Chapter 45
Chapter Forty-Five
NOAH
Once Caleb came down from the high of our fucking, he couldn’t get away fast enough. I knew he needed a minute, it’s why I let him go shower. What I didn’t expect was for him to walk out after and without a word.
I thought maybe he was going to clear his head while he went to pick up Jessica, but when she rang me worried when he wasn’t answering his phone I knew that’s not what happened.
So, I picked her up instead. I told her I’d explain everything when we got home.
And that was over three hours ago.
Caleb’s phone has been going straight to voicemail. Not that it matters, after Jessica went missing, we all agreed to wear trackers. Like mine, his is in his watch and the app currently shows him at Formidable.
If he was anyone else, I’d maybe have reason for concern, but this is Caleb. He’s loyal. I know that if he’s there, it’s not to seek comfort in others, because we trust each other implicitly.
No, he’s there because of that letter.
The one currently crinkled and staring at me from the table.
It was only written if the worst should happen. And I won’t apologise for it.
But it’s not just that, I know how hard this is for him, it’s eating him up inside.
The urge to go to him is strong. If it was just me, I probably would, but this isn’t just about me, it’s about Jessica too.
“Noah, please tell me what’s going on?” Jessica asks as she watches me pace back and forth in the living room.
Instead of explaining when we got home, I asked her to take a walk with me and Aspen.
Which she did. It’s one of the many reasons I love her, she doesn’t push, just gives me what I need in the moment.
We’ve had our fair share of disagreements, but something about this just really cut me down to the quick.
Because, unintentionally, I really hurt Caleb.
I scrub my hand over my face, finally concede, and join her on the sofa.
Swallowing, I pull her into my side and kiss the top of her head.
“Caleb found a letter I wrote,” I say, nodding towards the table. Not that I need to, she’s seen me look at it multiple times. “I wrote it the night I told you about my cancer diagnosis—just in case.”
Jessica shifts to look up at me. “Oh, Noah.” Her eyes are glassy as she cups my jaw. “He didn’t take it well,” she summarises.
I shake my head. “Nope. He was livid. Part of him saw it as though I’m thinking the worst. But it’s not like that, I just?—”
“Didn’t want to risk leaving anything unsaid.” Her eyes glisten with unshed tears.
I nod and look down at this beautiful, caring woman—our wife and soul mate.
“Exactly. Things got heated, we argued, we fucked, he left.” I cringe when I say it like that.
“He probably just needed to clear his head,” she says, worrying her lip.
I instantly feel like a cunt, remembering that it was me who did the same thing not so long ago, and seeing the concern and worry reflected in Jessica makes it even worse.
“Yeah, I know this is hard for him, not being in control. His need to protect the ones he loves is rooted at his very core. I know his anger was founded in love. But you understand, as much as it hurt me to write, it was a necessary evil.”
Jessica wipes away her stray tears.
“Of course I do and deep down you know Caleb does too.”
“I do,” I reply, leaning down to kiss her softly.
I’ve been staring up at the ceiling as Jessica sleeps fitfully beside me, even though she’s not alone she can’t truly settle. It was only because her exhaustion gave out that she fell asleep to begin with, otherwise I’m sure she’d be staring at the ceiling alongside me too.
I sigh, pulling her closer to me, breathing in her familiar scent.
I can’t stop thinking about my upcoming surgery. What if something goes wrong? What if I need treatment? So many unknowns.
To live is to die, it’s inevitable.
But what I worry about above all else is leaving them.
My phone buzzes against my chest and I fumble as I pick it up and blink at the bright screen.
Swiping, I answer. “O?”
“Hey Noah,” she says, her voice slightly slurred. “I have someone here who wants to talk to you.”
There’sshuffling and muffled sounds before I hear his voice, and it’s an instant elixir.
“Noah, is that you?” he asks.
I sit up. Fuck, he sounds wasted.“It’s me.”
“I love you… you know that right?” His words might be slurred but his declaration is all him.
Closing my eyes, I let out a breath. “I know you do. I love you too, now and always.”
“I’m so fucking sorry,” he replies slowly. “Don’t ever want you to think I don’t care. You are everything to me, you and Jessica.”
I glance down to find her eyes open, watching me, worry lines marring her brow.
“We know Caleb, you’re our everything too.”
Jess sits up and whispers. “Where is he? Is he coming home?” Her voice is raspy from sleep.
I shake my head. I don’t know, but I really fucking hope so.
“Where are you, are you coming home?” I ask. “Caleb, we need you.”
I hear voices in the background before there’s more shuffling and another voice comes through the speaker.
“He’s just passed out,” a male voice says, and I frown.
“Who is this?” I say, my voice coming out harder than I intend.
Jessica’s eyes widen, her body tense beside me.
“It’s Lincoln.”
I sigh in relief.
“Fuck, sorry man.”
“It’s okay. Lucien’s here too.”
There’s some rustling followed by another voice. “Hey man,” Lucien says. “Don’t worry, Linc and I will get him back to you. He just needs to sleep it off, as does my big sister,” he says.
Jessica taps my arm, and I move the phone away from my mouth.
“Octavia’s brother is going to bring him home.”
She sighs, her relief palpable.
“Thanks man, we owe you.”
“It’s all good, see you in twenty.”
I hang up and let out a heavy breath as I wipe my hand over my face.
“Is he okay?” Jessica asks, searching my face.
I nod. “Yeah, he’s just wasted.” Jessica’s seen him have a drink or two before, but this will be the first time she’ll see him like this.
She moves to get off the bed.
“Hey, where are you going?” I ask.
“To get supplies, water and tablets,” she says as she rushes out of our bedroom.
And this is why she’s going to be the most amazing mother. She’s a caregiver, she nurtures. Instead of being angry that he went out and got pissed, she wants to ensure he has everything he needs when he gets home.
Fifteen minutes later, my phone rings.
“Hey, man.”
“We’re just pulling up now. You want to get the door and Linc and I will drag his sorry arse up to the house.”
“Got it.”
I move to the alarm pad and turn it off before opening the door.
Lucien and Linc are pulling Caleb from the back of the car, but the flash of red hair catches my attention.
“I’m sorry Noah, I couldn’t let him get shit-faced alone,” she slurs in a whisper shout.
I’d smile if I wasn’t so concerned about Caleb and his passed-out state.
Lincoln turns to her and says something I can’t hear. She looks almost hurt as she retreats inside the car.
They have Caleb between them, his arms slung over their shoulders as they pretty much carry his weight.
“Fuck, I swear this fucker has doubled in size in the last couple of years,” Lucien says as I move aside so they can bring him into the house.
“Where too?” Linc asks.
I nod to the stairs. “First bedroom on the right.”
If I thought I could get him to bed myself, I’d tell them to dump his sorry arse on the sofa.
Closing the front door, I quickly follow with Jessica as they get him up the stairs and onto the bed without issue.
“Thank you,” Jessica whispers.
“No problem,” Lucien says. “We’ll leave you to it and get out of your hair.”
He steps up to me and pulls me in for a hug. “If you need anything, Noah, call me, okay?”
I pull back and nod. He doesn’t have to say any more, it’s written all over his face. He knows.
“Thanks man. Come on, I’ll see you both out.”
I glance back to Jessica who is already removing Caleb’s shoes.
“Go, lock up. I’ve got this,” she tells me.