Chapter Eighteen #2
“I’d do anything for him,” I rasp, clenching my fists before I confess everything and tell Sal what’s in my heart.
How it’s filled to the brim and spilling over with my love for Kayden.
How every conscious and unconscious thought is consumed with him and him alone.
How it’s hard to breathe when he’s not around, and even harder to catch my breath when he is.
How Kayden is the light in my life, and that I hope he always will be, because I need him like I need the fucking sun.
“I know you would. Just wanted you to know.”
I nod, then turn around.
“Dad, did you see the—”
Kayden almost bumps into me as he comes flying through the open office door. The smile freezes on his face when he sees me, then something flashes through his eyes. Warmth. Longing. A little trace of panic. I smile back at him.
“Well, when you talk of the sun,” Sal says, and the panic in Kayden’s eyes increases.
I try to convey reassurance, and he relaxes a little.
“Come here, kiddo,” Sal says, and Kayden moves past me, his familiar scent washing over me, bringing me back to last night, when I watched him fall asleep in my arms as I listened to his breathing even out.
My body aches with the phantom feel of him, and my fingers itch to grab him and pull him against me.
Kayden passes me in what seems like slow motion, my body so attuned to his that every atom comes alight with want.
He’s so breathtakingly beautiful that he steals my breath right out of my lungs.
He smiles at me tenderly, a barely there movement of his lips, his eyes mirroring the same kind of longing that inhabits my heart.
Soon, I mouth, and he blushes, then dips his gaze to the floor as he heads toward his dad.
“We need a plan,” I say at the same time as Kayden blurts, “This is pure fucking torture!” We grin at each other, then laugh as I weave my fingers through his.
I’m dying to wrap him in my arms and kiss him senseless, but we’re still parked in front of the shipyard.
“Sneaking around is overrated,” Kayden groans, squeezing my fingers to the point of pain.
“They always make it seem so sexy and fun in the movies, but it’s bullshit. Fucking bullshit.”
“I know. Let’s get outta here.”
We drive up the coast listening to Kayden’s favorite band, The Emberline.
He told me about them a while back when he was home from school for the weekend, and we went for a ride.
How the lead vocalist, Silas Reed, is trans and the same age as Kayden, and how much he was hoping they’d come to Boston one day, but that it wasn’t likely since they’re from Seattle.
Kayden’s fingers are still tangled through mine, the low purr from Marilyn’s engine the only sound.
After twenty minutes, I pull down a small dirt road that leads to a secluded stretch of land with a handful of old, abandoned fishermen’s cottages.
A developer from Colchester bought it recently for some fancy new ocean-view condos, but they haven’t started construction yet since a petition was submitted to the local council by an environmental organization.
“Such a shame,” Kayden murmurs, eyeing the large billboard with an image of how the future condos are going to look.
They’ll stand out against the pristine landscape like a sore thumb, but it’s happening more and more these days: outside contractors moving in and removing the last remnants of history from our community. It’s sad.
I lean in and rub at the frown between Kayden’s brows. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”
He smiles at me, then presses his lips against mine. “Shit, I’ve been wanting to do that all day,” he moans, halfway into my lap.
“Me too,” I hum. “Shit, baby, when you walked into your dad’s office… You nearly killed me.”
He squirms in my arms, linking his hands behind my neck, his hot breath fanning across my face. “You nearly killed me, too, Caleb.”
“Fuck, I want you so bad, but we need to figure out what we’re gonna do.”
“I know.”
We walk hand in hand along the deserted beach. The ocean is wild today, with a brisk wind blowing in from the east. The blue sky is dotted with clouds in various shades of gray, the sun peeking through from time to time, teasing gold from Kayden’s hair.
“What about this Sunday?” he asks after a while, squinting toward the horizon. “What if we tell them then? Together.”
I nod because Kayden is right: the sooner, the better. After my talk with Sal today, where I nearly cracked and confessed everything, it’s becoming harder and harder to conceal how I feel about Kayden. “Your dad…” I trail off, my voice shaking.
“What about Dad?” Kayden stops walking and pulls me to a stop, too.
“He… uhm… he thanked me today. For being a good friend to you. Told me he’s fucking grateful.”
Kayden sighs, then rests his forehead against my chest. My hand finds his hair, and I stroke him gently.
“We just gotta have faith, Caleb, that everything will be okay. That they’ll understand.
” He looks up at me, his eyes a vibrant blue in the sun, his cheeks painted a pretty pink from the wind.
“How much I love you.” He shrugs, then smiles wistfully. “And that it could only be you.”
I nod, his words settling around me. It could only be you.
I know he’s right because I feel it too—how it can only be him.
I press a kiss against his forehead. “We’ll make them understand.
” The words feel flat on my tongue. I’m not sure I believe them, but there’s no alternative.
I want Kayden. That won’t change, not ever.
And we can’t hide how we feel about each other.
That will eventually be the end of us. Besides, we shouldn’t have to hide.
We’ve done nothing wrong, and I hope Sal and Viv will see it that way, too. We’ve done nothing but fall in love.
Kayden blinks at me, a thousand questions roaming in his eyes. “Tell me we’ll be okay.”
“We’ll be okay, sweetheart. I swear it.”
