Chapter Twenty-One
Ria
I managed to get Elle down for a nap in her crib and take a much needed shower. I change into some leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, grab the baby monitor where I can see Elle sleeping soundly. It breaks my heart seeing my girls sick. I would trade places with them every time. I always feel so helpless when they are in pain, but she”s settled and I take the opportunity to tidy up the toys in the front room and make myself a coffee.
Finally, taking a seat on the couch, I put my feet up and let myself sink into the plush cushions. This is such a strange feeling. I don”t think I have spent any time on my own with just Elle since she was a newborn. Alex never took Lexi out on her own. It was always his parents. And the one time my hot mess of a mother did show up, she created more problems than solutions.
That familiar tightness in my chest when I think about my mom hits me. Rubbing my hand across my chest, willing the feeling to leave, it dawns on me that I haven”t heard from her in nearly six months. What kind of mother doesn”t call her daughter when she knows she”s going through a divorce? I have spent years calling and chasing her. Begging for her love and attention and I don”t think I can put myself through it anymore. I spent my entire marriage begging to be loved, to be a priority, and if being around Jack has taught me anything, it”s that if people wanted to, they would.
I mindlessly scroll my phone and reply to the girls to make plans for a night out that is way overdue, according to Ali. I get two incoming messages. One from Margot, one of the moms from ballet, and one from Jack. I look at the time. 12.13. The ballet class must be over.
I open up the message from Margot first.
Margot
Missed you today at ballet, but thank you for the treat you sent us *fire emoji* I think I speak for the entire class when I say we all appreciated his efforts during the hop little bunnies routine *eggplant emoji*
What the hell?
And then it hit me. It was parent participation week. Oh shit! Poor Jack. I hesitantly open his message.
Jack
Taking Lexi and myself for a well deserved slushie. I have three words for you Ri…
Parent
Participation
Week
And he sends a gif of the weird kid who just stares with a WTF expression on his face.
Be back soon x
I snort a laugh, covering my mouth with my free hand. Oh, my God.
I text him back.
Ria
I am so sorry. I completely forgot! Thank you again for taking her. I promise I will make it up to you xxx
Less than a minute later, a message from him comes through.
Jack
Oh yes you can, sweetheart *winking emoji with tongue stuck out* And I have a list of ways you can do it xxx
My body heats and my hands tingle. Just a few simple words turn me into a walking hormone. I have never been so affected by a man. Even during the good years with Alex, he never affected me the way Jack does.
I should have known back then how deep-rooted my feelings were for him. But I was Noah’s annoying little sister. What would he see in me? I wonder if he ever noticed the way I would stare at him from behind the books I pretended to read when he was playing Xbox with my brother. Or how I would linger on the landing of our family home when I knew he was staying over in the hopes I would bump into him on the way to the bathroom.
The nights we spent in my kitchen eating pancakes are some of my most cherished memories. I smile and a little flutters stir in my belly, thinking how we would talk about the most mundane things and the way he would make me laugh. It was one of the few times I was truly happy.
When he left with my brother to join the Marines, my little teenage heart broke into tiny pieces. I never felt I could tell him how I felt about him. I knew it was wrong and living with my feelings felt far easier than living with the embarrassment of him rejecting me. I lived for the weekends. He would come home to visit me with my brother. I would send them both care packages when they were posted abroad and write them letters. Jack would write me back sometimes and I still have some of those letters stashed away.
One weekend, he came home, and I overheard him talking to Noah and Harry about a girl he hooked up with. I sat at the top of the stairs and it felt like my heart was being shredded bit by bit with every word that left his lips. I don”t think he ever knew how I felt about him, and it”s something I swore I would take to the grave. I knew Noah wouldn’t approve and Jack respected my brother too much to ever hurt him or their friendship, so I didn”t see any point in acting on my teenage lust. But now I wonder if Noah would feel differently.
