8. Theo
CHAPTER 8
Theo
I hated how she felt, but I got it. We had talked enough over the last month that I knew it plagued her. It wasn’t the first time this had come up, and I knew it wouldn’t be the last.
I also knew I had no idea just what would happen when we went public—not if . I had already decided—but in my opinion, there wasn’t anything that would push me away from her. I knew that before I had her in my arms and my lips on hers today, but after that? No way was I letting her go, no matter what shitstorm the media put us through.
“I know I can’t convince you that I will be okay,” I said, and she nodded. I caressed the palm of her hand and she looked down at our intertwined fingers, hers long and slender and mine easily double her size. “I don’t know what I don’t know, and I get that. I know you have had years of being exploited and talked about in the media and judged for your connection to men—and women—but I can’t show you I’m okay with it if you don’t give me the chance to show you that I’m okay with it. I have every confidence that you can help me through the parts of this I’m not used to, and I want you to know that I am not self-conscious or worried about what they’ll say about me. That’s just not who I am as a person. I’ll do whatever you want in whatever timeline you want. I’ll also meet with Zoey and your security team if that is what we need to do. I’ll hire additional security. I’ll have my PR company collaborate with yours. Whatever it takes, Mal.”
She squeezed my hand and smiled. “I don’t know what to do with you, Theo Nolan. You always know what to say to make me feel better about things.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I could think of many things you could do with me, Mallorie Witt.” Her laughter lightened the mood, and I kissed her hand again. “All jokes and innuendos aside, I think we both knew before tonight that we have something here, and I don’t think I’m alone in saying that being here together feels right.” I paused and she nodded. I could not put words to the feeling in my chest when she nodded in response, but I knew I liked it. Loved it. More than fucking loved it.
“You have become a vital part of my daily life, and I do not want that to stop. I want to be the first person you think of when you wake up and the last you talk to before you go to bed. Whether that means we are across the world talking to each other or we are next to each other. I have an impossible schedule, and so do you. I will never judge you for that, nor will I have a tantrum about you not spending enough time with me or having to travel or record or anything. I know who you are and what you do. That has not been a secret since I met you. It’s actually one of the things I like best about you. And, total transparency here, I love knowing things about you that no one else knows and that you’ve felt comfortable enough to share with me. At the end of the day, I just want to be the person you turn to, and I want you to know that I will be your biggest cheerleader. I know you have a lot of them, but none that are me.” I winked.
Mallie stared at me, her mouth slightly agape as she processed my words. We’d had a lot of conversations over the last month. We’d mostly skipped over the surface stuff and gone right to the heart of who we were as people. I didn’t need to play the coy game. I played the field enough as a young man. At my age, I was beyond all of that. I wanted her to know who I was and that I wasn’t playing with her. She matched my energy, and that was why, at this point, we knew each other on a much deeper level than most people would after knowing each other for only a short time.
“I feel the same way. I am beyond that part of it scaring me because I know how I feel, and you’ve been extremely honest with me the entire time. Why do I feel like I’ve known you for so much longer than I have?” she said finally.
I shrugged. “Probably because we have spent countless hours talking to each other in all time zones and at all times of day and night. Plus, we’ve both been hurt. If there’s one thing we both know, it’s that there’s no reason to waste time on someone who isn’t worth it. We are worth it. So tell me,” I said.
“Tell you what?” Waiters dropped off salads and drinks, but our attention stayed on each other. “Thank you,” she said without looking at them, always the picture of class.
“What do we need to do?”
Mallie lifted her drink and sipped it. “What do we need to do?”
I grinned. “Is there an echo in here?” I took a drink also and waited for her to catch up. “What are the next steps, angel?”
Mallie blew out a breath. “I really love when you call me that,” she said, her voice low. I thought about the many nights she sang her songs to me. Sometimes when she was working through a new song and others when she practiced the different songs she switched out on her set list while I listened on the phone. That low, gravelly voice was my favorite. I would never forget the first night she sang for me. Life changing. I couldn’t wait to be in the same room as her and witness the magic that was her voice. Hopefully tonight, if I played my cards right.
I wanted to say I couldn’t wait to call her that while I worshipped every inch of her spectacular body, but I didn’t. It wasn’t that I couldn’t be honest with her; it was that I wanted to show her respect and take her cues. I wasn’t going to do anything to fuck this up and push her away.
“The ball is in your court, angel. If you want to see each other a few more times before we are seen together, I’m fine with that. If you’re ready, I’m beyond ready.”
“You’re that sure?” She bit that damn lip again, and I swore to God I wasn’t going to make it out of this restaurant.
“I didn’t need to meet you tonight to know. I mean, am I stoked as hell that we got to make this work? Definitely. Do I want to see you as much as is feasible? Yes. But I don’t need a certain amount of times of us ‘dating’ in person to be ready.”
