Chapter 16
Sixteen
KNOX
Jaxon grumbles about having the entire day off. Hope scolds him whenever he sits, saying he should be lying down or standing. Then she insists on applying heat, then ice. Absolutely no massages, no matter how much Jaxon begs for one.
He’s getting incorrigible.
Dimitri and Hope go out to get something for Jaxon, but I also think that Dimitri just wants to get out of the house with her. I shoot Jaxon a look where he’s lying on the couch, on his good side, watching the game.
He snorts. “I should have finished it.”
“According to Hope, that’s a resounding no,” I say evenly.
“Yeah well, what does she know about determination?”
“She knows that you’ll keep going until you ruin any options for the future,” I grunt, then walk over and offer him a beer. He looks at it, then to the door. I roll my eyes. “It’s not hard liquor. You took your pills three hours ago. Hope’s not here.”
Sighing, he takes it and guzzles it. A groan leaves his throat as he sets it back on the table. “Coach is really worried about you. He’s been talking about a meeting tomorrow.”
“Great. Want to place bets on how long I’ll be benched?” he sneers.
“I’d rather—”
His phone goes off. He picks it up and I see a familiar flash in his eyes. He wants it to be Hope. Based on the confusion, then the twist of rage on his face, it’s not. I clear my throat. “We gonna talk about that?”
“Talking about nothing is an empty conversation. I don’t see much point in it,” he says with a shrug, then exhales. “A double whammy. Concussion and back strain.”
“We could just wrap you in a suit of armor with a stick shoved all the way up your ass, then see if you can play,” I offer.
He flicks me off.
“Ah, you’re right. You’ll have to be in bubble wrap too or Hope won’t allow it,” I chuckle.
Jaxon groans. “You’re enjoying this too much.”
“Maybe you should make Hope convince you to lie down… by having her straddle you.”
His eyes are on me in a second. “If she had to tie us down just to touch us and could barely handle that, what makes you think she’s ready for sex?”
“She’s stuck in her head, Jax. I know you see it as much as I do. We tried a therapist, but she needs something to get her in the present, something to prove that we’re not…”
That we’re not Coach. That we’re not going to force her.
Jaxon’s eyes darken. “There’s no way to forget the past, Knox. It’s part of what makes us who we are. We’re lucky she wants us here at all.”
“That’s real dismal coming from you. Should we talk about—”
“Nah. I’d like to drink and watch the game. Actually take a day off, I guess.”
“To wallow?”
He shoots me a glare, the bottle halfway to his lips. “To exist, actually. If that’s fine with you. Since apparently, I need your permission.”
I hold my hands up defensively. Apparently Jax is having one of those days. Maybe it’s just a him thing. He’s gotta deal with being injured. Plenty of us have been there, plenty of us are terrified of it ruining our fucking careers.
Luckily, we have Hope to help take care of things.
I’ll just have to let her know that she’s either spoiling Jax or needs to help him confront whatever’s going on his head. It should be plenty easy for her.
DIMITRI
Jax has been out of it all day. He seems pissed and uncomfortable. I’m sure it’s just because he’s injured, but the way Hope looks at him makes me worry. She keeps watching him.
While I work on something new in the kitchen and Knox works out, Hope lingers near me. “There. Again.”
I glance back and see Jax glowering at his phone. He pushes it to the side and snorts once. Hope turns those gorgeous, concerned eyes up to me. I rub her hip and feel her press closer to me. It calms every nerve in my body. I slowly press my face to her hair, then whisper in her ear.
“You’re worrying too much. He’s dealing with an injury that could bench him for weeks, take him out for the rest of the season,” I say gently. “He’ll deal with it his way.”
“That doesn’t explain the phone,” she argues, leaning into my touch.
When I glance at her, our noses brush and my throat tightens.
Hope nibbles her bottom lip as her eyes slowly chart every detail of my face.
She exhales shakily. “Is someone harassing him?”“Who?” I ask, my hand moving up and over her ribs.
“Dimitri, we’re talking about…”
“If you’re going to make out in the kitchen, at least get to it so I have something better to enjoy,” Jax calls.
Hope’s face goes red. I pull her tighter. “Anytime you want, baby. I’m right here.”
She shudders and starts to lean in, her lips brushing mine.
I kiss her softly, like I’m asking permission.
She trembles and draws back when she realizes I’m almost cupping her breast. I lean in to take one more kiss, just to prove to both of us that she’s not going to break from one kiss… two… three.
“Mmm,” an approving sound echoes from the living room as I tease Hope with the tip of my tongue. She starts to give in, then draws back. Jax huffs. “Come on, Dimitri. Look at her face. You know she wants more.”
“Jax,” she hisses. “What’s going on?”
