Chapter Two
Ria
I leave Ali and Gabby at the house and make the short drive over to see my girls. Walking out to my driveway, I still forget that I changed my car. A blue Ford sits on my driveway, a little beaten and imperfect.
Like me.
But she”s all mine, just like the house behind me.
Now I”m free, I can see that Alex spent most of our relationship controlling me. What I thought was Alex providing me with the dream lifestyle was actually him controlling every aspect of my life. He paid for everything. He didn”t want me working, controlled the finances and gave me an allowance. He paid my phone bill, for my car and our house were solely in his name. He owned everything and made it extremely hard for me to leave. I know now I should have left when Lexi was a baby and I was aware of the first of his many affairs. My life didn”t feel like my own. I was more of an asset than a partner. Everything I wanted or needed required his permission, his approval. Now I get to decide when I do things, how I do things and I honestly don”t know how I spent so many years living like that. If it wasn’t for Ali and Gabby taking me in and the support of Alex’s parents, I never would have been able to get back on my feet.
I confused controlling and manipulative behavior with love and care. I wonder if this must be how a bird feels when it”s freed from its cage.
I let out a long, deep breath, relaxing my shoulders, knowing I can breathe. I have space. I am free.
I pull into the driveway of Alex’s parents’ house. Pushing open my car door, my feet thud on the concrete as I walk towards the familiar front door of Alex”s childhood home. This place holds so many memories, good and bad.
Flashbacks appear in my mind of the day I showed up on their doorstep to tell them I had left Alex, fearing they wouldn”t want me in their life anymore and I”d lose the only stable parental figures in my life.
My body trembled as Anne held me in her arms while I sobbed. We sat on her doorstep for what felt like hours, my legs not letting me walk through the door. She stroked my hair and soothed me in that comforting way mothers do.
She promised me nothing would change between me and her. It was everything I needed in that moment and, because of her support, today I stand on her doorstep, my legs holding me up, feeling contentment and peace for the first time in a long time.
Knocking on the solid oak door, I instantly hear Lexis” voice in the distance. The front door flies open and tiny hands reach out to grab my legs. “Mommy!” Lexi screeches. “I”ve missed you. Grandpa is playing dress up with me, but he”s doing the tea party all wrong. Can you tell him how to do it?” she pleads.
“Sure, sweetie.” I pick her up, wrapping my arms around her little frame and squeezing her. “I missed you too.” I move her long brown hair from her face, tucking it behind her ears. She immediately leans forward, her big blue eyes looking up at me as she rubs her nose against mine like we always do. My heart squeezes in my chest. Some days, I need their hugs way more than they need mine.
“Lexi, give your old grandpa a minute will you” I hear Alex”s dad call, his voice getting closer with every word.
“Hey, Steve,” I say when he appears, as I place Lexi down. Steve is tall, built like a house thanks to all the golfing and tennis he does. Ali loves to call him a silver fox.
“Thanks again for having them. I hope they haven”t been too full on.”
“Absolutely no trouble, and what have I told you about knocking? You have a key. We are still your family. Our door is always open for you and the girls, you hear me?” he says with a pointed look.
I smile shyly, as tears prick my eyes. I will never understand how I got such amazing in-laws. “I”m sorry. I”ll use it next time, I promise.” I reach out and hug him.
“Anne, Ria is here,” he shouts down the hallway as he shuts the front door behind me. I hear her before I see her. The kitchen is at the end of a long hallway and just as I walk past the staircase, she”s already hurtling towards me with open arms.
“Oh, my girl, come here. How has the move been? You settled in?” she asks as she tightly wraps her arms around me, rubbing my back. Alex’s mum is a classic beauty. Even in her older years, she still looks flawless. Her shiny gray hair is styled into the perfect bob. She always has her pearls on, and the familiar scent of her lavender scent perfume surrounds her.
“It”s getting there,” I lie because we still have so much to do, but I don’t want to worry them. “I”ve left Gabby and Ali unpacking and reattaching Barbie heads to their bodies.” I side eye Lexi who’s trying to hide behind my legs.
“Oh, we”ve had it here too, dear. Steve nearly had a heart attack when he found a headless one in the bathtub yesterday. I thought he was a goner, and I”d have to cash in his life insurance and buy that condo I”ve had my eye on.” She winks.
“See?” Steve says pointing, “She”s plotting my demise.”
She leans in to give him a chaste kiss, and the look they pass between them is pure love. They have the kind of relationship I tried so hard to have with Alex, but some things are just not meant to be.
“Yuck,” Lexi declares, sticking her tongue out. “I hate it when Grandma and Grandpa kiss. They’re old. Old people don”t kiss.”
“I”ll give you old, little lady,” Steve laughs, scooping Lexi up in his arms and tickling her.
“Grandpa, stop,” she squeals as he carries her off into the front room. I can”t help but smile at their interaction. It’s everything I”ve wanted for my girls. This home is so full of warmth and love.
I follow them into the front room, and what feels like a lifetime of memories come flooding back. The sofa we sat on every year for family photos at Christmas. The brick fireplace in the center of the room, the mantle above it which houses family photos from over the years. The bay window where Anne would place the perfectly decorated Christmas tree each year. A brief moment of sadness hits me. Christmas won”t be the same this year. What will Christmas even look like for us? My thoughts are quickly halted by the sound of a screeching Elle.
“Look who”s here,” Anne coos. I turn my head to see Elle bouncing in her arms, looking straight at me, beaming from ear to ear, showing off her four little teeth, and reaching for me with her chubby little arms.
“Hello, baby. Have you been a good girl for Grandma and Grandpa?” I take hold of her and inhale her soft baby scent that settles something inside me.
“Oh, good as gold. Wasn”t a fan of Grandma’s porridge, no you weren’t, little miss,” Elle wriggles in my arms and giggles. “I think Nugget had most of it since she tipped in on the floor, so cleaning up his poop will be a real treat for Steve later.” I chuckle to myself. Give a three-year-old the responsibility of naming a dog, expect them to name it after their favorite food.
I look down at our family dog, who has appeared to have joined our living room reunion. His cute little face looks up at me. ”Poor Nugs. How do you ever put up with them?” I bend down to stroke his soft fur and Elle blows bubbles in my arms, cooing away.
“Are you sure it”s okay to have the girls tonight, too? Honestly, I’m hoping you would be desperate to give the girls back and be my get out of jail free card so I don’t have to go to this bachelorette party,” I say with a hopeful laugh.
“Absolutely not,” Anne replies. “You are going out, getting glam and slay. Is that what you young ones say?”
I smile. “Erm, yeah, sort of.”
Although I don’t feel like a ‘young one’ these days.
“Her friend Shirley from her book club got that app on her new phone. What’s it called, love? The ticky tocky? Now Anne’s got it. She watches these videos and thinks she is down with the kids,” Steve says, gesturing wildly.
I snort. “I know the app you mean.”
“Oh, you have to follow me, Ri,” she adds, excitedly. “I”m gardenlover60 and I”ve got twenty-five new followers on there since I posted a video of my rose bush this morning.”
Steve and I look at each other wide-eyed, and I have to bite my lip, stifling a laugh.
Do not laugh about your mother-in-law’s bush.
I swallow the laughter, managing to keep my face as neutral as possible. “Of course I will.”
“Right, I”m going to get these princesses some dinner. You head off and enjoy your night. Don’t worry about a thing and you come by tomorrow night and have dinner with us before you take the girls back. I”m cooking my meatloaf.”
I reach out and hug her. “You know I love you so much, right? I don”t know what I”d do without you.”
“I love you too, my girl. Now go enjoy yourself.”