She studied me for a moment. “After dinner, can we go over our schedules and see when we can get together again?”
I guessed that was the answer, that she wanted to wait a bit, and that was fine. I wanted to make her comfortable. As long as she didn’t get spooked and call it all off, I would wait as long as she needed.
“Where are we going after dinner?” I winked at her. Teasing her was my second favorite thing to do. Kissing was my first, for sure. Or maybe talking to her. Or listening to her sing. Damn, I had too many favorites when it came to her, and I knew there were other things that would be added to that list if I was lucky enough to experience them.
She blushed, and my stomach bottomed out. God, I loved how her feelings were all over her face all the time. “I-I thought maybe we’d go back to my place if you’re okay with that. For obvious reasons, we can’t just walk around New York or go to a bar, so ...”
“I’m just teasing you,” I interrupted her. “I’d love to go to your place. And yes, let’s look at when we can get together again. How about we order some dinner so you can take me back to your place and have your way with me?” It hadn’t been mentioned whether I was going back to the hotel that was booked for me or staying with her, and I figured not asking was the best way to go right now.
She blushed again and bit that fucking lip. I knew she thought about it just as much as I did. The problem was, I wasn’t sure I could deny her if she gave any sign that she wanted it as much as I did, and now I knew by her reaction to my comment that she wanted it, too.
I looked at her profile in the darkness, the city blurring outside the window as we drove back to her apartment. Despite the late hour, the city bustled with activity.
She sat right next to me, no space between us, and looked out the window. I cataloged all her features, so delicate and perfect, in disbelief again that she was sitting next to me and I really was in her presence. And not because she was Allie Witt. I mean, it was there all the time. Who she was and what her life entailed. But that was not what I meant. How had I gotten this amazing woman to give me the time of day? I couldn’t have predicted this if I’d tried.
My hand rested on her bare thigh, and she leaned into me. I could feel her hair tickling my face, and I loved it. There was a divider between us and Juan and Rico, and when I asked, she stated it was so people couldn’t take pictures of her from the front of the car and flash into the driver’s eyes. That could be the difference between life and death.
I couldn’t believe just how invasive people were. I had so much to learn. Thankfully, after dinner, they took me out first and into her waiting SUV, then waited a few minutes and brought her out without any fanfare. I could tell she was relieved when we pulled away with no attention brought to us. So relieved, it seemed, that the first thing she did when she got into the SUV and the door shut was lean over and press her sexy lips against mine. It took everything in me to not slip my hand up her short dress. I settled with keeping it in a PG-13 zone until she showed me different.
Dinner was beyond my wildest dreams. Our conversation never stopped, and we vacillated between joking, discussing trivial day-to-day things, and scorching-hot sexual tension. I stole a few more kisses, and she definitely did not complain. I never wanted this night to end, and I was glad she invited me back to her apartment.
Mallie turned and smiled at me, those striking blue eyes bright even with just the city lights around her. “We’re almost there,” she said. I nodded and leaned over and pressed my lips just under her ear. She gasped and tilted her head, inviting me for more.
“You like that,” I whispered against her ear. I’d gladly be a full-time student of learning what she liked. I kissed down her neck and back up, feeling goose bumps all over her legs. I moved my hand, stroking the inside of her thigh as I continued my slow perusal of her neck and ear. She whimpered and her legs shifted slightly, giving my hand more room. My heart thundered at the possibility of touching her, but I didn’t. She said we were close to her place, and I didn’t want to start something I definitely didn’t want to have an audience for.
The blacked-out SUV slowed, and I put my hand back in an appropriate place and smiled at the beautiful woman next to me. She reached her hand out and stroked the side of my face, her fingers passing through my short beard. I liked it way too fucking much. A hidden garage door opened and the vehicle went in, the door immediately closing behind us, but not before I saw the crowd outside her apartment, cameras flashing. When my eyes widened, she nodded, no words necessary. This was every single day for her, no matter the time.
Within seconds, Juan opened the door and I slid out. I extended my hand to her and she smiled, taking it and stepping out into the garage. Her heels clicked on the smooth floor as we headed for the stairs into her house.
After we ate dinner, while Mallie was in the restroom, I had a quick conversation with her security, Juan and Rico. I wanted them to let me be part of her protection when I was around. Not that I didn’t respect their position, but I wanted to understand every part of her life. Of course they would tell me nothing without approval from her, but I hoped to get it.
Rico handed me the small duffel I’d brought from the hotel, and I nodded my thanks.
“Thanks, guys,” Mallie said. “See you in the morning.” They nodded at her and glanced at me before she shut the door behind us.
I had so many questions. Where did they go? Did they have their own place? Were they outside her place all night? But before I could register to ask them, a dog ran up to us and she crouched down, short dress and all, and nuzzled his head.
