Chapter One
Ria
“I think that”s everything off the van now. Anything else you need before we go?”
“No thanks, Gary. You’ve been great,” I say with a smile.
“You take care and say hi to your mom when you see her,” he chuckles.
“I will,” I tell him with an eye roll. Gary is an old family friend who knows just how much of a hot mess my mother is. When he found out I was leaving Alex, he offered to help me move.
I stand in the small entrance hall of my new home feeling like I can finally breathe for the first time in a really long time. A sense of pride floods me as I look round the small space. I’ve done this. I hung the gold pendant light myself. I”ve built the white wooden entry table with my bare hands and a rusty screwdriver I found in the previous owner”s tool box. It”s full of moving boxes and bubble wrapped photographs of the girls that I wasn”t prepared to leave. They lean against the wall, making it like an obstacle course in here.
I can do this, I did this, I tell myself as I close the front door and step further inside.
My phone vibrates in my back pocket, and I reach inside and pull it free, seeing two text messages.
Noah
Hey, baby sis. I”m sorry I couldn”t be there to help you move. I’m so proud of you. Off on deployment now. I don”t know how long, but I”ll call when I can. Look after those nieces of mine. Love you x
I exhale, trying to ignore the little knot of worry about him being deployed forming in my belly.
Ria
Stay safe, big bro. We love you x
The next message I’m not so excited to read. I nervously click to open it, my thumb trembling.
Alex
Ria, come home. This is stupid. We can sort this.
I don”t respond. He”s been blowing up my phone all week and I refuse to let him get into my head and ruin today for me. I close my eyes, take in a deep breath, and shove the phone back in my pocket.
“Gary left already?” Ali, one of my best friends, calls as she walks from the kitchen, carrying two iced coffees.
“Yeah, he had to get back to work.”
“Damn. I wanted to say bye and hug that wall of muscle before he left,” she declares, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Ali, he’s old enough to be your dad.” I shudder.
“I know,” she says with a smirk. “Just how I like them.”
Shaking my head, I take my drink from her. “No, Ali. Just no.”
“So, the kitchen is almost unpacked. Gabby is somewhere upstairs, losing a battle with a box of Lexi’s and Elle’s toys. She was almost buried alive by the boxes. I love your girls like they are my own but jeez, they have a lot of stuff,”
I nod my agreement, because I had to pack it all up. “Tell me about it. If I dare throw any of it away, Lexi will lose her damn mind, and honestly, I am at the point with her where I’m just picking my battles to make it to bedtime. Who knew four-year-old’s were so brutal.”
I take a sip of my iced coffee, welcoming the sugary taste and the cooling effect the ice has on the burning sensation that”s been lodged in my throat since the night my marriage ended. Motherhood has been the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done, but the idea of doing this alone now makes me feel physically sick.
Every night I ask myself if I made the right decision… But remembering how unhappy I was, how every day was spent wondering where he was, who he was with, and then treading on eggshells on the rare occasions he was home, I know I’ve done the right thing. Me and the girls deserve more.
God, when I think about my girls, I know I need to make sure nothing and no one dampens the spark in them. I know all too well how that feels, and I”ll be damned if that happens to them. A pain courses through my heart at the idea. Taking another sip of my coffee to help wash away the thoughts, I hear Gabby shouting.
“Ria, should we be concerned that some of Lexi’s Barbie dolls have their heads missing and one looks like she”s been tied up?”
I laugh. “No, it”s all good. Apparently, it”s normal for kids her age to do that.”
“Ain”t nothing normal about that girl and I mean that in the best way,” Ali smiles, bumping her shoulder. I nod, agreeing.
“Okay, then… I”ll put the decapitated Barbies in their Dreamhouse,” her disembodied voice declares. Gabby is the final piece of our trio. We met at a therapy group for young teens called Teenhood. Gabby joined a couple of years after Ali and I and the three of us have been inseparable ever since. Nothing like some serious trauma to bond you all. None of us have had it easy, but they prove the hardest life battles can bring you the greatest rewards.
I point to Ali, signaling that I best go and rescue Gabby, and then I walk up the stairs to the girls” new room.
The soft pink walls glisten as the sunlight bounces off the crystal light shade that we brought with us from Lexi’s old room, sending rainbows dancing across the space, entrancing me and making me smile.
My attention is pulled back to the present when the sight of Gabby catches my eye. She’s surrounded by boxes and stuffed animals trying to build the Barbie Dreamhouse.
I really do have the best girlfriends. Not many friends would give up their Saturday to build kids’ toys, clean your new house, and put together furniture.
“I’m gonna need an old lady nap before Nancy’s bachelorette.” Ali’s petite frame appears in the doorway, rolling her eyes at the state of the room before she flops onto Lexi’s still unmade bed, her blonde hair splaying all around her. “I’m dead on my feet.”
“Oh, crap. I totally forgot about that. Ugh, I think I might bail. I miss the girls. All I want to do is FaceTime them before they go to bed and then soak in a hot bath with a glass of wine and have a cry whilst listening to Whitney Houston.”
“Well, that’s fucking depressing, Ri,” Ali declares, pushing herself up to sit. “Nobody died. It’s Saturday night. You”re kid free and you are coming out. No sad girl Saturdays for you.” Grabbing my shoulders, she gives me a shake.
“I know, I know”. I’m just so tired.”
“If I”m honest, I could do with missing Nancy”s bachelorette too,” Gabby groans, standing and stretching out her back. “Why are we invited, anyway? We haven’t seen her in years.”
She walks to the only free space in the room, tying her long blonde, wavy hair up in a messy bun. “It will just be the Nancy show and I could do without her waving that massive rock in my face and listening to her brag about how many orgasms her fiancé gives her on the daily.”
“No one likes a Bitter Betty, Gabriella. Quit your whining. You`re going.” Ali points at Gabby, then swings her index finger to me. “And so are you.”
She stands up, leaning on the boxes as if it”s a podium and she”s a lawyer about to deliver her closing argument. “We haven’t had a girls’ night out in forever. You’ve finally dumped that dickbag of a husband and you have the girls taken care of. Why would you want to stay in, crying in your granny pants, necking wine sobbing to Celine Dion, like you’re Bridget fucking Jones.”
“It”s Whitney Houston actually,” I interject.
“That”s irrelevant, “she declares, waving her hands. “You are now entering your hot single girl era and we are going to put you in a sexy LBD and take you to the club to party like you don’t have any worries. Got it?”
“Shit, Ri, she”s gone all motivational speaker on us. We aren”t getting out of this one,” Gabby whispers, sitting next me, and pulling me in for a hug.
“Fine,” I huff. “I”ll go, but I’m going to see the girls at Alex’s parents’ house quickly before we get ready.”
“Deal,” Ali says, banging her hand against the box. “You go see the girls. Gabby can finish assigning heads to Barbies, because honestly, seeing those will give me nightmares.” Her body shudders dramatically. “I”ll order us a Chinese takeout and pick up some hot ass dresses from my apartment and we can head out around nine,” she instructs, jumping about like an excited toddler.
“I am not doing shots. Am I clear?” I give her a harsh squint.
“Crystal,” she sings songs with a thumbs up and a smirk.
I know that Ali smirk. I am going to be so hungover tomorrow.