Taina
JUST A COUPLE OF KILLERS
“Should I be worried?”
For once, his presence doesn’t scare me.
I’ve gotten to know the creak of his weight on the hardwood floors.
I know that when he approaches, he likes to speak to avoid scaring me—even though that doesn’t always work.
And I know that he stares at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention, his eyes boring into me as if it’ll help him read my mind.
“Only if you hurt me,” I answer, turning to glance at him with the lit joint between my fingers, just under my pink nails.
I woke up about twenty minutes ago, covered in sweat, only to realize he’d tucked me into him like a damn football. His body heat had my hair sticking to the back of my neck and my pajamas damp. I pried myself away and snuck off for some fresh air and a smoke.
Anxiety might be higher than I anticipated, lately.
With the security system disabled, I stepped out onto the back porch, watching the moon and the stars. Each pull of the joint settled me more and more until I was leaning against the wooden post.
I tried not to stare out into the darkness, where the property stretches and anyone could be out there. Watching me, waiting for Emiliano to leave.
But his presence settles me as he approaches, standing behind me before wrapping me in his hold. I reach up to hold the joint up for him, and he brings his lips to take a drag.
I watch as he exhales smoke that disappears into the night sky.
“Sometimes the utter silence freaks me out,” I tell him, taking one last pull before handing the joint to him.
“No one is out there who shouldn’t be out there,” he murmurs in my ear, one hand bracing me over my stomach and the other holding up the joint to finish smoking it. Smoke puffs out from behind me, and I lean my head back into this chest to look at him.
How did this tricky motherfucker get me here, relying on him? For pleasure, for peace, for companionship.
I cooked for him.
Who the fuck am I?
As he tosses the last of the joint before looking down at me with those eyes that crinkle with adoration, I realize how fucked I am.
Cono .
“What?” he asks, but there’s no way I’m going to tell him I’ve fallen in love with him. Hell motherfucking no. His smile widens as he waits for my answer.
“Thank you for always helping me,” I share instead. I’m not sure I’ve offered enough gratitude for everything he never had to do for me. “I haven’t had anyone on my side for a very long time.”
If ever.
“I like you,” he starts, and I try to ignore the way it makes me chest ache. He likes me, and I’m grappling with far heavier emotions. Outwardly, I don’t betray my inner thoughts, even though he can’t see my face. “I like the way you make me feel. ”
His other arm joins the one holding me, and he buries his face in my curls, inhaling deeply. I relax with his sigh, my eyes on the crescent moon again.
“How do I make you feel?” I ask.
He takes his time responding, the crickets filling the silence. “Like you’re choosing me. That’s why I offered to help you, even if we aren’t together. I wanted you to have a choice, and you chose me.”
What originally began as a need for protection evolved into something I never thought I would experience again. Or for the first time, if I’m being honest.
Prior to my assault, I had a boyfriend and had dated a little before then. But I figured in the after, I’d never find love or have sex. I thought my mind and my body were both broken and the only way to feel something ever again would be once I wiped the monster off the face of the earth.
Emiliano showed me a different way.
But I owe it to myself and to any woman who could be his next victim to get rid of him. It may not be as drawn out as I’d like it to be; I may just have to shoot him point blank. But it needs to happen, and fast.
“I wanted to talk to you about something,” he speaks into my ear, his voice deep and his tone less playful. “But in order to tell you, I need you to know about me and what I come with.”
Maybe he’s finding the nerve to share his secrets because he can’t see my face. But he doesn’t know I’ve already fallen in love with him. Impossibly so.
“What is it?” I whisper. My voice shakes, but I try my hardest to mask it.
“I’m just gonna say it, and you can ask me any questions you have, okay?”
Nodding, I decide that whatever it is, it can’t be as bad as the secrets I still plan to carry. Secrets I plan to never share with Emiliano .
“My uncle is the head of the cartel in México. My oldest brother is in charge of operations, based here in Austin. He’s more than a capo but not quite a patrón . I think Tío intends on having him take over everything.” There’s a pause as I absorb what he’s saying.
It’s certainly not what I expected him to share.
“I’m sure things are starting to make more sense to you now.
But we had a run-in with the Russian mob.
They deal in sex trafficking and rely heavily on our drug distribution.
My brother had reason to believe they were killing a few of our guys to send a message.
” He speaks low, into my ear as if someone may hear us.
I want to remind him that we’re all alone, but maybe this is the only way he feels comfortable sharing secrets that could harm everyone he loves, should the wrong people find out.
I shudder at the thought of drugged women being forced to have sex with men, and he tightens his hold on me.
“What message?” I whisper my question, curious about how men who live a life of crime interact with one another.
“Probably to stop fucking with the ecosystem.” He straightens and clears his throat. “My brother recently raised our prices. There’s far too many things to unpack that happen behind the scenes, but it pissed a lot of people off.”
I can only imagine. But I try my hardest not to.
“So you think that because he did that, they started killing some of your guys to send a message that you aren’t untouchable, even with all of your power. So in retaliation you guys…killed them?”
Emiliano nods, and I want to snort. Violence met with violence.
But who the hell am I to judge? I’m a murderer. And while I wondered how far Emiliano’s violence went, with his armed guards and armored vehicles, it’s now confirmed.
We’re just a couple of killers.
“I can’t say too much about what happened?—”
“Wait, that club explosion?” I distinctly remember hearing about it on the news.
He nods and continues, “They also blew up my car and sent someone to try to kill me at work.”
Fear has me rigid, the idea of Emiliano being harmed making me take a shuddering breath. Even with all of his men, they managed to almost kill him. Twice. They’d gotten far too close, and it makes me want to run back inside with him and lock the doors so we’re safely in our bubble forever.
I can protect myself from one enemy, and I have. But I don’t know that I can protect the both of us from more than one enemy. I don’t know…
And then it hits me. Had they already tried to come for me?
“Wait,” I start as I turn in his arms, my hands reaching for his face.
His five o’clock shadow chafes against my palms, but I can’t stop stroking my fingers over his cheeks, making sure he’s okay.
“Was this before you bailed me out of jail?” Things are adding up in a way that changes so many plans I’d made. Fuck.
Were the Russians trying to kill me because of Emiliano’s family? Or was it someone the monster sent to finish me off, knowing I’ve been fucking with him for months?
Regardless, I’m not safe out there alone. And this makes things a hell of a lot harder for me.
He nods, settling his palms on my shoulders.
“I’m going to keep you safe. I need to keep you safe while we handle this.
” His eyes search mine, and I know what he’s going to say next, just like I know I’m going to hate it.
“I’ll be assigning someone to stay with you.
If you’d like, you can have Berto. Or you can have my security, Hector.
He’s been with me since I was a teenager, and I trust him with my life. So I’d trust him with yours.”
He’s standing so close to me, I can feel the same body heat that was so suffocating to me earlier. This time, it warms me as a cool breeze skirts across us.
He wants to keep me safe.
“No,” I tell him as I shake my head, trying to wrap my brain around all of this.
“I want Hector with you. He’ll keep you safe.
I’ll take Berto since I already sort of know him.
” He’s never given me a reason to think he’ll be a problem, outside of him following Emiliano’s instructions.
And while Fabián wasn’t mentioned, I don’t want to have him in charge of my safety.
I’ve seen how he unfocused he is on the job, and while I appreciate him not saying anything about knowing that I left my parents’ house on his shift, I don’t trust his skills.
Berto, on the other hand, takes his position seriously. That’s a man who can keep me alive.
“Thank you,” he murmurs before leaning to press a kiss to my bare shoulder. “Let’s get you inside. It’s getting cold out here.”