Rose
Abel’s limbs hold me against him in a makeshift prison.
But I don’t count the seconds. Only his deep, loud breaths as they pass over my skin.
One, two, three...
His mouth is against the back of my neck, warming it with each exhale, making me smile.
In Silverwing, I never bothered to hope for this. So, I revel in it.
A snore cuts through the room, disturbing the silence and making me jump.
Who knew such a beautiful person could make such terrible noises?
I slide from beneath his arm, my body crookedly angled as I try to figure out the best way to remove my legs from under his.
His snores are getting louder and I decide to just slide off the bed quickly, nearly waking him. But, still, he sleeps. He must’ve been exhausted.
He quiets down after adjusting himself so he’s hugging the pillow I was sleeping on. But my antsy antics keep me from being able to sit still and wait for him to wake up.
I peek through the curtains, sighing at the sight of the gray sky only broken up by the yellowish streetlights lining the nearby road. The world feels so empty. Only land stretches for miles on the horizon, aside from the odd tree here and there. An old train track sits forgotten, rusted over, greenery now covering most of the once used railway.
All is peaceful but…
There’s one person the world needs to be rid of , I think to myself as I glance back at Abel. I can see more of his tattoos peeking out, along with my favorite one.
Death is certain. It speaks to me like it knows.
The need gnaws at me, a beast in my own belly. I yearn for patience, assuring myself that I will have my time, and that Abel will make this a priority.
I tell myself all this as he begins to snore again, each grumbly inhale and exaggerated exhale mocking my inner turmoil.
He grunts and shifts in his sleep and I tiptoe around the room, grabbing a sweater and jeans from the bag I left on the chair. Everything sounds so loud as I try to get ready as quietly as possible, constantly pausing to make sure he’s still asleep. When I’m dressed, I realize I don’t have the keycard. I tiptoe back toward my bag and when I look up to check if Abel’s still sleeping, I see them on the nightstand, inches from the back of his head now.
My lips twist as I reach toward the keys. When he starts in on a loud snore, I jump a little and decide to snatch the keys and move quickly. Before I turn to leave, I see the gun and two phones beside the lamp and grab it as well as one of the phones. Then I tuck the gun in the back of my waistband, the phone into my pocket, and walk out of the motel room.
The morning air is foggy, and I pull my sweater closer to my body as I approach the car. The lack of bright sunlight causes me to glance around the empty parking lot and back up toward our room. No sign of Abel waking up, no sign of anyone else’s eyes on me. I jingle the car keys in my hands, grateful that Abel had to foresight to also clean the blood off of them.
I climb in the car, push the key in the ignition, and turn it on. I try to ignore the way the gun in my waistband digs into my skin. A small price to pay for the release I’m looking forward to.
A little pain for a lot of pleasure. Because if I can’t kill her the way I want to, I can at least aim for execution style.
Still, my desire to make it slow and torturous rumbles inside of me, angry at the thought of being sloppy and quick with a gun. But my options are becoming more and more limited as the walls close in around us. I don’t have much time as it is.
Luckily, I remember the roads we took to get here.
No music, nothing but me and the open road. Part of me wishes Dr. Brown could see me now, in my Dr. Jekyll life, controlling my Mr. Hyde.
Maybe he’d be proud.
But I know better than to even delve that far into such an unlikely situation.
He’d see the cracks in my mask, the one I let slip a few times already.
He’d see the flaws in our plans and insist I come back to Silverwing.
But he doesn’t know anything.
Abel saved me.
I’m never going back.
I’m driving down the back roads when I hear something ringing. The phone in my pocket .
Uh-oh. As I coast, I pull it out from my pocket, swerving a little as I try to get it out.
I flip it open, press the green button, then the speaker button, and listen.
The connection crackles for a moment before he speaks.
“?” His voice sounds sleepy and worried.
And all at once, I wish I was there, next to him, basking in his warmth. Snores or not.
“Where are you?” he asks me, not waiting for me to respond to my name.
I hesitate as I await his disappointment in my not following his lead. Another crack in my mask of self-control. “I’m headed to my mother’s.”
“,” he groans and there’s shuffling sounds on the other end of the line. “Why wouldn’t you wait for me? Don’t you think someone will notice your dad’s car driving around?”
I question my genius, because I know I don’t exercise it when it comes to my violence. I move without question. And I pay for it later. “I’ll be fine,” I assure him and he’s quiet for a moment.
“But we’re a team now. If you’re gonna do anything, you have to tell me. Not because you need my permission but because my life is attached to yours. We rely on each other. I can’t do this without you.”
His words make me want to pull over and vomit. Too many emotions are battling one another and I’m in the middle, trying to decide which way to go.
Abel’s hand is stretched out toward me, willing me to cross to the other side, with him.
And my beast, my Mr. Hyde, runs his tongue over bloody teeth, promising the sweet release I need .
But as I pull to the side of the road, and rest my head on the steering wheel, I try to find words instead. “Are we? Really?” I look at the phone in my lap, as if he’s going to somehow reach through it and reassure me with his touch.
“Do I have to bust us out of another psych ward to prove it?” he asks.
I hear the laughter in his voice and it makes me smile. “I’m not used to this,” I tell him before picking my head up, just in time to see a police cruiser slow and pull up just behind the car.
“Abel,” I start, my voice wavering, “a police officer just pulled up behind me.” I hear nothing. But the beast inside causes me to clutch the steering wheel.
“…”
“He just turned on his lights.”
I won’t make it out of this alive.
No.
He won’t make it out of this alive.
Abel swears, and I can hear him rustling through something. “How long have you been driving? In what direction?”
I take a deep breath. “Probably a half hour toward h-home.” Panic has me faltering, calling hell “home”.
“Don’t—”
“What if he recognizes me?” I ask, cutting him off in a panic. My genius isn’t showing up in my frenzy and I grip the steering wheel like it’s going to save me. I don’t know if we’ve been outed, I don’t know if anyone is searching for us. I don’t know if this car has been reported missing or if the authorities are already on our trail.
I just know I can’t go back.
“ Baby —”
“I don’t want to kill a police officer,” I whisper.
I don’t want to only be a monster.
I want to be a woman Abel could love.
Abel doesn’t have anything to say to that as the man in uniform raps on my window, my wide eyes reflected in his black shades.