Chapter 17
Seventeen
JAXON
Something’s up with Hope. I see it, feel it. And by the time she’s told she can go and to take me with her so I don’t try to slip onto the field, I have an opportunity to talk about it.
Of course, she insists on me lying in the back seat, which puts a fucking damper on it, but then she dives into talking about what we should have for dinner. Something high in protein and simple carbs. She keeps mumbling, not needing any input from me.
Since I want her attention in the right way, when we get to our apartment, I make a gasping sound and stumble against the couch. She’s there in a second, panic on her face as she grips my hips and starts to lift my shirt. I take it off for her and her eyes slowly stroke up my body.
“Jaxon, what are you—”
I grip her hair and pull her closer. “You teased me yesterday and you know it.”
She swallows. “I… I don’t think now’s the time.”
“Why’s that? We’re alone. Only one of me to take care of and I personally think I’d be much more compliant with some bribery,” I say, my smirk growing as she squirms but doesn’t try to get free.
She looks at me for a long time and nibbles her bottom lip. “Does bribery only work for medical stuff?”
I arch an eyebrow. “Sounds like you’re eager for something more.”
She leans forward and kisses my chest softly. God, her mouth is sinful. The fact that she’s being so damn gentle and sweet instead of licking down my abs to my zipper frustrates me and warms me at the same time.
“The further down you go, the more you get,” I tease.
She snorts, but turns her head slightly, her lips parting against my skin. The soft kiss she plants there, then exhales across, makes me insane. I lift her chin and lean down, panting over her lips as I stroke her bottom lip with my thumb.
“Kiss me, Hope. Kiss me like you mean it, like you want me as much as I want you,” I order.
She trembles. “You… I do want you, Jax.”
“As much as I want you?” I growl, grinding myself against her.
She trembles, but kisses me, sucking my bottom lip softly. When my lips part against hers, she lets out a little whimper. Her tongue teases mine as her hands spread along my sides. I grip her shirt, tugging her tighter against me until my thumb slides under the fabric to feel her.
Real, hot, soft, perfect. She belongs to us.
I slide my hand up the front of her shirt, feeling the swell of her breast, but not stopping.
She arches against me as I kiss her deeper, happy to take the lead if that’s what she needs.
When I stroke over the scar we left on her, my dick pulses against her.
I turn her head to kiss along her jaw, to nip her earlobe. As I kiss down the side of her throat, tasting her racing pulse, I feel the vibration of her needy little moan as it leaves her throat. It’s so fucking hot that everything else nearly slips out of my head.
Hope’s right here, clinging to me, stroking me, moving against me like she wants exactly what I have in mind. Every filthy detail I can think of. All the ways I can please her, make her scream, make her forget every ounce of anxiety, pain, and grief she doesn’t want to feel.
We don’t need to talk, we can just feel. We can just enjoy each other and dive into what we deserve: pleasure and each other.
“Jax,” she pants. “What’s going on?”
I arch an eyebrow. “Do I have to get on my knees to show exactly what I have in mind? No sitting necessary. I’ll lay down with you on top of me, stay on my knees as long as you balance your knee on my…”
She pushes against my chest softly. “I…” She closes her eyes, then presses her forehead against my chest. I blink a few times and look down at her. So breakable.
So much like…
I shake my head. No. No.
“If you were having bad thoughts, would you tell me?” I ask softly.
Her body goes stiff and her breath brushes my abs in a jerky pattern. “I don’t want to hurt anyone or myself. I promise. If I did… I’d tell you.”
Stupid question. Gotta get back on focus, I order.
“And you?”
“What about me, sweetheart?”
“Will you tell me about your bad thoughts?”
I smile faintly. “Don’t have any.”
“Don’t lie to me, Jax. I know something’s going on. I can’t help if I don’t know. Even Coach Carpenter noticed. He gave us both cards to a therapist. You don’t have to open up to a stranger, but aren’t we close enough for that?”
I’m about to make a joke when she looks up at me, all hopeful need wrapped in the softest eyes I’ve ever seen. I stroke her face and sigh. “It’s nothing. I don’t like my past. I have the option to avoid it and that’s what I plan on doing. It doesn’t get to hold onto me.”
“Teach me how to do it that easily?”
“Took me years,” I say, before realizing I’m whispering. “Time for muscle relaxers?”
“Yeah. It is,” she says, then kisses over my heart again, making my whole body vibrate violently.
“You’re a vixen, you know that? Got me all worked up. My poor cock is going to fall off if you keep this up.”
She chuckles. “You have a hand.”
“It’s not as good as even kissing you, Hope. You’ve got to know that. I love having you here, living with you, and I’m being patient the best way I can, but I’m not going to pretend I don’t want you in every way,” I say.
She looks at me over her shoulder. “You hump me in your sleep, Jax. I’m very aware of what you want.”
“That explains the dreams,” I say with a smirk, refusing to elaborate, which makes her blush even more.
She manages to get me settled with my pills and gets food in me before I pass out. The drugs are no joke. I know they’re supposed to help with inflammation and the pain, but damn, they’re brutal. There’s no fighting them either. I just end up asleep either way.