When I met Alex at the age of nineteen, he seemed like my ticket out of my daily hell and so I threw myself into that relationship, and whilst I don”t regret it for a single second because I wouldn”t have my beautiful girls, I know he was the wrong guy at the right time and I will have to live with those choices I made for the rest of my life. They say the hardest boy to get over is the one you never had, and sadly, I know that to be true.
My trip down memory lane is interrupted by the sound of a car pulling up outside. I fold back my blanket and head for the front door, opening it before Lexi can bang on it and wake Elle.
Lexi is jumping around and running her mouth a mile a minute. Hello, sugar rush. Jack follows behind, looking like a shell of his former self. I watch as he lets out a long breath, rubbing a hand over his face.
Oh shit, was it that bad?
“Mommy, Jack got me candy and slushies and he got me the blue one, Mommy. The blue one,” she cries, speeding past me.
“Lex, Elle is asleep, indoor voices please, sweetie,” I say quietly, knowing damn well she didn”t hear any of that.
I turn to face Jack, who slowly walks up the porch steps, stopping at the top step and looks at me deadpan. I stifle a laugh. “Jack, I’m so sorry. It completely slipped my mind”
He doesn”t move, still staring at me dead in the eyes. I don”t know if he”s going to cry, laugh, or strangle me to death right here on my front porch.
“I’m gonna need some sort of therapy to get over that, Ri. I feel violated,” he mutters, still staring at me. I don’t even think he’s blinked.
I cover my mouth with my hands and laugh. “Come in and tell me all about it. Do you want a coffee?”
“No, I want a whiskey… neat,” he replies, walking past me and heading for the kitchen.
I follow him in and peek my head round the door of the front room, checking on Lexi. She”s bouncing on the couch, watching the Disney Channel.
“Lexi,” I whisper. “Sit down.”
“Okay, Mommy,” she whispers back and sits. I walk into the kitchen to the sound of running water.
I thought he wanted whiskey?
Jack is bent over the kitchen sink at an awkward angle with his face under the faucet, and from the look of it, rinsing his eyes out.
What the hell is he doing? Was it that traumatic?
I tiptoe over to my kitchen stools and sit down, leaning my chin on my hands to watch him. He stays like that for what feels like minutes, rubbing his eyes, lifting his head up to blink and then going back under the faucet.
“What are you doing?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.
He turns off the faucet and reaches for the paper towels and pats his eye. “I”m getting all the glitter out of my eye that Lexi threw at me. I’m surprised we made it home in one piece. I haven”t been able to see a solid shape out of my left eye for nearly two hours. Who the heck gives little kids glitter to throw around?” he says so quickly, I almost miss it.
I don”t speak, sensing he”s about to offload his ordeal and the least I can do is listen.
“And that”s just the tip of the iceberg. First, we arrive and I”m the only one with a dick in the room. The women in there looked like they hadn”t seen a male with a pulse in years,” he says, pointing to himself.
He starts pacing up and down, waving his hands about in a theatrical manner. I”ve never seen him like this, but it”s the funniest thing I”ve ever witnessed.
“And let me tell you, Ri, I’ve seen some things in my life. I”ve fought on the front line, and those women were scarier than any enemy I”ve encountered.” He stares at me, not blinking as if he is reliving it in his head. I have to clamp my lips together to stop a laugh escaping.
”Also, can we talk about Margot for a second? Her face. It never moved. No wrinkles, no lines, no emotion. I was terrified. And then she kept trying to grab me, which I hated. Consent, Margot, it”s a real thing!”
I can feel myself visibly shaking as I try my best to suppress my laughter.
“Oh, and Daphne! What the fuck’s her issue? She looked at me like she hadn’t eaten in weeks and has been living nil by mouth… licked her lips and everything.” Visibly shivering, he looks like he’s been shook to his very core.
Oh God, I really did send him into the lion’s den.
“Then, as if that wasn”t terrifying enough, Miss Susan comes in to announce I need to partake in the class and gives me a plastic crown. I wasn”t gonna let Lexi be the only one without a parent, so I did what any self-respecting man would do; I put that crown on my head, flexed my toes and danced.” He’s spiraling now. I can tell by the way his face is flushed, and he”s panting.
