Chapter Eight
Caleb
Your designated driver is here
I frown at my phone as I wait in front of Kayden’s apartment building.
I watch the small dots on the screen as they appear, then disappear again.
Should I have gone up and knocked instead?
That would have been weird, wouldn’t it?
Besides, all the parking spaces are either occupied or too small for the company van.
After a few seconds, he replies, and I relax again.
K: I’ll be right down
I wipe my hands along my face as I try to get my nerves to settle.
My leg bounces and I will it to stop, but seconds later, it’s bouncing up and down again.
I’m excited to see Kayden. It feels like forever since we’ve hung out, and I miss him.
I rub at my chest, letting the feeling settle.
I’m not really a sentimental guy, but I have missed Kayden, his shy smiles, and those blue eyes on me.
I’m glad he still wants to go. I know I kind of put him on the spot yesterday in Sal’s office, but with the way Kayden’s been avoiding me—because I’m pretty sure he has—I didn’t want to risk him backing out.
I plug my phone into the stereo and pull up one of my playlists.
I scroll, not exactly sure what I’m in the mood for.
I’m going back and forth between just putting the radio on or leaving it when the door opens and a gush of wind rushes in.
There’s a fierce breeze coming in from the ocean today, but it’s not cold, just fresh, and a nice reprieve from the suffocating heat of the last few days.
“Hi,” Kayden says breathily. His gaze flickers and his cheeks are tinged a pale pink, and just like that my nerves are all over the place again. “Sorry I kept you waiting.”
“No worries. Come on.” I gesture next to me, and he briefly lingers in the open car door, then jumps in.
He’s wearing a pale yellow T-shirt and comfy-looking jeans, but it’s the mint-green baseball cap that has me doing a double-take.
The way it frames his face, with a few wavy locks peeking out in the back.
A small silver hoop hangs from one earlobe, and my fingers tingle to touch it.
I swallow, my mouth impossibly dry, because damn, he looks great.
He’s this mix between boyish innocence and all man; the scent of his cologne spicy, bordering on heavy, and such a contrast to his wide, expectant eyes, and that backward cap.
“What?” he says, eyeing me warily.
“Nothing. I’ve just never seen you wearing a hat before. At least… not since you were little.”
“I wear them all the time.” The blush on his cheeks deepens, and his gaze drops to his hands.
I realize that there are many things I don’t know about Kayden, and that I haven’t been a fixed presence in his life for several years.
The Kayden I used to know is probably not who he is anymore, or at least not only who he is.
I realize I’m envious of anyone who does know him.
I want to get to know him again. I want to know everything.
“Looks good,” I mumble before it can get weird. Or weirder.
“Thanks.” He looks up and smiles, but before I can lose myself in how blue his eyes are or how full his bottom lip is, I force myself to look at my phone.
I blink, my chest squeezing as I read the name of the song a couple of times.
Special K. Special. K. I don’t know what the fucking universe is playing at right now, but I’m not sure I like it.
All my good intentions fly out the window, and thoughts I have no business having about Kayden emerge in my head, just like they did at his place a week ago.
I inhale deeply, forcing them back as I scroll past the song.
“What do you wanna listen to?”
He shrugs. “Anything really. You decide.” He fastens his seatbelt, then settles back in his seat, as the van fills with more of his scent.
I exhale, then settle on Suede’s Beautiful Ones. “Ready?”
Kayden nods as he stares out the windscreen, his hands resting at his sides, his fingers brushing back and forth against the seat.
The small, barely there movement alone sends shivers down the back of my neck, and again my mind decides to go all fucking rogue on me.
Images of Kayden’s soft fingers trailing up my arm, along my shoulder, and across my collarbone course through me.
My skin tingles like a light sunburn, and suddenly there’s not enough air in the van.
Get a fucking grip, Caleb.
I want to pretend that it has nothing to do with Kayden, and it’s just because I need to get laid, but the truth is, I know it’s not just that. If I just wanted to get off, I could go back on that app. Easy peasy. This has very little to do with just getting off and a lot more to do with him.