I almost think it’s Hope’s plan to keep me manageable, but I’ll tolerate it. I’ll tolerate plenty, although I think she should start feeding me the pills from her tongue. That would make them taste a hell of a lot better.
But something drags me from my groggy dream of Hope riding my face and moaning my name.
My whole body feels primed for a fight and for some reason, the scent of too much cologne in the air and a specific laugh help me to the surface of my consciousness just for me to want to dive back under…
because I know exactly what this shit is going to cause.
I’ve been tempted by violence to the point that I’m about to tip.
And all it takes is seeing a certain very punchable face for me to be on the brink again.
HOPE
I stare at the stranger in our apartment. My mouth opens and closes as I watch Dimitri and Knox welcome him, offer him a beer, and chuckle along when he makes jokes.
I remember reaching out to some people about Jax when he was in the hospital, but it was mainly the guys, Coach Carpenter, and Jax’s parents. I start noticing some similarities. They have the same eyes, the same color hair, the same ears.
Oh shit.
Jax blinks himself awake and narrows his eyes at his brother for a long moment, then snorts. I walk over to him as I catch the end of a conversation.
“Yeah, it’s been too long. I figured you guys would have come back to town with Coach missing. A lot of us are looking for him, you know. The idea of him being missing is insane,” Gauge says solemnly.
My back stiffens, but I sit right next to Jax. “Hey. Are you awake?”
“Hopefully fucking not.” His eyes flick to his brother, to Knox nodding along as if Knox doesn’t know exactly where my dad is, then to me.
His hand works across my lower back, then he wraps his arm around me. “Stay right here.”
“Jax, it’s—”
His eyes scorch through me. “Right. Here. Do not go further than I can reach, Hope.”
The way his voice deepens, how he searches my eyes, how pale he is… I gently press my wrist to his forehead and rub his arm. “I’m not going anywhere with anyone else.”
“You want a beer, bro?” Gauge calls. “A good way to start our reunion, right?”
“He can’t drink with the meds he’s on.” I squeeze Jaxon’s wrist.
I don’t know what’s going on. The guys always said that Jax and Gauge were close until some point in high school. I figured it was the other things going on between us or Gauge going off to college.
“Well, I heard you’re out for a bit and wanted to stop by,” Gauge continues, moving closer. His eyes dance over me and Dimitri rolls his eyes. “You look familiar.”
“Come on, Gauge. Keep looking at our girl too long and you’ll end up out on your ass. Some shitty hotel might put you up,” Knox says with a playful tone.
“Oh, aren’t you the lucky one. Three guys all to yourself,” Gauge chuckles. “Anyway, Jax. How are you? Your head all rattled?”
Jaxon always has a smartass answer for everyone, but he shifts uncomfortably. “I think I should try a hot shower or something, sweetheart.”
“I was hoping we’d all go back. Replay our highlight reels, you know? Remind Jax why he needs to listen to orders and get back on the field.” Gauge’s smile doesn’t fall, but I notice he keeps glancing at me like he’s trying to figure out where and how we’ve met before.
“Or you can fuck off back to wherever you came from,” Jax sneers.
“Hurtful,” Dimitri says. “At least the pills aren’t changing you.”
“Nah, just some brotherly love, right? Since it’s just us, we have to—”
Jax’s arm around me is so tight that his veins are popping out. I clear my throat. “As the team’s physical therapist, I’m going to take care of him. You guys feel free to go out.”
“Want us to bring something back for you?” Knox asks.
Jax snorts and grumbles something under his breath as I help him up, not letting go, per our conversation. Dimitri looks to me. “Baby?”
“I’ll snack here. I have plenty of soup.”
“Oh, come on. Let the party pooper stay home alone. If you want three men’s company, it’s yours…” Gauge trails off, proving he doesn’t remember my name.
Instead of being polite, I focus on Jax. “No, I’ll stay. It’s been a hectic day.”
Knox and Dimitri exchange looks that promise they’re going to ask me about it later, but Knox shrugs. “Whatever. There’s a sports bar a few blocks away.”
“In,” Gauge decides. “Sounds way better than sitting here when Jax is in a pissy mood.”
“He wants to see pissy—” Jaxon starts.
I nudge him, then drag him to our shared bedroom.
I shut the door behind us and face him. “What’s going on?”
He paces, running his hand through his hair like he’s going to hurt someone if he doesn’t. I try to soothe him, but he hisses. “That fucker shouldn’t be here. I ignored him. Isn’t that enough to tell someone to fuck off and stop reaching out?”
“It should be,” I say slowly, but we both know it’s not.
“You get it. You know. Starting an argument is an invitation for more conversation. Silence is a pretty clear, ‘get the hell away from me!’ That’s a universal language and that dick—”
“Is leaving,” I say gently, taking Jax’s hands. “And while I know that you don’t want him here, I’d like to know why.”
“Why! The why doesn’t fucking matter, Hope! This is my place too and if I don’t want someone here, they’re not fucking staying!” he bellows.
I stumble a step back and he takes a breath, continuing to pace, more like a lion ready to fight his way out of his cage. Well… apparently, we’re doing this, because I refuse to be in the dark anymore.