Chapter Eight #2
“Yeah, maybe.” He stands, looking around.
“Let’s look at the ones made out of wood instead.
” He grabs the chair and places it back next to the table, then moves toward the area with wooden furniture.
His jeans hang loose just below his waist, and there’s a slight sway to his hips when he moves.
His hips are wider than most guys’, but there’s no question that Kayden’s a guy; his wide shoulders and muscular arms, the slight dusting of scruff on his chin, and his scent as I trail behind him, leaving a little space between us.
Kayden pauses in front of a set of furniture in a light yellowish-brown and sweeps his fingers along the surface of the table. He then inspects a small label hanging from a chair.
“It’s cypress,” he says. “Isn’t it beautiful? The color. Almost like amber when the sun hits it just right.”
“It is,” I say, feeling all warm and floaty inside at the image Kayden is painting. He reaches in front of me and pulls out the other chair.
“Sit down.” He gestures at the chair before sitting down on the other one. He sighs as he leans back and his eyes flutter closed. “Better,” he says, his body relaxing. “Much better, right?”
My mouth has gone impossibly dry, and I grab the back of the chair briefly to steady myself before sitting down. “Better,” I agree.
Kayden shifts next to me, then reaches his arms above his head, stretching languidly.
I catch another whiff of his cologne, and this time arousal stirs inside me.
He clasps his hands behind his head and tips his head back, his neck slender and lean.
I’m downright ogling him at this point, my gaze hot and hungry as I drink him in.
His shirt has ridden up, revealing a small patch of tanned stomach and a light dusting of blond hair below his belly button, and I can’t help but wonder how he would taste, how he would feel on my tongue.
I want him. I want him so fucking much, and I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
Even if he wasn’t Sal’s kid, I’m not what Kayden needs.
Not just because he’s way too young for me, but also because he’s trans.
I’ve never been with a trans guy before, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t mind.
I’ve been with all kinds of men and women over the years.
Which is also exactly why it would be so fucking wrong of me to start anything with Kayden.
I’m no good for him. He needs someone—deserves someone—way better than me.
Perhaps Kayden is the more responsible one between the two of us. The adult one, the way he’s been avoiding me. Perhaps I should do the same, but the thought alone makes my chest squeeze. For once in my life, it’s not about me, though, and what I want. I need to be selfless for once.
Kayden unclasps his hands, sits up, and stares right in front of him, resting his elbows on his knees, the curve of his muscular back evident behind his shirt. We need to get out of here, and fast.
Just when I’m about to bolt from the chair, Kayden says, “I think Walter Harrison got a new boat.” I turn, staring at him, but his gaze is fixed on something far away, a gentle smile playing on his lips.
“Look at the way it moves across the ocean, Caleb, with those seagulls chasing it.” He squints like he’s truly watching a fishing boat cutting through the waves.
“I think it’s gonna be a beautiful sunset later, don’t you think? ”
I’m confused at first until I remember one of Kayden’s favorite games from when he was younger.
We would sit next to each other on the beach and imagine all sorts of things.
Giant sea creatures emerging from the waves, or a large pirate ship on the horizon.
An invisible storm brewing in the distance, catching the sails.
We’d spend hours upon hours just sitting next to each other, making things up, pretending we were part of some other world.
I didn’t realize it back then, but maybe it was Kayden’s way of escaping, just like he’s trying to escape the weird tension between us now.
I stare right in front of me, and suddenly I see it too.
The familiar panorama of the vast ocean, the small fishing boat bobbing up and down on the waves, the clear blue sky, and the seagulls hanging low around the boat.
“Yeah. I think it will be,” I whisper.
“The kind that makes the entire sky look like a bonfire until it nearly turns purple and green. Those are my favorites,” he says quietly.
I just nod because those are my favorites too.
“I bet the stars will be out too, just exploding against the midnight blue. I’ve never once in my life seen a shooting star, can you believe that?
Not even once. Maybe I’ll see one tonight.
” Kayden’s voice is distant, like he’s miles away.