“Hey, Charlie,” she said to the fluffy dog. “This is Teddy. You be nice.”
“Is he often not nice?”
She smiled up at me and my chest squeezed. “He’s never met anyone he didn’t love. Possibly too much.”
Charlie eased his way over to me, and I petted his head. I loved dogs. With my schedule, I didn’t have one, but I hoped to someday when my life slowed down. Then again, if Mallie had a dog, anyone could.
“Do you want a drink?” Mallie reached down and took off one hot-as-fuck heel, then the other. She held them in one hand and made her way farther into the apartment. What I wanted was to push her up against the wall and taste every part of her, but I forced myself to follow her. There was something about seeing her in her own space, her bare feet walking in front of me, that made me feral. We were truly alone, with no chance of anyone seeing us.
“I’ve got a full bar, so put in your request,” she said. “I’m a white-wine girly myself.”
“I love myself a good white,” I said. Honestly, I already felt buzzed, and it had nothing to do with alcohol. I had limited myself to one whiskey neat at the restaurant. I didn’t drink much during the season anyway, but I wanted to have all my faculties with her. She smiled and poured us both a glass, then filled up Charlie’s food and water bowls. She indicated the other room, and I followed her. She sat on the couch and tucked her legs up under her. I sat next to her and turned my body so I faced her.
“So this is my place. Well, my New York place,” she said. “I’ll show you the rest later. You see my piano over there?” She gestured across the large open-concept room. The piano sat by large windows, the city lights illuminating it. “That’s where the magic happens.”
I tried hard not to picture a different kind of magic happening there and focused on her writing lyrics and singing.
“How many places do you have?” I knew what I’d looked up about her, but I wanted every bit of information directly from the source.
“Home base is South Florida, as you know. The beach is my favorite place, and it gives me the most inspiration. I have this place, and I do spend a good bit of time here. I love the city. I have a home in LA, too, since I am out there often for business.”
“Do you have a piano at every house?”
She nodded. “It’s a must. And a guitar. I have an entire studio room in my Florida house. It’s soundproof and all. We’ve recorded there before. It’s also where I house all of my awards and things. I wake up at least several times a week with a melody or lyrics in my head. Sometimes I just put them in my phone or do a voice memo, but sometimes that isn’t enough and I have to actually get up and play it.” She indicated the shelf next to the piano. I couldn’t wait to see her work through her process. Listening to her sometimes when we talked was amazing enough. “I do keep my first Grammy here, though, because I was the underdog in the category and I won at eighteen years old. It’s the one I’m the most proud of. Not to downplay the rest, because I’m thankful for every single thing I’ve been recognized for.”
“That’s fucking amazing and you should be proud as hell. Haven’t you won like two-hundred-something awards?”
“Someone is looking me up on the internet,” she teased.
“I can’t help it. Reading about your career is so inspiring. I may have also watched every tour you’ve done on YouTube, your documentary you made a few years ago, as well as most of your interviews, but I want to hear about everything directly from you.”
Mallie looked at me wide-eyed. “How do you have time to do all that?”
I shrugged. “I make time for what is important, and you’re important to me.”
“If he wanted to, he would,” she whispered, looking down into her glass, obviously talking to herself.
“What’s that?” I heard her, but I wanted her to tell me why she said it.
She looked up. “If he wanted to, he would,” she repeated. “Something people have started saying about putting effort into relationships. If people say they are too busy, can’t do this or do that, it’s not that they can’t. It’s that they won’t. You are a busy man with an important job, and yet you found the time to find out all of that information about me just so you knew more about me.”
I nodded. “I did, and I will continue to, but now you can tell me what to watch and what to stay away from. You’re inspiring. It’s no wonder you’re as popular as you are. What you’ve done for the industry and women—hell, people—is just amazing, Mal.”
“Thank you. To so many I’m just a pop star, you know? I’m overrated or overplayed. My music is just bubblegum crap that means nothing or whatever they come up with to try to tear me down. But I didn’t start out to be any of these things. I just wanted to make music. But since then, I’ve found a niche in inspiring people—mainly girls and women—to never let others keep you from reaching your goals.”
“Those people are just haters that don’t have the talent you have in one finger. They’re jealous of what you’ve been able to do in your life, and they’re generally miserable people that make themselves feel better by tearing down someone they will never know in real life.”
“Thanks, Teddy. I am over listening to them. It used to bother me a lot, but I don’t let it anymore. I know who I am and I don’t apologize for it. Also, you know you can ask me things. You don’t have to look them up anymore, though I am impressed at your level of knowledge.”
I set my glass on the coffee table, and Charlie came in and settled under my feet. “I know I can. And I want to know every single thing there is to know about you, both things that I could look up on the internet and things that no one but me will ever know.”