And it”s with that line my laughter fades and my heart melts. Knowing he did all this for Lexi, just so she wouldn”t feel left out, makes me want to cry with happiness. No one has ever shown up for her like that.
“Then the glitter came, and I wondered if I”d ever see out of this eye again.” He points at his left eye. “No amount of blinking or rubbing would get the shit out. Pretty sure Miss Susan thinks I was winking and flirting with her, so be prepared for that conversation at your next class.”
And I”m back to laughing.
“And then…” he cries loudly, throwing his arms in the air. “Just when I thought it couldn”t get any worse, the ballet gods had a real good laugh at my expense and they played hop little bunnies…” Lowering his voice, he whispers, “And let me tell you, sweetheart, my bunny was hopping.”
I press my lips together and let out the most unlady-like snort. My body vibrating as I silently laugh.
He rolls his eyes at my reaction. “Well, I”m glad you find it funny. I’m surprised I wasn”t arrested for indecent exposure.” He’s so serious that it makes me laugh, harder.
“Jack… I’m…” I can”t get my words out. Tears are rolling down my cheeks. God, I haven”t laughed like this in months. I close my eyes and take a moment to pull myself together. When I open them again, he”s staring at me, wearing a wry smile.
“What”s that look for?” I ask, wiping my eyes with my fingertips, questioning what”s got him looking at me like I am the best part of his day.
“I love to see you laugh like that.” And there he goes again. Melting my heart.
I get up from the kitchen stool and walk towards him, slinking my arms around his waist, pressing myself against him. He”s so much taller than me that I have to crane my neck to meet his gaze. I inhale his manly musk scent and press my nose into his chest.
“Thank you… thank you for doing that for Lexi.” And without realizing I place a light kiss to his chest.
“Ri, I know I”m ranting but the truth is... I”d do anything for you and your girls. Glitter, bunny hopping, anything.” I lift my head to look at him. We don”t say anything, we don”t move, and I don”t even think either of us is breathing. The air shifts between us and no words are needed. We are saying everything without saying anything, which seems to be how me and Jack communicate when we want to admit how we feel about each other.
I wet my lips and my top teeth sink into my bottom lip. Jack clears his throat. The tension between us is suffocating. I close my eyes as if it will help me find the words or give me the ability to move. And then I feel it; his lips meeting mine. It”s soft and gentle. Not like our previous kisses.
I open my mouth, inviting his tongue to meet mine. Our tongues intertwine and his hands come up to the back of my head and gently fist a handful of my hair, pulling me closer, deepening our kiss.
Sparks of pleasure shoot up and down my spine under his touch and my hands move on their own accord, stroking up and down his broad back and then up to his hair. His free hand travels to my ass, squeezing it ever so gently. His touch causes flutters in my chest.
I pull back ever so gently, planting one chaste kiss before I break the kiss completely. His hands find their way to my cheeks as his thumbs smooth over my bottom lip and he kisses my forehead.
We stand like that for what feels like hours. Not speaking, not looking at one another, just standing there in each other”s arms, trying to process what that kiss meant. That wasn”t just a kiss. It was the kiss. The kiss that radiates through your entire body and makes your toes tingle. The one that gives you that fluttering feeling in the pit of your stomach. It wasn”t rushed, it wasn”t frantic. It was slow, soft and full of passion and so much meaning. I’m scared as hell to want him like this but yet here I am, wanting him anyway.
“I really don”t want to go away for work next week,” he says, pressing his forehead to mine.
“You”re going away?” A knot tightens in my stomach at the idea of not seeing him.
“Yeah, back to Miami. We’ve got stuff to sort at the club. I”ve been meaning to tell you, but I didn”t want you to think I was leaving you.”
“No, Jack, I totally understand. It’s for work. I get it”
“I’m going to hate being away from you.”
“Me too.” I really am going to miss him.