should push it back a little to give us some time to get Hayden back.”
Oh, fuck, this woman. “Bree… I don’t think?—”
“You said it yourself. He loves us, and the reason he walked away is because he loves us, not because he doesn’t want us. The stuff he said Saturday night was to hurt us, push us away. I’m going to find out why he’s pushing us away, and then I’m going to bring him back.”
And because I can hear the determination in her voice, I don’t argue. I just nod and start mentally preparing myself for the day when she realizes Hayden isn’t coming back, and I have to comfort her again. Then I pray that when that day comes, she’ll still want me. Because I’m not sure I can handle losing both of them.