“Maybe.” I hope he does because I want that for him. I want everything for Kayden. I hope he gets everything he wants in life, even if it’s just as simple as a shooting star. “I’ll look from my back deck tonight, too. Maybe we’ll see the same one.”
“Maybe,” he says, his voice tinged with longing. Then, just like that, he gets up and looks directly at me. “This is the one for me. This is the right chair.”
I get up too, standing so close I can feel his warm breath on my face. “I think you’re right, K. This is the one.”
Something shifts after that, as the tension between us seems to give way to something lighter, more playful.
Kayden ravages the garden center, and he ends up buying much more than he intended.
His carefree laughter fills the space around me as he shows me a doormat with large green caterpillars on it.
“I’m buying this for you, Caleb,” he laughs, his eyes glowing.
“Haven’t you always wanted a caterpillar doormat? ”
“I have,” I laugh back, although it has never once crossed my mind.
But if Kayden thinks I need a horrific caterpillar doormat, then I guess I do.
I bump his shoulder, and he bumps mine back, then nearly trips over his own feet before grabbing my T-shirt, clinging to it.
I steady him against me, then hold out my hand, and he grabs it without a second thought.
I maneuver the shopping cart with my other hand, occasionally greeting people Kayden and I know.
It feels nice, and I can’t help but wonder if this is what it feels like to be in a relationship with someone you actually click with.
Because I click with Kayden, there’s no question about it.
The initial awkwardness is gone—Kayden chased it away with his childhood game—and now I just feel this comfortable quiet inhabiting my body.
I can do this. I can fucking do this. I can be a good friend to Kayden and put his needs before mine, just like I did when he was a kid.
It doesn’t have to be complicated or weird.
This new phase of our relationship will just take some getting used to, that’s all.
“We should go grab something to eat,” Kayden says as soon as we’ve stuffed everything into the van. “Let me buy you lunch. As a thank you.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I want to. I’m…” He hesitates, his gaze shifting between my face and the ground. “I’m having fun.” My chest squeezes because damn, in a world where there’s so much fake and pretend, Kayden is just so fucking real, and goddamn sweet. “It feels just like old times,” he adds.
I smile. “Me too. I mean, having fun, too.”
He looks up, his eyes huge and happy. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. There’s this new place. Up near the lighthouse. I haven’t been yet, but they’re supposed to make great fish burgers.”
“Sounds good. I’m in.”
“We totally forgot about the pots.” Kayden frowns at the menu, biting his bottom lip.
“The pots?”
“Yeah, the flowerpots. The cerulean ones for Mom.”
“Ah, yeah. Shit, I can go back after I drop you off and get some.”
“No, it’s okay. Dad and I can get them some other time.” He squints at the menu, then licks his lips before looking straight at me. “Do you think I’ll like the crab cakes?”
“No.” The word flies from my mouth, and his eyes go wide before a loud laugh bursts from his lips.
“No? Why not?”
“Because it’s crab cakes.”
“So?”
“Who in their right mind orders crab cakes unless someone holds a gun to their head?” My stomach churns just at the thought. I’ve never liked crab.
He tilts his head, then looks back at the menu. “You’re right, Caleb. Who would? I think I’ll have the sea bass. And a beer.”
I close the menu. “You know what? It’s been ages since I’ve had sea bass. I think I’ll have the same.”
A server comes by, and we order the food.
Kayden tells me about some ideas he has for a monthly open workshop where people can stop by and see what we do at the shipyard.
He suggests we invite some local vendors too, and visitors can try some of their specialties.
The tourists would love that, and it would be beneficial for local small businesses.
He tells me about some of the food halls in Boston and how he and Emily would go there sometimes and just look at the vendors and take it all in.
Or the farmer’s markets in Boston, like the Copley Square one or the Charles River Farmers Market.
His face becomes alive the more he talks, his hands gesturing in front of him excitedly.
“If you want, we can go sometime. To one of the farmer’s markets, I mean. It’s really something.”