“Only talking allowed is dirty talk. Look at him, Hope. You’ve got us all worked up and eager for you. You don’t have to hold back. Take what you want. Be a good girl,” Jax says with a growing smile.
Hope kisses my neck. And trembles. “I want to, Dimitri. I want more than kisses, but…”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“I don’t want you three to not feel… feel wanted. I do want you, I’m just afraid that if we get started, I’ll freak out. I only want good memories for us from now on,” Hope whispers.
I nod, trying to reel myself back in. A few innocent kisses, her not flinching away from my touch or my hold, and I’m so hard I can’t breathe.
“Can you finish dinner?”
“Dimitri.” She immediately tries to hold onto me. “Don’t leave angry.”
“I’m not angry. I’m horny and I’m waiting for those good memories. Maybe with you in control,” I say with a teasing wink.
Would leveling the playing field, giving her total control over us, letting her tie us down and fuck us one at a time help us all? Blow off the steam, get rid of all this fragility between us and prove that we can’t be broken so easily?
HOPE
When we finally get to the gym the next day, Jaxon is pissed. He glowers at every other guy who “gets to workout” while he’s seen by a doctor. I glance at him and his gaze flicks to me. It softens, then heats with promise of plenty.
He knows he’ll be in my office soon enough and after yesterday, kissing each of the guys before bed and acting as Jaxon’s body pillow, I know he wants more. He was hard all fucking night, grinding against my ass even in his sleep. My face burns at the thought and I hurry to my office.
Taking a few breaths, I try to forget about how perfect he felt against me, the way Dimitri’s touch seemed to burn across me in a way that turned plenty of memories to ash.
Shaking my head, I clear my throat and get to work, following my normal schedule, until mail is delivered and there’s a manila envelope to me. There’s no return address either.
I rip open the envelope. I feel around at the top for a letter, but there’s nothing. My brow furrows and I walk over to my metal table and turn the envelope upside down. No one sends mail that has nothing in it.
After a few shakes, polaroids spill out over the table. My mind freezes, then works in overdrive as I turn all the photos over. The cabin. The tree where my mom was buried. The flowers that are all lying there. The shackles still there by the table. My blood on the plate.
My heartbeat echoes in my ear.
A car that doesn’t belong to my dad up front, with the license plate there for anyone to see because Dimitri or Knox left it there.
Shadows inside the house. Then the cabin empty, the door left open.
No. No. No.
It’s done.
We left it all at the cabin. This is a new start. I refuse… I won’t go backwards. I buried it there. I buried him there. They’re staying. No one gets to…
I rip the photos, claw them before I realize that my vision is fading because I’m not breathing.
The first breath I take sounds like a sob, but I refuse to cry.
I can’t. Crying means breaking and breaking means giving my dad power again.
That means days of not eating, of moving through life like a ghost.
But I’m the one alive.
Just as my shaky, almost numb fingers rip apart the last photo, the door opens. I look up as I sweep the photos in the garbage along with the envelope. Coach Carpenter glances from that to me. I wipe my eyes and try to smile, but it’s clearly not working.
Must be obvious that I’m coming unraveled. I clear my throat. “What can I do for you, Coach Carpenter?”
He glances at my table, then to me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine!” I don’t even believe it from my own lips. I close my eyes and lean back against the table. “I will be fine.”
Scratching the back of his neck, he shuts the door behind him. I glance from it to him, then clear my throat while shifting further away. “I’d like to be honest with you, Hope. You deserve that.”
“O-okay,” I say, losing my battle with my anxiety since it’s moved from my hands to my chest.
“I never really…” He shakes his head and tries again. “I’ve always had a certain dislike for your father. He rubbed me wrong. Could never put my finger on it.”
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry if that hurts to hear, but something tells me that my gut feeling was right,” he says, then looks to me.
I must nod because he continues. “Never could explain it to everyone else, but there was something in his walk, his smile, the way he held himself that told me something wasn’t right. ”
What am I supposed to say? Does he expect me to spill everything I know? To admit that he won’t be a problem anymore?
“Anyway. It’s not really my business, but I thought…
” He shrugs and slides me something. It’s a therapist card.
Again. He spreads his fingers, revealing two.
“For you and Jax. I know when something’s going on.
Maybe it’s experience or something else.
I know Jax has shit going on and maybe you can get him to open up or convince him that talking is a different kind of workout. ”
“I’ll… I’ll try,” I say softly.
He nods and knocks on the desk like it’s lucky. “I want the best for you, Hope. You deserve it. So do the guys. I guess that’s all.”
“Okay,” I say.
I still have no clue what I’m supposed to say when someone approaches me like Coach Carpenter does. I don’t have long to think about it though, because he tips his head and is gone in another second.
Which means Jax comes in with a smirk that doesn’t reach his eyes and a swagger that looks way too practiced to be real. “Hey there, doctor. Feel free to let your hands wander.”