“I swear it too,” he whispers, digging his fingers into my shoulders. I lift him from the sand, and he wraps his thighs around me, then locks his ankles behind my back. I bury my face against his neck, and his scent intermingles with the smell of the ocean, and I am home.
I carry him back toward the car, and he clings to me like a baby koala. I’m half hard, my cock digging into my suit pants.
“How’s your ass, baby?” I grit against his neck, stopping in front of Marilyn’s hood.
“It’s fine. Still a little sore.”
I pull away from him, unable to hide the smugness on my face. “Can you sit?”
“Fuck you. How do you think I got through the day?” His curls are wild, falling into his face, and I just want to tug at them with my teeth and turn him inside out.
“Your desk lifts, doesn’t it?” I lean in and kiss him lazily, tasting his cute, indignant pout.
After a while, he melts against me and kisses me back.
I ease him down on Marilyn’s hood, then unbutton his pants and slide down the zipper.
A succession of small gasps leaves Kayden as he lifts his hips, and I carefully slide his pants down to his knees.
He blinks up at me, his eyes swimming with want and a little panic.
Fuck, he’s stunning, all splayed out for me on top of my car.
I lift his leg and pull off one brown suede boot, then tear off his sock.
I line kisses across his ankle, up his calf, and behind his knee.
“Caleb,” he moans. “Please.” His teeth dig into his bottom lip, lust pooling in his eyes. “Please.”
I continue up his inner thigh, alternating kisses with licks and small bites.
Kayden’s hands fly to my hair, grabbing it roughly, his hips shooting forward.
I place my hand on his stomach and hold him down, then give his other leg the same treatment.
He begs and pleads with me, but I take my time, and when I eventually pull off his gray briefs and tuck them in my back pocket along with his packer, I find him all hard and vibrating.
“Fuck, look at you, baby. So fucking needy and beautiful.” I lick my thumb, then push it against his hard dick, rubbing it back and forth.
Kayden shouts, his pelvis thrusting forward. “Caleb! Oh shit. That’s…” His voice dips into a low moan when I start circling his cockhead with my thumb. “Yes, just like that. Just like that.” He closes his eyes, his mouth slightly agape. I can smell his arousal, the heady sweetness of it.
“You’re mine,” I say as I lean in over him and press my lips against his forehead, his temple, the bridge of his nose.
“Everything will be okay, sweetheart. I promise.” He blinks his eyes open, and the blue is glazed over with lust. “Now I’m gonna suck your cock.
” His eyes widen. I slide down his body and drop to my knees between his legs.
His thighs tremble, then flex as he leans up on his elbows and looks around.
“Shouldn’t we…” Fear wars against arousal in his eyes.
“Shouldn’t we what, sweetheart?” I press a kiss against his cockhead.
“Fuck!” Kayden nearly bashes my head in with his knees as they squeeze around me. I dip out my tongue and trace the outline of his dick. “Shit! What if someone comes by?”
“No one’s gonna come by.” I suck him into my mouth, the taste of him bursting on my tongue. Kayden whines, rubbing his crotch against my face shamelessly.
“But… someone could. What about—oh fuck, that’s it.
What about one of those security companies?
” He fists my hair, pulling at the strands as he grinds against me.
I suck him deeper, massaging his dick with my tongue.
“Oh my God, Caleb. Oh my God, that’s so fucking good.
” He clenches around me. “Shit, what if we get arrested?” He’s a blabbering mess, and I can’t help laughing around his dick.
“The only one who can bail us out is Dad. Oh fuck, babe.”
“We won’t get arrested, baby. I’ll just wave them right off.” My voice drops an octave, “‘Nothing to see here, Officer. Just a guy going down on his boyfriend. Move along.’”
Kayden freezes underneath me. “Boyfriend?”
“What?”
“You said ‘boyfriend.’”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess I did.”
“I’m your boyfriend?” His eyes look just about ready to pop out of their sockets.
I laugh again because, fuck, he’s adorable, as he lies there naked from the waist down on the hood of my car, asking if he’s my boyfriend.
“Of course you are. I mean, if you wanna?”
“I wanna!” he blurts and nearly knocks his knee into my face.
“Okay then. Now that’s out of the way, can we please get back to me blowing you and you coming on my face?”
“Uh-huh.” He squeezes his eyes closed, his chest heaving as his teeth dig into his lips.
“Eyes on me, K. Watch how I’ll make you come.” I suck him back into my mouth, grazing his dick with my teeth.
“Fuck!” he screams, his voice echoing around us.
“Yes, suck my dick, big guy.” I smile against him, because there’s my filthy boy.
He pulses on my tongue, and I suck him harder, pulling as much pleasure from his body as I can.
“I can’t,” he whines. “It’s too much. I can’t.
” I spread his thighs wider, burying my entire face in his crotch, his coarse hair teasing my nose.
He grinds against me shamelessly, and it’s such a fucking turn-on to know it’s because of me and what we’re doing.
I swipe my finger down his swollen cockhead, careful not to touch his front hole, then I spread his cheeks and press my finger against his pucker, rubbing the rim, without breaching him.
His legs shake, and I lean back in, blowing on his dick gently.
“So pretty.”
Kayden whimpers at my praise.
“Such a pretty little boyfriend I have. Neediest fucking boyfriend in the world. Now come on my face, sweetheart.”