“I looked you up, too,” she admitted. “You’ve had an impressive career also. First draft to the Blaze and you’ve been there your entire career, right?” I nodded, impressed. She told me she didn’t know much at all about football. “You’ve broken more records than anyone else in your position. You and Spencer are a dynamic duo, and all teams try to figure you out. And your charity work? Amazing. You love to cook?”
“You learned a lot! I’m impressed, too. I do love to cook. Started when I was a kid and never stopped. I don’t have much time for it during the season, but I love finding new recipes. When I started playing professional football, I wanted to use my resources to do the same with other kids. You can ask me anything, too.”
Mallie smiled and sipped her wine. “This was the best night I’ve had in a long time. I’m so happy you’re here. Thank you so much for coming. I know it isn’t easy for you to travel during the season, and I’m thankful that it worked out.”
There were many things that I loved about this woman, but this right here may just top the list. I loved how honest and forthcoming she was. She wasn’t playing games or holding back on what she thought, and she was telling me exactly how she felt.
I reached my hand over and picked hers up, lacing our fingers together. “Mallie, I never, ever want this night to end. If I could figure out how to stop time so I didn’t have to go back for practice soon, I would. It’s been perfect. Even better than I thought it could be, and I built it up a lot in my head. It’s like we just took our phone conversations and amplified them by a million. Plus, seeing you in person just takes my breath away. You’re such a beautiful person, and while I do mean your physical self, because just look at you, I mean even more than that. I knew the day I met you that you were special, but I had no idea. The hours we’ve spent getting to know each other have been everything I hoped them to be and then some.”
“I don’t know if what I feel for you is too fast or not,” she admitted. “I have always thought I was a good judge of relationships and the pacing of them, but this has me thrown off. At first, I really didn’t want to get into anything with you. I told myself for quite a while that I wasn’t going to contact you, that I couldn’t. You know that’s why it took me so long to ask for your contact information. After Josiah, I didn’t believe that I knew at all what I was looking for or how to pick good people. But you took every reservation I had and made me feel so content about all of them. It scares me that it seems too perfect, but I also love how easy it is just to be with you. It’s like I’ve known you forever.”
We’d had these conversations multiple times already, but it was good to have it here, in person, and let me help her feel better. “I don’t think there’s a specific timeline. I think what is most important is that both people have the same feelings and there isn’t one person doing all the work. That’s when issues happen. Kind of like with my ex. I was the one doing all the feeling, apparently, and she was checked out. Same with you and the douchebag. I think what we have done right from the beginning is to be clear with each other and, even if it is scary, we put ourselves out there so there isn’t any guessing.”
Mallie nodded. “Also, one thing that will definitely come up once we are ‘outed’ to the public is that you’re my rebound. The breakup with Josiah is still floating around, and remember that it took months for it to be public, so that’s immediately where this story will go. That we are just fucking, that I’m just using you, or even that we are a publicity stunt to get the attention off yet another breakup of mine.”
I whistled. “Damn, girl. I’m sorry.”
She shrugged. “I’m used to it. You aren’t. I’m just telling you what is going to be said so you’ll know.”
“Noted. It still doesn’t scare me. It just pisses me off for you.”
“It pisses me off for me, too, but there’s nothing I can do. Let’s change topics. I’ve been writing a song about you,” she said, that damn blush creeping up her cheeks again. “Well, multiple. But there’s only one that is almost done.”
I couldn’t help the grin that overtook my face. I knew how huge this was. Her lyrics were masterpieces. “You didn’t tell me you were writing a song about me. Or multiples for that matter.”
She shrugged. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“What’s it called?”
“I’m not telling you until you hear it,” she said.
I stood and held out my hand for her. “Well then, let’s hear it.”
She stood, and I pulled her into my chest. She tipped her head back to look at me, and we both smiled. “I’m so glad to be here,” I said. I leaned my head down and took her lips with mine, and she sighed into my mouth, her body melting against me. Our tongues twined, and I held her face in my hands. As much as I wanted to devour her, I didn’t. I kept it soft and sensual, my emotions pouring into the kiss. She wrote me a song. Me. I wasn’t sure I could take much more, and my heart may burst.
I let her go, and she took my hand and walked me over to the piano. She sat down and put her fingers on the keys. I watched as she obviously went through a process before she began. I knew nothing about playing any instruments—my talent was on a football field. I think the last time I touched an instrument was the recorder in third grade, and I was rather sure that my mother threw it out of the car window when I scared the shit out of her playing it in the back seat.
“Don’t judge me,” she said. “It’s rough.”
“Me? Judge you ?” I laughed. “You are freaking Allie Witt. There is no judgment.”
“Not right now,” she said. “It’s just me. Mallie.”
Well hell. Way to put me back in my place and remind me that even if she was a superstar, she still just wanted to be a regular woman behind the doors of her house.