I feel Kayden’s eyes on me, and I reach for the steering wheel, then start the car.
I try to center myself as I pull out onto the busy street.
It’s only a short drive to Kelly’s garden center, but it takes longer than expected because of the weekend traffic.
Kayden stares out the window for the most part, his lips moving quietly along to the lyrics.
I don’t know what to say, so I just say nothing.
When we reach the garden center, it’s chaos. Everyone seems to have had the same idea we did, and I have to cruise around the large building a few times before a parking spot becomes vacant. Sweat trails from my neck and down my back, my hands clammy against the steering wheel.
“There,” I say, putting the van in Park, like some bus driver on a class field trip.
“Great,” Kayden says, then unfastens his seatbelt before opening the door and hopping out. Fuck. I bet he feels it too, how weird I’m acting. You’d better rein it in, Caleb Morgan. You better make it unweird and fucking fast.
Inside, it’s not any better. There are people everywhere, and every aisle feels like navigating an obstacle course.
When someone bumps into Kayden for the third time, I almost lose it.
He just shrugs at me like it doesn’t matter, but seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people?
It’s not like he’s invisible or anything.
Without giving it a second thought, I reach for his hand and twine my fingers through his.
Kayden sucks in a fast breath, then stops in the middle of the busy aisle and looks at me.
His eyes go impossibly wide while mine drop to our clasped hands.
“This okay? I just don’t wanna lose you.” I shake my head. “I mean…”
He nods carefully. “Yeah. It’s fine.”
I’ve held his hand more times than I can count over the years.
At the zoo, when he was the one dragging me around, all excited about the new penguins or the lion cubs.
At the beach, when he was jumping from one stone to another, squeezing my fingers to the point of pain whenever he was about to slip on the slippery rocks.
Whenever I picked him up at school because Vivian had to take an acute shift at the hospital, and Kayden would skip toward me, his small hand finding mine when he reached me like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Cool.” I pull him along with me toward the section with garden furniture. His skin is warm and soft against mine, and occasionally his fingers squeeze around my hand. It feels nice, probably too nice, but I decide it doesn’t matter right now.
As soon as we reach the section with outdoor furniture, Kayden lets go of my hand, and I miss the connection instantly. Unsure what to do with my hand, I bury it in my jeans pocket while I take in the chaos in front of us.
“This is insane,” Kayden laughs, looking around at the people weaving in and out of smaller sections with furniture on display. I laugh too, because yes, it is pretty insane.
“See anything you like?” I look around at the different displays of café tables and matching chairs.
“I don’t know,” he sighs, pulling his hat off, swiping a hand through his waves, before putting it back on.
“I don’t even really know what I want.” He stares at me, his teeth digging into his bottom lip, like I have the answer, but all I have are fucking questions, like were his lips always this full and was his gaze always this vast and seductive?
“Let’s just browse for a bit,” I grit. “We’re not in any hurry.”
“Okay.” He smiles softly, then heads toward a simple café set just about the right size for his balcony. He pulls out a chair and sits down. “I like the color.” The furniture is made of metal and painted a bright turquoise. “It’s… a happy color, don’t you think, Caleb?”
The sudden use of my name stuns me. He hasn’t called me by my name all week.
I nod as I move toward him and grab the other chair, placing it next to Kayden’s.
I eye it for a second, then plop down next to him.
I lean back in the chair, and we sit there next to each other while people rush past us with shopping carts filled to the brim with parasols, flowerpots, and hammocks, screaming children in tow.
The chair is fucking uncomfortable; the metal digging into my back.
Maybe it’ll be okay with a cushion. I eye Kayden out of the corner of my eye, but I can’t read the expression on his face.
Eventually, he groans. “How’s it even possible to make a chair this fucking uncomfortable?”
A loud laugh shoots from my lips, and a few people look our way.
“Am I right?” He grins, looking right at me.
I nod. “Fucking awful. Maybe with a cushion…”